Holiday Revelry

You can say a lot of things about me, but one thing for sure is that I keep my word.  I've put together about a dozen bags full of jewelry and am bringing them to the women's shelter on Friday.  (See my May post "Pay It Forward" for the story behind it.)  I can't wait to bring a holiday surprise for some unsuspecting clients!  They're getting natural shell pendants, glass and/or plastic bracelets, and colorful earrings.

I like to give during the holidays, and I think I feel a lot more in the holiday spirit now that I'm doing something for others.  All my Christmas and Hanukkah shopping was finished by November, so now all I've been doing is decorating and helping others get ready.  But it's nice to know I'm doing something for people who wouldn't normally have all that happy of a holiday.

 Here are a few of my pretty creations!
   

This picture is sort of bag fraud, as they're made by me and not Horsefeathers, but I liked the effect:

Here are a few bracelets that are for the young girls at the shelter:

I feel sort of like Santa Claus.  This year's been a little quieter for me, despite the fact that I've been going to parties and doing more entertaining.  It's been a little harder to get in the Christmas spirit for some reason, but this actually made it happen.  Maybe this can be my new personal tradition!

Fanm yo di se twòp atò!

Robin Morgan had it right when she declared that "Sisterhood is global!"  I just noticed this article on RH Reality Check, http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/11/21/young-women-are-haitis-future.

Read it before reading on.  The article details a feminist group in Haiti named KOFAVIV.  The group is primarily comprised of women who were sexually assaulted during the military dictatorship, and that is why the acronym stands for Commission of Women Victims for Victims (in Haitian Creole).  Their work is radical, grassroots, and really attuned to the needs of the women in their communities.  Spurred to action by both their own experiences and by the increase in sexual assaults against Haitian women, the founders began KOFAFIV to provide medical and psychological care to their fellow survivors.  They’ve been active for seven years now.  Because sexual abuse is really stigmatized down in Haiti, the women use one-on-one discussions with women in their communities to find those who need rape treatment services and help them to get medical or psychological attention.  They're similar to the second wave feminists who began the first rape crisis centers here in the US! 

Now you might be wondering, why the attention to KOFAVIV?  Aren't I specializing in American feminism?  I am.  However, I had the pleasure of meeting two members of KOFAVIV last year, a nurse and a translator.  They came to my workplace and talked to the advocates about all that they do.  The nurse didn't speak English, so the translator spoke for both of them.  I was really impressed to hear all about their work.  I was, though, taken aback by a particularly provocative question, “Do you ever find it difficult to get clients to come to the center?”  At an agency that serves thousands of women, men, and children every year through all of our programs and that is constantly in demand for the specialized counseling and advocacy we provide, I was surprised to hear this question.  However, I soon learned that their group has had the opposite experience of us.  Because rape survivors are heavily stigmatized, women had originally been hesitant to come to KOFAFIV and to disclose that they had been sexually abused.  The members of KOFAFIV, therefore, employ community outreach workers (termed “Community Human Rights Defenders”) who work within the different communities in Haiti to locate survivors and to tell them about how they can get help for the violence they suffered.  Through one-on-one work with survivors, the outreach workers are able to help the women take the first step of coming forward for help.

It's incredible to see the strength and commitment of these women all around the world.  I was absolutely overwhelmed to think about them, but they remind me that we cannot stop our work now.  We're all working for a fairer world.  And to which I say along with them, my international sisters, "Fanm yo di se twòp atò!"  Women say enough is enough!

Morning Train

There's a morning train
That's headed for New Orleans
Carrying business men and week day shoppers
I have sixteen bucks and a dollar in change
And that's not a bad price for a one way ride
On a morning train

I give you my devotion
You left me heartsick
Oh, you couldn't have hurt me more
Not working with a night stick
Now I'm tired of sharin' this bed of nails
So come first light I'm gonna be right
With the morning train

So goodbye lover, I'm goin' undercover
Crescent City's gonna swallow me
I'll skip my ring 'cross the Mississippi River
When it sinks I won't feel a thing
When it sinks I won't feel a thing

I'm gonna be stayin'
With a short time acquaintance
And when I met him he was playin'
On the Gulf Breeze circuit
He didn't play no hit songs or TV themes
He's a guitar man just a hired hand
From a local band

So goodbye lover, I'm goin' undercover
Crescent City's gonna swallow me
Gonna skip my ring 'cross the Mississippi River
When it sinks I won't feel a thing
When it sinks I won't feel a thing

Hear the whistles blowing LOUD!

When I hit the station
I'll take a taxi to the corner
I'm gonna meet him by a street car
Name of what-cha-ma-call-it
My imagination
Won't let us miss a thing
Life's gonna be fine when I leave him behind
On a mornin' train

So goodbye lover, I'm goin' undercover
Crescent City's gonna swallow me
Gonna skip my ring 'cross the Mississippi River
When it sinks I won't feel a thing
When it sinks I won't feel a thing
When it sinks, well, I won't feel a thing.

Performed by Nanci Griffith

The shortest "She's A Revel" blog post ever!

FOUR MORE YEARS!

FOUR MORE YEARS!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

(*drinking a toast to President Obama, Tammy Duckworth, Brad Schneider, Elizabeth Warren, and my Dems with a glass of bokbunjajoo cause the taste of victory is sweet!)

A Very Special She's A Revel Announcement

Hey revels and readers, guess what??

Tomorrow's THE BIG DAY...i.e. ELECTION DAY!

So, unless you have either voted early or are under 18...GET THE HELL OUT AND VOTE!

You know, in January of 2005, the voters in Iraq braved tremendous hostility and violence to get to the polling places and make their voices heard.  Seeing these individuals with their fingers marked with ink to show that they'd voted was really inspiring.  Here, 7 years later in the states, I just know that the voters in the states affected by super storm Sandy will be trying their best to get to the polls.

I know that you all can do that too.  So please get out there and rock that vote!

How can you document real life when real life's getting more like fiction each day?

I talk a lot about being a crisis worker.  Why shouldn't I?  It's a core part of who I am.  So I am going to include that in this blog post because, well, that's who I am.  I don't know anything different.  I am really creeped out, y'all.  I really am.  Since when did being an advocate's worst nightmare become a key platform of one of our two political parties?  I'm pretty sure you can guess which one!

So in a recent twist of events, Mr. Mourdock, who is the Indiana GOP candidate for the Senate, said, "even when life begins with that horrible situation of rape, that's something that G-d intended to happen."  Honestly, just when I thought the bar for being a Republican candidate for anything was set pretty low, this dude comes along and makes it subterranean!  Does he really believe that G-d wants rape to happen?  I really wonder if he knows anyone who has ever faced the reality of sexual assault or abuse.  Considering that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men have been victimized by sexual abuse according to the FBI uniform crime reports, he probably does.  We all do.  I wonder, if he knew anyone who had been pregnant because of rape, what would he say to them?

On second thought, maybe I don't want to know.  I do wish I could say that this man is an aberration, but sadly, he's just the tip of a big, ugly, right-wing iceberg.  You've got former GOP Presidential candidate Ron Paul prefacing a comment with something like, "Well, if it's the victim of an honest rape..." (as though most women would lie about it, which they do NOT).  You've got our current veep nominee, Paul Ryan, as not only one of the representatives who voted for the gutted House version of VAWA but also one of the co-sponsors who sought to redefine rape!  You heard me right.  In HR 3, or the "No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act," they actually wanted to redefine rape to "forcible rape."  In the same year that the FBI finally updated its definitions of the crime, no less!  Then, you've got Representative Todd Akin in Missouri, blathering about "legitimate rape."  Hell, here in my home state of Illinois, marital rape was not even considered a crime until 1996.  Now, dear readers, how many of you were born before 1996?  I'm willing to bet that the majority of you were born during a time when it was legal for a man to rape his wife!  The only reason why that changed was because, after the Violence Against Women Act got passed in 1994, marital rape was criminalized, and the states all had to amend their laws to treat it as such.  Oh, and did I mention that the Violence Against Women Act has still not been re-authorized?  It's normally been a bipartisan bill, but some congress members seem to think that denying LGBT and immigrant women protections is more important than preventing rape and domestic violence.  Can you guess which party most of them belong to?  

I am really horrified by this, as both a crisis advocate and a pro-choice activist.  Who do these men think they are?  Don't they know that women can take care of themselves, including their own reproductive health decisions?  And don't they know that those women's decisions have no bearing on their lives?  Why can't they leave us alone?  And do they know just how damaging their statements are to those who have, in fact, been raped?  Like I mentioned, it's a very common crime.  As a woman whose life has been impacted by sexual assault, I know that rape takes all the power and control and choices away from its victims.  Now, by restricting women's choices, these men are also taking women's power and control of their own lives away from women.  How stupid do these men think we are?  If they really want us to vote for them, why do they say things and wish to enact policies that are just so damaging to us?  (And by the way, do they know that men also can be the victims of rape or supporting those who have been victimized?  How do they think a male survivor of child abuse would interpret a line about "forcible rape"?  Their statements are damaging to everyone.)

