Oh President Obama, what WERE you thinking???

Maybe it's not particularly nice or appropriate to make a judgement based on one stupid decision. No one is perfect, but...this just goes TOO FAR!

Apparantly President Barack Obama has selected Pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation speech at his inauguration. For those of you who don't know, Pastor Warren is affiliated with the Saddleback Church of California. He's been a preacher for a long time, has a large following, and is considered a charismatic figure who can speak well and work a crowd.

HOWEVER...

Pastor Warren stands for a lot of things Obama's supporters are against and vice versa.
He supported Proposition 8, which denied gays the right to marry in California (after they had recently won that right this summer). He's compared gay marriage to incest, which is just an awful metaphor and not at all true.
He's anti-choice. Obama and his supporters are pro-choice.
He supports the use of torture.

While I'm okay with a politician being bi-partisan (and in fact am all for being bi-partisan), I think there would've been better choices than Warren for the inauguration. And apparantly Aretha will sing after Warren's talk. The combination of a liberal president, liberal musician, and bigoted preacher leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, Warren is like the anti-Obama. It's like having the late Jerry Falwell be the grand marshal at a gay pride parade. Or Phyllis Schafly speak at a NOW or Feminist Majority event. Or, if you would like to turn the tables, having Robin Morgan address the Concerned Women for America (actually, Morgan did do a speech in front of a similar conservative group, and it was so scathing that they were appalled and asked her to leave. But what were they expecting when they invited her?).

Well, maybe I might be overreacting. Maybe Warren will just do a simple speech and work the crowd, and he might make it non-religious in nature. Sometimes people can surprise. I mean, McCain's concession speech was surprisingly classy (can't say the same about his audience). Guess only time will tell. And if Warren's speech is unlistenable, then at least the Aretha performance will be enjoyable.

The Big Fat GWS Recap!

My Big Fat GWS Conference is over.

All I can say is that all the prepping and hours I spent slaving away on it were SO worth it! THIS is the story I'm putting on my grad school apps! I totally rawked it, and I think I could do it again, if needed. Hell, when I'm getting my MA and defending my thesis or defending my Ph.D. dissertation, I'll look back to this time for inspiration.

Cris gave the introduction to the program, with one of her trademark acerbic speeches, but I could tell she was really proud of all of us. (Not quite up to the standard of her cyanide-laced roast of one of the other professors at the GWS Banquet, but that's a story for another time.) I gave my speech about the history of crisis intervention first, because I was listed as first on the program. I didn't get nervous once! I mean, sure, there were lots of professors and folks from different departments, as well as the students. And Ross and Jacque came too! Ross knows everyone, and everyone knows him. Jacque is the associate head of the department, as well as being an advisor extraordinaire. But I just was pretty normal. I think my introduction was the best. Not meaning to brag, but shouting "WE HAVE THE POWER, WE HAVE THE RIGHT, THE STREETS ARE OURS, TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!" really grabs people's attention! (Don't worry, it wasn't out-of-control shouting, just "making a point" shouting.) At least somewhat more so than "My paper is about..." The questions were insightful but sooo provocative. One professor who was a historian and another who was a sociologist had some really thought provoking questions. I think I answered them well, but I could feel my brain rushing to think on its feet. The biggest surprise were the domestic advocates. They played off of my stories, and they helped make my discussion session last as long as my presentation itself! But wow, I had no idea that the domestics were such a separate group. While I'd worked with them (I work with rape victims, so I usually don't run in their circles), I had no idea how much more different their job was. Another paper could be written about them, because they are a VERY different species altogether. Maybe they aren't even in the same species as my guys. Who knows? I was so glad I got to incite so much dialogue, because the questions came fast and furious and it showed they were interested. I think I learned just as much from their questions as I did from my research.

The other presenters were top-notch. I was so proud of my classmates. Emily presented on natural disasters and the "gendering" of charity, and although I'd worked with her before, I was still really struck by her speech. Stephanie discussed the concept of white trash and brought up the context of TV shows. It was kind of shocking to see her because she had a faux hawk earlier in the year, but she had cut it all off for the conference! (Not something I could do. Then again, I don't have a faux hawk to do it with.) Jeff and Eric talked about prejudices and how they played out, which was pretty effectively researched. Desiree's speech totally deconstructed online gaming and World Of Warcraft. All of them really did a good job, and I know I learned a lot from my brilliant classmates!

We recapped the conference over student movies and an Indian dinner from Bombay Grill. The other students stuck around as well. We were all relieved to have it done! Cris (yes, she's letting us call her by her first name) was telling us about what the professors told her. Apparantly all the professors were really complimentary because they all liked the presentation. Then she went into the specifics, and she brought up what they liked about each of students' presentations. When it came time for me, she said, "And Alex, they all liked how you could hold your own with them and not back down from answering hard questions." Well! I am totally flattered by this, but then again, when do I back down from something? ;) Hard to believe it's all over, but it was TOTALLY worth every minute!

