An open letter for Jeanine Kovac

Ms. Kovac:

Your article up at Role Reboot this week has really generated something of a firestorm that still hasn't died down.  Now, normally I can appreciate a provocative article if it's well reasoned and allows for some good discussion, even if it isn't necessarily something I believe.

I can't, however, appreciate something that's condescending, bossy, patronizing, or some combination of the three.  And that's exactly what your article does.  I'm not including the linky because I don't want to give you the web traffic.

Kerry Cohen already wrote a great open letter for you in response.  That said, Kerry is a parent, and I'm going to give you another point of view.  The thing is, I am something of a Doris, especially in regards to my personal life, and I have HAD IT with individuals acting self-righteously and as though they know what's best for me and my life.  So I have a bit of a personal stance on this.  This may come as a shock, but each individual is really and truly the best determiner of what's in their interests.  If you truly think of Doris as your friend, you really need to stop telling her what to do and acting like your way is the best way.  That really should not be in anyone's definition of friendship.

And when it comes to a matter of something as personal as when and how to start your family, it's especially important that you respect your friend instead of telling her that you want to see her pregnant and that you think she should have kids after she's told you she isn't ready.  As a pro-choice activist, I believe that every child should be a wanted child.  Pressuring someone into having a kid just because you want to see them as a parent is SO inappropriate and disrespectful!  Would you expect your friend to ask you if you regretted having your kids?  I think not.  So why do you see it as somehow your prerogative to shame her into procreating?

It's not your prerogative, it's not your business, and it's frankly a case where you need to apologize to your friend for how you've written about her.  That's not how friends should behave, and that's not how anyone should be acting on a supposedly progressive website.

Revel

PS  You mentioned you only had your kids because your husband wanted you too.  I'm not in your marriage, so maybe I too am overstepping it, but that really smacks of reproductive coercion.  If not that, then a sign that something's not healthy in your relationship.  Do you really want to wish that on your friend?  I sure hope not.

Well, this is interesting...

I love my apartment!  Really I do.  I think my location is absolutely enviable (in a historical downtown), and the apartment is so me.  I have wood floors, a great view of the historical downtown, and lots of closets.  It's a beautiful big place for me to live.

So I took down my Christmas tree this week.  I usually do it after 12th Night, but this year, I was so busy with school and work obligations that it took a little longer.  My tree is a four-foot-tall, artificial one that's already pre-decorated with little house, star, and bird ornaments.  I won it at the Festival of Trees when I was 8 years old, and I've always loved putting it up each year.  It's my own "tree"-dition, and it looks quite good for its nearly 20 years.

Now that the tree is taken down, the next question is, where do I put it?  I don't have a storage unit in my building.  Since my unit used to be two studios (it's quite nice), I have five closets and a decent-sized pantry.  I figured I would put the tree in one of those closets and take it out next year...

Well, what a shock I was in for!  It doesn't fit in ANY of my closets!  To be fair, I didn't attempt to put it in the pantry, but that's only because the pantry is full of food and kitchen stuff.  The other closets are either standard-sized, where a Murphy bed used to be (so, tall but really skinny), and one broom closet.  The tree is short, but it's too wide to go in there without damaging it.

So now the tree is in an alcove near my bedroom and bathroom.  I didn't have anything there before, but it's going to be quite interesting when I entertain next.  My guests are going to either be really confused or amused that there is a decorated Christmas tree by my bedroom!

Holiday Revelry

You can say a lot of things about me, but one thing for sure is that I keep my word.  I've put together about a dozen bags full of jewelry and am bringing them to the women's shelter on Friday.  (See my May post "Pay It Forward" for the story behind it.)  I can't wait to bring a holiday surprise for some unsuspecting clients!  They're getting natural shell pendants, glass and/or plastic bracelets, and colorful earrings.

I like to give during the holidays, and I think I feel a lot more in the holiday spirit now that I'm doing something for others.  All my Christmas and Hanukkah shopping was finished by November, so now all I've been doing is decorating and helping others get ready.  But it's nice to know I'm doing something for people who wouldn't normally have all that happy of a holiday.

 Here are a few of my pretty creations!
   

This picture is sort of bag fraud, as they're made by me and not Horsefeathers, but I liked the effect:

Here are a few bracelets that are for the young girls at the shelter:

I feel sort of like Santa Claus.  This year's been a little quieter for me, despite the fact that I've been going to parties and doing more entertaining.  It's been a little harder to get in the Christmas spirit for some reason, but this actually made it happen.  Maybe this can be my new personal tradition!

Fanm yo di se twòp atò!

Robin Morgan had it right when she declared that "Sisterhood is global!"  I just noticed this article on RH Reality Check, http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/11/21/young-women-are-haitis-future.