The election is less than two weeks away.  No matter what state we are in or what party we espouse, we really can't afford to have politicians like that, who think that our own lives and rights are up for debate.  Because in the end, these are not just abstract issues like "when life begins" or something like that.  These are health issues that affect living, breathing, sentient women.  We don't need our reproductive rights to be debated--we just need those rights, period!   I really, really wonder, though, what these men would say if someone they know disclosed they'd been sexually assaulted.  Would they tell them "it's just what God intended"?  (And re-traumatize them more?  Yikes.)  I hope not.

My title for this blog post is from one of my favorite musicals, "Rent."  Mark the filmmaker sings it.  Though "Rent" was written before this time, I'm really starting to feel like the current political climate is feeling more and more like a certain work of fiction.  Namely, Margaret Atwood's dystopia, The Handmaid's Tale.  If that makes me an unwoman, hell, sign me up.  I'm sure I'll make some like-minded friends in the colonies. 

Cleaned a lot of plates in Memphis, pumped a lot of pane down in New Orleans...

I can't believe it.  As of yesterday, I've booked a cross-country train trip.  Once I take that trip, I can cross that off my bucket list.  If there was an "Amtrak Passenger of the Year" award, I would totally be battling our Vice President for it!  (Sorry Mr. Biden, I am very grateful the fact that you are a good VP and totally whomped Paul Ryan in last week's debate and wrote one of the single greatest pieces of legislation in really modern history, the Violence Against Women Act.  But how about letting someone new be Amtrak's best passenger?  And by the way, Alex the Advocate's says Reauthorize VAWA now!)  I've been planning this trip to New Orleans and Memphis since the summer, and now it is coming to fruition.  It's going to be centered around music and history--I'm planning to visit Sun Studio, Stax Records, Graceland, all the New Orleans landmarks, Mardi Gras World, and the Civil Rights Museum.  Then I plan on doing some ultra-regional things: trying Memphis barbeque, dancing till dawn at a juke joint (discovered a few with acoustic blues), enjoying a jazz brunch, partying on Bourbon street fueled by Cafe Du Monde coffee, and going to a cooking class.  (Maybe my next dinner party will include some of those recipes?) 

I really hope that it's as exciting as I am anticipating.  And that I am capable of going a week without sleep!  Cafe du Monde had better be all stocked up and ready for my arrival.  Oh well, sleeping is what my room on the overnight train trip is for!

Some girls live to shop...

...but this one lives over a shop!

You might be a downtown diva when...

• Everybody knows your name when you go into one of the stores.
• Shopkeepers can jokingly threaten, "I know where you live!" because, well, you live right above them!
• The bartender knows exactly what you're going to order before you place the order.
• You avoid the bathrooms at the concert venues and instead dash home where you know the bathroom is clean.
• You can feel superior to everyone else by "buying local" because the "local" is right below you.
• You give directions to your place like this: "Just drive to the [insert name here] shop.  Then look up."
• The proprietress at the art gallery saves some of the new arrivals for you because she knows you can't do without them...and then gives you a discount.
• You have leftovers after eating out and instead of packing a cooler, you just run them home.
• You justify high-end purchases by reasoning you at least saved on gas costs. (Hmmm...Thai jewelry from the cute little art gallery?  Well, I didn't drive, so I saved money on gas...yes please!?
• You determine whether or not you're going out for the night by looking out the window and seeing the crowd that's out.

Downtown divas, unite!  You have nothing to lose but your subdivisions!

She's got to be

She's got to be

She's got to be with me always to make sense of the skin I'm in
Sometimes, it gets dangerous, yeah, and lonely to defend.
Making time with every change, it's hard to love this woman in me.

She is the one that stills the sea, finds the truth in this anarchy,
Dives the depths of every age, keeps this body and knows the shape.

I will love, I will protect this love
It was hard to get
I will love, I will protect this love
And its anarchy.

Society, what part of me is swagger born?
What part is demeaned?
Mama, when I turn of age, is this body just a cage?


She's got to be with me always to make sense of the skin I'm in
Sometimes, it gets dangerous, yeah, and lonely to defend.
Making time with every change, it's hard to love this woman in me.


I will love, I will protect this love
It was hard to get
I will love, I will protect this love
And its anarchy.

Performed by Amy Ray

It took me a while, but I'm convinced this song is about self-acceptance and learning to love oneself, no matter how challenging it can be.  At first I thought it was just a love song, but after hearing it many times and seeing the videos for it, I think it's about loving oneself.  (If you notice, it's much more introspective and self-reflective than most love songs.)  At least that's the meaning I ascribe to it.  This song features the lovely Brandi Carlile on backing vocals, and they sound unbelievable together.  Maybe Brandi can be the third Indigo Girl in her free time?

Social issues are economic issues

So who else was somewhat disappointed by the debates last night?  You'd think there are more issues at play in this country than just taxes and Obamacare (i.e. women's healthcare, choice, gay rights, getting VAWA finally passed, affirmative action, environmental issues).  And really, going over the time limits?  I'm not going to get pissy here, but that would SO not fly at the advocate conference I was moderating in August!

I really get so annoyed whenever candidates seem to push aside social issues in favor of "serious" economic issues.  The fact is, these issues are intertwined.  Maybe not for two wealthy politicians who are spending enough in advertising to run several states' worth of non-profits, but for many Americans of all political classes, we see the effects of both in our lives.  We can't bifurcate our lives so that we only experience social or economic issues.  And for many of us, our social decisions are shaped by our financial circumstances, and our economic circumstances are shaped by the culture we live in.  These things don't happen in a void.

Take me for instance.  I'm an educated, full-time employed non-profit professional.  I have a bachelor's degree completed and a master's degree on the way, and I've been working full time for over three years (with several part-time jobs for nearly a decade).  However, if you look at the federal income levels for my area and my single-person household status, I fall pretty squarely in....the low income category.  I am not kidding.  My salary for one person in my particular county means I am low income.  I am not ashamed of that, nor am I asking for any pity, but I do want to show that low income covers more than just those on public assistance or those who are homeless.  Now is this because I am not working hard enough?  I think it's more that non-profits and social services are very much devalued and thus underfunded that puts the salaries of valuable professionals like me in this category. 

I don't think I am struggling, but I do know that I walk a very delicate balance between having the opportunities and privileges I have and all of a sudden not.  And for that, I do need social freedoms and a safety net.  If I lost my job, I would have no medical or dental insurance, and I am too old to be covered under my parents' insurance.  Any payments would be out of pocket.  Now if I had a medical emergency, don't you think I'd want to have some way of paying for my care?  While I do manage my money judiciously, I know that it would not last forever if I were constantly paying for treatments.  (And how in the world would I pay for my rent, utilities and groceries once it was gone??)  The Affordable Care Act would help me to get the insurance I need so I could get care and not go bankrupt or die.  That's a social issue that's linked to my economic standing. 

An open letter to my neighbors

To all my neighbors above the shops in my block:

If the white noise machine in my foyer is not adequate, I am very, very sorry that none of you will get any sleep tonight.

But when the new Heart album is out, I absolutely must blast it at ear-splitting levels!

So if you can't sleep, feel free to sing along.  I'm loving it so far!

Just a "Fanatic,"

Revel

Wisdom from my sister advocates

Learned this wonderful poem last week from my sisters and brothers in advocacy, so I figured I'd share it with you!

You can get pregnant in a car.
You can get pregnant in a bar.
You can get pregnant on a hill.
You can get pregnant on The Pill.
You can get pregnant near or far,
It doesn't matter who you are.
You can get pregnant in a house.
You can get pregnant by a louse.
You can get pregnant here or there,
You can get pregnant anywhere.
In a plane or on a train,
In a box or with a fox,
Standing up or sitting down,
It matters not when sperm's around.
You can get pregnant if you're raped,
Science truths you can't escape.
I do not like the awful lies
That hurt the ones who it implies
Can control their conception
Through "legitimate rape" sperm detection.
You should never lead our sacred land
If "anti-science" is your plan.
I do not like what you've been sayin'
I do not like it, Mr. Akin!

--Christie Cane

I mean it

Although I am pretty optimistic that Roe vs. Wade is always going to be the law of the land, if it ever is overturned or chipped away at so much it becomes pretty much meaningless to anyone except the very rich, I will be among the first to join and volunteer at a reproductive referral collective, much like the Gainesville Women's Collective in Gainesville or "Jane" in Chicago.

I'm a crisis worker, so I call options counseling and referrals.  And I mean it.

Don't know Jane? You do now: http://www.4000yearsforchoice.com/collections/4000yearsforchoice/products/cooperate.  My friend Heather made the poster, though she wasn't around to remember when Jane was active.  But it is thanks to women like them that we all have a choice.

Ridin' all night

Eyes on the prize
End is in sight
I cut through the darkness
I'm ridin' all night

I've gone too long without you
And I just want to see your face
I'll ride through every town
I don't care how long it takes

I shine through the darkness
Like a a ray of starlight
Await my arrival
I'm ridin' all night

I know that you miss me,
More than anything I miss you
Hold on cause I'm coming
Hope you want it too.