Conference time!

December applications are in ahead of time, presentation is cut to size, and it's dawning on...

My Big Fat GWS Conference!

This conference is going to be amazing!! I'll tell you more later once it's done and I can recap it. The other topics include childbirth, white trash, natural disasters, anarchy, going to jail, online gaming, heteronormativity, and racialized theme parties. Mine is about the history of advocacy and social services. But man oh man--this is my first time presenting! I have acted and facilitated groups, but nothing of this magnitude. This is going to be GREAT!

This wisdom is Wicked!

Listen up, all you metal heads and rock and rollers!!

Normally, when they start handing out recording contracts to actors, conventional wisdom dictates you head for the hills (think Jennifer Lopez, Jared Leto from 30 Seconds to Mars, Keanu Reeves and Dogstar, or Minnie Driver). Not in this case!

I have just discovered this excellent nu metal band, WICKED WISDOM! You can find them at www.wickedwisdom.net. They come from California and are considered nu metal (incorporating some rap and thrash elements into their music). Their lyrics are intelligent, the guitars and basses are thundering, and the vocals are melodic. They have all of the attitude with little posturing, and at times they sound a lot like Rage Against the Machine with a less whiney vocalist (I'm a Rage fan and have seen their farewell tour, I can criticize them if I want). The best part is that their lead singer is an actress I like, Jada Pinkett Smith. Wicked Wisdom gives her the spotlight as the lead singer as opposed to being merely defined as Will's wife (although Will is skilled at rapping, I think that with a little more press, his wife could easily overshadow him). Jada does not disappoint, as her vocals can shred your speakers and get you moshing but not destroy your hearing. Her band is tight and spot-on. Definitely worth a listen.

My next-door neighbor has become my enemy.

My first thoughts upon hearing those lines were, "How DARE they change the original?"

Let me explain.

I grew up on a wide variety of music. While my first concert was James Taylor (love his music, to this day!), a lot of the music I remember hearing as a kid was contemporary folk stuff. Acoustical, Americana, folk-rock, alternative, whatever you choose to call it. Contemporary artists (mostly guitarists, but sometimes there was a bassist thrown in) like Nanci Griffith, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Shawn Colvin, Laura Love, and Lucy Kaplansky were all on the mix tapes my dad made when driving me to school. I liked all of them just fine, but currently, the type of music associated with me is rock stuff. Which is fine, I certainly don't mind it, but it's important to remember my roots in my early audiophilia. Well, I was just recently reminded of those early days of musical development when I was listening to a podcast from NPR. A band called Domestic Science Club was playing on NPR. It's three girls who play and sing just about every kind of music. One of the songs they did was a cover of Nanci Griffith's "Time of Inconvenience." If you ever have the opportunity to hear it, I suggest taking it. It's so apropo for now, and it details the cruelty and ambivalence found in daily life. But I noticed they changed a phrase in it, and I was immediately reminded of those early days. I will post the changed stanza here, but you can find the full lyrics at http://www.actionext.com/names_n/nanci_griffith_lyrics/time_of_inconvenience.html.

Here is the original stanza, with the changed part in bold.

We're living in the age of communication
Where the only voices heard have money in their hands
Where greed has become a sophistication
And if you ain't got money
You ain't got nothin' in this land
And here I am one lonely woman
On these mean streets
Where the right to life man has become my enemy
Cuz I'm living in his time of inconvenience at an inconvenient time

Because the singer of Domestic Science Club is pro-life, she changed that line to:

Where my next-door neighbor has become my enemy.

These, of course, carry two different connotations but are equally scathing. Both totally fit with the message of the song, though I am a tyrannical purist who prefers the original. The whole song is most excellent, and it really reminded me of the early days. Of course, when you're a little kid in grade school, you probably don't know how deep the lyrics really are until you're older and can understand what their connotations are. Even though I went to a Catholic school, I didn't get the bolded line about the right to life man until I was in fourth grade or so. So this got me to thinking about all of those acoustical songs played during my grade school days. Now that I can appreciate them, I think I'll be getting the CDs or the MP3s. They still sound just as good as before.

True love, you can't buy it

Ran through my presentation for my conference yesterday. It is good, but waaay too long! I have to shave about ten to fifteen minutes off of it or else run the risk of crowding out the other speakers. We did a mock conference yesterday with the GWS and AAS (that's Gender/Women's Studies and Asian American Studies) people, where we practiced our speeches and prepared for questions the audience might have. The other ten presenters and I all are looking forward to our capstone conference on Monday (or as we like to call it, Our Big Fat Undergrad Conference).

