Chivalry's dead, but you're still kind of cute

As anyone reading this blog or knowing me would probably be aware, I'm not a traditional individual at all.  In fact, you could probably easily consider me pretty anti-traditional in many ways.  I don't really feel the need to hold fast to customs or practices just because they've "always" been a certain way.  And if those practices reinforce any kind of inequality, then I am even less apt to wish to follow them.  So any relationship mores that I find sexist are not going to fly in any relationship I have.

Likewise, I don't really like the concept of "chivalry."  I don't want to be treated a certain way just because I'm a woman, but rather because I am a person deserving of dignity and respect.  If a guy feels the need to open a door for me, I will nicely say thank you and go through it.  That's just common courtesy.  However (and yes, this has happened before), if I'm at the door first, I hold it.  I've had a few men actually stand at the door and look at me expectantly, as though I shouldn't have done that.  What's the difference between my holding the door and his?  Well, it seems as though his was because he wanted to do it because I'm a woman, and mine was because I merely wanted to help.  So I would say that I'm more of a fan of courtesy and that I have no interest in any relationship that implies I have to act a certain way or be a certain way just because of my gender.  I have never dreamed about an engagement ring or getting proposed to (really).  Though I don't see marriage in my future, I would probably find it more romantic to simply talk through what we want and don't want, as I am all about communication.  And I would not want to be with someone who failed to see the value in my professional and academic goals and instead wanted me to automatically be the one to stay at home if we were to have/adopt children just because I'm female.  Any point we came to would have to be mutually decided, as I do not like having my life planned out for me by someone who is not me.

If one wants a relationship with me to emulate those gender roles, regardless of what it takes, then by definition the relationship is not respectful of me.  That's equating being female with being less strong, less independent, and less autonomous, and it's treating me as lesser because of it.

For over ten years now, there's been one song that really encapsulates what I want in a relationship.  You might be thinking, how can one person's views remain the same for so long?  Well, I think that once you know what it is, it should be apparent: Aretha's "Respect."  The bridge line, "RESPECT, find out what it means to me" is my favorite part!  It sums up exactly what I feel.  Find out what it means TO ME.  Respect means different things to different people, and it's a many-sizes-fit-all approach.  What one person might like may be awful for another.  And if you're in a relationship with someone, you need to be able to communicate and understand what they want and don't want.

I guess that's a moral we can take from this.  Ditch the chivalry, and pile on the respect!