Let go of your inhibitions,
Lose your sense of wrong or right,
Take my hand, and I'll show you
Cause we're ridin' all night

Ridin' all night
Ridin' all night
Ridin' all night

Chivalry's dead, but you're still kind of cute

As anyone reading this blog or knowing me would probably be aware, I'm not a traditional individual at all.  In fact, you could probably easily consider me pretty anti-traditional in many ways.  I don't really feel the need to hold fast to customs or practices just because they've "always" been a certain way.  And if those practices reinforce any kind of inequality, then I am even less apt to wish to follow them.  So any relationship mores that I find sexist are not going to fly in any relationship I have.

Likewise, I don't really like the concept of "chivalry."  I don't want to be treated a certain way just because I'm a woman, but rather because I am a person deserving of dignity and respect.  If a guy feels the need to open a door for me, I will nicely say thank you and go through it.  That's just common courtesy.  However (and yes, this has happened before), if I'm at the door first, I hold it.  I've had a few men actually stand at the door and look at me expectantly, as though I shouldn't have done that.  What's the difference between my holding the door and his?  Well, it seems as though his was because he wanted to do it because I'm a woman, and mine was because I merely wanted to help.  So I would say that I'm more of a fan of courtesy and that I have no interest in any relationship that implies I have to act a certain way or be a certain way just because of my gender.  I have never dreamed about an engagement ring or getting proposed to (really).  Though I don't see marriage in my future, I would probably find it more romantic to simply talk through what we want and don't want, as I am all about communication.  And I would not want to be with someone who failed to see the value in my professional and academic goals and instead wanted me to automatically be the one to stay at home if we were to have/adopt children just because I'm female.  Any point we came to would have to be mutually decided, as I do not like having my life planned out for me by someone who is not me.

If one wants a relationship with me to emulate those gender roles, regardless of what it takes, then by definition the relationship is not respectful of me.  That's equating being female with being less strong, less independent, and less autonomous, and it's treating me as lesser because of it.

For over ten years now, there's been one song that really encapsulates what I want in a relationship.  You might be thinking, how can one person's views remain the same for so long?  Well, I think that once you know what it is, it should be apparent: Aretha's "Respect."  The bridge line, "RESPECT, find out what it means to me" is my favorite part!  It sums up exactly what I feel.  Find out what it means TO ME.  Respect means different things to different people, and it's a many-sizes-fit-all approach.  What one person might like may be awful for another.  And if you're in a relationship with someone, you need to be able to communicate and understand what they want and don't want.

I guess that's a moral we can take from this.  Ditch the chivalry, and pile on the respect! 

Fighting back

When I'm mildly peeved about a social issue, I put on some Ani DiFranco or Amy Ray and sing along.  When I'm royally and uncontrollably pissed, I put on this odd mix of Rage Against the Machine and Holly Near, turn it up to 11, sing along raucously, and stomp around my apartment waving my fist in the air (my landlord thankfully doesn't live in the complex, otherwise he would be regretting renting to me).  The Holly song I posted is the one she sang at the very first Take Back the Night.  I've grown to like her music, but before I heard her music, I loved her social activism!  The woman was a freakin' powerhouse and remains so today!

However, I posted the Holly song not because I am royally pissed but rather because I'm pretty re-invigorated.  I went to (and volunteered at!) the advocate national conference, and it was unbelievable! I met social service professionals from all 50 states, including a lady who works at the national Office on Violence Against Women (how much would I like that job??) and representatives from state coalitions around the country.  It feels unbelievable to know that I am part of something bigger than just my center and me.

The keynotes were incredible.  The first one, Cassandra Thomas, is the director of the Houston Women's Center, and she was powerful and aggressive.  Cassandra began her speech by saying, "I'm here to speak the truth.  It might not be your truth, but it is true for me.  It might piss you off, but frankly, I didn't come here to make you feel good.  That's what chocolate is for."  All 1,200+ attendees watched in rapt attention as she then demanded that we revive our outrage and our anger.  "When did we lose the sense that the world could change?" she asked.  Her speech challenged us advocates to move beyond working on an individual, social service basis and instead to work toward a society where abuse was neither tolerated nor condoned.  She demanded that we examine the underpinnings of our society that created the conditions for abuse to occur, such as sexism, racism, classism, and heterosexism.  It was very much like Paul Kivel's keynote at my panel, only even more passionate and aggressive.  I really felt re-invigorated after the keynote.  As a fundraiser, I always try to attract people to our work by getting them to think about the necessity of our services and the need to create a safer and fairer society.  I feel that connecting on that level is mutually beneficial, and luckily for me, many funders do understand the need for our social services and our prevention efforts to prevent abuse from ever happening.  That said, I really was struck when Cassandra said, "I want all of your rape crisis centers and domestic violence shelters to eventually achieve your own non-existence!"  At this point, I wanted to jump up and scream YES!  As much as I love the two centers I've been blessed to work at, I would indeed see our main goal as to no longer be needed.  Can it be done?  I am not sure, but I believe that with all of our efforts, we could indeed help to make that happen.  The women who were at the Seneca Falls Conference to get women the right to vote did not know when women would be enfranchised, but they worked tirelessly (even facing arrest and torture) to make that happen.  In fact, only one woman who had been one of the attendees was alive to see the 19th Amendment passed.  But they kept fighting because they knew suffrage would not only benefit them but also their children, children's children, and people all over the United States. 

The same is true for preventing violence.  I don't know when we will come to the point when all of our centers will serve as reminders of a time past because they are no longer needed.  But I'm definitely working toward that.  My sisters and brothers in advocacy are too. 

I'll let Holly say how I feel...

FIGHT BACK!
By Holly Near

By day I live in terror
By night I live in fright
For as long as I can remember
A lady don't go out alone at night, no no
A lady don't go out alone at night

But I don't accept the verdict
It's a wrong one anyway
‘Cause nowadays a woman
Can't even go out in the middle of the day, safely
Can't go out in the middle of the day

And so we've got to fight back
In large numbers
Fight back, I can't make it alone
Fight back, in large numbers
Together we can make a safe home
Together we can make a safe home

Women all around the world
Every color, religion and age
One thing we’ve got in common
We can all be battered and raped
We can all be battered and raped

Some have an easy answer
They buy a lock and they live in a cage
But my fear is turning to anger
And my anger's turning to rage
And I won't live my life in a cage—no!
By day I live in terror
By night I live in fright
For as long as I can remember

A lady don't go out at night--fight back!

You know...

Now that Mr. "I'm not concerned about the very poor" Romney has picked Mr. Ryan as his veep pick, I am
(a)  Looking forward to the debates
(b)  Looking forward to not voting for them
(c)  Looking forward to watching them lose
(d)  All of the above!

Please pick one.  This will be graded.

I stand with Oak Creek

By now, I'm sure you've heard about the truly atrocious shooting at the gurdwara (Sikh temple) in Wisconsin yesterday.  I've been following that story all day today, and it still makes my blood run cold.  It just horrifies me that someone could be so heartless and so hateful as to enter a house of worship and open fire on its congregants.  In particular, my heart goes out to my Sikh brothers and sisters tonight.  They're already a very marginalized group as it is.  Since they are often mistaken for Muslims in this very Islamophobic climate, they've been victimized by violent crime and discrimination.  A culture that sees non-Christian, non-white Americans as less than has become the breeding ground for these horrific acts to happen. 

While many of us, I'm sure, are definitely shocked by the violent acts in Wisconsin, I think it's important for us to be mindful of what created this.  I read a very poignant article by journalist Valarie Kaur called "Today We are All American Sikhs," in which she called upon all of us to work towards healing the divisions between religious and ethnic groups in order to prevent another incident like this.  I definitely can understand the sentiment, and while I'm certainly on board with her message of solidarity, I'm not sure that the headline is the best entreaty for her audience.  The fact is, we are not all American Sikhs.  As a member of a fairly small religion that is not often targeted for hate crimes in the United States, I don't have a clue as to what it's like to be a Sikh.  I've never been discriminated against on the basis of my religion or targeted with hate crimes.  In short, we don't all have that experience.  If anything, I'd say we are more like Wade Page, the murderer.  I'm not saying that we would all commit the murders that he did.  However, news reports are showing that he belonged to several white supremacist hate groups, ones that believed that non-whites are inferior (I'm not going to write any of their beliefs in much detail).  Now where did those beliefs come from?  They don't happen in a void.  Consider that in this day and age, there's still a lot of prejudice against non-white individuals.  Latinos are often considered to be here illegally and are treated with suspicion.  News outlets overrepresent blacks as criminals or welfare recipients, even though most crime is intraracial and most families on welfare happen to be white.  Muslims have been victimized by numerous hate crimes, in particular following hte September 11 attacks, and they still face discrimination in terms of employment (like not being able to wear veils at work) or assembly (see the outcry over the Park 51 cultural center, also erroneously called a "Ground Zero Mosque").  How many of us have internalized those beliefs?  A culture like this is the environment actions like Page's came from.  We're all affected by that.  We've all been fed that steady stream of racism and religious intolerance. 

The choice is whether we act on it or not.  The choice is whether or not we accept it.  We can decide that enough is enough.  We can say "That's not fair" when we see a community being unfairly targeted, for starters.  We can raise awareness and consciousness and refuse to stop talking until the problem is solved.  It's going to take a lot more than saying you are a part of a group you have never been associated with.  As much as I favor gun control, it's going to take a lot more than harsher gun laws (I believe Page got his weapons legally).  We need a deep-seated cultural change, one that values us all, to prevent another Wade Page and to keep all of us safe.  I'm going to stand with the people of Oak Creek, Wisconsin, by doing my part for just that.  We can't afford to do any less.

