Scott studied the stained glass window in the chapel. The hundred-year-old painted faces of St. Sophia and her three murdered daughters stared back at him impassively. Amazing that the painted glass could have such brilliant color and realistic pictures over a hundred years after it was first created. Since he had a few hours between his classes, he had decided to explore the historic campus and take some pictures to send to his parents. First up was the soaring red-brick main building and its Italianate chapel. Although Scott wasn't Catholic like the College of St. Sophia was, he had heard that the chapel was stunning, and he was here to see it himself and take some pictures.
"Photography's not allowed with a flash," said a female voice behind him.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Seduced by the Stage
I love performance. Watching it, reviewing it, discussing it, doing it. I was in The Vagina Monologues for four years in undergrad, and I love the theater, concerts, dance shows, and spoken word. Nowadays, I've gotten into the spoken word scene. After a scary creative dry spell for nearly a year (eek!), I now am back to reading at open mic nights. I tend to write rhyming poems with a somewhat confessional style and self-aware stage presence, and I'm pretty good at gauging what to read for which audiences. Although I wouldn't say I'm a professional by any means, I've become a familiar sight at city and suburban events and can be counted on to get up and read or recite.
It's weird in a way. I mean, many people see public speaking as scary, but I don't. My job requires public speaking, which I really enjoy, but I also love being creative and reading my own material.
I don't really know what's got into me, but now that I have gotten back into writing and performing, I find it strangely addicting as a hobby. Just the rush of people applauding (got a standing o for my girl-powered "The Princess Who Rescued Herself" at a Lincoln Park event) when I finish or snapping when I say something that resonates with them is enough to put me on a high for the rest of the day. When I talk to the other artists afterward and find out what they're all about, I'm excited to get to know them and answer their questions about me as well. When I've volunteered to read, I get really excited and will spend hours reciting and tweaking what I've written days and weeks before the event. I'll think about who might be there, what their reactions might be, and how I can make something that will really be meaningful. I've read uplifting anthemic numbers at my grad school's transformative justice nights, confessional poems at all-female literary salons at the north side bookstore, and road poems at my old hometown's art walks. I cheer on the other artists, join in on call-and-responses, and give a friend candid advice when she tries going backed up the first time.
It's oddly seductive. I keep coming back and wanting more. Wanting to do more.
It's weird in a way. I mean, many people see public speaking as scary, but I don't. My job requires public speaking, which I really enjoy, but I also love being creative and reading my own material.
I don't really know what's got into me, but now that I have gotten back into writing and performing, I find it strangely addicting as a hobby. Just the rush of people applauding (got a standing o for my girl-powered "The Princess Who Rescued Herself" at a Lincoln Park event) when I finish or snapping when I say something that resonates with them is enough to put me on a high for the rest of the day. When I talk to the other artists afterward and find out what they're all about, I'm excited to get to know them and answer their questions about me as well. When I've volunteered to read, I get really excited and will spend hours reciting and tweaking what I've written days and weeks before the event. I'll think about who might be there, what their reactions might be, and how I can make something that will really be meaningful. I've read uplifting anthemic numbers at my grad school's transformative justice nights, confessional poems at all-female literary salons at the north side bookstore, and road poems at my old hometown's art walks. I cheer on the other artists, join in on call-and-responses, and give a friend candid advice when she tries going backed up the first time.
It's oddly seductive. I keep coming back and wanting more. Wanting to do more.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
An open letter to that telemarketer who called my cell phone
Hello telemarketer who called my cell phone the other day,
Okay, I get it. Your job is tough. While I am still majorly peeved that you didn't seem to know that I'm on a "do not call" list, I can understand how tedious your job must be, and I feel for you. Really, I do.
But listen, I have totally got a bone to pick with you. First, I at first couldn't even tell you were a telemarketer when you asked for me. The beauty of having a difficult-to-say last name effectively screens out people I don't wish to talk to! Usually, when one of your ilk calls and asks to speak to "Ms. Insert-Totally-Mangled-Version-of-My-Name-Here," I usually say in my most NPR voice, "I'm sorry, dear. There's no Ms. Insert-Totally-Mangled-Version-of-My-Name-Here living here." Because, well, it's a true statement!
But you actually knew how to say my name! Mad props. Until THIS popped out of your mouth--
"Um, yes, could I speak to the man of the household please?"
EXCUSE ME???
There IS NO MAN of this household! If you wanted to speak to the "head of household," that would be me. Because I'm the only one in this household! Despite my the fact that Alex can also be a guy name, there is no man living here. My g-d, what is this, 1950???
Listen, telemarketer, if you actually want business, you may want to realize that there are many, many households that don't have a "man of the household." Single, divorced, same-sex couples, genderqueer/gender non-conforming, roomies, the list goes on. By leaving all of us out, you've just alienated a big chunk of a potential customer base. But I don't know what you were selling because I was so pissed I hung up shortly after that.
Please use this as a teachable moment. And please--check the Do Not Call list before you call. I'm on there, so I am hoping this is the first and last time I'll have to hear that question.
Not the man of a household (but totally the head of the household),
Revel
Okay, I get it. Your job is tough. While I am still majorly peeved that you didn't seem to know that I'm on a "do not call" list, I can understand how tedious your job must be, and I feel for you. Really, I do.
But listen, I have totally got a bone to pick with you. First, I at first couldn't even tell you were a telemarketer when you asked for me. The beauty of having a difficult-to-say last name effectively screens out people I don't wish to talk to! Usually, when one of your ilk calls and asks to speak to "Ms. Insert-Totally-Mangled-Version-of-My-Name-Here," I usually say in my most NPR voice, "I'm sorry, dear. There's no Ms. Insert-Totally-Mangled-Version-of-My-Name-Here living here." Because, well, it's a true statement!