Made me realize how enamored I am with the study of feminist scholarship and women's studies. It sounds silly, to be this enthralled with an inanimate program of study, but I just get such a rush out of debating gender norms, challenging standards, and looking at the perspectives of marginalized groups. I just can't get over it. Hell, when one of my friends called me today to ask what I was up to, I responded, "Oh, just fighting hegemony and smashing the patriarchy. And you?" It was partially meant to be facetious, since I'm the one who got him interested in feminism, and partially true (I'd been practicing for the conference). But I love it so much. That's why I'm applying to get my M.A. in it (hopefully!) or my Ph.D. in Women's History. If I could get something beyond an M.A. (like a Ph.D. or if I thought I'd be good at social work, an M.S.W.) I so would. I could see myself spending years and years on it and not having much of an issue with the amount of time. But most colleges don't offer much beyond a bachelor's in it. Three colleges I'm applying to will give me an M.A. if I am accepted. And hopefully they will take me (fingers crossed). Sadly, my school does not offer anything beyond a bachelor's degree in GWS. I wish it did. I would go the full way with it if they did offer that.

Wow, I just realized I sound like some silly fangirl or like I was talking about a person. But this is one thing that just will not go gently into that dark night. I need more. So much more.

And if you're in the area, please come to my Conference on Monday! I think I'm one of the first ones to present. Yes, my paper is about crisis intervention (another passion of mine), not the happiest topic, but it's gonna totally rock! And the other papers deal with all kinds of neat topics: online gaming, theme parties, gay rights, anarchy, the concept of white trash, childbirth, natural disasters, and prisons. Lots of topics for everyone's tastes.

Everything's changing now...

We get a new treasurer for Fem Maj in the spring. We'll miss you, Christine!

There is a new director of advocacy, and she is...the vice director! Surprise!

General Eccentric, Moonstruck, Bar Giuliani, and Garcia's have all closed or will close for good.

Wow.

Although one thing has not changed.

The grad school process is STILL kicking my butt! If this keeps up, I'll go certifiably insane!

I'll let the band say how I feel...

Helter Skelter

When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top of the slide,
Then I stop, and I turn, and I go for the ride.
When I'm back at the bottom, then I see you again!
Yeah yeah yeah
Do you, don't you want me to love you?
I'm coming down fast, but I'm miles above you.
Tell me, tell me, tell me, come on tell the answer.
You may be my lover, but you ain't no dancer.
Look out!
Helter skelter
Helter skelter
Helter skelter
Yeah Yeah
Will you, won't you want me to make you?
I'm coming down fast, so don't let me break you.
Tell me, tell me, tell me the answer!
Well, you may be my lover, but you ain't no dancer.
Helter skelter
Helter skelter
Helter skelter
LOOK OUT!!
When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top of the slide,
Then I stop, and I turn, and I go for the ride.
Then I'm back at the bottom, then I see you again!
Yeah yeah yeah
Do you, don't you want me to make you?
I'm coming down fast, but don't let me break you.
Tell me, tell me, tell me the answer!
Well, you may be my lover, but you ain't no dancer.
Helter skelter
Helter skelter
Helter skelter
Yeah!

--John Lennon/Paul McCartney



What is finals week/grad school apps/conference doing to me? I think this is how I feel. Just going from the bottom back to the top and doing it all over again! All I do is write! I write and write and write! And then I write some more! I'm probably deforesting some humongous rainforest as we speak--so much for "Going Green," huh? I need a break, otherwise I think I'm gonna go nuts before my conference!
---
But I will not crack. Alex does not crack easily. She might tear out her hair and blast the loud music, but she does not crack. Mark my words, I'm gonna take all this writing and make it the best I've ever done, even if it kills me! Prepare for no sleep and excessive amounts of caffeine, I'm kicking this time's puny little @$&! GWS majors wrote the book on the ancient art of ass-kickery. If we can dismantle the patriarchy and fight hegemony, then mark my words, some apps and essays should be nothing new. I might go insane, but I'm gonna rock this thing like it's never been rocked before!

Something's gotta give

You know, it may be well-intentioned, but telling someone "You look tired" after seeing her is a fantabulous way to make and keep friends (sarcastically). Or commenting on the bags/dark circles under her eyes. Or telling her to "get some sleep" or that she looks "shopworn." (What do they mean by shopworn?? I'm not some product you can buy in a shop!) Or (my favorite, yeck) asking her if her boyfriend minds seeing her this way and if she hasn't tried out some new miracle concealer to hide the eye bags. (And both my guy and I are students, so it's only expected that we're working our butts off!) Try keeping my schedule and see how you fare. I will even throw in the five kinds of gunk I pile on my lids daily. See if you can go without dark circles. I'm only shopworn/tired because I've lived!

