Contract for Revelry

So, dear readers, here is my pledge to you should I ever get elected to office.  I solemnly swear to uphold it.  Every word!  Though the chance of me getting elected to anything would be if only one person in the US voted--myself.

I pledge to always remember that freedom of religion applies to everybody.  Our religious diversity in this country is a gift!  And I pledge to remember that as much as I believe in my own religion, my fellow Americans believe in theirs just as much and that I will respect that.

I pledge never to be a hypocrite or a member of the Religious Right.  Oh wait...

I pledge to remember that there are 7 billion people in this world and that 300 million of them live in the US.  And of all those, we all deserve to be treated fairly.

I pledge not to start two wars and then wonder how the deficit got so big.  Sort of like how I never wonder how I end up completely energetic at 3 AM after my 8+ cups of coffee per day.

I will not pledge to battle childhood obesity and then slash funds to the supplemental nutrition (food stamps) or WIC program.  If you're going to end childhood obesity, then make sure there's nutritious food that all the kids and families can afford.

I pledge to do my damnedest to get the US to stop hating on China.  Really, are we that easily threatened?  So not cool!  I will expedite the process if China gives me a 100% lifetime discount at the cloisonne factory!

I pledge to raise the tax on cigarettes to $100...per cigarette.

If I make any laws about immigration, I will actually make them fix immigration as opposed to making it sound like I am some horrible racist who doesn't want Latinos living next door to me.

I pledge that I will not spout off lines about the sanctity of marriage in public and cheat on my spouse in private.

I pledge to actually read the entire Constitution before I pledge to uphold it.  And if I still don't understand it, I will either hire a tutor to help me understand it, or I won't become a politician.

Honestly, if progressive candidates can't win enough votes to stay in office or take back the House in 2014, I'm seriously considering moving to Canada.  It wouldn't be so bad--I like Neil Young, the Cowboy Junkies, and that Ferron lady so I will get to hear them more!  Plus, I live so far north, it shouldn't be that much of an adjustment.