An open letter for Jeanine Kovac

Ms. Kovac:

Your article up at Role Reboot this week has really generated something of a firestorm that still hasn't died down.  Now, normally I can appreciate a provocative article if it's well reasoned and allows for some good discussion, even if it isn't necessarily something I believe.

I can't, however, appreciate something that's condescending, bossy, patronizing, or some combination of the three.  And that's exactly what your article does.  I'm not including the linky because I don't want to give you the web traffic.

Kerry Cohen already wrote a great open letter for you in response.  That said, Kerry is a parent, and I'm going to give you another point of view.  The thing is, I am something of a Doris, especially in regards to my personal life, and I have HAD IT with individuals acting self-righteously and as though they know what's best for me and my life.  So I have a bit of a personal stance on this.  This may come as a shock, but each individual is really and truly the best determiner of what's in their interests.  If you truly think of Doris as your friend, you really need to stop telling her what to do and acting like your way is the best way.  That really should not be in anyone's definition of friendship.

And when it comes to a matter of something as personal as when and how to start your family, it's especially important that you respect your friend instead of telling her that you want to see her pregnant and that you think she should have kids after she's told you she isn't ready.  As a pro-choice activist, I believe that every child should be a wanted child.  Pressuring someone into having a kid just because you want to see them as a parent is SO inappropriate and disrespectful!  Would you expect your friend to ask you if you regretted having your kids?  I think not.  So why do you see it as somehow your prerogative to shame her into procreating?

It's not your prerogative, it's not your business, and it's frankly a case where you need to apologize to your friend for how you've written about her.  That's not how friends should behave, and that's not how anyone should be acting on a supposedly progressive website.

Revel

PS  You mentioned you only had your kids because your husband wanted you too.  I'm not in your marriage, so maybe I too am overstepping it, but that really smacks of reproductive coercion.  If not that, then a sign that something's not healthy in your relationship.  Do you really want to wish that on your friend?  I sure hope not.