Tom's Diner

I am waiting in the morning at the diner on the corner.
I am waiting at the counter for the man to pour the coffee,
And he fills it only halfway, and before I even argue,
He is looking out the window at somebody coming in.

"It is always nice to see you," says the man behind the counter
To the woman who has come in. She is shaking her umbrella,
And I look the other way as they are kissing their hellos,
And I pretend that I don't see them, and instead I pour the milk.

I open up the paper. There's the story of some actor
Who had died while he was drinking. It was no one I had heard of.
So I'm turning to the horoscopes, and looking for the funnies,
But I'm feeling someone watching me, and so I raise my head.

There's this woman on the outside looking inside.
Does she see me? No, she does not really see me.
She sees her own reflection. And I'm trying not to notice
That she's hitching up her skirt, and while she's straightening her stockings,
Her hair is getting wet.

Oh, this rain it will continue through the morning.
As I'm listening to the bells of the cathedral,
I am thinking of your voice...

--Suzanne Vega

Why you should marry a doormat

Hey guys! This post is all for you!

From my title, I just wanted to expand on my special message for you and let you know that if you're intending to marry a strong, capable, talented woman who can be your equal in almost every regard, snap out of it right away. Get that stupid pipe dream out of your head. You will be destined to live a crappy life if you do. Go and find yourself a demure, submissive little thing who will be more than happy to do your bidding instead of a high-powered career grl partner. I mean it! Does your girlfriend live up to that submissive ideal? No? Then drop her and get a new one! You heard me! NOW!!

So apparantly the esteemed magazine, Forbes, has published a list called "Careers and Marriage: Don't Marry Career Women." This article (by a guy, of course) claims that women, work, and family just don't mix. One of them has got to go if you would like your lady to be a good wife for you. And this is according to big strong social scientists. I mean, after all, how can SCIENCE be wrong?? This article delves into the classic problem of mixing a family with work (as one of my personal favorites, Gloria Steinem, put it, "I have yet to hear a man ask me how to combine work with a family.")

Don't believe me? Well, here are the major points, with my annotation in italics.

1. If they quit their jobs and stay at home with the kids, they'll be unhappy.
Well, if you are controlling and bossy and make your wife quit a job she enjoyed, then of course she'd be unhappy. No one likes men who are bossy and mean.

2. They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do.
How is this the case? I think that the only time she'll be unhappy about money is if you two don't have any or enough!

3. You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do.
Then you need to either get over yourself or get a promotion. Is your sense of self-worth so fragile that it's attached to a number on a paycheck?

4. You will be more likely to fall ill.
Um, doesn't everyone get sick at some point or another? Career women and their partners get sick, just like unemployed women and their partners.

5. Even your house will be dirtier.
Then I have a solution. If you and your wage-earning wife are concerned about the home, hire a housekeeper! With your wife outearning you, you guys can afford one. Or teach your kids the importance of chores and give them an allowance for cleaning up after themselves.

6. Professional women are less likely to have children.
Yeah, but we're all different, aren't we? Some of us want kids, and some of us do not. And there are some of us, myself included, that think adoption is the way to go. Maybe we just want to make our careers secure before having a family. There are so many of us that you can't just generalize like that.

7. Professional women are more likely to get divorced.
Well, if we're married to a mean and chauvinistic pig like the writer of this article, then sure we'll serve him with a big fat divorce. Because no one likes being with someone like that! And a statement like that only shows that professional women are just like the rest of the American population--because over half the MARRIAGES in general wind up in divorce!

Did you hear that, guys? So if you're worried about how your partner acts and how it will impact your family (and if you have less than one working brain cell), then drop her now and marry your Welcome mat. You might look funny saying your wedding vows to it at the altar or the courthouse, but the mat is not going to steal your precious manhood! But if you think Forbes is being silly with these rules, then keep that partner and enjoy having someone you can be equal to and who can hold her own with you!

Everybody loves a happy ending

This last semester is gonna end with a bang...

I'm speaking on a panel about student activism in front of the current events classes.

Fem Maj has done three major events for the semester.

My Big Fat Undergrad Conference is in about two weeks, and the faculty and staff will hear me present my paper about the history of advocacy! (And several of my friends are coming.) Then the department and our guests will go out to dinner together.

Vagina Monologue auditions are next week. (I'm aiming to do "My Short Skirt"!)

This is the perfect ending to a whirlwind semester!