But you actually knew how to say my name! Mad props. Until THIS popped out of your mouth--
"Um, yes, could I speak to the man of the household please?"
EXCUSE ME???
There IS NO MAN of this household! If you wanted to speak to the "head of household," that would be me. Because I'm the only one in this household! Despite my the fact that Alex can also be a guy name, there is no man living here. My g-d, what is this, 1950???
Listen, telemarketer, if you actually want business, you may want to realize that there are many, many households that don't have a "man of the household." Single, divorced, same-sex couples, genderqueer/gender non-conforming, roomies, the list goes on. By leaving all of us out, you've just alienated a big chunk of a potential customer base. But I don't know what you were selling because I was so pissed I hung up shortly after that.
Please use this as a teachable moment. And please--check the Do Not Call list before you call. I'm on there, so I am hoping this is the first and last time I'll have to hear that question.
Not the man of a household (but totally the head of the household),
Revel
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Heart of Destruction
2014 is here, and wow, is it a cold start to the year! The city of Chicago is now being called ChiBeria, but I'm guessing it could give Siberia a run for its frigid cash.
Today, with the start of a new year, I'd like to give voice to something that's really been on my mind the past several months. If you're looking for a positive and upbeat post, you might want to skip this one and grab some hot chocolate and a stack of Parks and Rec DVDs instead. (I love that show!) However, if you're up for it and can handle an emotionally raw and long post, please read on.
Today, with the start of a new year, I'd like to give voice to something that's really been on my mind the past several months. If you're looking for a positive and upbeat post, you might want to skip this one and grab some hot chocolate and a stack of Parks and Rec DVDs instead. (I love that show!) However, if you're up for it and can handle an emotionally raw and long post, please read on.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
I am hungry, how are you?
I have a male cousin who just graduated college. Bryce is a kind, smart, and overall decent person, and I couldn't be happier that he lives closer by now. He's looking to move into his own place now, and I decided that I'd look for some things he can take with him to the new place. First up was a decent cookbook. As a firm believer in gender equality, I believe that men and women have the equal right to be at home on the range (that is, the oven range). And why not get my cuz on board too? He likes equality just like me!
Going to look for that cookbook, though, was something of a nightmare, especially for a women's studies graduate! Who knew that food was gendered?! All along, I'd thought that eating was something we all did every day, no matter what our gender is. But no, you would have NO IDEA how hard it was to find a gender-neutral cookbook!! All the cookbooks geared at women had some pink and ultra-feminine detail, and they mostly dealt with making family sized meals and accommodating specific diets. Which is helpful, but since I was buying for a single guy, it probably wasn't the target demographic. Then, the cookbooks geared at men were as stereotypical as it gets! All meat and grilling and bacon and, oh right, more meat. And in enormous quantities. So well, sure, I thought, my cousin likes meat, but I do know that's not the only thing he eats. Besides, to put it lightly, let's just say Michael ("The Guys' Guide to Feminism") Kimmel would probably have a field day with how hypermasculinized the content of the books were and I figured that Bryce would find it more silly than useful.
Don't believe me? Well, take some of the titles:
Going to look for that cookbook, though, was something of a nightmare, especially for a women's studies graduate! Who knew that food was gendered?! All along, I'd thought that eating was something we all did every day, no matter what our gender is. But no, you would have NO IDEA how hard it was to find a gender-neutral cookbook!! All the cookbooks geared at women had some pink and ultra-feminine detail, and they mostly dealt with making family sized meals and accommodating specific diets. Which is helpful, but since I was buying for a single guy, it probably wasn't the target demographic. Then, the cookbooks geared at men were as stereotypical as it gets! All meat and grilling and bacon and, oh right, more meat. And in enormous quantities. So well, sure, I thought, my cousin likes meat, but I do know that's not the only thing he eats. Besides, to put it lightly, let's just say Michael ("The Guys' Guide to Feminism") Kimmel would probably have a field day with how hypermasculinized the content of the books were and I figured that Bryce would find it more silly than useful.
Don't believe me? Well, take some of the titles:
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Okey dokey...
This is the ONE Christmas carol you will get from me before December 1!!!
It is dedicated with love to anyone spending the winter in an old apartment with a noisy, heat-giving friend. For added pleasure, sing as your radiator bangs!
Carol of the Radiators
(to be sung to the Carol of the bells)
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
I got a loud radiator that just bangs all night and all day
Oh please come in from the cold
Oh please come in from the cold
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
My radiator has an attitude, never shuts up when I want it to
Oh please come in from the cold
Oh please come in from the cold
It's banging away
All night and day
Hear what I say
It's banging away
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is oooon....
(C) Revel With a Cause Productions
It is dedicated with love to anyone spending the winter in an old apartment with a noisy, heat-giving friend. For added pleasure, sing as your radiator bangs!
Carol of the Radiators
(to be sung to the Carol of the bells)
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
I got a loud radiator that just bangs all night and all day
Oh please come in from the cold
Oh please come in from the cold
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm
My radiator has an attitude, never shuts up when I want it to
Oh please come in from the cold
Oh please come in from the cold
It's banging away
All night and day
Hear what I say
It's banging away
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is oooon....
(C) Revel With a Cause Productions
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
What fresh hell is this?
To the retail industry:
What fresh hell is this?
Look, I'm not what you would call a traditional woman in the least. Regarding the holidays, I practice a religion that has no rituals, my family eats pizza on Christmas Eve, and my girls and I make the traditional Thanksgiving foods into breakfast every year. Regarding my personal life, I give books to friends who are expecting (rather than gender-stereotyped baby gear), I tactfully use the bouquet toss at weddings to take a bathroom break (look ma, no lines!), and I am highly suspicious of any tradition that's got a hefty price tag attached to it.
