I am hungry, how are you?

I have a male cousin who just graduated college.  Bryce is a kind, smart, and overall decent person, and I couldn't be happier that he lives closer by now.  He's looking to move into his own place now, and I decided that I'd look for some things he can take with him to the new place.  First up was a decent cookbook.  As a firm believer in gender equality, I believe that men and women have the equal right to be at home on the range (that is, the oven range).  And why not get my cuz on board too?  He likes equality just like me!

Going to look for that cookbook, though, was something of a nightmare, especially for a women's studies graduate!  Who knew that food was gendered?!  All along, I'd thought that eating was something we all did every day, no matter what our gender is.  But no, you would have NO IDEA how hard it was to find a gender-neutral cookbook!!  All the cookbooks geared at women had some pink and ultra-feminine detail, and they mostly dealt with making family sized meals and accommodating specific diets.  Which is helpful, but since I was buying for a single guy, it probably wasn't the target demographic.  Then, the cookbooks geared at men were as stereotypical as it gets!  All meat and grilling and bacon and, oh right, more meat.  And in enormous quantities.  So well, sure, I thought, my cousin likes meat, but I do know that's not the only thing he eats.  Besides, to put it lightly, let's just say Michael ("The Guys' Guide to Feminism") Kimmel would probably have a field day with how hypermasculinized the content of the books were and I figured that Bryce would find it more silly than useful. 

Don't believe me?  Well, take some of the titles:

Okey dokey...

This is the ONE Christmas carol you will get from me before December 1!!!
It is dedicated with love to anyone spending the winter in an old apartment with a noisy, heat-giving friend.  For added pleasure, sing as your radiator bangs!

Carol of the Radiators
(to be sung to the Carol of the bells)

BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on

It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm 
It's getting warm

I got a loud radiator that just bangs all night and all day

Oh please come in from the cold
Oh please come in from the cold

BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on
BANG heat is on

It's getting warm
It's getting warm
It's getting warm 
It's getting warm

My radiator has an attitude, never shuts up when I want it to

Oh please come in from the cold
Oh please come in from the cold

It's banging away
All night and day
Hear what I say
It's banging away

BANG heat is on
BANG heat is oooon....

(C) Revel With a Cause Productions

What fresh hell is this?

To the retail industry:

What fresh hell is this?

Look, I'm not what you would call a traditional woman in the least.  Regarding the holidays, I practice a religion that has no rituals, my family eats pizza on Christmas Eve, and my girls and I make the traditional Thanksgiving foods into breakfast every year.  Regarding my personal life, I give books to friends who are expecting (rather than gender-stereotyped baby gear), I tactfully use the bouquet toss at weddings to take a bathroom break (look ma, no lines!), and I am highly suspicious of any tradition that's got a hefty price tag attached to it.

Hmmmm...price tags.  That reminds me of my point that I'm trying to make.  Look, retail industry, I know it's got to be hard out there for you.  You've got profit margins to meet, sales to make, all in a recession.  I get it.  I do.  And I know that the day after Thanksgiving, or "Black Friday," is one day that you can make it all happen so you want to make sure you get people in your doors and out of there with what you've got.  I've stood in lines at the book store, and I've seen people camped out super-early to get that flat screen TV or iPod they've got their eyes on that Friday morning.  I've seen it, and though the book store is the only place I go that day, I know that it's a big day for you.

However...

What is up with opening the stores ON THANKSGIVING????

I've heard pundits talk about a war on Christmas.  Frankly, I think they have it all wrong.  There is no war on Christmas!  There's a war on Thanksgiving!!  And it has GONE TOO FAR NOW!!!  Why on earth are you having the stores open on Thanksgiving?  Don't your employees deserve time with their families???  Don't your patrons deserve time with their families?  Can we please have one day a year that is not centered on buying stuff?  And before you bring up overtime pay, let me ask you this--would you spend your Thanksgiving away from your family if it meant you'd get overtime pay like your employees?  I'll bet dollars to deep fried turkey most of you wouldn't.  Honestly, family (blood or chosen) is just as important to Thanksgiving as the damned turkey.  Your employees deserve to have both!  And a Thanksgiving without loved ones is, well, like a day without coffee.  It is a painful experience and might as well not even be.

Well, I for one am not buying it.  I'm pretty certain my family is going to be gathered around the table and not wasting time at shopping malls this Thanksgiving.  However, if anyone even so much as mentions that they want to skip out of there and snag some deals, this revel is going to serve them a piece of her mind with the pie.  (If you are really concerned about saving money this holiday season, I suggest you buy the generic brand gravy instead of the name brand at Thanksgiving and rent your animated Christmas specials at the public library instead of shelling out the big bucks for the big Comcast package so you can watch them on demand.  Boom.  Money saved.)  Shopping on Thanksgiving my oversized butt.

Seriously, retailers, you really riled up this revel.  Please don't do this again next year.  If you do this again, I swear I'm going to boycott all of you by making all my gifts and not stepping in your stores.  If you hold off one day, I might just consider not finishing my shopping by November 1 like I normally do. 

Maybe.

No love,

Revel

We interrupt your programming with...

YEAH ILLINOIS!!!!  SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

The FIFTEENTH STATE for MARRIAGE EQUALITY!!!!!!

I am SO PROUD of our state right now...It's a nice day for a gay wedding!  