Have a happy period!

I really wonder who gets hired to work in marketing for certain companies and how they get those jobs. I mean, if I had half a mind, I could do it too. And by half a mind, I mean exactly half a mind.

First there's the Always feminine products. Okay, I will say it. I'm female, I've used Always at some point in my life. Their stuff is inexpensive, and let's face it, using some form of protection is better than the much messier alternative. But what is with their ad campaign? For their advertising message is, "Have a happy period." I mean, what the hell? Most women (myself included) really see nothing "happy" about it. Does anything about cramping, clots, and casting up everything you've eaten sound "happy"? I think not. But on the Always website (you can find it at www.beinggirl.com), you can find that asinine message, as well as some truly patronizing e-cards about menstruating. I'm serious. E-cards! You know, the one thing worse than that combination of nausea, cramps, and clots is having some bright little card telling you to cheer up and be happy.

The second thing just cracks me up in a very twisted sort of way. On the polar opposite end of the Always ads and their bright, happy, in-your-face messages about periods, is the complete silence about them. I mean, for goodness sake, it's just a period. While it's not the most pleasant thing in the world, menstruation is natural. If something exists, it is natural. And for most women ages 9 and up (or earlier, there are some who get it early), it is a fact of life. Or was a fact of life. Or will be a fact of life. That's all. But when I was at Walgreens today to pick up some stuff, I saw some tampon carrying cases and some tiny little tampons in a box saying "No one will know it's that time." So apparantly they think that it's shameful to just go through a natural female occurrence? Let's get this straight. What is so shameful about doing what 51% of the world does at some time or another in their life? It doesn't change anything about the person you are. I've heard some ridiculous sexist drivel, that women are irrational when they menstruate, but surely we all know that this isn't the case. Maybe somewhat emotional, but that's because cramping hurts like hell. If males were going through that every month, I can assure you that we wouldn't be hearing any of that. And you know what, tampons would probably be free.

Well, after I've just dedicated a post to menstruating, I figure the smart thing is to treat the issue like what it is, something normal and natural. If it exists, it is natural. It's no special cause for celebration like the Always campaign says, and it's no cause for shame. It just is there. That's all. Really.

And a message to Always: You want to make this time more tolerable? Lose the damn e-cards and Pad-O-Meter. They won't do anything for us. Make your products free! I can assure you, that will make many women a lot happier than some asinine card.

La vie en teal

Well, I suppose I've officially entered the rat race, since today was the holiday office party. Got a very me gift at the gift exchange. I'm glad my pressie was well-received by Mary, one of our very cool volunteers (well, one might say they are all cool). Our advocacy director, Jenn, is leaving in the middle of the month. She will be greatly missed because she's really taken all of us under her wing and has made the effort to get to know all of us. Jenn did "Hair" in my first year of The Vagina Monologues, and she knows a lot about feminism and other social issues. She also taught us all a lot about disability rights. She uses a wheelchair to get around, and she has often been really vocal about how inaccessible most places are and how hard it is to perform daily tasks. RCS will have a hard time replacing her, and she will be missed. We've gone through so many changes. In less than a year, we've gotten a new director, a new therapist, and the legal position has been taken on by the director of advocacy. Don't get me wrong, I like the new therapist, and I think Kerri is as well-qualified as anyone can be to lead the rape crisis center. It's just a lot of rapid change.

I got into a conversation with a prevention educator at dinner today, after the party. One thing that has both of us somewhat worried is the recession. The recession isn't "coming," it's already here. We're not stupid. We know that times are extremely tough, and it's rather worrisome. We're both seniors, and we're pretty worried about the job market when we enter the full-time workforce. The scary thing is that there are people who will be or are affected by it worse than we could imagine.

The social service industry will be profoundly affected by this. Already, a lot of charities are getting their funding slashed, and most of them are needed more than ever. The homeless shelters are already overcrowded. A Woman's Place, Haven House, Women's Residential, and Safe Place are strict about limiting the amount of time a client can stay. I haven't done hotline since October because I've been doing administrative work at RCS, but when the other advocates pulled out their paperwork to give to Jenn, I was shocked by how many forms were turned in for the month. (A form details the hotline or medical call-out. Many forms=many call outs=many reasons--and I'm sure you know what those reasons are--for the call out) Even a big center like La Casa, which is mostly dependent on private funding, had some pretty huge cutbacks as well.

And here is where the problem lies. More unemployment and bad economic conditions usually leads to more crime. We have seen this all throughout history. People become desperate and take out their emotions in the worst ways. What bothers me is that if the funding for the centers keeps getting cut (and the need for them keeps going up), there won't be any services for the clients who need them the most. My two centers were really threatened by the governor's proposed budget cuts, and when he took those cuts off the table, we were all really relieved. We can't afford to lose the social services now. With worse conditions, we need our social services more than ever. I just hope the state government (and President Obama's administration too) thinks so and is willing to keep funding them.

