Hazel Tells LaVerne

Hazel Tells LaVerne
By Katharyn Machan

last night
im cleanin out my
howard johnsons ladies room
when all of a sudden
up pops this frog
musta come from the sewer
swimmin aroun an tryin ta
climb up the sida the bowl
so i goes ta flushm down
but sohelpmegod he starts talkin
bout a golden ball
an how i can be a princess
me a princess
well my mouth drops
all the way to the floor
an he says
kiss me just kiss me
once on the nose
well i screams
ya little green pervert
am i hitsm with my mop
an has ta flush
the toilet down three times
me
a princess

Morning has broken

How do you take the armor off your heart while still remaining strong and impenetrable?

Is the armor needed?

Is there really strength in acknowledging weakness, or is there weakness in too many outward displays of strength?

Is vulnerability really all that desirable?

Does showing emotions prove your humanity, or can you get along fine without it?

Is anger the only "acceptable" way to communicate that one has been hurt, or is it okay to cry every once in a while?

I know the answers to many of these, but it's only begrudgingly that I acknowledge them. Guess I need to work on that, and on my ideas of strength and weakness. Hmmm...late night convos with a fellow FM friend, you gotta love them. But now morning has broken, it's a new day. Time to ponder these things, and then take action.

I pushed her further, all the way into her power moan.

You know, it's interesting when people recognize you from your play.

Freshman year, a little boy recognized me on the Quad (I did "Smell" that year with two women named Dasheonna and Jesse) and said to his mother, "Look, Mommy, it's the vagina lady!"

Soph and junior year, people just randomly came up to me and said they liked how I act (I did most of the list pieces).

And this year?
Well, I'm over at PAR, all ready to give the desk clerk some flyers, and what does she say when she sees me?
"Oh I remember you! You know, you orgasm sooo perfectly!"

I swear I am not making this up. I don't think that's something I could make up. Aiiiieee, doesn't she know my moaning was acting?? (I was in "The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy," which is about a sex worker for women who describes moaning. I did a lot of moans (vaginal moan, almost moan, dog moan, mountaintop moan, machine gun moan, diva moan, African American moan, WASP moan, and elegant moan), so that's where her quote comes from. Or so I hope...

That's sooo last century!

I was looking through a magazine to find some more jewelry ideas so I could make some new designs when I went home (need to bring some to 40 North to see if they'll include me in the Boneyard). And what did I find? Not too much in the way of jewelry (sadly!), but I did find a ridiculous fashion spread. Yes, I'm a fashionista, but this is beyond silly. It featured a ton of ladies in sweaters and softer clothes, but it also included these archaic quotes in there...

"It is assumed that the woman must wait motionless until she is wooed. That is how the spider waits for the fly." --George Bernard Shaw

"A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon." --Arnold Haultain

"I have a feeling that the phrase 'weaker sex' was created by some woman to disarm a man she was preparing to overwhelm." --Ogden Nash

Maybe I'm a little biased because about half my wardrobe is secondhand or revel stuff, and I could probably never afford the duds in the magazine. I don't know about you, though, but all of these quotes would more likely make me not want to buy these clothes. The thought of being motionless and sighing (as opposed to talking) kind of scares me. And did you notice that they're all by men?? It's so obvious that they're about how an idealized woman would act as opposed to how she actually does. Hmmmm.....