"I wish I had your life!"

Is it just me, or did the double standards start coming out in full force ever since I (a) became single and (b) started living alone?  Or is it that they started applying to me?  I really don't get it, but any insight would be thoroughly appreciated.  What's really odd is that these are coming out of individuals who I thought knew me better or knew better than to say those things.

So it's not much of a secret that I am both single and live alone (though I am not careless enough to put where I am on this blog!).  I am happy with both, as I am usually pretty comfortable with myself in most circumstances.  This isn't a statement that I will never have a partner ever, or never live with anybody ever, but rather that I'm happy right now.  Nor am I judging those who live differently.  Why would I?  That's so not me.  However, I've noticed that some otherwise well-meaning individuals have really let out some rather unusual comments, usually in the guise of being "concerned" or "curious."  However, I'd say it sounds more condescending than either of those.  I've had family ask me (when there are, like, a million other things they could ask me about) if I've found someone to date yet.  To be honest, I'm not looking.  Right now, the single life is pretty nice.  It just makes me a bit annoyed because there are so many other things they could ask me about--my MA program (one more year!), my job (allocation panel Thursday!), what I'm reading (Cherie Moraga's plays), my artistic projects (currently making handmade jewelry for the women at the homeless shelter), etc...   (Those topics are far more interesting than asking about something I don't have!)   Or, oddly enough, I get the constant comment, "Wouldn't it be nice if you had a roommate?  It must be so lonely to live alone....Did you know it's dangerous for a young woman to be alone?"  Ummm....anywhere you go, there could be danger.  And actually, I've never felt uncomfortable or lonely or unsafe on my own, and I did not want a roommate.  My ideal roomie doesn't exist, as I do not want one.  I live alone and travel alone, but I do have friends I get together with.  And for the safety issue, I've never felt unsafe in my complex, as (a) the people there tend to keep to themselves and (b) it helps that I'm bigger and most likely stronger than most of them.


These are people who know this about me and yet say this.  It makes me wonder how much they are listening when I assure them that, yes, indeed, things are fine the way they are.  (Hell, the time I spend assuring them that everything's fine could be better spent actually doing things that are fine!) It just annoys me.  Those same family members are the same ones who don't bat an eyelash at my uncles, who have never been married and live solo.  Those same friends who describe how scary and lonely living alone is are the same ones who are complaining to me about their roomies in the next breath!  We single girls cannot get a break.  It's not like I would ever ask them, "So, do you ever feel bad that you're married?" or "Did you know that most domestic violence occurs in one's own home...it's dangerous to live with someone, you know!"  It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?  I would never say that!  So why does my life automatically become fair game?

Which is why a certain comment really got to me this past week.  I was having lunch with a new friend at the Indian restaurant in town.  This new friend is around my age, but she has kids, owns her own home, and is married.  She loves being a mom, and her husband's super-nice as well.  I was answering her questions about graduate school and my experiences down in coalition in Springfield, when she let out this comment--
"I am SO jealous of you!  I wish I had YOUR life!"

That stopped me cold.  I just stared at her because I couldn't believe what she had just said.  She--a married mom, no less--wasn't being judgmental or assuming my existence was substandard or abnormal because of my lifestyle.  She continued on--
"Alex, you're free.  You can jet off on the Amtrak and rally in Springfield whenever you like, or stay up till 4 AM learning about the battered women's movement.  I wish I could have explored my passions like you're doing.  I would do that if I could make the choice all over again."
At which point I informed her that her life was very nice as well and that someday, I too would not mind having a partner and possibly a family.  And that you can explore your passions at any time.  I don't know how much I convinced her...but her comment really stuck with me.  Why can't we just live and let live?  She wasn't trying to talk down to me or convince me that my life would somehow be better if I lived with someone, and I know I wouldn't try to convince her that her choices were wrong (not sure how her family would like that).  But it was just one of the very few positive comments I have heard in this time.  And yes, I do love my freedom, but I know my partnered and roomie-ed friends love their freedom to pick their choices just as much.

So why in the world can't we just get along?