Walk this way! Walk this way! Just gimme a kiss!

Got your attention, didn't I?

One thing I love doing is taking some of my guilty pleasure songs and re-working them to fit my point of view. By guilty pleasure, I mean the ones that I could rarely, if ever, relate to. Take any testosterone-fueled sausagefest male-oriented rock number, be it AC/DC or Aerosmith or Nine Inch Nails or even some Led Zeppelin and you know what I mean. Then I rework them from my hetero female perspective, as a "let me do this to a man" sort of thing.

When I saw Heart back in 2006 at Summerfest (see them if you get the chance, they just keep getting better), their encores were a pair of Led Zeppelin songs. Now they sound a lot like Zep does already, but these two songs were something of a surprise. For they were ones clearly from a guy's point of view, "Black Dog" and "Whole Lotta Love." As I was wondering how they were going to pull it off, Ann Wilson (the lead singer) showed her creative side and added these lyrics to the former--"I don't know what you've been told-- you think a pretty woman ain't got no soul" and "Now all I ask for when I pray, that a lovin' little woman won't come your way. Don't you need a woman to hold your hand, tell you no lies, make you a happy man?" The audience roared, and I have to say I liked that as an encore. It paid homage and talked back, which I think is awesome. The three times I saw Joan Jett and her lovely Blackhearts, they took a lot of songs previously associated with guy singers and did them. Which totally worked, especially when sandwiched in with songs like "Androgynous" and "ACDC (She Got Some Other Lover As Well As Me)." Even the more raucous acts nowadays wouldn't have the nerve to cover "Do You Wanna Touch Me?" or "Star Star," let alone rework them from a female standpoint ("you know you're my man, I'm doin' all I can, my temperature is runnin' high") AND pull it off!

It is incredibly fun entertainment.

I like the whole gender-bending (or blending?) nature of it. It's only fair for a woman to take a song and make it her own, as opposed to imagining herself being the girl the male singer is talking about (and I'm sorry, but much as I like their songs, I would rather NOT be the female in NIN's "Closer," for starters!). Take some of the control and the artistic expression and make it one's own. Plus, it just makes it more fun for the female audiophile.

Strong alone, fearless together

Anyone who insists on using archaic old gender roles or sentiments such as "weaker sex" has obviously never met me or any of the women I associate with. (*Note to my boys, this article is about female activists, but I like y'all too.*)

And anyone who thinks feminism is dead will have a lot to learn.

Meet the feminists of today. We're alpha females, and we are about as weak and fragile as steel. Strong alone, fearless together, we know what we want and stop at nothing to get it. Just take a look at any of the Fem Maj events of this year. Or take a gander at a Take Back The Night march (read my post "Let me Empower You" for a full account). Weaker sex, my ass. With all this evidence to the contrary, it's still a wonder that anyone would cling to those outdated gender norms. And why? Cause we happen to be the owners of two X chromosomes or ovaries? Give me a break!

Miss Landmine

Things just keep getting stranger and stranger.

Fast on the heels of my twin fashion blogs comes another one about standards of beauty and the like. Only this one isn't about what someone is wearing but rather about empowerment versus exploitation.

I learned about this website and project in my Gender/Women's Studies class, and I'm really bamboozled by it. I don't know if it is empowering or just plain exploitative. It's called Miss Landmine (http://www.miss-landmine.org), and it's a beauty pageant for women in war-torn countries who have had their limbs blown off by landmines. The goal, as stated on its website, is to raise awareness about landmines and their dangers and to celebrate different kinds of beauty. The women get to make themselves all gussied up, and the winner gets a golden prosthetic as a prize.

While I am totally for promoting different kinds of beauty (including of bodies that are considered "incomplete" or "damaged" by society), I'm not sure I can entirely support the idea of a beauty contest. In all fairness, I will say that I do like the slogan, "Everyone has a right to be beautiful," and that helping the amputee women to feel more confident in what they look like and do is a good thing. The confidence reflected in the smiles and poise of these women is really stunning. However, I'm still not entirely sold on the idea. The symbol for the landmine ladies is a "female" bathroom sign that is missing a leg, and the website has a theme song and opens with either a cartoon sunrise or explosion (can't tell which it is).