Read it before reading on.  The article details a feminist group in Haiti named KOFAVIV.  The group is primarily comprised of women who were sexually assaulted during the military dictatorship, and that is why the acronym stands for Commission of Women Victims for Victims (in Haitian Creole).  Their work is radical, grassroots, and really attuned to the needs of the women in their communities.  Spurred to action by both their own experiences and by the increase in sexual assaults against Haitian women, the founders began KOFAFIV to provide medical and psychological care to their fellow survivors.  They’ve been active for seven years now.  Because sexual abuse is really stigmatized down in Haiti, the women use one-on-one discussions with women in their communities to find those who need rape treatment services and help them to get medical or psychological attention.  They're similar to the second wave feminists who began the first rape crisis centers here in the US! 

Now you might be wondering, why the attention to KOFAVIV?  Aren't I specializing in American feminism?  I am.  However, I had the pleasure of meeting two members of KOFAVIV last year, a nurse and a translator.  They came to my workplace and talked to the advocates about all that they do.  The nurse didn't speak English, so the translator spoke for both of them.  I was really impressed to hear all about their work.  I was, though, taken aback by a particularly provocative question, “Do you ever find it difficult to get clients to come to the center?”  At an agency that serves thousands of women, men, and children every year through all of our programs and that is constantly in demand for the specialized counseling and advocacy we provide, I was surprised to hear this question.  However, I soon learned that their group has had the opposite experience of us.  Because rape survivors are heavily stigmatized, women had originally been hesitant to come to KOFAFIV and to disclose that they had been sexually abused.  The members of KOFAFIV, therefore, employ community outreach workers (termed “Community Human Rights Defenders”) who work within the different communities in Haiti to locate survivors and to tell them about how they can get help for the violence they suffered.  Through one-on-one work with survivors, the outreach workers are able to help the women take the first step of coming forward for help.

It's incredible to see the strength and commitment of these women all around the world.  I was absolutely overwhelmed to think about them, but they remind me that we cannot stop our work now.  We're all working for a fairer world.  And to which I say along with them, my international sisters, "Fanm yo di se twòp atò!"  Women say enough is enough!

Morning Train

There's a morning train
That's headed for New Orleans
Carrying business men and week day shoppers
I have sixteen bucks and a dollar in change
And that's not a bad price for a one way ride
On a morning train

I give you my devotion
You left me heartsick
Oh, you couldn't have hurt me more
Not working with a night stick
Now I'm tired of sharin' this bed of nails
So come first light I'm gonna be right
With the morning train

So goodbye lover, I'm goin' undercover
Crescent City's gonna swallow me
I'll skip my ring 'cross the Mississippi River
When it sinks I won't feel a thing
When it sinks I won't feel a thing

I'm gonna be stayin'
With a short time acquaintance
And when I met him he was playin'
On the Gulf Breeze circuit
He didn't play no hit songs or TV themes
He's a guitar man just a hired hand
From a local band

So goodbye lover, I'm goin' undercover
Crescent City's gonna swallow me
Gonna skip my ring 'cross the Mississippi River
When it sinks I won't feel a thing
When it sinks I won't feel a thing

Hear the whistles blowing LOUD!

When I hit the station
I'll take a taxi to the corner
I'm gonna meet him by a street car
Name of what-cha-ma-call-it
My imagination
Won't let us miss a thing
Life's gonna be fine when I leave him behind
On a mornin' train

So goodbye lover, I'm goin' undercover
Crescent City's gonna swallow me
Gonna skip my ring 'cross the Mississippi River
When it sinks I won't feel a thing
When it sinks I won't feel a thing
When it sinks, well, I won't feel a thing.

Performed by Nanci Griffith

The shortest "She's A Revel" blog post ever!

FOUR MORE YEARS!

FOUR MORE YEARS!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

(*drinking a toast to President Obama, Tammy Duckworth, Brad Schneider, Elizabeth Warren, and my Dems with a glass of bokbunjajoo cause the taste of victory is sweet!)

A Very Special She's A Revel Announcement

Hey revels and readers, guess what??

Tomorrow's THE BIG DAY...i.e. ELECTION DAY!

So, unless you have either voted early or are under 18...GET THE HELL OUT AND VOTE!

You know, in January of 2005, the voters in Iraq braved tremendous hostility and violence to get to the polling places and make their voices heard.  Seeing these individuals with their fingers marked with ink to show that they'd voted was really inspiring.  Here, 7 years later in the states, I just know that the voters in the states affected by super storm Sandy will be trying their best to get to the polls.

I know that you all can do that too.  So please get out there and rock that vote!