Wake me up when November ends

This election can't come soon enough.

Not just because I'm looking forward to the debates.

Not because I particularly am interested in seeing both spend sums of money in fundraising that's enough to fund a state worth of non-profits.

I just wish that Mitt would hurry up and LOSE already so;
a. Obama can get back to fixing what's wrong with the country.
b. I can finally stop seeing Romney campaign ads while I play Angry Birds! I get it, advertising is important. But no amount of ads will convince me! Can you please leave the Angry Birds alone??

A big, full, bleeding heart

I'm studying the domestic violence prevention movement this summer, in particular, the activism and social services in Illinois. The state is so big and diverse, and learning about all of the activists is so inspiring for a professional and a social justice advocate like me. Learning about the history of activism is one thing that does make me feel proud to be an American, as the tradition of standing up for what's right is ingrained in our nation's history. I'm not saying that everything this country does is perfect, but I do know that there will always be resistance and service to address it.

I spent 6 hours doing archival research for my project! What stories these women have! I left with my heart full just thinking about them all. I could be typically described as a "bleeding heart" lefty liberal, and this time is no exception.  I have been thinking nonstop about the early activists in the domestic violence prevention movement.  During the 1970s, there were no shelters or programs as we know them now.  I would read the coalition newsletter, and believe you me, it was a BIG DEAL when a hotline or informal counseling service rented out a house to serve as a shelter.  I read the stories of activists in big urban areas finding that the house or apartment building they rented (sometimes with their own money!) was overrun with women fleeing a dangerous situation.  I read about women in rural areas, who faced enormous amounts of isolation and provincial attitudes when their shelters opened.  And still,  I read about outspoken activists who found unlikely allies in local celebrities anxious to make a social difference.

The stories are not easy to read, but they made me feel like I was part of something big.  Again, I'm a crisis worker for rape victims, but I saw myself as part of a larger movement to end violence against women and children.  They were just what I needed to stay inspired and energized.  What struck me was how many of these women did this FOR FREE.  Such services were not professionalized or "career choices."  The women did this because they saw a need and did everything in their power to fill it.  They rented these homes with their own money, and they formed a telephone tree to serve as a hotline in the beginning.  It was their passion and dedication that kept them going.

So it must with me as well.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about ending violence and promoting equality.  The topic is a part of the very fabric and fiber of my being.  It makes me wonder, what is it that keeps each of us going?  What would we do for free, because we believe in it so much?   

It's like a HEATWAVE!

Well, big congrats to the two buddies who correctly identified the horned melon in the last blog post. Hopefully the melon will be a well-deserved treat for the summer heat. Today it was over a hundred degrees! I'm planning to head south during the winter, and I think I'm getting quite a bit of practice in dealing with extreme temperatures now. When I went to work today, I had on a Martha Reeves-inspired sheath dress and winged eyeliner, and I had her band's "Heatwave" playing as I got ready for work. (Love the '60s and '70s!) The Haus of Revel is now the HotHaus of Revel!

We need some rain and soon! All those folks who say global warming and climate change isn't real obviously aren't living in the midwest right now!

What's for dinner?

Either this thing is going to regret meeting me, or I'm going to regret meeting it. Anybody know what it is? Bonus points if you know how to cook it! Who says midwesterners are boring!?

House of the Rising Sun*

There is a house in New Orleans
They call the "Rising Sun."
And it's been the ruin of many a poor girl,
And me, I know, for one.

My mother was a tailor.
She sewed my new blue jeans.
My father was a gamblin' man
Down in New Orleans.

And the only thing a gambler needs
Is a suitcase and a trunk.
The only time a gambler is satisfied
Is when he's on a drunk.

Oh mother tell your children
Not to do what I have done
Spend your lives in sin and misery
In the House of the Rising Sun

Well, I got one foot on the platform
The other foot on the train
I'm goin' back to New Orleans
To wear that ball and chain

Well, there is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor girl
And God I know I'm one.

--Traditional, though covered by a number of artists in all different ways. Also called *Rising Sun Blues.

I love this song. (And no, it's not just because of my southern adventure.) The line about having one foot on the platform and one foot on the train was borrowed for my own song, "Girl on a Platform," as it fit my song's indecisive and ambiguous nature. Regarding this particular song, no one knows exactly what the house is, or if it even existed. There are several explanations of what or where the house is, but nothing is really conclusive. Some say the house was a brothel and that the singer is a sex worker, but if you notice, there is nothing in the song that specifically mentions sex work. Some say it's a prison, since there's a line about a ball and chain, and others say it's a gambling hall. Another explanation is that the house is a facility where the sex workers were treated for STI's, and because the treatments were largely ineffective, the sex workers had to keep going back there. It's traditionally sung by women, so it could be any of the explanations. I kind of like the mysterious nature of its origins and its haunting tone. The most famous version is by the British band the Animals (with "girl" changed to "boy"), but I like Sinead O'Connor and Nina Simone's versions best. Maybe when I'm on my adventure, I'll see if I can figure out where and what the House is! Or maybe I'll find that sometimes, like Freud would say, sometimes lyrics are just lyrics.

Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!

There. I said it. VAGINA! I said it again, and I am wearing my red-and-black "My vagina says slow down" shirt from the Vagina Monologues as well.

Slow down. That's one thing my vagina, and the rest of me, would love right now. Regarding those restrictions on women's reproductive rights, I would only love it if certain lawmakers slowed down in their frenzy to take away all women's reproductive rights and actually considered just how scary and dangerous their bills would make life for women. I would be more than thrilled if they slowed down just enough to think from the perspective of a woman who did need birth control or an abortion. Just for a moment. So yeah, my vagina is telling all of them to slow down.

Then I'd like them to slow down and think about just what went down in Michigan recently. A female representative gets censured for saying the word "vagina" in Congress? Really? That's what that part is called! It's a medically accurate, clinical term. And that's considered "inappropriate" or a "lack of decorum"? Really? What would they have rather had Representative Brown say? Vajayjay? (I hate that term. It sounds like a bird at best.) Hoohoo? (Sounds like something a three-year-old might say.) Pussy? (That's a slang term.) What would they rather hear her say? I don't hear anyone complaining about people who call breast cancer by its proper name, or describing what erectile dysfunction. But apparently a vagina is too shameful to discuss in public. When over half the population has one, no less!

Really, that's just ridiculous. Who do these men think they are, that they can put all these restrictions on women's healthcare and expect us not to fight back about it? Do they really think that we're OK with having our privacy invaded and our rights taken away? Do they think we appreciate being shamed and insulted if we aren't confined by pregnancy we can't even control?

Well, let me tell you something. My vagina is a part of me, and like me, it's pissed off about all the shame and restrictions. My vagina, along with the rest of me, has been to a Planned Parenthood clinic, and it thinks Planned Parenthood is all right. (Unlike those anti-choice congress members.) And my vagina is not the type to go gently into that dark night. I'm taking my vagina to the ballot box in November and helping to vote out anyone who wants to limit its (and my) freedom. While I don't live in MI and couldn't help out at the giant performance of The Vagina Monologues at the capital, that doesn't mean I can't take action in my own way! And that's a promise we can keep.

Now, this is for all you men who think it's too shameful to discuss: My vagina says SLOW DOWN and start thinking about what your laws really mean for women.

Everyone wants to go back to that time

I love the comic strip "Non Sequitur." Wiley Miller is quite insightful, while he makes his audience laugh at the same time. For those of you who aren't familiar with the strip, there are numerous sets of characters whose lives and views offer commentary on social issues.

One of my favorite strips includes a character named Offshore Flo, an opinionated diner owner who lives in Maine. Flo is serving a man in a suit at her diner, and the suited man tells her that vintage diners like hers are all the rage nowadays and that she should capitalize on the opportunity to offer her guests the nostalgia of a mid-twentieth century small-town diner. To make his point, he exclaims, "Everyone wants to go back to that time!" Flo gives him a walleyed look and repeats, "Everyone?" He repeats that everyone wants to go back to the mid-twentieth century, and Flo answers, "Well, let's start with the vintage sign to hang in the window," showing him a sign that makes him jump ten feet in the air. The sign is revealed to say WHITES ONLY, and the suited man says, "Well, maybe not everyone."

I think that's a good look at the nature of nostalgia. While it's one thing to point out the good that may have happened at a particular time, it's quite another to idolize that time and wish it were back. In particular, I've seen more and more folks commenting that the mid-twentieth century was "a simpler time" or worse, act as though it would be better to go back to it.

I'm always curious, though. For whom would it be better?

Certainly, they don't mean for people of color, as during that time, segregation was legal and widespread. If they have any friends of color, they might be in for a shock that they couldn't hang out together anymore.

Certainly, they don't mean for LGBTQ people, as coming out could have dangerous and violent results from individuals who didn't accept same-sex relationships.

Certainly, they don't mean for women, as many women who had worked during World War II were now forced back into domesticity as the men returned. Worse, domestic violence and marital rape were not yet considered crimes, and countless incidents of abuse occurred behind closed doors. There were no women's shelters or rape crisis centers. For the woman facing an unplanned pregnancy, there was secrecy and lots of money separating her from the infamous back alley.