Yes, marriage equality has finally reached Illinois, and I couldn't be happier.  To celebrate, I'm headed to an activist festival that specializes in women's rights and gay rights this weekend!  I figure that's a fine way to celebrate this incredible news.  And how fitting that the law will take effect in June, which is PRIDE MONTH!  The pride parade and dyke march will be even more meaningful! 
 

I do? I don't!

I read this story today, and it really disgusted me: http://www.shakesville.com/2013/10/the-trifecta-of-no.html  Please read it before you continue with this post.

I was really disgusted to read the article for a number of reasons, but probably the first of them is just how dis-empowering such a gesture really is.  As much as I ought to be happy for Simone here, I couldn't help but feel really awful for her.  Here she was, thinking she had gotten the opportunity of a lifetime to discuss her non-profit and passion for so many people, only to have it become about someone else.  While a marriage proposal is indeed a big thing, I think there is a time and a place for everything, and this wasn't the place.  It really seemed cruel, as her partner set up the interview and turned it around to become about him and his wants as opposed to her passion and wants.

I also can't stand how it reinforced a common trope that's really been grating on me for a while.  Clearly, Simone was excited to talk about "her organization and giving back to the community."  Hell, as a non-profiteer, I would've found that a lot more interesting than a public proposal (and really hope she  gets a legit interview to make up for this total con).  That trope is that no matter how successful a woman is, or how many people she helps, the most important thing about her isn't any of that, but rather her relationship status.  Seems like she already had quite a full and fulfilling life before this public proposal, but rather than focus on her successes and what she's clearly passionate about, it was superseded by this public proposal.  She's clearly helped a lot of people, but yet her boyfriend thought it was more important that they get engaged right there on national TV.  And she didn't even get the chance to talk about all the people she helped or the work her nonprofit does.

This trope is so damaging because it reduces women to one aspect of their lives, as opposed to celebrating all the things that make them who they are.  While marriage can be a wonderful thing, it's certainly not the only wonderful thing in someone's life.  And it's certainly not the only thing worth celebrating or acknowledging.  Like I've mentioned here on this blog many times, I've definitely felt slighted when people's interest seemed to drop as soon as I answered their question, "Are you dating anyone?" or "Are you married?" with "No, I'm not even looking."  At that point, many of them just had no more questions to ask me--not about my career as a passionate advocate and powerhouse fundraiser (ask me about the dinner dance), not about the master's degree I completed with a 3.9 GPA while working full time, not about the books I'm reading (come on!  I was an English major!!), not about my artistic projects (holiday revelry is coming in two months! care to help?), not about my travels (I travel America by train!) nothing.  It hurts.  (Meanwhile, my married or coupled friends get all the interest in the world for the most mundane things in their lives!  If I can pay attention while you talk about when you and your spouse go grocery shopping, you can pay attention to the details of my thesis defense.  I promise you won't be bored!)  Sometimes, I feel as though adding a partner to the mix would make people pay attention to me or take an interest in me like they do my coupled friends.  I've wondered about that, but I wouldn't want to use that partner just to make people pay attention to me.  That trope is really harmful, and I really wish that this story weren't framed in a way that celebrates it rather than shows it for what it is.  Just look at the title of that video.  There's nothing about the opportunity to share about her non-profit (she even practiced the questions with her partner), nor about what she does.  It's just about how "she says yes."

Well, I haven't been in a relationship for two years now, but even though I have no partner, I know exactly what I'd say if I were in that situation.  No "I do" for me--it's a case of "I don't"!  Because that's what anyone who took away my moment from me would get!

The snake in the bamboo

There is an old story about a snake who, while gliding its way through the forest, comes upon a long bamboo stick. The snake had never seen such a thing before and, being curious, stuck its head into the opening. The inside of the bamboo stick was dark and the snake found the shape of the stick quite challenging to work its way through. The snake began to feel anxious, grief-stricken, and eventually a little depressed that it was now stuck inside this foreign, very tight, shadowy object. However, once the snake's body was completely inside of the bamboo stick, it realized that it could not back out. It could only move forward, in the dark, and straighten itself out before it could reach the other side.

Hunted

It's not that I can't handle not being in charge
But rather that I never asked for this.
I feel your eyes on me, though I can't see you
And I strongly sense something is amiss.

After years of chasing what I desire,
I find myself paralyzed in your crossfire.
I don't want to be hunted, but I don't want to hide
I just want to send you running right out of my life.

It's not that I don't desire romance
But rather that I don't want it with you.
You're a part of my life that stays in the past
There's no present and no future too.

You're someone I wish I had never met.
I can't see you, but you've broken my will
No one else remembers, but I can't forget
It's been years and I feel unsafe still

After years of chasing what I desire,
I find myself paralyzed in your crossfire.
I don't want to be hunted, but I don't want to hide
I just want to send you running right out of my life.

Spare me your words, I don't want to hear
You'll find that this game is no longer fun
You messed with the wrong girl cause I'm out of fear
I'm standing up strong and I will make you run.

Get the hell out of here, or I'll chase you away
There really is nothing more that I can say
No one else remembers, but you won't forget
When you've done something you'll live to regret.

After years of chasing what I desire,
I find myself paralyzed in your crossfire.
I don't want to be hunted, but I don't want to hide
I just want to send you running right out of my life.
And you will be running right out of my life!