Hmmmm...price tags. That reminds me of my point that I'm trying to make. Look, retail industry, I know it's got to be hard out there for you. You've got profit margins to meet, sales to make, all in a recession. I get it. I do. And I know that the day after Thanksgiving, or "Black Friday," is one day that you can make it all happen so you want to make sure you get people in your doors and out of there with what you've got. I've stood in lines at the book store, and I've seen people camped out super-early to get that flat screen TV or iPod they've got their eyes on that Friday morning. I've seen it, and though the book store is the only place I go that day, I know that it's a big day for you.
However...
What is up with opening the stores ON THANKSGIVING????
I've heard pundits talk about a war on Christmas. Frankly, I think they have it all wrong. There is no war on Christmas! There's a war on Thanksgiving!! And it has GONE TOO FAR NOW!!! Why on earth are you having the stores open on Thanksgiving? Don't your employees deserve time with their families??? Don't your patrons deserve time with their families? Can we please have one day a year that is not centered on buying stuff? And before you bring up overtime pay, let me ask you this--would you spend your Thanksgiving away from your family if it meant you'd get overtime pay like your employees? I'll bet dollars to deep fried turkey most of you wouldn't. Honestly, family (blood or chosen) is just as important to Thanksgiving as the damned turkey. Your employees deserve to have both! And a Thanksgiving without loved ones is, well, like a day without coffee. It is a painful experience and might as well not even be.
Well, I for one am not buying it. I'm pretty certain my family is going to be gathered around the table and not wasting time at shopping malls this Thanksgiving. However, if anyone even so much as mentions that they want to skip out of there and snag some deals, this revel is going to serve them a piece of her mind with the pie. (If you are really concerned about saving money this holiday season, I suggest you buy the generic brand gravy instead of the name brand at Thanksgiving and rent your animated Christmas specials at the public library instead of shelling out the big bucks for the big Comcast package so you can watch them on demand. Boom. Money saved.) Shopping on Thanksgiving my oversized butt.
Seriously, retailers, you really riled up this revel. Please don't do this again next year. If you do this again, I swear I'm going to boycott all of you by making all my gifts and not stepping in your stores. If you hold off one day, I might just consider not finishing my shopping by November 1 like I normally do.
Maybe.
No love,
Revel
What fresh hell is this?
Look, I'm not what you would call a traditional woman in the least. Regarding the holidays, I practice a religion that has no rituals, my family eats pizza on Christmas Eve, and my girls and I make the traditional Thanksgiving foods into breakfast every year. Regarding my personal life, I give books to friends who are expecting (rather than gender-stereotyped baby gear), I tactfully use the bouquet toss at weddings to take a bathroom break (look ma, no lines!), and I am highly suspicious of any tradition that's got a hefty price tag attached to it.
Hmmmm...price tags. That reminds me of my point that I'm trying to make. Look, retail industry, I know it's got to be hard out there for you. You've got profit margins to meet, sales to make, all in a recession. I get it. I do. And I know that the day after Thanksgiving, or "Black Friday," is one day that you can make it all happen so you want to make sure you get people in your doors and out of there with what you've got. I've stood in lines at the book store, and I've seen people camped out super-early to get that flat screen TV or iPod they've got their eyes on that Friday morning. I've seen it, and though the book store is the only place I go that day, I know that it's a big day for you.
However...
What is up with opening the stores ON THANKSGIVING????
I've heard pundits talk about a war on Christmas. Frankly, I think they have it all wrong. There is no war on Christmas! There's a war on Thanksgiving!! And it has GONE TOO FAR NOW!!! Why on earth are you having the stores open on Thanksgiving? Don't your employees deserve time with their families??? Don't your patrons deserve time with their families? Can we please have one day a year that is not centered on buying stuff? And before you bring up overtime pay, let me ask you this--would you spend your Thanksgiving away from your family if it meant you'd get overtime pay like your employees? I'll bet dollars to deep fried turkey most of you wouldn't. Honestly, family (blood or chosen) is just as important to Thanksgiving as the damned turkey. Your employees deserve to have both! And a Thanksgiving without loved ones is, well, like a day without coffee. It is a painful experience and might as well not even be.
Well, I for one am not buying it. I'm pretty certain my family is going to be gathered around the table and not wasting time at shopping malls this Thanksgiving. However, if anyone even so much as mentions that they want to skip out of there and snag some deals, this revel is going to serve them a piece of her mind with the pie. (If you are really concerned about saving money this holiday season, I suggest you buy the generic brand gravy instead of the name brand at Thanksgiving and rent your animated Christmas specials at the public library instead of shelling out the big bucks for the big Comcast package so you can watch them on demand. Boom. Money saved.) Shopping on Thanksgiving my oversized butt.
Seriously, retailers, you really riled up this revel. Please don't do this again next year. If you do this again, I swear I'm going to boycott all of you by making all my gifts and not stepping in your stores. If you hold off one day, I might just consider not finishing my shopping by November 1 like I normally do.
Maybe.
No love,
Revel
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
We interrupt your programming with...
YEAH ILLINOIS!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
The FIFTEENTH STATE for MARRIAGE EQUALITY!!!!!!
I am SO PROUD of our state right now...It's a nice day for a gay wedding!
Yes, marriage equality has finally reached Illinois, and I couldn't be happier. To celebrate, I'm headed to an activist festival that specializes in women's rights and gay rights this weekend! I figure that's a fine way to celebrate this incredible news. And how fitting that the law will take effect in June, which is PRIDE MONTH! The pride parade and dyke march will be even more meaningful!
The FIFTEENTH STATE for MARRIAGE EQUALITY!!!!!!
