Something's gotta give

You know, it may be well-intentioned, but telling someone "You look tired" after seeing her is a fantabulous way to make and keep friends (sarcastically). Or commenting on the bags/dark circles under her eyes. Or telling her to "get some sleep" or that she looks "shopworn." (What do they mean by shopworn?? I'm not some product you can buy in a shop!) Or (my favorite, yeck) asking her if her boyfriend minds seeing her this way and if she hasn't tried out some new miracle concealer to hide the eye bags. (And both my guy and I are students, so it's only expected that we're working our butts off!) Try keeping my schedule and see how you fare. I will even throw in the five kinds of gunk I pile on my lids daily. See if you can go without dark circles. I'm only shopworn/tired because I've lived!

Tom's Diner

I am waiting in the morning at the diner on the corner.
I am waiting at the counter for the man to pour the coffee,
And he fills it only halfway, and before I even argue,
He is looking out the window at somebody coming in.

"It is always nice to see you," says the man behind the counter
To the woman who has come in. She is shaking her umbrella,
And I look the other way as they are kissing their hellos,
And I pretend that I don't see them, and instead I pour the milk.

I open up the paper. There's the story of some actor
Who had died while he was drinking. It was no one I had heard of.
So I'm turning to the horoscopes, and looking for the funnies,
But I'm feeling someone watching me, and so I raise my head.

There's this woman on the outside looking inside.
Does she see me? No, she does not really see me.
She sees her own reflection. And I'm trying not to notice
That she's hitching up her skirt, and while she's straightening her stockings,
Her hair is getting wet.

Oh, this rain it will continue through the morning.
As I'm listening to the bells of the cathedral,
I am thinking of your voice...

--Suzanne Vega

Why you should marry a doormat

Hey guys! This post is all for you!

From my title, I just wanted to expand on my special message for you and let you know that if you're intending to marry a strong, capable, talented woman who can be your equal in almost every regard, snap out of it right away. Get that stupid pipe dream out of your head. You will be destined to live a crappy life if you do. Go and find yourself a demure, submissive little thing who will be more than happy to do your bidding instead of a high-powered career grl partner. I mean it! Does your girlfriend live up to that submissive ideal? No? Then drop her and get a new one! You heard me! NOW!!

So apparantly the esteemed magazine, Forbes, has published a list called "Careers and Marriage: Don't Marry Career Women." This article (by a guy, of course) claims that women, work, and family just don't mix. One of them has got to go if you would like your lady to be a good wife for you. And this is according to big strong social scientists. I mean, after all, how can SCIENCE be wrong?? This article delves into the classic problem of mixing a family with work (as one of my personal favorites, Gloria Steinem, put it, "I have yet to hear a man ask me how to combine work with a family.")

Don't believe me? Well, here are the major points, with my annotation in italics.

1. If they quit their jobs and stay at home with the kids, they'll be unhappy.
Well, if you are controlling and bossy and make your wife quit a job she enjoyed, then of course she'd be unhappy. No one likes men who are bossy and mean.

2. They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do.
How is this the case? I think that the only time she'll be unhappy about money is if you two don't have any or enough!

3. You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do.
Then you need to either get over yourself or get a promotion. Is your sense of self-worth so fragile that it's attached to a number on a paycheck?

4. You will be more likely to fall ill.
Um, doesn't everyone get sick at some point or another? Career women and their partners get sick, just like unemployed women and their partners.

5. Even your house will be dirtier.
Then I have a solution. If you and your wage-earning wife are concerned about the home, hire a housekeeper! With your wife outearning you, you guys can afford one. Or teach your kids the importance of chores and give them an allowance for cleaning up after themselves.

6. Professional women are less likely to have children.
Yeah, but we're all different, aren't we? Some of us want kids, and some of us do not. And there are some of us, myself included, that think adoption is the way to go. Maybe we just want to make our careers secure before having a family. There are so many of us that you can't just generalize like that.