(C) Revel With a Cause Productions

Ain't gonna be your tattoo

Just what I said wrong is anybody's guess
But the bruise on my face was as blue as my dress
Broken bottles on the table, broken lamp on the floor
Couple thousand miles from my bed to the door
Lipstick on his cheek from my last kiss
Took a ten from his wallet, left the maid a tip

Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo

Slipped out of the room, tryin' not to be seen
Only sound was the old ice machine
 I was feeling so scared, nowhere to go

How did my life end up so low?

They say 30's young, but I'm feelin' old

That's when the night got even colder.

Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo

And I looked so pretty on his arm
Never thought he meant to do me harm

Well, I picked up a ride, right into Reno
He got us a room above the casino
The music was loud, and the drinks were cheap
But I knew that night I wasn't getting no sleep

Then I got the fear all over again
When I saw that drawing all over his skin

Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo

Ain't gonna be your tattoo, ain't gonna be your tattoo
End up faded and blue
Ain't gonna be your tattoo
Performed by Shemekia Copeland

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Anyone else feel this way as a young professional?  I sometimes feel that no matter how hard I work or assertive I am or qualified I am, folks who are older than me will still find a way to diminish all that I've worked for or assume that they know what is best for me (even though they just met me!).

So here is an open letter for most of the 40+ year olds that have been driving me up the wall!  I figured I'd put this out here for all, so if you see a behavior of yours on the list, you know to quit doing it.

• I'm not the new intern or the cleaning service at the place where I work.  I have yet to see a maintenance professional wear openwork tights and pencil skirts to do her job, and I haven't been an intern in over half a decade.  I'm a professional with two degrees and a committee and six years of experience under my belt, and I was before I even met you.  Please ask me what my title is instead of assuming that the grant writer must be older to write so well.
• I don't work at the store where you're shopping.  You'll notice that I'm not wearing a nametag like the employees of the store.  Please find one of them if you're looking for something.  I am here to shop just like you are, and I don't really need my errands interrupted because you don't know the layout of the store or wish to ask someone who actually works there.  My age doesn't put me in a permanent status of servant.
• I REALLY am not out to steal your spouse!  I'll bet dollars to donuts that your spouse doesn't want me either.  Therefore, there is no reason why you need to hover around your spouse at a fundraiser we're both at as though you think I'm going to pull out a ring I made and propose right there on the spot.  I am no threat to you or your relationship. I'm simply at the fundraiser to well, raise funds.
•  And along that logic, I don't want to be set up with your kid or grandkid who is the same age as me.  You are not a dating service, and even if I was looking, after the condescending way you treated me, I would not want to have you as an in-law.
• I don't think it's a compliment when you tell me I'm not like those other 20-somethings you know.  You realize that to give this compliment to me, you're insulting people like me, right?  I'm sure that many of them have some admirable qualities and some problematic ones.  Like me.  I'm not an exceptional young person.  I'm a human young person, full of faults and successes and eccentricities like everyone else.
• I'm not a living example of whatever pop culture tells you about young adults.  I don't live my life like I belong on Girls (I don't even like Lena Dunham).  I don't crush on glittery vampires (though I wear a good deal of glitter when I go to concerts or dancing).  The great cartoonist Jackie Ormes said "I draw people, not stereotypes."  Well, I think I can paraphrase that to "I'm a person, not a stereotype."  Try to listen to me before making a judgment.
• I do have problems.  We all have problems.  So don't say, "You're young, what could you possibly have to worry about?"  We all have something to worry about at any age.  So don't assume that a young person's life is perfect. 

So there you have it.  Readers, have you ever experienced these before?  If I left anything out, let me know!  And for those of you who may recognize these actions, just stop.  Thanks.

Hey Illinois!

We may not have won in the summer, but I'm hoping that we get the marriage equality soon now that DOMA has been ruled unconsitutional (and hopefully ENDA even sooner).  So here goes my own rebel yell and song parody in favor of equality.  (Billy Idol will just have to forgive me.)

Hey Illinois, what you gonna do?
Hey Illinois, all eyes are now on you.
Hey Massachusetts, show us how it's done.
Hey Massachusetts, you were number one.
Hey Illinois, do the right thing!

It's a nice day to live the dream
It's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream

Hey Illinois, it would be sublime
Hey Illinois, Iowa turned out fine
Hey Illinois, do the right thing! (Oh yeah!)
Hey Illinois, marriage equality now
Hey Illinois, do the right thing!

It's a nice day to live the dream
Come on, it's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream!

(Pick it up.)

Do the right thing!

Hey Illinois, equality is great
Hey Illinois, we need it in our state
We've all been waiting for so long, so long
We've all been waiting for so long, so long
We've been patient for so long

It's a nice day to live the dream
Come on, it's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream!

We need fair in this world
We need safe in this world
We need equality in this world
We need equality in this world
Help create equality in this world
Do the right thing!

It's a nice day to live the dream
Come on, it's a nice day for a gay wedding
It's a nice day to live the dream!
Do the right thing!

(C) Revel With A Cause Productions

Crazy and Brave

Pulled into Memphis
It was just breaking dawn
Saw the neon of Beale Street
And it would not be long

Till I danced to the blues
At all of the clubs
I let the sweet sounds move me
The music I loved

The men stared and watched me
Like I was somethin' else
The women were astounded
That I'd come here myself

Cause I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave

Went to the Grand Canyon
Hiked myself down
Saw trees and rocks and colors
As I looked all around.