I am SO PROUD of our state right now...It's a nice day for a gay wedding!
Yes, marriage equality has finally reached Illinois, and I couldn't be happier. To celebrate, I'm headed to an activist festival that specializes in women's rights and gay rights this weekend! I figure that's a fine way to celebrate this incredible news. And how fitting that the law will take effect in June, which is PRIDE MONTH! The pride parade and dyke march will be even more meaningful!
Saturday, October 26, 2013
I do? I don't!
I read this story today, and it really disgusted me: http://www.shakesville.com/2013/10/the-trifecta-of-no.html Please read it before you continue with this post.
I was really disgusted to read the article for a number of reasons, but probably the first of them is just how dis-empowering such a gesture really is. As much as I ought to be happy for Simone here, I couldn't help but feel really awful for her. Here she was, thinking she had gotten the opportunity of a lifetime to discuss her non-profit and passion for so many people, only to have it become about someone else. While a marriage proposal is indeed a big thing, I think there is a time and a place for everything, and this wasn't the place. It really seemed cruel, as her partner set up the interview and turned it around to become about him and his wants as opposed to her passion and wants.
I also can't stand how it reinforced a common trope that's really been grating on me for a while. Clearly, Simone was excited to talk about "her organization and giving back to the community." Hell, as a non-profiteer, I would've found that a lot more interesting than a public proposal (and really hope she gets a legit interview to make up for this total con). That trope is that no matter how successful a woman is, or how many people she helps, the most important thing about her isn't any of that, but rather her relationship status. Seems like she already had quite a full and fulfilling life before this public proposal, but rather than focus on her successes and what she's clearly passionate about, it was superseded by this public proposal. She's clearly helped a lot of people, but yet her boyfriend thought it was more important that they get engaged right there on national TV. And she didn't even get the chance to talk about all the people she helped or the work her nonprofit does.
This trope is so damaging because it reduces women to one aspect of their lives, as opposed to celebrating all the things that make them who they are. While marriage can be a wonderful thing, it's certainly not the only wonderful thing in someone's life. And it's certainly not the only thing worth celebrating or acknowledging. Like I've mentioned here on this blog many times, I've definitely felt slighted when people's interest seemed to drop as soon as I answered their question, "Are you dating anyone?" or "Are you married?" with "No, I'm not even looking." At that point, many of them just had no more questions to ask me--not about my career as a passionate advocate and powerhouse fundraiser (ask me about the dinner dance), not about the master's degree I completed with a 3.9 GPA while working full time, not about the books I'm reading (come on! I was an English major!!), not about my artistic projects (holiday revelry is coming in two months! care to help?), not about my travels (I travel America by train!) nothing. It hurts. (Meanwhile, my married or coupled friends get all the interest in the world for the most mundane things in their lives! If I can pay attention while you talk about when you and your spouse go grocery shopping, you can pay attention to the details of my thesis defense. I promise you won't be bored!) Sometimes, I feel as though adding a partner to the mix would make people pay attention to me or take an interest in me like they do my coupled friends. I've wondered about that, but I wouldn't want to use that partner just to make people pay attention to me. That trope is really harmful, and I really wish that this story weren't framed in a way that celebrates it rather than shows it for what it is. Just look at the title of that video. There's nothing about the opportunity to share about her non-profit (she even practiced the questions with her partner), nor about what she does. It's just about how "she says yes."
Well, I haven't been in a relationship for two years now, but even though I have no partner, I know exactly what I'd say if I were in that situation. No "I do" for me--it's a case of "I don't"! Because that's what anyone who took away my moment from me would get!
I was really disgusted to read the article for a number of reasons, but probably the first of them is just how dis-empowering such a gesture really is. As much as I ought to be happy for Simone here, I couldn't help but feel really awful for her. Here she was, thinking she had gotten the opportunity of a lifetime to discuss her non-profit and passion for so many people, only to have it become about someone else. While a marriage proposal is indeed a big thing, I think there is a time and a place for everything, and this wasn't the place. It really seemed cruel, as her partner set up the interview and turned it around to become about him and his wants as opposed to her passion and wants.
I also can't stand how it reinforced a common trope that's really been grating on me for a while. Clearly, Simone was excited to talk about "her organization and giving back to the community." Hell, as a non-profiteer, I would've found that a lot more interesting than a public proposal (and really hope she gets a legit interview to make up for this total con). That trope is that no matter how successful a woman is, or how many people she helps, the most important thing about her isn't any of that, but rather her relationship status. Seems like she already had quite a full and fulfilling life before this public proposal, but rather than focus on her successes and what she's clearly passionate about, it was superseded by this public proposal. She's clearly helped a lot of people, but yet her boyfriend thought it was more important that they get engaged right there on national TV. And she didn't even get the chance to talk about all the people she helped or the work her nonprofit does.
This trope is so damaging because it reduces women to one aspect of their lives, as opposed to celebrating all the things that make them who they are. While marriage can be a wonderful thing, it's certainly not the only wonderful thing in someone's life. And it's certainly not the only thing worth celebrating or acknowledging. Like I've mentioned here on this blog many times, I've definitely felt slighted when people's interest seemed to drop as soon as I answered their question, "Are you dating anyone?" or "Are you married?" with "No, I'm not even looking." At that point, many of them just had no more questions to ask me--not about my career as a passionate advocate and powerhouse fundraiser (ask me about the dinner dance), not about the master's degree I completed with a 3.9 GPA while working full time, not about the books I'm reading (come on! I was an English major!!), not about my artistic projects (holiday revelry is coming in two months! care to help?), not about my travels (I travel America by train!) nothing. It hurts. (Meanwhile, my married or coupled friends get all the interest in the world for the most mundane things in their lives! If I can pay attention while you talk about when you and your spouse go grocery shopping, you can pay attention to the details of my thesis defense. I promise you won't be bored!) Sometimes, I feel as though adding a partner to the mix would make people pay attention to me or take an interest in me like they do my coupled friends. I've wondered about that, but I wouldn't want to use that partner just to make people pay attention to me. That trope is really harmful, and I really wish that this story weren't framed in a way that celebrates it rather than shows it for what it is. Just look at the title of that video. There's nothing about the opportunity to share about her non-profit (she even practiced the questions with her partner), nor about what she does. It's just about how "she says yes."