7. Professional women are more likely to get divorced.
Well, if we're married to a mean and chauvinistic pig like the writer of this article, then sure we'll serve him with a big fat divorce. Because no one likes being with someone like that! And a statement like that only shows that professional women are just like the rest of the American population--because over half the MARRIAGES in general wind up in divorce!

Did you hear that, guys? So if you're worried about how your partner acts and how it will impact your family (and if you have less than one working brain cell), then drop her now and marry your Welcome mat. You might look funny saying your wedding vows to it at the altar or the courthouse, but the mat is not going to steal your precious manhood! But if you think Forbes is being silly with these rules, then keep that partner and enjoy having someone you can be equal to and who can hold her own with you!

Everybody loves a happy ending

This last semester is gonna end with a bang...

I'm speaking on a panel about student activism in front of the current events classes.

Fem Maj has done three major events for the semester.

My Big Fat Undergrad Conference is in about two weeks, and the faculty and staff will hear me present my paper about the history of advocacy! (And several of my friends are coming.) Then the department and our guests will go out to dinner together.

Vagina Monologue auditions are next week. (I'm aiming to do "My Short Skirt"!)

This is the perfect ending to a whirlwind semester!

Have a happy period!

I really wonder who gets hired to work in marketing for certain companies and how they get those jobs. I mean, if I had half a mind, I could do it too. And by half a mind, I mean exactly half a mind.

First there's the Always feminine products. Okay, I will say it. I'm female, I've used Always at some point in my life. Their stuff is inexpensive, and let's face it, using some form of protection is better than the much messier alternative. But what is with their ad campaign? For their advertising message is, "Have a happy period." I mean, what the hell? Most women (myself included) really see nothing "happy" about it. Does anything about cramping, clots, and casting up everything you've eaten sound "happy"? I think not. But on the Always website (you can find it at www.beinggirl.com), you can find that asinine message, as well as some truly patronizing e-cards about menstruating. I'm serious. E-cards! You know, the one thing worse than that combination of nausea, cramps, and clots is having some bright little card telling you to cheer up and be happy.

The second thing just cracks me up in a very twisted sort of way. On the polar opposite end of the Always ads and their bright, happy, in-your-face messages about periods, is the complete silence about them. I mean, for goodness sake, it's just a period. While it's not the most pleasant thing in the world, menstruation is natural. If something exists, it is natural. And for most women ages 9 and up (or earlier, there are some who get it early), it is a fact of life. Or was a fact of life. Or will be a fact of life. That's all. But when I was at Walgreens today to pick up some stuff, I saw some tampon carrying cases and some tiny little tampons in a box saying "No one will know it's that time." So apparantly they think that it's shameful to just go through a natural female occurrence? Let's get this straight. What is so shameful about doing what 51% of the world does at some time or another in their life? It doesn't change anything about the person you are. I've heard some ridiculous sexist drivel, that women are irrational when they menstruate, but surely we all know that this isn't the case. Maybe somewhat emotional, but that's because cramping hurts like hell. If males were going through that every month, I can assure you that we wouldn't be hearing any of that. And you know what, tampons would probably be free.

Well, after I've just dedicated a post to menstruating, I figure the smart thing is to treat the issue like what it is, something normal and natural. If it exists, it is natural. It's no special cause for celebration like the Always campaign says, and it's no cause for shame. It just is there. That's all. Really.

And a message to Always: You want to make this time more tolerable? Lose the damn e-cards and Pad-O-Meter. They won't do anything for us. Make your products free! I can assure you, that will make many women a lot happier than some asinine card.

La vie en teal

Well, I suppose I've officially entered the rat race, since today was the holiday office party. Got a very me gift at the gift exchange. I'm glad my pressie was well-received by Mary, one of our very cool volunteers (well, one might say they are all cool). Our advocacy director, Jenn, is leaving in the middle of the month. She will be greatly missed because she's really taken all of us under her wing and has made the effort to get to know all of us. Jenn did "Hair" in my first year of The Vagina Monologues, and she knows a lot about feminism and other social issues. She also taught us all a lot about disability rights. She uses a wheelchair to get around, and she has often been really vocal about how inaccessible most places are and how hard it is to perform daily tasks. RCS will have a hard time replacing her, and she will be missed. We've gone through so many changes. In less than a year, we've gotten a new director, a new therapist, and the legal position has been taken on by the director of advocacy. Don't get me wrong, I like the new therapist, and I think Kerri is as well-qualified as anyone can be to lead the rape crisis center. It's just a lot of rapid change.