This was my moment
I'd wanted for years
The view was my prize
It moved me to tears.

Wandered down the trail
Past the rest home
The other hikers stood confounded
That I'd done this alone

Cause I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave

Headed back on the train
For thirty-two hours
Through sunshine and darkness
And occasional showers

Heard a lady complain
That I was looking for harm
That solo travel was scary
And cause for alarm

Well, I held my head high
I tried not to debate it
Cause if I didn't adventure
I know I would hate it!

Cause I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave

I'm brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave
I'm just brave and I'm crazy
Crazy and brave

(C) Revel With A Cause Productions

Quiz time!

Just a few things I've been thinking about, so enjoy...

1.  If there is controversy over the Park 51 Cultural Center (erroneously also known as a Ground Zero Mosque, though it is neither a mosque nor at the exact 9/11 site) being built because those who attacked the United States were Muslims, does that mean that we can't build any churches in Oklahoma City because Timothy McVeigh was a Christian?

Along those lines of logic, since most of the terrorist acts that have occurred in the US are domestic ones done by Christians (since Christians make up over 70% of our country), there would be very few places it would be okay for us to build churches.

2.  How is it that the same people who were criticizing President Obama for things his pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, said, are now saying he is a Muslim?  What exactly do they think he is?

3.  How is it that many of the folks who preach about the "sanctity of marriage" have also cheated on their spouses?  Sanctity of marriage my oversized butt.

4.  How is it that there are folks who are both pro-life and pro-war?  If your preferences lean toward either, please pick one and stick to it.  And deal with the consequences yourself.

5.  Has the Catholic Church forgotten that clergy are all considered mandated reporters?  Or what that even means?  Do they need a refresher?  Or maybe a monitoring visit!  That might help them remember.

6.  Has anyone actually seen a welfare recipient drive a Cadillac?  That is, in real life?

20,000 Hearts

First we lived in India- in winter it rains there every day
We were younger then, we were children in India
There were signs and people we didn't understand,
You said, "hold my hand," and I held your hand

There is one of me, and one of you
and two of us with one hundred questions
and two thousand reasons, but ten's a perfect number
We are twenty thousand hearts full of hunger
Twenty thousand hearts

Then we're dancing in Geneva- it's New Year's Eve
and all the Americans were there
They said "it's still last year in New York City"
You said, "New York where?"
I said, "New York City- it's three thousand miles away"
You said, "what's a mile?" I said, "It's far away"

There is one of me, and one of you
and two of us with one hundred questions
and two thousand reasons, but ten's a perfect number
We are twenty thousand hearts full of hunger
Twenty thousand hearts

Now you ask me to explain myself
and I tell you I need distance
You say, "To hell with distance, remember who
you're talking to"
I say, "Closeness is too much for me,"
and dismiss you with a smile
You say, "Wish away the closeness
and imagine it's a mile"

There is one of me, and one of you
and two of us with one hundred questions
and two thousand reasons, but ten's a perfect number
We are twenty thousand hearts full of hunger
Twenty thousand hearts

--By Robbie Schaeffer

What's a master to do?

Well, I thought my sense of guilt over not writing any papers (since I've graduated!) would dissipate with time.  I have been busily filling my time with concerts, fairs, festivals, family, and friends like any good graduate would do.  The sense of guilt began to dissipate, somewhat, but it would still flare now and then.  I'd be reading one of my novels, and I'd suddenly think in the middle of a sentence, "I should really be revising my thesis."  Then I remembered that the thesis has been done for two months and does not need to be revised any more.  I got a note from my committee chair thanking me for the gift I sent her, and I have to remind myself that I'm not going to be seeing her every week this fall.  Of course, as I live less than an hour away from my school, I can see her whenever I want, but now it's going to be because I want to.  When I walk home after going dancing, I think, "Okay, now I'm going to work on my paper" before I realize that I don't have any papers to do.

But overall, very slowly, the guilt began to dissipate somewhat.  I thought I'd be done with it soon enough. 

But now it's back in full force!  I see those ads EVERYWHERE advertising back to school!  I have even participated in the back to school sales (hey, a girl can never have too many glitter gel pens).  I see the schools in the area with messages on their signs for the new students.  I even overlook a church and parish school from my home, and I see its sign welcoming the students back.  My colleagues who have kids talk about college searches, getting the kids back on schedule, and being organized...

And then it hits me like a ton of bricks!  I AM FINISHED AND NOT GOING BACK! 

I don't know what to think about that.  I mean, part of me is thrilled that I can read whatever I want (hello Forsyte Saga) and do what I like (another cross country train trip!), whenever I want it.  But...part of me is really thinking that something got left behind in the process.  I won't miss living a laser-focused life on my thesis, but I will definitely miss my professors and classmates.  Though I have a very smart workplace (and they're currently taking bets on what degree I'll get next) and love being there, I feel like I'll miss the steady exchange of ideas and the feedback on those ideas.  I'll miss the guided course of study.  And I will miss the archives!  I developed an iron butt from sitting in the archives for hours last summer!