Well, I haven't been in a relationship for two years now, but even though I have no partner, I know exactly what I'd say if I were in that situation. No "I do" for me--it's a case of "I don't"! Because that's what anyone who took away my moment from me would get!
Saturday, October 12, 2013
The snake in the bamboo
There is an old story about a snake who, while gliding its way through
the forest, comes upon a long bamboo stick. The snake had never seen
such a thing before and, being curious, stuck its head into the opening.
The inside of the bamboo stick was dark and the snake found the shape
of the stick quite challenging to work its way through. The snake began
to feel anxious, grief-stricken, and eventually a little depressed that
it was now stuck inside this foreign, very tight, shadowy object.
However, once the snake's body was completely inside of the bamboo
stick, it realized that it could not back out. It could only move
forward, in the dark, and straighten itself out before it could reach
the other side.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Hunted
It's not that I can't handle not being in charge
But rather that I never asked for this.
I feel your eyes on me, though I can't see you
And I strongly sense something is amiss.
After years of chasing what I desire,
I find myself paralyzed in your crossfire.
I don't want to be hunted, but I don't want to hide
I just want to send you running right out of my life.
It's not that I don't desire romance
But rather that I don't want it with you.
You're a part of my life that stays in the past
There's no present and no future too.
You're someone I wish I had never met.
I can't see you, but you've broken my will
No one else remembers, but I can't forget
It's been years and I feel unsafe still
After years of chasing what I desire,
I find myself paralyzed in your crossfire.
I don't want to be hunted, but I don't want to hide
I just want to send you running right out of my life.
Spare me your words, I don't want to hear
You'll find that this game is no longer fun
You messed with the wrong girl cause I'm out of fear
I'm standing up strong and I will make you run.
Get the hell out of here, or I'll chase you away
There really is nothing more that I can say
No one else remembers, but you won't forget
When you've done something you'll live to regret.
After years of chasing what I desire,
I find myself paralyzed in your crossfire.
I don't want to be hunted, but I don't want to hide
I just want to send you running right out of my life.
And you will be running right out of my life!
(C) Revel With a Cause Productions
But rather that I never asked for this.
I feel your eyes on me, though I can't see you
And I strongly sense something is amiss.
After years of chasing what I desire,
I find myself paralyzed in your crossfire.
I don't want to be hunted, but I don't want to hide
I just want to send you running right out of my life.
It's not that I don't desire romance
But rather that I don't want it with you.
You're a part of my life that stays in the past
There's no present and no future too.
You're someone I wish I had never met.
I can't see you, but you've broken my will
No one else remembers, but I can't forget
It's been years and I feel unsafe still
After years of chasing what I desire,
I find myself paralyzed in your crossfire.
I don't want to be hunted, but I don't want to hide
I just want to send you running right out of my life.
Spare me your words, I don't want to hear
You'll find that this game is no longer fun
You messed with the wrong girl cause I'm out of fear
I'm standing up strong and I will make you run.
Get the hell out of here, or I'll chase you away
There really is nothing more that I can say
No one else remembers, but you won't forget
When you've done something you'll live to regret.
After years of chasing what I desire,
I find myself paralyzed in your crossfire.
I don't want to be hunted, but I don't want to hide
I just want to send you running right out of my life.
And you will be running right out of my life!
(C) Revel With a Cause Productions
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
Just what I said wrong is anybody's guess
But the bruise on my face was as blue as my dress
Broken bottles on the table, broken lamp on the floor
Couple thousand miles from my bed to the door
Lipstick on his cheek from my last kiss
Took a ten from his wallet, left the maid a tip
Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
Slipped out of the room, tryin' not to be seen
Only sound was the old ice machine
I was feeling so scared, nowhere to go
How did my life end up so low?
They say 30's young, but I'm feelin' old
That's when the night got even colder.
Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
And I looked so pretty on his arm
Never thought he meant to do me harm
Well, I picked up a ride, right into Reno
He got us a room above the casino
The music was loud, and the drinks were cheap
But I knew that night I wasn't getting no sleep
Then I got the fear all over again
When I saw that drawing all over his skin
Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
Performed by Shemekia Copeland
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Anyone else feel this way as a young professional? I sometimes feel that no matter how hard I work or assertive I am or qualified I am, folks who are older than me will still find a way to diminish all that I've worked for or assume that they know what is best for me (even though they just met me!).
So here is an open letter for most of the 40+ year olds that have been driving me up the wall! I figured I'd put this out here for all, so if you see a behavior of yours on the list, you know to quit doing it.
So here is an open letter for most of the 40+ year olds that have been driving me up the wall! I figured I'd put this out here for all, so if you see a behavior of yours on the list, you know to quit doing it.
- I'm not the new intern or the cleaning service at the place where I work. I have yet to see a maintenance professional wear openwork tights and pencil skirts to do her job, and I haven't been an intern in over half a decade. I'm a professional with two degrees and a committee and six years of experience under my belt, and I was before I even met you. Please ask me what my title is instead of assuming that the grant writer must be older to write so well.
