Friends are NOT accessories!!

Readers, I am going to draw your attention to a phrase I've been hearing quite often that is really starting to sound just like nails on a chalkboard. Have you ever heard someone make an unbelievably bigoted remark about [insert minority group of any sort here]? Sure, you have. Bigots are unfortunately everywhere. Then, when you call the bigot on the inappropriateness of that comment, his or her first response is pretty much universal:

I didn't mean it that way! I have lots of [insert minority group of any sort here] friends!

Honestly, it's just ridiculous! I have heard it so much that I have begun to take the first words someone says about their Black or Hispanic or female or LGBT or Asian (or any other group they were previously disparaging) "friends" as a warning sign that they might be a bigot. Because no one who is truly open-minded or an ally would say that. You know why? Because they wouldn't make disparaging comments in the first place, and they would have those friends around them in the first place. Those folks who talk about their little rainbow coalition of buddies? I highly doubt they even have one minority they consider a friend. If their attitude is so prejudiced, I don't think that (a) any member of that group could stand them and (b) they would want any member of that group around them. I just don't believe they do.

Friends are NOT accessories. They are NOT there for you to put on display of "proof" of how awesome and open-minded and tolerant you supposedly are, when your actions are say the exact opposite. Actions speak louder than words. They are NOT for you to show off because it's supposedly going to make you look good. Treating someone as an accessory, as something that's not even human, is just as bad as being outright against them for their identity. In both cases, you've denied their humanity and made them into what you assume them to be.

I have a lot of different kinds of friends. Many don't look, talk, or act anything like me. And I like that. But you know one of the many reasons why we are close? Because we don't treat each other like accessories! We don't act like those friendships are simply there to make us look good, and we know that a relationship is a give and take. I'm not saying that race or gender or orientation or religion is something I don't notice. I do notice aspects of someone's identity. In fact, I do think identity matters in my friendships in the sense that anyone who mistreats my friends because of their identity WILL be faced with my wrath! We treat each other like the awesome folks we are.

Oh President Obama, what WERE you thinking???

Maybe it's not particularly nice or appropriate to make a judgement based on one stupid decision. No one is perfect, but...this just goes TOO FAR!

Apparantly President Barack Obama has selected Pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation speech at his inauguration. For those of you who don't know, Pastor Warren is affiliated with the Saddleback Church of California. He's been a preacher for a long time, has a large following, and is considered a charismatic figure who can speak well and work a crowd.

HOWEVER...

Pastor Warren stands for a lot of things Obama's supporters are against and vice versa.
He supported Proposition 8, which denied gays the right to marry in California (after they had recently won that right this summer). He's compared gay marriage to incest, which is just an awful metaphor and not at all true.
He's anti-choice. Obama and his supporters are pro-choice.
He supports the use of torture.

While I'm okay with a politician being bi-partisan (and in fact am all for being bi-partisan), I think there would've been better choices than Warren for the inauguration. And apparantly Aretha will sing after Warren's talk. The combination of a liberal president, liberal musician, and bigoted preacher leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, Warren is like the anti-Obama. It's like having the late Jerry Falwell be the grand marshal at a gay pride parade. Or Phyllis Schafly speak at a NOW or Feminist Majority event. Or, if you would like to turn the tables, having Robin Morgan address the Concerned Women for America (actually, Morgan did do a speech in front of a similar conservative group, and it was so scathing that they were appalled and asked her to leave. But what were they expecting when they invited her?).

Well, maybe I might be overreacting. Maybe Warren will just do a simple speech and work the crowd, and he might make it non-religious in nature. Sometimes people can surprise. I mean, McCain's concession speech was surprisingly classy (can't say the same about his audience). Guess only time will tell. And if Warren's speech is unlistenable, then at least the Aretha performance will be enjoyable.