In short, I'm gonna miss school!  What am I going to do?  I've been living such a jam-packed life that I still feel like I have to attend my classes and work on my thesis.  It is like a phantom limb, only with activities!  What am I going to do?  I can't see it getting any better!  When school starts back up again, I'll probably feel weird that I'm not going.  When I go to events at my school, I can't say I'm a master's candidate because I have a master's degree now.  Hell, when it's Christmas time, my little cousin and my sister will have loads of college stories and for the first time in years, I will not!

Why can't this guilt leave me alone!?  Why can't it let me enjoy my life as a master of arts?  Or do I need a PhD?  But if I go for the PhD, it will one day have to be finished as well.  When it's done, THEN WHAT?

What's a master of arts to do?

Diamonds and Rust

Diamonds and Rust

Well I'll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call

And here I sit, hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall

As I remember your eyes
Were bluer than robin's eggs
"My poetry was lousy", you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the Midwest

Thirty years ago
I bought you some cuff links
You brought me something
And we both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust

You burst on the scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms

And there you stayed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed

Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
An' snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel over Washington Square

Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there

Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You, who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague

'Cause I need some of that vagueness now

It's all come back too clearly
I once loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
Well, I'll take the diamonds

Performed by the inspiring Joan Baez.  Saw her live this year with the talented Indigo Girls (yes, they came to the north burbs!  My wish came true!!!!!!!), and their three-part harmony encore was a national treasure.

Steel and silk

I don't want to be the girl you can call your Mrs
I'm always myself, whether I'm with you or not
And when you're with me, you never will settle
You know I would give you the best that I've got

Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel

I don't want to be the girl you have to protect
I'm the princess that always rescues herself.
You don't need to swoop in saving the day
Cause I'm ready to fight and can do it myself

Listen, I can revel, and I can fight
Don't assume that I need you help
If you dare me to, I'll be going all night
I don't need you to save me, I can do it myself
I can do it myself

I'm steel on silk and silk on steel
It's exactly what I want to feel
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel

I'm steel on silk and silk on steel
It's exactly what I want to feel
Steel on silk and silk on steel
Is exactly what I want to feel
(C) Revel With a Cause Productions

No more good wives

Is anyone else totally confounded by the fact that Elliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner are considered viable candidates for office in the same age that women are still fighting for basic rights?  While I don't live in New York and can't vote for the mayor in their upcoming election (though of all the candidates, my views probably align the closest with Christine Quinn's), I'm pretty skeeved by Mr. Weiner's total narcissism and lack of regard for consent.  We don't need leaders who see consent as irrelevant.

While I don't know what goes on in his relationship, it kind of pains me to see Huma Mahmood Abedin, his wife, dutifully standing by his side.  I know it's probably part of the typical politician script if you're caught messing up--to show that your spouse has forgiven you.  But it makes me wonder what would happen if the genders were reversed.  Would an Elena Spitzer have her husband by her side?  Or if it was a same-sex couple, would Annette Weiner still be the comeback kid?  I don't know, since both of these candidates are not ladies, but something tells me not.  We'd probably be hearing all kinds of sexist rhetoric, like "slut" and "whore" thrown in their direction.

Which is why I would just love one example to the contrary.  No more good wives after a political scandal.  I'd love to see a fallen male politician up there--alone.  I'd love to see the wife doing her own thing after the scandal, like running for office herself!  And to recharge her batteries before running for office, since betrayal's a pain, I would recommend she do some self care like actually hiking Appalachian trail, blasting cheesy breakup songs on her morning commute loud enough to cause a noise violation, or flying off to Shanghai for a week (oooooh--dream trip!).  Make the dude pay for it as part of his penance.

In short, I'd find it totally refreshing for these political ladies to show anger.  I know, I know, anger is not exactly something that's encouraged in women.  But why not show a high-profile example of it?  A profound betrayal can engender some profound responses, after all. 

Or maybe what we need is more female political leaders.  And fast.

Contract for Revelry

So, dear readers, here is my pledge to you should I ever get elected to office.  I solemnly swear to uphold it.  Every word!  Though the chance of me getting elected to anything would be if only one person in the US voted--myself.

I pledge to always remember that freedom of religion applies to everybody.  Our religious diversity in this country is a gift!  And I pledge to remember that as much as I believe in my own religion, my fellow Americans believe in theirs just as much and that I will respect that.

I pledge never to be a hypocrite or a member of the Religious Right.  Oh wait...

I pledge to remember that there are 7 billion people in this world and that 300 million of them live in the US.  And of all those, we all deserve to be treated fairly.

I pledge not to start two wars and then wonder how the deficit got so big.  Sort of like how I never wonder how I end up completely energetic at 3 AM after my 8+ cups of coffee per day.

I will not pledge to battle childhood obesity and then slash funds to the supplemental nutrition (food stamps) or WIC program.  If you're going to end childhood obesity, then make sure there's nutritious food that all the kids and families can afford.

I pledge to do my damnedest to get the US to stop hating on China.  Really, are we that easily threatened?  So not cool!  I will expedite the process if China gives me a 100% lifetime discount at the cloisonne factory!

I pledge to raise the tax on cigarettes to $100...per cigarette.

If I make any laws about immigration, I will actually make them fix immigration as opposed to making it sound like I am some horrible racist who doesn't want Latinos living next door to me.

I pledge that I will not spout off lines about the sanctity of marriage in public and cheat on my spouse in private.

I pledge to actually read the entire Constitution before I pledge to uphold it.  And if I still don't understand it, I will either hire a tutor to help me understand it, or I won't become a politician.