- I don't work at the store where you're shopping. You'll notice that I'm not wearing a nametag like the employees of the store. Please find one of them if you're looking for something. I am here to shop just like you are, and I don't really need my errands interrupted because you don't know the layout of the store or wish to ask someone who actually works there. My age doesn't put me in a permanent status of servant.
- I REALLY am not out to steal your spouse! I'll bet dollars to donuts that your spouse doesn't want me either. Therefore, there is no reason why you need to hover around your spouse at a fundraiser we're both at as though you think I'm going to pull out a ring I made and propose right there on the spot. I am no threat to you or your relationship. I'm simply at the fundraiser to well, raise funds.
- And along that logic, I don't want to be set up with your kid or grandkid who is the same age as me. You are not a dating service, and even if I was looking, after the condescending way you treated me, I would not want to have you as an in-law.
- I don't think it's a compliment when you tell me I'm not like those other 20-somethings you know. You realize that to give this compliment to me, you're insulting people like me, right? I'm sure that many of them have some admirable qualities and some problematic ones. Like me. I'm not an exceptional young person. I'm a human young person, full of faults and successes and eccentricities like everyone else.
- I'm not a living example of whatever pop culture tells you about young adults. I don't live my life like I belong on Girls (I don't even like Lena Dunham). I don't crush on glittery vampires (though I wear a good deal of glitter when I go to concerts or dancing). The great cartoonist Jackie Ormes said "I draw people, not stereotypes." Well, I think I can paraphrase that to "I'm a person, not a stereotype." Try to listen to me before making a judgment.
- I do have problems. We all have problems. So don't say, "You're young, what could you possibly have to worry about?" We all have something to worry about at any age. So don't assume that a young person's life is perfect.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Hey Illinois!
We may not have won in the summer, but I'm hoping that we get the marriage equality soon now that DOMA has been ruled unconsitutional (and hopefully ENDA even sooner). So here goes my own rebel yell and song parody in favor of equality. (Billy Idol will just have to forgive me.)
Hey Illinois, what you gonna do?
Hey Illinois, all eyes are now on you.
Hey Massachusetts, show us how it's done.
Hey Massachusetts, you were number one.
Hey Illinois, do the right thing!
It's a nice day to live the dream
It's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream
Hey Illinois, it would be sublime
Hey Illinois, Iowa turned out fine
Hey Illinois, do the right thing! (Oh yeah!)
Hey Illinois, marriage equality now
Hey Illinois, do the right thing!
It's a nice day to live the dream
Come on, it's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream!
(Pick it up.)
Do the right thing!
Hey Illinois, equality is great
Hey Illinois, we need it in our state
We've all been waiting for so long, so long
We've all been waiting for so long, so long
We've been patient for so long
It's a nice day to live the dream
Come on, it's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream!
We need fair in this world
We need safe in this world
We need equality in this world
We need equality in this world
Help create equality in this world
Do the right thing!
It's a nice day to live the dream
Come on, it's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream!
Do the right thing!
(C) Revel With A Cause Productions
Hey Illinois, what you gonna do?
Hey Illinois, all eyes are now on you.
Hey Massachusetts, show us how it's done.
Hey Massachusetts, you were number one.
Hey Illinois, do the right thing!
It's a nice day to live the dream
It's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream
Hey Illinois, it would be sublime
Hey Illinois, Iowa turned out fine
Hey Illinois, do the right thing! (Oh yeah!)
Hey Illinois, marriage equality now
Hey Illinois, do the right thing!
It's a nice day to live the dream
Come on, it's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream!
(Pick it up.)
Do the right thing!
Hey Illinois, equality is great
Hey Illinois, we need it in our state
We've all been waiting for so long, so long
We've all been waiting for so long, so long
We've been patient for so long
It's a nice day to live the dream
Come on, it's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream!
We need fair in this world
We need safe in this world
We need equality in this world
We need equality in this world
Help create equality in this world
Do the right thing!
It's a nice day to live the dream
Come on, it's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream!
Do the right thing!
(C) Revel With A Cause Productions
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Crazy and Brave
Pulled into Memphis
It was just breaking dawn
Saw the neon of Beale Street
And it would not be long
Till I danced to the blues
At all of the clubs
I let the sweet sounds move me
The music I loved
The men stared and watched me
Like I was somethin' else
The women were astounded
That I'd come here myself
Cause I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
Went to the Grand Canyon
Hiked myself down
Saw trees and rocks and colors
As I looked all around.
This was my moment
I'd wanted for years
The view was my prize
It moved me to tears.
Wandered down the trail
Past the rest home
The other hikers stood confounded
That I'd done this alone
Cause I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
Headed back on the train
For thirty-two hours
Through sunshine and darkness
And occasional showers
Heard a lady complain
That I was looking for harm
That solo travel was scary
And cause for alarm
Well, I held my head high
I tried not to debate it
Cause if I didn't adventure
I know I would hate it!
Cause I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
(C) Revel With A Cause Productions
It was just breaking dawn
Saw the neon of Beale Street
And it would not be long
Till I danced to the blues
At all of the clubs
I let the sweet sounds move me
The music I loved
The men stared and watched me
Like I was somethin' else
The women were astounded
That I'd come here myself
Cause I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
Went to the Grand Canyon
Hiked myself down
Saw trees and rocks and colors
As I looked all around.
This was my moment
I'd wanted for years
The view was my prize
It moved me to tears.
Wandered down the trail
Past the rest home
The other hikers stood confounded
That I'd done this alone
Cause I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
Headed back on the train
For thirty-two hours
Through sunshine and darkness
And occasional showers
Heard a lady complain
That I was looking for harm
That solo travel was scary
And cause for alarm
Well, I held my head high
I tried not to debate it
Cause if I didn't adventure
I know I would hate it!
Cause I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
(C) Revel With A Cause Productions
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Quiz time!