Certainly, they didn't mean for the war vets returning home with new physical and psychological struggles that the medical community did not have the tools to treat. Or the family of those vets, who were now left with no way of understanding it.

Who were these times better for?

An open letter for the talented Ms. Ray

Dear Amy*,

Well, you will now always and forever be my favorite of the Indigo Girls (with all due respect to your bandmate). That "Lung of Love" contest with the notes hidden in the CD's was so cool!

And how fitting that I got the prize code in the same town where I saw you perform, too. Now all you need to do is come and play a show in the north burbs and I will be a very happy lady. Maybe that nice couple I was hanging out with at your '09 show and those local bands might be in attendance.

Thank you for being awesome! And please come to the north burbs. If you do, you can sign my "Didn't It Feel Kinder" shirt so both are autographed!

Feeling "Closer to Fine" now that the prize has arrived,
Revel

* I love contests and prizes, especially when a prize is for me! And how cool to win one of the prizes in this contest: http://www.thegavoice.com/aae/music/4266-amy-ray-shares-her-lung-of-love

Tracy, please stick to "Mad Men"

I'm doing some baking with my brand-new oven. Did you know brand-new gas ovens smell bad when you first use them? According to the technicians at Premier Appliances, this is normal and will go away after the next few uses, but for now, there is this stinky smell in the air. Hopefully the baked potato skins I'm making for a potato skin salad will help make my kitchen smell a little better.

But you know, the stinkiness of the smell my oven is making cannot possibly compare to the stinkiness of an article I just read today. Apparently, Tracy McMillan, a writer for Mad Men and somewhat infamously the author of "Why You're Not Married" (which is now--WTF--a book), has a follow-up article, "Why You're Still Not Married."

Now I could answer that in one sentence: "Because I don't want to be." Easy. I got what I want! Ms. McMillan, on the other hand, has a much longer answer. (Her first reasons were quite the doozy: 1) You're a Bitch, 2) You're Shallow 3) You're a Slut, 4) You're a Liar, 5) You're Selfish, and 6) You're Not Good Enough.) However, she's got some new ones! Apparently...THIS is the reason for my husband-free state!
#7You're a mess. Well, okay, I know I've been in therapy. I make no apologies for that. Lots of people have. Apparently, to be "a mess," one needs to have a secret that they don't wish to share, one that's holding them back. Well, that hasn't yet stopped folks from being interested in me, and I am doubtful that it's going to. And your point?
#8 You're crazy. So McMillan sees "crazy" as anyone who likes intensity? Again, what's wrong with intensity? And if somebody's more intense, wouldn't they seek out someone equally intense or who could tolerate the intense and leave the vanilla folks to find someone else? Again, her point is?
#9 You're a dude. Well, that is really going to shock my parents when I tell them they have a son instead of a daughter. Not sure if I can describe myself as a femme anymore, but hey, if I am a dude, can I have the $0.22 added back to my paycheck?
#10 You're godless. Now, how are the people at devotions going to act when they find that out??? And if that is such a turnoff, why are there still atheists and agnostics who do get married?

Oh, but I digress. Tracy's real point is this: in order to find somebody who wants to marry you, you need to act like you don't have any personality or dreams or boundaries or anything that makes you, well, you. And you have to be straight (again, LGBTQ folks don't seem to exist in her world). If that's what it takes to get married, well, I think being single suits me quite nicely, thank you very much.

Really, I think Tracy should just stick to her day job of writing "Mad Men" scripts. At least that show is fictional. But I will say, I do agree with one sentence of hers, though not in the sarcastic way she meant it: "People are always just trying to make women feel bad, that's all. Misogynists." Yeah. They are. It's called sexist behavior and misogyny. And Tracy has shown that she is happily doing that as well.

Wow, after reading over her screed, my oven stinks a whole lot less by comparison! That's saying a lot!

Think twice, that's my only advice...

Ladies, let me have a show of hands, please. Put your hands in the air if you've ever heard this phrase or said it:

"You've lost weight! You look great!"
"Oh, you don't need to worry about gaining weight. You've got a metabolism."

I suspect a lot of hands will go up. And why not? Our culture really places a high value on thinness and physical beauty. So, clearly, anything that looks like one is trying to fit in with what our culture values is going to be lauded.

But do we ever think about why someone might look like s/he's lost weight or happens to have a high metabolism? Sure, there are many people who have been trying to lose weight and have reached their goals. But...sometimes that's not what the person was trying to do, and sometimes the reasons are not particularly benign. For someone who lost weight due to sickness or stress, their appearance might not be something they are all that proud of. Some abuse survivors develop eating disorders (either gaining or losing weight) because they feel as though they won't be targeted if they aren't considered "attractive" to a perpetrator (yes, I had to bring that up). Hell, an individual might be struggling with an eating disorder, and it might not be something to compliment them on.

Additionally, I don't particularly like chalking a person's appearance up to speculations on his or her metabolism. Some people do indeed have high metabolisms and have to fight to keep the weight on. Some people may look lighter, but they might be more muscular (and muscle weighs more than fat, remember). There are some who might look that way due to substance abuse issues (not something to be proud of!). And for others, metabolism has nothing to do with their appearance. I had two [perfectly normal-sized] friends tell me the metabolism comment when we were out to lunch one day, and since we are friends, I said firmly, "This isn't metabolism." Honestly, I don't have a fast metabolism. The primary reason I look the way I do is because I walk at least 3 miles a day (love my downtown!) and dance a couple days each week (love the concert venues!). I actually don't even know my current weight, since my primary focus is on my energy/endurance. (Since I can walk from my downtown to the downtown in the next community over--a 6+ mile round trip--without once getting winded(!) and am almost always one of the last girls off the floor when I go dancing, I am not complaining about some number on a scale!) Weight's kind of a meaningless number since it's not a measurement of what you can do or what your health is.

Maybe the focus shouldn't be on losing weight but rather on being healthy and strong. Oh if only...

Pay it forward

As a social services professional and as a civic-minded individual, I'm a big fan of the "Pay It Forward" philosophy. Repaying a good deed by doing it for someone else is a great way to live, and I feel as though that can help make a permanent, lasting difference in the world.

Lately, I've been trying to incorporate that in a very personal aspect of my life. I lost my grandmother in the fall, and I'm still definitely going through the grieving process. Though we didn't always agree on everything, we were really close, and I'd wanted her to be at my master's graduation (she was at both my bachelor's graduations). We did, though, have quite a lot in common: both big readers, adventurous, and artistic. It's been very difficult adjusting to the fact that she is no longer with us.

I lately decided to find some way to honor her memory by doing something similar to what she did, only for people I don't know. One thing I remember very clearly about Grandma Lori was that she was really artistic and creative. Whenever my sister and cousin and I would go to her house, she'd have her art supplies at the ready and we would make creative projects to take home. She made Halloween costumes for my sister and me when we were really little, and we'd wear them till we grew out of them. I definitely think that's where I got my arty interests! (My mom's art is culinary prowess, and my dad likes to paint. I'm primarily a jeweler, but my interests and skills run the gamut from sewing to drawing and everything in between.) Another thing that sticks out very clearly for me is Grandma's generous nature. Whenever she'd stop by to visit or when we'd come to visit, she'd always have something to share with or give to us, even if it wasn't a holiday. Any day was a good day to be generous.

So I'd like to honor those memories by doing something in that vein. Like I've mentioned, I am a jeweler ("Revel with a Cause" is the name of my accessories and gifts line) and I do like to create to de-stress. This year, I think I'll remember Grandma Lori's creative spirit by making more of my beautiful and unique pieces and setting aside some sets each month. At the end of the year, I will gather all the sets of jewelry I put aside (I'm aiming for 15-20 at least!), put them in boxes or little bags, and donate them to a women's homeless or domestic violence shelter. Many shelters now offer "economic empowerment" programs that give the women job training to rebuild their lives, and perhaps they can wear my pieces to their job interviews (or use them as holiday gifts). That will honor my grandma's generous and artistic spirit and bring some of that spirit to a bunch of unsuspecting clients!

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some crafts to do.... ;)

An open letter for our congress critters

Dear US Senators and Representatives,

Well, now it looks like HR 4970 may be advancing to be voted on next week. This is the House version of VAWA that strips away the provisions for LGBTQ, Native, and immigrant survivors. Let me ask you just one request:

For the real VAWA, please stand up! I do not want this to be the version that passes for the sake of being "bipartisan." Don't gamble with people's safety and well being.

Please don't divide the issue. We're talking about women's lives here, and we have to care about all the women's lives.

Thanks,

Revel

I'm talking about lives here

As a crisis worker and a feminist and as a human being in general, I am really getting riled up over this whole "debate" over reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). Well, actually, I am really quite happy for the bipartisan support it's received in the Senate. The Senate version is designed to help victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, and this one even includes provisions for helping LGBTQ survivors, Native women, and undocumented women. How's that for helping some vulnerable groups? I have worked with women who are undocumented, and many of them really fear that they will be deported if they report their abuse. The new VAWA will help them get a visa if their abuser is the primary immigrant. And the LGBTQ provision is also quite needed, as gays and lesbians and trans folks are unfortunately a high-risk group for violent crimes. I am glad that our Senators chose to include them to make this bill super-comprehensive.