Honestly, if progressive candidates can't win enough votes to stay in office or take back the House in 2014, I'm seriously considering moving to Canada.  It wouldn't be so bad--I like Neil Young, the Cowboy Junkies, and that Ferron lady so I will get to hear them more!  Plus, I live so far north, it shouldn't be that much of an adjustment.

Revel sings the blues

Ain't got no defense baby
No revisions too
I'm sittin' here in my apartment
With no more schoolwork to do!

I got the bluuuuuuues....
The thesis-is-done blues tonight!

Well, I feel I should be workin'
But I'm all done
I'm racked with guilt
When I'm trynna have fun!

 I got the bluuuuuuues....
The thesis-is-done blues tonight!

Yep, that's the bluuuuuues...
The thesis-is done blues tonight!

You know, everyone warned me that once I finished grad school, I would feel as though I should be working, even though I was done.  I assured them that with my full life, I would not feel that way.  After all, in addition to school, I had a loving family and incredible friends, worked full time at a rewarding job, represented my agency at a respected state coalition, ran through novels like water, made professional-quality jewelry and accessories, went to concerts, and enjoyed train travel and the arts community in my town.  All that would be different would be the two new letters after my name and some more free time on my hands.

AND YET...

Although I have never ever done this, I feel the same way that cheating on a partner must feel!  I feel racked with guilt that I should be doing something (i.e. schoolwork), but then I remember that I am done with school and that I do not need to do any homework.  Last week, I sat in the town square and read a book about the blues and the women's rights movement, and when I went back home, I thought, "How will I word this in a paper?"  Then I remembered that the book was solely for pleasure and that I did not have to write anything about it unless I absolutely wanted to. (BTW, any music fans out there?  Read "Blues Legacies and Black Feminism" NOW!)  Hell, I'm planning my next cross country train trip, and I was thinking, "Okay, when is my break?"  Now that I'm done with school, my break is any time I can request time off!

I know how to fill my time, but I did not expect this sense of guilt!  How will I ever get rid of it?!

And how will I avoid kicking myself in the butt if and when I decide to go for another degree?

But for now: "I got the bluuuuuuuuuuuuuues...."

Independence Day

I'm proud to be an American.

Before you think this is just some souped-up, flag-waving, superficial sort of assertion, allow me to explain.  While I do have a very critical outlook on my country (and even on my state, but that's a rant for another time), I am, overall, very much proud to come from here and very happy to call it home.

I think the main thing that makes me proud to be American is my activism.  In looking at the long and rich tradition of progressivism in this country, I can see that I come from a proud and long tradition.  Our own president, in his inaugural address, delighted thousands of progressives by mentioning that we'd come "from Seneca Falls to Selma to Stonewall."  If you look at the women's rights movement, the gay rights movement, racial justice, and disability rights (to name a few!), many of these really got off the ground and rose to national prominence here in the states.  While things are unfortunately not equal yet, knowing that there has always been and always will be someone to fight for equality really makes me quite happy. 

That's the spirit of independence that I really can get behind.  It's the women who chained themselves to the gate of the White House so that they could vote, demanding the same rights and freedoms as men.  It's the crowd of radical womyn flooding the streets of San Francisco with candles and garish signs.  It's the gay and lesbian patrons of a bar in NYC deciding that this night, they would fight back after a police raid.  It's the thousands marching on Washington to demand equality.  All of these took individuals to stand up and say no more.  To stand up for themselves and for others.

It's an independence that is rooted in compassion and empathy, the ability to break from the crowd and to demand something better for oneself and for others.

And for that reason I am proud to be an American.

New Haven to New Orleans

"Oh my god."  Sarah had to catch her breath from laughing.  "This place is awesome!  Are they really playing Edge of Seventeen on the tuba?  At 3 in the morning?"  She collapsed into one of the metal chairs.  The server at the edge of the cafe shook his head.  "I fucking love this place!"

"You mean they don't have that in New Haven?  You're so weird."  Felicia responded sarcastically, eying the street band.  "Two coffees and a plate of beignets," she told the server.

"Trust me, there's a lot of things New Haven doesn't have.  Like me!  New Haven doesn't have me anymore!  I'm here, not in that hellhole!  They'll never find me!"  She burst out laughing again.

Felicia wiped away some of her runny eye makeup.  "You're a whole different person with a few drinks in you.  And you have to go back sometime.  Here."  She handed Sarah one of the cafe au laits.  "Drink this.  It might help you sober up."

"Oh, you have no idea!"  Sarah had never been drunk before.  She had been to a few cocktail parties, and she and Chris had gotten a bottle of champagne to celebrate their engagement--not that she wanted to think about being engaged at the moment, or about Chris for that matter--but she had always just had one drink.  She was pretty good at making some of them last the whole night.  This time was different.  Actually, the whole experience was sort of surreal.  One day, she was an responsible and rational engaged woman who worked as a communications assistant at Yale University.  Another day she had thrown her engagement ring into the Mississippi River and gone out dancing and drinking with someone she had just met the day before.  Time to carpe the fucking diem, she figured.  Let someone else be the responsible and respectable one for a change.

Oh my god

Oh my god.

It's here.

Breathe, Alex, breathe!

The thesis has been defended successfully!


The last class has been completed (waaaah....I really like that class).