Just a few things I've been thinking about, so enjoy...
1. If there is controversy over the Park 51 Cultural Center (erroneously also known as a Ground Zero Mosque, though it is neither a mosque nor at the exact 9/11 site) being built because those who attacked the United States were Muslims, does that mean that we can't build any churches in Oklahoma City because Timothy McVeigh was a Christian?
Along those lines of logic, since most of the terrorist acts that have occurred in the US are domestic ones done by Christians (since Christians make up over 70% of our country), there would be very few places it would be okay for us to build churches.
2. How is it that the same people who were criticizing President Obama for things his pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, said, are now saying he is a Muslim? What exactly do they think he is?
3. How is it that many of the folks who preach about the "sanctity of marriage" have also cheated on their spouses? Sanctity of marriage my oversized butt.
4. How is it that there are folks who are both pro-life and pro-war? If your preferences lean toward either, please pick one and stick to it. And deal with the consequences yourself.
5. Has the Catholic Church forgotten that clergy are all considered mandated reporters? Or what that even means? Do they need a refresher? Or maybe a monitoring visit! That might help them remember.
6. Has anyone actually seen a welfare recipient drive a Cadillac? That is, in real life?
1. If there is controversy over the Park 51 Cultural Center (erroneously also known as a Ground Zero Mosque, though it is neither a mosque nor at the exact 9/11 site) being built because those who attacked the United States were Muslims, does that mean that we can't build any churches in Oklahoma City because Timothy McVeigh was a Christian?
Along those lines of logic, since most of the terrorist acts that have occurred in the US are domestic ones done by Christians (since Christians make up over 70% of our country), there would be very few places it would be okay for us to build churches.
2. How is it that the same people who were criticizing President Obama for things his pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, said, are now saying he is a Muslim? What exactly do they think he is?
3. How is it that many of the folks who preach about the "sanctity of marriage" have also cheated on their spouses? Sanctity of marriage my oversized butt.
4. How is it that there are folks who are both pro-life and pro-war? If your preferences lean toward either, please pick one and stick to it. And deal with the consequences yourself.
5. Has the Catholic Church forgotten that clergy are all considered mandated reporters? Or what that even means? Do they need a refresher? Or maybe a monitoring visit! That might help them remember.
6. Has anyone actually seen a welfare recipient drive a Cadillac? That is, in real life?
Sunday, August 25, 2013
20,000 Hearts
First we lived in India- in winter it rains there every day
We were younger then, we were children in India
There were signs and people we didn't understand,
You said, "hold my hand," and I held your hand
There is one of me, and one of you
and two of us with one hundred questions
and two thousand reasons, but ten's a perfect number
We are twenty thousand hearts full of hunger
Twenty thousand hearts
Then we're dancing in Geneva- it's New Year's Eve
and all the Americans were there
They said "it's still last year in New York City"
You said, "New York where?"
I said, "New York City- it's three thousand miles away"
You said, "what's a mile?" I said, "It's far away"
There is one of me, and one of you
and two of us with one hundred questions
and two thousand reasons, but ten's a perfect number
We are twenty thousand hearts full of hunger
Twenty thousand hearts
Now you ask me to explain myself
and I tell you I need distance
You say, "To hell with distance, remember who
you're talking to"
I say, "Closeness is too much for me,"
and dismiss you with a smile
You say, "Wish away the closeness
and imagine it's a mile"
There is one of me, and one of you
and two of us with one hundred questions
and two thousand reasons, but ten's a perfect number
We are twenty thousand hearts full of hunger
Twenty thousand hearts
--By Robbie Schaeffer
We were younger then, we were children in India
There were signs and people we didn't understand,
You said, "hold my hand," and I held your hand
There is one of me, and one of you
and two of us with one hundred questions
and two thousand reasons, but ten's a perfect number
We are twenty thousand hearts full of hunger
Twenty thousand hearts
Then we're dancing in Geneva- it's New Year's Eve
and all the Americans were there
They said "it's still last year in New York City"
You said, "New York where?"
I said, "New York City- it's three thousand miles away"
You said, "what's a mile?" I said, "It's far away"
There is one of me, and one of you
and two of us with one hundred questions
and two thousand reasons, but ten's a perfect number
We are twenty thousand hearts full of hunger
Twenty thousand hearts
Now you ask me to explain myself
and I tell you I need distance
You say, "To hell with distance, remember who
you're talking to"
I say, "Closeness is too much for me,"
and dismiss you with a smile
You say, "Wish away the closeness
and imagine it's a mile"
There is one of me, and one of you
and two of us with one hundred questions
and two thousand reasons, but ten's a perfect number
We are twenty thousand hearts full of hunger
Twenty thousand hearts
--By Robbie Schaeffer
Monday, August 12, 2013
What's a master to do?
Well, I thought my sense of guilt over not writing any papers (since I've graduated!) would dissipate with time. I have been busily filling my time with concerts, fairs, festivals, family, and friends like any good graduate would do. The sense of guilt began to dissipate, somewhat, but it would still flare now and then. I'd be reading one of my novels, and I'd suddenly think in the middle of a sentence, "I should really be revising my thesis." Then I remembered that the thesis has been done for two months and does not need to be revised any more. I got a note from my committee chair thanking me for the gift I sent her, and I have to remind myself that I'm not going to be seeing her every week this fall. Of course, as I live less than an hour away from my school, I can see her whenever I want, but now it's going to be because I want to. When I walk home after going dancing, I think, "Okay, now I'm going to work on my paper" before I realize that I don't have any papers to do.
But overall, very slowly, the guilt began to dissipate somewhat. I thought I'd be done with it soon enough.