The prize is totally off the mark too. As members of a more privileged society (I believe the contest is originally from European folks), they should be focusing on ways to help all the women, as opposed to giving a gold prosthetic as a prize to the most attractive of the bunch. What about regular prosthetics for all the women who need them? Or rehabilitation? Or physical/occupational therapy so they can find jobs and live with fewer limitations? I mean, sure, bringing attention to disability awareness is certainly a good thing, but this seems to make a spectacle of a condition that's already unfortunate enough on its own. It sensationalizes it by using societally attractive women to be the "faces" of the effects of mines. What about the elderly indivduals who've had this happen? Or the men? Or the kids? Or (shock*gasp) the average-looking folks who've stepped on a landmine? I can assure you that they are also affected by mines.

It's a cause that's laudable, and maybe they need any means necessary to bring about awareness of mines and disability. I'm just not sure a beauty pageant is the way to do it.

Good Eats in Chambana!

Here is a shameless revelstyle promotion, but here goes:

Check out the Red Herring Vegetarian Restaurant!

All entrees are $5 max, and they have un-freakin'-believable coffee for a dollar. They also have good hot treats for cold days coming up.

Also...for the regulars, the Herring is in danger of closing if they don't get more business. So don't let this fish go belly-up and try it out sometime. I've been there a ton of times, and they never disappoint. I'm not vegetarian or vegan, but it's good stuff (makes me consider going veg at times!). It's in the Channing Murray Foundation on Oregon Street in Urbana. And they have really funky painted walls and bathrooms too. So check it out!

Shirts, shoes, and the shield laws

And now ANOTHER ridiculous fashion article for you!

Apparently that love-a-ly (note my sarcasm) rag Men's Health has an article called "You Might be Dressed for Sex and Not even Know it." Hmmm....I could've sworn people knew when they wanted someone, as opposed to a hookup just happening all out of the blue and all. When someone tells you, "It just happened," well, it sounds just as pathetic no matter who says it. That article's title is pretty dumb, as it sounds like a really creepy rape myth or something like that (ever hear of the shield laws, that said that what you wear is not a reason for people to attack you? If I could hug the shield laws, I so would).

But take a gander at these examples of what women could be wearing and the messages they "are sending:" (This is not their exact wording but rather my interpretation of it.)

A belted dress or skirt
I'm totally old-fashioned and ladylike, and I don't mind having you make all the decisions for me or support what you think I should do. I'd be more than happy to do your bidding as long as you wore the pants and won the bread and brought home the bacon in this relationship.

A soft, snug sweater
I'm cute and cuddly and am totally up for you talking to me like I'm two years old. After all, I need a big strong man to put me in my place, and hopefully you're up for the job.

High heels
Hey you! Yes, you! Over there! I'm totally screaming for attention without saying a word. And of course, my shoes have to do the talking for me because I am in so much blistering pain that I can't possibly walk over to talk to you myself.

Something red
I'm a dirty little girl who just wants attention. It doesn't matter who it's from. After all, aren't guys like bulls, attracted to the color red?

Revealing v-neck
Don't blame me, blame my skanky ovaries. When it's that time of the month, I'm supposed to show off some more. Lucky you, huh?

A top that reveals a bra strap
I'm such a clever little girl that I'm putting subliminal messages into your head. You can see my bra? Good, now try and imagine what I look like in it...and with it off.

Now, how ri-damn-diculous is this? What about the real reasons why women wear these?

A belted dress or skirt
If I don't wear a belt with the skirt, it will fall down, and frankly, you didn't pay to see that show. Plus, this is a formal occaision and wearing anything else will look totally out of place.

A soft, snug sweater
It's, like, a million degrees below zero and if I don't wear a sweater, I will freeze to death.

High heels
I'm wearing the heels to go with that belted dress or skirt I mentioned earlier. It's more formal and looks more professional than if I had on athletic shoes or flip flops.

Something red
It's my favorite color, and it came in my size. Deal with it.

Revealing v-neck
The tank top I usually wear with it is in the wash right now. And I like the way it looks.

A top that reveals a bra strap
When I found this top in the clearance rack, I didn't know how badly it fit until I put it on. I'm burning it when I get home. No, actually, I'm spraying you with my pepper spray first because you're ogling me. Then I will take it home and burn it.

And what about men's clothes? Let's try and make a men's variation of it. After all, women have hormones and desires too. Are the men unknowingly dressed for a woman to have her way with them?

A polo shirt and khakis
I'm incredibly traditional and preppy and will make all the money and decisions for this family. You don't have to worry your pretty little head about voting or working or going outside the home. I've got that all taken care of.

Jeans so low that they reveal boxers
I'm such a clever little boy that I'm putting subliminal messages into your head. You can see my boxers? Good, now try and imagine what I look like in them...and with them off.

A tailored suit
I'm really hot. And damn it, I know I'm so hot that you've just got to look at me. And come over to me in your high heels. And come home with me...