One of my papers will be put in the archives and on the research initiative's website, so I really did literally go down in history.

Oh my god.

Now all I need to do is make the necessary revisions to the thesis that my committee asked for...

Pick up my cap and funny-looking gown (what's up with those weird sleeves?)...

And then GRADUATE!

I want to both sing and cry at the same time...this is three years of hard work paying off!

You cannot spell massively intense without M-A

This past few weeks has been literally CRUNCH TIME!  With the exception of an intercultural music concert yesterday that I went to, I feel as though I've been running on all cylinders through most of this quarter!  Weekends have turned from being packed with fun social get-togethers to me being lucky if I get one event that isn't related to my thesis.  Meanwhile, I've been writing, revising, and drinking copious amounts of a certain super-delicious hot caffeinated beverage until 5 AM on weekends.

I cannot wait until my defense is is scheduled and done successfully and the revisions are complete!  Then I will take a nice vacation and plan the whole summer full of concerts, parties, and friend get-togethers.  If the defense goes successfully, I will take my immediate family out for dinner at the cute little gastropub on the corner and plan a friend get-together at the Haus of Revel later in the summer.  If it does not go successfully (which is highly unlikely, since my committee has been good at telling me exactly what to change and not change), I will still make plans with the family and the friends so I can vent to them about the process and get their support.

But soon it will all be done, and I will then only have work to worry about.

And yet...

Does anyone else think it's weird that I'm seriously considering another degree after this one?

Talking to Strangers

Blow out the candles
Turn down the songs
You're looking so pretty,
But where did this go so wrong?

Maybe you've changed
Maybe I have too
There used to be nothing
We couldn't talk through

What happened to your spirit?
The you I knew wouldn't stand it
Now I'm talking to a stranger,
And I can't understand it

I don't need your sympathy
You can have it for yourself
If I'm going to lose the friend I knew,
Then I can handle being by myself.

Two paths diverge for ambition and love
I don't think they should be separate at all
Now we're just talking past each other
With no common ground at all

I don't know why you act this way
The you I knew wouldn't stand it
Now I'm talking to a stranger
And I can't understand it.

I just don't know what's happened
The you I knew wouldn't stand it
Now I'm talking to a stranger
And I can't understand it.
I can't understand it.
I can't understand it.

(C) Revel with a Cause Productions

Really?

All names and identifying information have been changed, but really, how do you go through life so that an exchange like this happens??

Me: It's important to speak up when you don't agree with something, otherwise how does it change?
Denyse: Well, I'm still getting used to speaking up.  Before, I just thought that when I didn't agree, it was a problem on my end, but apparently, it's a problem for more people than just me.
Me: No, no, some things are social issues and not just because of something you did or didn't do.  The personal is political, you know.
Denyse: The personal is...the personal is political.  The personal is political!  Ooooh...that's brilliant!  I love it!  Did you make that up, Alex?

HOW DOES ONE GO THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT HEARING "THE PERSONAL IS POLITICAL"? 

That's, like, downright un-American!  That phrase is way older than me!

I pity the folks who didn't major in women's studies!

Cut that out, WBEZ

I love NPR!  Really I do.  I think it's a smart, well-researched radio station, and I literally grew up listening to WBEZ in the car (when I wasn't listening to Nanci Griffith and Mary Chapin Carpenter or hearing my dad tell the Christmas Carol story) on the way to school.  I don't necessarily think it's a liberal program but rather a news program in the way that news should be--well researched and truly balanced.

But can we talk about their um, interesting, ad campaign?

Whenever I go into Chicago, I never fail to see it.  Damn signs on the el telling me to "get a room already and put a crib in it."  Damn big advertisement on the side of the building and visible all the way out to Waukegan telling me that they "want my babies."  Damn ads popping up on my iPod telling me that "interesting people make interesting people" and that I need to "do it for Chicago."  They even have an "interesting people" dating app now...

Really, WBEZ?  While I guess I should be flattered that you want me to have a healthy sex life (although, seeing as you are not my gynecologist, I fail to see how that is your business), I would like nothing more for you to fire whoever the idiot was that came up with that ad.  While you might be trying to mix it up and do something different with your ads, surely you could do better than urging your listeners to produce little future listeners or assuming that your listeners all want to or can do that.  And do LGBT people exist in your world?  Your dating app is for straight couples only!  Honestly, those damn ads are so full of wrong I really could take this in all sorts of directions, but let me say this main thing...

I expected better from you.

I would have thought that a station with a reputation for being intelligent and free-thinking would understand that families come in all forms, not just one way.  I would have thought that you'd see that it's important that we all decide when and if to start our families on our own terms, not someone else's.  It's really not that complicated.  At the end of the day, only we can make that decision, as we'll have to live with the decision.  For a longtime listener like me, I know that I absolutely could not have a child right now.  I am not at a point in my life where I could afford it financially or be emotionally present enough to care for one.  And to get very personal on you, if I do decide to become a parent, I want to adopt.  I've wanted to do that since before I could even drive, as I think adoption is awesome and that the most precious gift you can give a kid is a family.  And who better than me to give it?  I can't tell you all the criticism I've received for that, even from supposedly well-meaning people.  I've had people tell me I have "good genes" that I "need" to pass on.  (Who knows which genes the kid would get??)  I've had people tell me I'm "not really an adult" until I give birth.  (How do you tell that to someone who is infertile?)  Hell, I've even been told that it's just a second-rate option and that I "couldn't really love" an adopted child.  And those are some of tamer things I've heard!  (Some of the others would really make you sick.)  While I am not in a place in my life where I would want to adopt just yet, that is the only option I would want if I decide to be a parent.  And I can assure you that even if I didn't "make" him or her, I know they would be interesting.  You know why?  Because interesting has nothing to do with genetics!  It's more to do with how you were raised and how you choose to live your own life.  Surely you should know that.        