But now it's back in full force! I see those ads EVERYWHERE advertising back to school! I have even participated in the back to school sales (hey, a girl can never have too many glitter gel pens). I see the schools in the area with messages on their signs for the new students. I even overlook a church and parish school from my home, and I see its sign welcoming the students back. My colleagues who have kids talk about college searches, getting the kids back on schedule, and being organized...
And then it hits me like a ton of bricks! I AM FINISHED AND NOT GOING BACK!
I don't know what to think about that. I mean, part of me is thrilled that I can read whatever I want (hello Forsyte Saga) and do what I like (another cross country train trip!), whenever I want it. But...part of me is really thinking that something got left behind in the process. I won't miss living a laser-focused life on my thesis, but I will definitely miss my professors and classmates. Though I have a very smart workplace (and they're currently taking bets on what degree I'll get next) and love being there, I feel like I'll miss the steady exchange of ideas and the feedback on those ideas. I'll miss the guided course of study. And I will miss the archives! I developed an iron butt from sitting in the archives for hours last summer!
In short, I'm gonna miss school! What am I going to do? I've been living such a jam-packed life that I still feel like I have to attend my classes and work on my thesis. It is like a phantom limb, only with activities! What am I going to do? I can't see it getting any better! When school starts back up again, I'll probably feel weird that I'm not going. When I go to events at my school, I can't say I'm a master's candidate because I have a master's degree now. Hell, when it's Christmas time, my little cousin and my sister will have loads of college stories and for the first time in years, I will not!
Why can't this guilt leave me alone!? Why can't it let me enjoy my life as a master of arts? Or do I need a PhD? But if I go for the PhD, it will one day have to be finished as well. When it's done, THEN WHAT?
What's a master of arts to do?
But overall, very slowly, the guilt began to dissipate somewhat. I thought I'd be done with it soon enough.
But now it's back in full force! I see those ads EVERYWHERE advertising back to school! I have even participated in the back to school sales (hey, a girl can never have too many glitter gel pens). I see the schools in the area with messages on their signs for the new students. I even overlook a church and parish school from my home, and I see its sign welcoming the students back. My colleagues who have kids talk about college searches, getting the kids back on schedule, and being organized...
And then it hits me like a ton of bricks! I AM FINISHED AND NOT GOING BACK!
I don't know what to think about that. I mean, part of me is thrilled that I can read whatever I want (hello Forsyte Saga) and do what I like (another cross country train trip!), whenever I want it. But...part of me is really thinking that something got left behind in the process. I won't miss living a laser-focused life on my thesis, but I will definitely miss my professors and classmates. Though I have a very smart workplace (and they're currently taking bets on what degree I'll get next) and love being there, I feel like I'll miss the steady exchange of ideas and the feedback on those ideas. I'll miss the guided course of study. And I will miss the archives! I developed an iron butt from sitting in the archives for hours last summer!
In short, I'm gonna miss school! What am I going to do? I've been living such a jam-packed life that I still feel like I have to attend my classes and work on my thesis. It is like a phantom limb, only with activities! What am I going to do? I can't see it getting any better! When school starts back up again, I'll probably feel weird that I'm not going. When I go to events at my school, I can't say I'm a master's candidate because I have a master's degree now. Hell, when it's Christmas time, my little cousin and my sister will have loads of college stories and for the first time in years, I will not!
Why can't this guilt leave me alone!? Why can't it let me enjoy my life as a master of arts? Or do I need a PhD? But if I go for the PhD, it will one day have to be finished as well. When it's done, THEN WHAT?
What's a master of arts to do?
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Diamonds and Rust
Diamonds and Rust
It's all come back too clearly
I once loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
Well, I'll take the diamonds
Well I'll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
Here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
And here I sit, hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall
Hearing a voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall
As I remember your eyes
Were bluer than robin's eggs
"My poetry was lousy", you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the Midwest
Were bluer than robin's eggs
"My poetry was lousy", you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the Midwest
Thirty years ago
I bought you some cuff links
You brought me something
And we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
I bought you some cuff links
You brought me something
And we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust
You burst on the scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms
And there you stayed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed
Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
An' snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel over Washington Square
With brown leaves falling around
An' snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel over Washington Square
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there
Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You, who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You, who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
'Cause I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
I once loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
Well, I'll take the diamonds
Performed by the inspiring Joan Baez. Saw her live this year with the talented Indigo Girls (yes, they came to the north burbs! My wish came true!!!!!!!), and their three-part harmony encore was a national treasure.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Steel and silk
I don't want to be the girl you can call your Mrs
I'm always myself, whether I'm with you or not
And when you're with me, you never will settle
You know I would give you the best that I've got
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
I don't want to be the girl you have to protect
I'm the princess that always rescues herself.
You don't need to swoop in saving the day
Cause I'm ready to fight and can do it myself
Listen, I can revel, and I can fight
Don't assume that I need you help
If you dare me to, I'll be going all night
I don't need you to save me, I can do it myself
I can do it myself
I'm steel on silk and silk on steel
It's exactly what I want to feel
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
I'm steel on silk and silk on steel
It's exactly what I want to feel
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
(C) Revel With a Cause Productions
I'm always myself, whether I'm with you or not
And when you're with me, you never will settle
You know I would give you the best that I've got
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
I don't want to be the girl you have to protect
I'm the princess that always rescues herself.
You don't need to swoop in saving the day
Cause I'm ready to fight and can do it myself
Listen, I can revel, and I can fight
Don't assume that I need you help
If you dare me to, I'll be going all night
I don't need you to save me, I can do it myself
I can do it myself
I'm steel on silk and silk on steel
It's exactly what I want to feel
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
I'm steel on silk and silk on steel
It's exactly what I want to feel
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
(C) Revel With a Cause Productions
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