In the House, though, is a whole different story and a much uglier one. My dentist is probably going to tell me my bruxism has gotten a million times worse, but how can it not, with all the teeth grinding I've been doing over this issue? The House, which is controlled by Republicans, is really not at all cooperative. They've been trying to block passage of VAWA, and now that they know they're not going to get away with it, they're drafting up a new version of it. One, specifically, that will strip away those provisions to help undocumented women, Native women, and LGBTQ survivors. I mean, what is this?? Preventing violence against women should mean protecting all the women, not just those you deem acceptable! To make matters even scarier, an undocumented survivor would be at risk for having her abuser know that she's applied for a temporary visa. Now how does that help her? That's only going to exacerbate the abuse! And the LGBTQ community is still targeted for hate crimes. Where does that leave a lesbian survivor or a transgender individual needing assistance?

I am really praying this House version of VAWA does not become the one that's up for a vote, as I really don't think it's right that certain individuals' rights and safety become a political football. This reminds me a lot of the passage of the Affordable Care Act. Though I was really happy that so many Americans would get healthcare, I was enraged that it had to codify the oh so odious Hyde Amendment to do so. It felt like a Pyrrhic victory almost, at least for women. Why should our rights to reproductive healthcare be considered acceptable to trade away? Why is it that we have to "wait our turn"? Now, with the House refusing to re-authorize VAWA with its new provisions, it really worries me that re-authorization may come on the backs of groups that are already vulnerable. Haven't survivors from these groups suffered enough? It's bad enough to be discriminated against, as well as being a survivor of abuse. But to be at further risk or with inadequate services available? I can't imagine what that feels like. I can't speak for those groups. I can only speak for me, but I am really hoping this is not the trade-off we must strike.

I'm tired of trading away people's rights in the name of bipartisanship. Like my comment on the Affordable Care Act, these are people's whole lives we are talking about. We can't play games with people's lives. Yes, it's easy to say no federal funds will pay for abortion services...when you're not the low-income woman facing an unwanted or dangerous pregnancy. I'm sure it's also easy to be okay with stripping protections for these survivors as well...when you're not the rape or domestic violence victim with nowhere to go and facing huge discrimination. I really hope (and will be sending my letters and emails!) that the Senate does the right thing and sticks to their own version of the bill. We can't divide the issue and give protections only to those we like. If we truly believe in our country as "the land of the free and home of the brave," we need to understand that freedom has to mean freedom for everyone.

April Every Day

Sexual Assault Awareness Month has come to a close, and during April, I always try to do a little something extra to work to prevent violence against women and children. At my center, the staff was thrilled to be out in the community to educate and advocate for our cause and our clients. We have a big presence all year round, however, during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, our presence is clearly enhanced all over the area. This April, we raised awareness and highlighted sexual assault not as a women’s rights matter, but as a social justice and human rights issue that is relevant to every gender, race, religion and sexual orientation. Advocates and educators presented trainings at a multitude of schools and social agencies. Press releases filled the local newspapers, demanding that we bring the issue of sexual abuse into the open in order to break the silence and shame surrounding it. Being able to bring our knowledge and our gifts to the community was a real privilege, and I know that as advocates, we are always working to reach out to positively impact the culture to create a society free from sexual violence.

I, too, took part in the Sexual Assault Awareness Month events. As I am currently pursuing a graduate degree in women’s studies, I was honored to be included on a panel of five non-profit professionals and master’s candidates. Entitled “If Not Now, When? Showing Up as Allies for Social Justice,” the panel featured the author and violence prevention activist Paul Kivel as the keynote speaker. The five panelists represented a diverse variety of social agencies (sexual assault treatment, domestic violence prevention, child and family services, and public housing) and discussed the role that non-profits must play in community struggles to end violence and promote equality. Inspired by Paul’s article, “Social Service or Social Change?” the panelists discussed the responsibility of non-profits in working directly with those who have been affected by social problems and working to empower the community to prevent those problems from happening. Representing my agency was a perfect choice, as we work individually with survivors of sexual assault and abuse to help them to heal from the effects of rape. However, we also promote community-wide change to prevent rape from ever happening, through our prevention education efforts and Up2Us program. I was so excited to bring our work and mission to a new audience of over 100 members of the Chicago community and to explore the ways that non-profits can become more effective in their efforts to advocate for and promote a more just and empowered community.

I was particularly struck by Paul’s message and work. Paul’s activism against violence is tied to dismantling all other forms of inequality in society, such as sexism , religious intolerance, and racism. When one group of people are deemed as less than another, he reasons, it become easier to excuse or condone violent and oppressing acts against them. It becomes harder to be the one to stand up and say that this is not right. Paul pointed out at the panel, “Violence happens when people are separated, excluded, ignored, or set apart. Making peace requires all hands.”

This then got me thinking back to our work during Sexual Assault Awareness Month. To be honest, I’ve always had a complicated feeling about “awareness months.” On the one hand, I am certainly in favor of any kind of awareness and activism; however, I can’t help but think that this increased awareness should be all year round. This increased awareness must lead to increased empathy and solidarity, with and on behalf of the clients and community we serve. Additionally, increasing our awareness must in turn create an environment where no one is separated, excluded, or ignored in their time of crisis. Can you imagine what a year of anti-rape activism would be like? What would it take? It would require us to realize that violence is not acceptable. It would require us to empathize with one another instead of tolerating any kind of abuse inflicted on someone. It would require all of us to stand up and demand an end to violence. It would require us to interrupt and stop any form of victim blaming. In short, it would be a broad, sweeping, community-wide change, and it would certainly “require all hands.”

Promoting activism against sexual abuse, every day, might just be the beginning for turning this advocate's vision of creating a culture free from sexual violence into a reality. It’s worth a shot. And I think I'm up for the challenge.

oh man, am I stereotypical at times...

One woman (that would be me)
A flash drive of interviews from the feminist anti-violence movement in the state
One pot of coffee
"Closer to Fine" playing in the background
One night reading the interviews and being inspired.

HEAVENLY

This is what I do when I don't go out, and it's good to have balance in my life.

"I wish I had your life!"

Is it just me, or did the double standards start coming out in full force ever since I (a) became single and (b) started living alone?  Or is it that they started applying to me?  I really don't get it, but any insight would be thoroughly appreciated.  What's really odd is that these are coming out of individuals who I thought knew me better or knew better than to say those things.

So it's not much of a secret that I am both single and live alone (though I am not careless enough to put where I am on this blog!).  I am happy with both, as I am usually pretty comfortable with myself in most circumstances.  This isn't a statement that I will never have a partner ever, or never live with anybody ever, but rather that I'm happy right now.  Nor am I judging those who live differently.  Why would I?  That's so not me.  However, I've noticed that some otherwise well-meaning individuals have really let out some rather unusual comments, usually in the guise of being "concerned" or "curious."  However, I'd say it sounds more condescending than either of those.  I've had family ask me (when there are, like, a million other things they could ask me about) if I've found someone to date yet.  To be honest, I'm not looking.  Right now, the single life is pretty nice.  It just makes me a bit annoyed because there are so many other things they could ask me about--my MA program (one more year!), my job (allocation panel Thursday!), what I'm reading (Cherie Moraga's plays), my artistic projects (currently making handmade jewelry for the women at the homeless shelter), etc...   (Those topics are far more interesting than asking about something I don't have!)   Or, oddly enough, I get the constant comment, "Wouldn't it be nice if you had a roommate?  It must be so lonely to live alone....Did you know it's dangerous for a young woman to be alone?"  Ummm....anywhere you go, there could be danger.  And actually, I've never felt uncomfortable or lonely or unsafe on my own, and I did not want a roommate.  My ideal roomie doesn't exist, as I do not want one.  I live alone and travel alone, but I do have friends I get together with.  And for the safety issue, I've never felt unsafe in my complex, as (a) the people there tend to keep to themselves and (b) it helps that I'm bigger and most likely stronger than most of them.

Those who forget the past...

Are doomed to repeat it.

Today, in my gender and labor class (please refrain from making any childbirth jokes, thanks), I gave a presentation about women in trade unions and their work to organize for better working conditions. It's very interesting seeing how our society has really progressed in a century. I was talking about how the female unionists faced hostility in the workforce (which was dominated by men) and harassment in the unions (which were controlled by men), giving them a huge battle to fight. My professor then asked me, "What are some events that you think may have helped or hindered their cause?"

My immediate answer to that was, of course, the horrific Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire. About half the class looked confused, and one undergrad tentatively asked, "What was the Triangle Fire?"

Now, I'd known about this event since I was in grade school, and being the history buff, I explained what it was. For those of you readers who don't know, the Triangle Fire was a fire that engulfed the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory in New York in 1911. Hundreds of young female workers were busy putting together garments, and the doors to the factory were locked from the outside, preventing them from leaving work early. Because the doors were locked, the women could not get out of the building as it burned. As the minutes ticked by as they waited for help, many of the women jumped out the windows of the highrise and the rest of them perished in the fire.