I don't need someone telling me what I should and shouldn't do.  I don't need a dating app trying to set me up with someone "interesting."  And I do not need any auditing of my reproductive or relationship choices.

WBEZ, I just want you to stick with what you do best--news.  You are not an opinion  program.  You are not FAUX News.  And you aren't a tell-people-what-to-do program.  You are a news program.  Please stick with the news and leave the relationship and reproductive auditing out of it.

Milestones

Milestones

Finish school?  Check!
Leave home?  Check!
Get married?  Check!
Buy a home?  Check!
Have kids?  Check!

Congratulations!  You are a REAL ADULT now!
All right?

All wrong!

Meeting milestones isn't living, so don't tell me they're the same.
I'm the kind of gal who lives out loud, so I won't play your game.

Some boxes for me to check off won't show the kind of life I lead
Or exactly all the things that happen for me to get what I need.

And all your comments on milestones have such a hollow ring
If you're working eighty hours to get by, a life milestone won't mean a thing.

Or if you escaped a relationship that had withstood abuse
Having the home, marriage, and family really won't serve much use.

Or if you're so in love and thinking that getting married would be great,
You can't check the box if they won't let you marry in your state.

There's a point where you know that society's rules are wrong,
At which point you realize it's for the best if you didn't go along.

There's so many more like me out there, but I can just speak for me alone.
I'm going to live my life the way I want and tear up this list of milestones.

(C) Revel With a Cause productions.  All rights reserved.

An open letter for Jeanine Kovac

Ms. Kovac:

Your article up at Role Reboot this week has really generated something of a firestorm that still hasn't died down.  Now, normally I can appreciate a provocative article if it's well reasoned and allows for some good discussion, even if it isn't necessarily something I believe.

I can't, however, appreciate something that's condescending, bossy, patronizing, or some combination of the three.  And that's exactly what your article does.  I'm not including the linky because I don't want to give you the web traffic.

Kerry Cohen already wrote a great open letter for you in response.  That said, Kerry is a parent, and I'm going to give you another point of view.  The thing is, I am something of a Doris, especially in regards to my personal life, and I have HAD IT with individuals acting self-righteously and as though they know what's best for me and my life.  So I have a bit of a personal stance on this.  This may come as a shock, but each individual is really and truly the best determiner of what's in their interests.  If you truly think of Doris as your friend, you really need to stop telling her what to do and acting like your way is the best way.  That really should not be in anyone's definition of friendship.

And when it comes to a matter of something as personal as when and how to start your family, it's especially important that you respect your friend instead of telling her that you want to see her pregnant and that you think she should have kids after she's told you she isn't ready.  As a pro-choice activist, I believe that every child should be a wanted child.  Pressuring someone into having a kid just because you want to see them as a parent is SO inappropriate and disrespectful!  Would you expect your friend to ask you if you regretted having your kids?  I think not.  So why do you see it as somehow your prerogative to shame her into procreating?

It's not your prerogative, it's not your business, and it's frankly a case where you need to apologize to your friend for how you've written about her.  That's not how friends should behave, and that's not how anyone should be acting on a supposedly progressive website.

Revel

PS  You mentioned you only had your kids because your husband wanted you too.  I'm not in your marriage, so maybe I too am overstepping it, but that really smacks of reproductive coercion.  If not that, then a sign that something's not healthy in your relationship.  Do you really want to wish that on your friend?  I sure hope not.

Well, this is interesting...

I love my apartment!  Really I do.  I think my location is absolutely enviable (in a historical downtown), and the apartment is so me.  I have wood floors, a great view of the historical downtown, and lots of closets.  It's a beautiful big place for me to live.

So I took down my Christmas tree this week.  I usually do it after 12th Night, but this year, I was so busy with school and work obligations that it took a little longer.  My tree is a four-foot-tall, artificial one that's already pre-decorated with little house, star, and bird ornaments.  I won it at the Festival of Trees when I was 8 years old, and I've always loved putting it up each year.  It's my own "tree"-dition, and it looks quite good for its nearly 20 years.

Now that the tree is taken down, the next question is, where do I put it?  I don't have a storage unit in my building.  Since my unit used to be two studios (it's quite nice), I have five closets and a decent-sized pantry.  I figured I would put the tree in one of those closets and take it out next year...

Well, what a shock I was in for!  It doesn't fit in ANY of my closets!  To be fair, I didn't attempt to put it in the pantry, but that's only because the pantry is full of food and kitchen stuff.  The other closets are either standard-sized, where a Murphy bed used to be (so, tall but really skinny), and one broom closet.  The tree is short, but it's too wide to go in there without damaging it.

So now the tree is in an alcove near my bedroom and bathroom.  I didn't have anything there before, but it's going to be quite interesting when I entertain next.  My guests are going to either be really confused or amused that there is a decorated Christmas tree by my bedroom!