I got into a conversation with a prevention educator at dinner today, after the party. One thing that has both of us somewhat worried is the recession. The recession isn't "coming," it's already here. We're not stupid. We know that times are extremely tough, and it's rather worrisome. We're both seniors, and we're pretty worried about the job market when we enter the full-time workforce. The scary thing is that there are people who will be or are affected by it worse than we could imagine.

The social service industry will be profoundly affected by this. Already, a lot of charities are getting their funding slashed, and most of them are needed more than ever. The homeless shelters are already overcrowded. A Woman's Place, Haven House, Women's Residential, and Safe Place are strict about limiting the amount of time a client can stay. I haven't done hotline since October because I've been doing administrative work at RCS, but when the other advocates pulled out their paperwork to give to Jenn, I was shocked by how many forms were turned in for the month. (A form details the hotline or medical call-out. Many forms=many call outs=many reasons--and I'm sure you know what those reasons are--for the call out) Even a big center like La Casa, which is mostly dependent on private funding, had some pretty huge cutbacks as well.

And here is where the problem lies. More unemployment and bad economic conditions usually leads to more crime. We have seen this all throughout history. People become desperate and take out their emotions in the worst ways. What bothers me is that if the funding for the centers keeps getting cut (and the need for them keeps going up), there won't be any services for the clients who need them the most. My two centers were really threatened by the governor's proposed budget cuts, and when he took those cuts off the table, we were all really relieved. We can't afford to lose the social services now. With worse conditions, we need our social services more than ever. I just hope the state government (and President Obama's administration too) thinks so and is willing to keep funding them.

Walk this way! Walk this way! Just gimme a kiss!

Got your attention, didn't I?

One thing I love doing is taking some of my guilty pleasure songs and re-working them to fit my point of view. By guilty pleasure, I mean the ones that I could rarely, if ever, relate to. Take any testosterone-fueled sausagefest male-oriented rock number, be it AC/DC or Aerosmith or Nine Inch Nails or even some Led Zeppelin and you know what I mean. Then I rework them from my hetero female perspective, as a "let me do this to a man" sort of thing.

When I saw Heart back in 2006 at Summerfest (see them if you get the chance, they just keep getting better), their encores were a pair of Led Zeppelin songs. Now they sound a lot like Zep does already, but these two songs were something of a surprise. For they were ones clearly from a guy's point of view, "Black Dog" and "Whole Lotta Love." As I was wondering how they were going to pull it off, Ann Wilson (the lead singer) showed her creative side and added these lyrics to the former--"I don't know what you've been told-- you think a pretty woman ain't got no soul" and "Now all I ask for when I pray, that a lovin' little woman won't come your way. Don't you need a woman to hold your hand, tell you no lies, make you a happy man?" The audience roared, and I have to say I liked that as an encore. It paid homage and talked back, which I think is awesome. The three times I saw Joan Jett and her lovely Blackhearts, they took a lot of songs previously associated with guy singers and did them. Which totally worked, especially when sandwiched in with songs like "Androgynous" and "ACDC (She Got Some Other Lover As Well As Me)." Even the more raucous acts nowadays wouldn't have the nerve to cover "Do You Wanna Touch Me?" or "Star Star," let alone rework them from a female standpoint ("you know you're my man, I'm doin' all I can, my temperature is runnin' high") AND pull it off!

It is incredibly fun entertainment.

I like the whole gender-bending (or blending?) nature of it. It's only fair for a woman to take a song and make it her own, as opposed to imagining herself being the girl the male singer is talking about (and I'm sorry, but much as I like their songs, I would rather NOT be the female in NIN's "Closer," for starters!). Take some of the control and the artistic expression and make it one's own. Plus, it just makes it more fun for the female audiophile.