The Triangle Fire is the reason behind a lot of protective labor laws, such as having mandatory fire escapes in businesses, windows in doors, and generally, a way out if disaster struck. As I was telling the story, my classmates stared in shock. "That really happened?" asked one girl. "I have such a scary image in my head of those women jumping out the windows--how awful for them!" added another. The lone guy in the class pulled up a picture of the fiery factory on his smartphone and added, "Says here it was one of New York's deadliest disasters." I was glad that I got to educate the class about this very important topic but felt a little sad that they didn't know about it before.

Then I got to thinking that, maybe, things might not have changed as much as we would have liked since the Triangle Factory burned. We unfortunately still live in a very class-segregated society. Sure, the laws passed since then certainly help to prevent a similar incident from happening, but I am aware that in many sweatshops that serve American companies, the doors are locked and workers may not leave. This so begs the question, whose safety do we value? At one time in our country's history, the young, single, and immigrant women doing the piecework in the factories or cleaning up after their employers were considered expendable and not worth the labor protection. In sweatshops, it's primarily women and children who have no other resources.

Who do we want to be safe? And how much have we really learned from that event?

An open letter for the dude at R&B Night

Dear dude at R&B Night,

All right, I don't remember what you said your name was, and I'm not sure you heard what mine was over the music at R&B Night. You know, you were pretty polite and a decent dancer, which I'm not complaining about. I was more than OK with dancing with you and making small talk with you. You didn't act obnoxiously or entitled or in like any of the annoying guys I've had to fend off in the past. And you didn't drop me when you tried to dip me. That's a big plus! Can't tell you how annoying it is when a guy mis-judges his ability to support you and drops you on your butt!

However, dude at R&B night, here's where my compliments stop. You happened to step on my foot and wound up breaking my nail! That is SO not cool, random dude! I didn't even notice till I returned to my place and spent the rest of the night with a bottle of nail glue and the rest of today after work at J Beauty trying to find the perfect kind of topcoat to fix the broken nail.

Next time I see you, random dude, you better not make that mistake again. You can dance horrendously or sing off-key along with the band. But you cross the line when you mess up my pedicure! Forget the drink, you're buying me a new pedicure if I ever see you again.

And I mean it.

Still fuming among the nail glue fumes,

Revel

No Man's Woman

So, in honor of St. Patrick's Day, this southern-European descended lady with no Irish in her is listening only to performers from The Emerald Isle. So here's what I have on repeat.

No Man's Woman

I don't wanna be no man's woman
It don't make me happy, this mantrolling
Thing that you got for me, so I become
No man's woman

I don't wanna be no man's woman
I've other work I want to get done
I have not traveled this far to become
No man's woman
No man's woman

Cause I'm TIRED of it
And I'm SO sick of it
That I'll never trust again.
Cause a man can take you,
Take your soul and make you
Miserable in so much pain.

My friends think I'm alone, but I've got secrets.
I don't tell everyone 'bout the love I get.
I've got a lovin' man, but He's a spirit...

He never does me harm, never treats me bad.
He never takes away all the love he has
And I'm forgiven, oh a million times

I've never tired of it
And I'm not so sick of it
Cause it doesn't cause me pain
Like a man can fake you,
Take your soul and make you
Never be yourself again.

I NEVER wanna be no man's woman.
I only wanna be MY OWN woman
I haven't traveled this far to become
No man's woman
No man's woman
No man's woman

By Sinead O'Connor. Put aside any preconceptions you might have of her off-stage antics; the woman is super-talented.

An open letter for Gary Trudeau

Dear Gary,

You. Are. Awesome.

And by that, I mean completely awesome.

I think it's way too bad that people are censoring your Doonesbury series about the new restrictions on reproductive freedom. As a woman living day in and day out in this culture, I find it to be totally ridiculous that I and my sisters are expected to just sit back and put up with all these scary restrictions on our own healthcare that will affect our lives...but a cartoon disagreeing with this (and drawn by a man, no less!) has to be censored so as not to hurt the feelings of the males who came up with these scary restrictions. Where is the logic in this? People like me have to sit back and have a transvaginal sonogram if we are seeking an abortion or be called sluts if we are sexually active, but the men (who will not be pregnant) who created these laws are offended by a comic strip about this? I have had enough of this!

But you know what, Gary? As my way of saying thanks for your art, I'm going to be a friend for you. I'm going to do my little part in making sure more people see what you intended, rather than the censored strips. So Revel readers, make sure you take a look: http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/03/13/new-media-rule-107-censorship-has-opposite-desired-effect. Today for me, tomorrow for you, as Angel from Rent would say.

So thanks, Gary. This revel is grateful. And I hope you don't have any more inspiration for similar strips, as all the restrictions on reproductive freedoms are really scaring me.

Your friend,

Revel

Traveling with Revel

Hello readers! I was doing a little bit of thinking today about some of my favorite things to do--doing anti-oppression work and learning all about other cultures. That got me thinking about some of my favorite places to visit, ethnic enclaves in major metropolitan areas. I realized, then, that as a white anti-racist ally, I always try to be respectful and not obnoxious when I visit these places. Don't you hate seeing the person who is gawking at everything and acting like the community is a museum and not a place where real, living people actually live and work? I can't stand it either!

So I figured that I could create a how-to guide for visiting these wonderful places in a respectful and informed manner. Is this guide complete? Absolutely not, as I'm sure that others will have something to offer based on their own living experiences. Besides, at the end of the day, I do not live in such a community and would love to hear about the experiences of those who do. But for now, this is an ally's guide to visiting an ethnic enclave. The examples I'm using are in Chicago, but the guide can be transferred to other areas.

1. Do your homework. This is a big one. It would behoove you to learn about the population of the neighborhood you're visiting, what their history is and how they made their mark on their area. This will inform you as to why it looks the way it does and how its population has changed over time. For example, Pilsen on the west side of Chicago has a huge Latino/a population now. However, it was originally a haven for Eastern Europeans when it was first settled. Take a little time and learn before you go.

2. Don't stare. Or make judgmental comments. Show some respect. You are not visiting a theme park. People live and work in these areas, and they are just trying to live their lives just like you are. They don't need to hear the clueless visitor asking why everything is "so weird" in earshot of them or staring at them in a way that makes them uncomfortable. They are not there to cater to you. How would you feel if someone came into your area and started criticizing everything?

3. Get your learnin' on! Take advantage of the museums or libraries there. You never know what you might learn about the community. Ask the docents questions: that's what they're there for, and they'll probably be happy to talk. (The Chinese-American Museum of Chicago in Armour Square has some super-cool docents, and they're always around.)

4. Think before you speak. Consider how what you're saying might come across. Being along Argyle Street in Chicago and calling it "New Chinatown" is not only offensive, but it's totally incorrect. (Argyle has a large Vietnamese-American population.) And another thing, if the area is not home to a population who spoke English in their home country, do not talk slowly and loudly to those you meet these. I am sure that most of them understand what you are saying and do not need to be talked down to. The folks at the Puerto Rican Day parade understand what you're saying. No need to treat them like they don't.

5. Ask questions. If you don't know what a sign says, just ask. Chances are, someone will tell you and not be snotty about it. I may be 3/8 Greek, but I speak English and Spanish. I do not speak Greek and cannot read the words. So I'm always grateful for the nice folks in Greektown who can tell me what the signs and displays at stores say. Ask nicely and you shall hear. And feel free to ask what's in a dish at a restaurant if you don't know. The servers will be happy to tell you.

6. Watch your language. Make sure your language reflects how that community identifies. Saying the word "Oriental" in a predominantly Asian area is not going to endear you to the locals. I mean it. That term is so outdated. Or if you are in a primarily Latino area, do not start talking about "illegal aliens." You will sound so rude and racist, and no one needs that.

7. I'm going to shout out to Donna Haraway here. Situate your knowledge. Going back to #1, learn the context of what you're seeing and apply that to your actions in the ethnic enclave. I get that you might not have seen anything like the ornate architecture along Chinatown's Wentworth Avenue anywhere else in Chicago. However, you might want to recall the context of it and remember that those dragons and tilework were a huge assertion by the Chinese American community's right to belong when they first settled the area. Internalize that understanding.

8. Be adventurous. Feel free to pick up something fun in one of the shops. (I am seriously craving a trip to Devon Avenue soon.) Try to avoid chains, though, and make your shopping local. Your purchase will go to those who live and work in that community, not some soulless corporation.

This is only a partial list, coming from an ally. However, this should help make your cultural travels more respectful and will help you get the most out of your experience. And now it has made me want to visit all of those places I mentioned! Who's coming with me?

Here's to you, Maryland!

Maryland is now the 8th state for marriage equality!

Yeah Maryland! Way to go!!!!

Now let's get our equality on in the other 42 states....

Table for one

So I've been in my above-the-shop location for a while now (though that does not mean I'm all unpacked, that is a work in progress!). I'm not complaining about my setup, as it's quite nice to be in the heart of the downtown and able to walk anywhere I need to go. I like that the downtown has a good variety of events to attend and some great civic spirit.

But this is going to be an entry on another aspect of my life. I live on my own. That's always been my goal, and I'm glad I achieved that goal. Although I'm an outgoing person, I like my me-time and sometimes need a space of my own where there isn't anyone else. What I've noticed, though, is something kind of interesting when I start to cook my dinner or prepare my breakfast. The sizes and prices of food are really not at all conducive to cooking solo. Whenever I go grocery shopping at a supermarket (I'm not counting the ethnic groceries I love), it seems like many of the bigger items cost a lot less than the smaller ones. I don't get it. Shouldn't you be paying less if you're getting less? But no, I see gallons of milk that cost less than half-gallons and enormous boxes of cereal and cuts of meat. I mean, what's a single girl to do? I've sometimes bought the big sizes of food that isn't perishable, like pastas and jars of veggies for the sauce. Then they will last longer because it's just me eating them. If I've got my class, I'll make a bigger batch so I have leftovers. But that doesn't always work with dairy products, produce, eggs, and other things that are better off fresh. What do I do then? If I buy the gallon of milk, I save money, but there's no way that I'm going to drink it all in the 2 weeks or so that it lasts. And I feel awful about wasting food. If I buy the half gallon, I will drink it all, but I have to pay more for it. So what gives?

It's really strange that this is the case. More and more Americans are living solo, so I'm certainly not an anomaly. And this is not a call for a roommate; like I said, I like my current setup as it is. I just don't get why the food companies don't get it.

Or maybe this is just a sign that I need to throw a great big dinner party so I can use the big sizes AND save money! ;)

Life above the shop

So it's not much of a secret that I live above a shop along the main thoroughfare of my town. I have always been a big, big fan of mixed use development and see it as a great and sustainable form of architecture. My building's seriously old--it was built in the 1930s, and a somewhat nondescript entryway leads up into some pretty vintage apartments. The apartment was love at first sight, and I really like living there. My sister once said, "Some girls live to shop, but you live over the shop!" and she's right. I don't mind that it doesn't have a dishwasher or that I have to use a window unit for my air conditioning. Living in the downtown historical district more than makes up for any disadvantages my complex has.

Along the lines of my life in the historic district, I really got to wondering about what things were like before. My town's got a long history, and this building's quite old. They've worked hard to keep the downtown viable but with the older features of the buildings preserved (unlike my once and always hometown, which really fell into decline). My own unit's kind of unusual, as it had originally been 2 studios (and before that, just rooms for rent) that were joined together. Most of the units here were originally rooms for rent. So....it makes me wonder at times when I'm overlooking the main street or in my room hearing the cars go by (I've come to like that sound). What kind of people were here before? Did they work in the shops below me, and which shops were those? (I doubt my downstairs neighbors have been here 100+ years.) Did they have spouses? And what brought them here? Since I have the equivalent of 2 studios, what were each of their residents like? I'm really curious. I love local history, so I'll be checking out some of the town's archives when I get the chance, but I'm wondering what they might say about my building.

There's just this really cool sense that something and someone has been here before. I like that.

Fired up!

Fired up ain't gonna take it no more
Tied up ain't gonna take it no more
You say cool down, we say step down
You're breaking my mother's heart

Fired up ain't gonna take it no more
Tied up ain't gonna take it no more
You say cool down, we say step down
You're breaking my mother's heart

Children need schools more than they need jails
That's where our society fails
First seven years creates the child's foundation
Mandatory for a healthy nation

How could we forget that the children come first
We left them alone and they died of thirst
Mothers and fathers confused and forlorn
When the children are missing there's something wrong

Can't just focus on kids with wealth
Can't pick and choose who gets the health care
Take an honest look at the great divide
Looks dangerously similar to genocide

Fired up ain't gonna take it no more
Tied up ain't gonna take it no more
You say cool down, we say step down
You're breaking my mother's heart

Shame shame!

Ain't gonna take it no more
Tied up ain't gonna take it no more
You say cool down, we say step down
You break another mother's heart

Performed by Holly Near. I love how she sang at the very first Take Back the Night on the back of a big truck.

What does it take?

I have time on my hands. Well, I would've spent the time doing other things, but considering that I am currently waiting to hear back about a repair I need, I figure I will fill that time. So I figure I will discuss something that's been eating at me for quite a while.

As a crisis worker, I hear a LOT of difficult and traumatic stories. I'm trained to do this, and frankly, I've come to see it as a privilege that people I haven't met are trusting me with their stories. That is not easy for them to do. Additionally, as a crisis worker, I try to work for social service and social change. While it's important to treat a problem, it's also important to consider why that problem even exists and what can be done about it.

Recently, I learned that a student at a local high school in a very affluent community was very brutally attacked and left for dead a couple of months ago. The story broke all over the papers, and I really felt awful for the young woman and what she's been through. I've spoken to many people from this community, and they've had a lot of questions for me about how they can talk to their kids and families about what happened. I'm glad there's some sort of a dialogue about this--frankly, I think our silence on these issues allows them to foster and go unreported. It just makes me angry that a very highly publicized and very horrific case is what spurred this community into awareness and action. I cannot and will not discuss specific client cases due to confidentiality, but I do know that this one case is one drop in a pretty enormous bucket of survivors in this particular town. Just because the town is so wealthy and well-off does not make it crime-free.

But that got me thinking...what does it take to move people to action? The realization that yes, this could happen to them, in their community? The realization that no matter how much you do to "reduce your risk," the only thing that will reduce your risk of rape is to never be around a rapist in the first place?? (Yes, I'm playing Alex the Advocate here. Can't turn that off!) Why is it that a particularly horrific and publicized event gets people talking and mobilized, yet the cases that happen daily warrant no attention?

I don't know the answers to these questions. Not now, with too much caffeine in my system and too little sleep. I guess I will close with a quote from the divine Cherie Moraga. Read it and think about it in the context of this entry. This is from her poem, "What Does It Take?" from her amazing book Loving in the War Years:
If they took you,
I would take to the streets
scream, BLOODY MURDER.

What does it take to move me?
your death
that I have ignored
in the deaths of other women?

Isn't the possibility
of your dying
enough?

I love that poem, but I think it's applicable for here. Why does this one story get everyone fired up, but not the thousands of others? And like Ms. Moraga mentioned, isn't the possibility that it could happen bad enough? I guess now that they are fired up, I hope this momentum lasts.

Quoth the revel

All righty, friends and admirers and probably some detractors of the Revel. Listen up here! I've gotten soooo many requests to see my new place (even before my move!), so I figured I had to write this and get it off my chest. After I move, I would be more than happy to have you all over (except the detractors, they can stay home and detract).
However, if you're planning to visit the Haus of Revel, you gotta play by the Haus Rules.

And here are some of the Haus Rules (I'm paying homage to my German heritage here with the spelling):

1. I've had people from all stripes ask me what I am paying in rent, and if I had a dime for every time I was asked, I would have...$1.50 or so. So I will make this super-easy to those of you who might be wondering what my rent is and just put it out there. My rent is....AFFORDABLE FOR ME. That is the truth, and that is all you're going to get from me.
   
2. I respect different points of view and enjoy a hearty debate. That said, if I hear any neo-con nonsense coming out of any of my guests, I am sending the offending guest down to the sidewalks. Via air mail, special delivery. Nothing in my lease (or conscience) that prohibits defenestration! I survived Bush for 8 years, I have faith that you can survive Obama for 8 years as well.
   
3. It's called a galley for a reason. If I am providing you with a meal, you may be my guest during the meal. Then after the meal, you are officially part of my pirate crew and will join me in my galley kitchen to help me clean up and do the dishes!
4. Your pets (excluding service animals). My place. Never the twain shall meet.
5. You can never have too much coffee. Expect me to have it at the ready. At any hour of the day.
   
6. Texting while driving is really dangerous. (I have a friend who died after being hit by a texting driver.) Texting while I am trying to talk to you is really stupid and rude and will earn you a suspension of invites to future Haus of Revel events.
7. If I am hosting a holiday, we are not going to spend it with a silly game on the TV or sandwiching the holiday between two silly games. AT ALL. That even includes my beloved Fighting Illini, Lady Blue Demons, and White Sox. It's a holiday so consider this day a holiday from watching the silly sports game. You're welcome.
   
8. Look, I understand about public transportation getting in late and getting stuck in traffic. Totally understandable. However, you know what I feel about being late. There is no such thing as "Fashionably Late." Unless the situation is out of your control, you're either On Time or you're Rude. Please do not be rude.
   
9. Like I said, I enjoy asking and answering questions. However, I also reserve the right to deny you future Haus of Revel invites if you ask if my parents are helping me foot the bill or find the place. Short answer: My haus search was 100% done by me and paid for by me. If I had accepted help or financial assistance, I would not have spent almost a year trying to find the place!
10. I know you love where you live. I'm happy you love your apartment or house or other dwelling place, really. That does not mean you get to make comparisons about what your place has that mine does not. If you feel the need to comment on the superiority of your place/area, then kindly do us all a favor and go back there.
11. Yes, Virginia, people still do live in apartments that are over shops. I am living in one (and so are the other tenants in my complex), therefore, people must still do this. Can't tell you how many people have said, "I didn't even know people still did that!"
    
12. AND FINALLY the haus rules are subject to expansion at any given time!
    

That is all. Revel has spoken. Pay attention, and you may find yourself invited back to see me or to paint the downtown in which I live.

Now back to packing...