Now doesn't this sound dumb....it does, as much as the women's one sounds! Seriously, are we as women considered to have so little agency or ability to express ourselves that apparantly have our clothes do the talking? And did you notice that up until my little post about the menfolk, that no one ever thinks a guy is sending a message that he might not be intending to. Heck, I'm pretty sure most guys don't even think this way or feel they have to justify what they have on.

That's sooo last century!

I was looking through a magazine to find some more jewelry ideas so I could make some new designs when I went home (need to bring some to 40 North to see if they'll include me in the Boneyard). And what did I find? Not too much in the way of jewelry (sadly!), but I did find a ridiculous fashion spread. Yes, I'm a fashionista, but this is beyond silly. It featured a ton of ladies in sweaters and softer clothes, but it also included these archaic quotes in there...

"It is assumed that the woman must wait motionless until she is wooed. That is how the spider waits for the fly." --George Bernard Shaw

"A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon." --Arnold Haultain

"I have a feeling that the phrase 'weaker sex' was created by some woman to disarm a man she was preparing to overwhelm." --Ogden Nash

Maybe I'm a little biased because about half my wardrobe is secondhand or revel stuff, and I could probably never afford the duds in the magazine. I don't know about you, though, but all of these quotes would more likely make me not want to buy these clothes. The thought of being motionless and sighing (as opposed to talking) kind of scares me. And did you notice that they're all by men?? It's so obvious that they're about how an idealized woman would act as opposed to how she actually does. Hmmmm.....

And if your policies aren't good enough, whip up a batch of cookies!

(Hey, I'm sorry if I'm boring you readers with tons of rantings in one night. The thing is, I'm writing a thirty-page paper about a rather disconcerting subject, and if I don't take little breaks from it, I may just be in serious need of Prozac tonight.)

With all the strides we as women have made, why is the "Presidential Cookie Contest" (which pits the wives of Presidential candidates against each other in baking cookies) still around?

I think it originated during the middle of the 20th century. But really, most first ladies are intelligent and successful enough in their own right. They don't need to re-assert their "values" by playing the happy housewife heroine. Plus, you are voting for the presidential candidate, not their spouses. If a woman were the nominee, would her husband have to make cookies? I don't know, but something in me tells me not.

I remember in fourth grade when Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Dole were in that contest, and I remember feeling really put off by it. Both women, regardless of which side you're on, are very strong and intelligent and wildly successful (they're both Senators and have had long careers in government, regardless of their famous husbands). While I have nothing against knowing how to cook, I remember thinking that I would never want to bake anything to placate a bunch of sexist pigs (unless it was their dead brain matter). Sounds harsh, but I am not here for proving my womanhood in outdated ways. Plus, knowing me, I'd more likely be the candidate myself and my partner would have to make the cookies. Or the two of us would skip 'em all together, and once I won the election, we'd whip up a batch to celebrate (and NOT share them with any sexist pigs and have 'em all to ourselves!).

Three cheers for self-promotion!

She's a revel
She's a saint
She's the salt of the earth
AND SHE'S DANGEROUS.

She's a revel
Don't you know it?
Activistic feministic
In your face and rockin' widdit.

She lives the revolution,
The dawning of our lives.
She is so liberated.
I just can't deny it.
No I just can't deny.

She's a revel
She's a revel
She's a revel
And she's dangerous!

Forty years

As I stood out on the quad today, freezing my butt off to sell baked goods for the V-Day bake sale (proceeds go to the Vagina Monologues! woo for us!), I watched a very exciting and very powerful demonstration on the anniversary plaza of the Quad. The demonstration consisted of a march, speeches, and open mic to commemorate the 40th anniversary of African American Cultural Programming. The speakers were really good and talked about how it is everyone's responsibility to incorporate commitment to fairness into one's daily life. They talked about the cultural centers and the university's programs--and how far we've come since those early days.

One of the speakers brought up a story I had heard at a party and at my cluster, but it came back to me after hearing it. Apparantly, during the early 20th century, most of the dorms were all white. No minority student could live in them. This was a big surprise to me. I mean, I know racism exists and has a long and hideous history. But it was surprising to hear that many of the incoming students did not get a place to live when they came to the university. So where did they live? Many chose to stay with community members who let them board with them during the school year. So in areas like the downtown Urbana and Champaign neighborhoods, the students lived with the respective families who took them in. Some of the other students (who didn't like the rule but really couldn't do much to change it) would come over or bring food or something like that. After all, they probably would have still wanted to see their friends, even if they couldn't live in the same building.

While I would never ever want to return to an age like that, I often wonder about all the untold stories that happened in those neighborhoods. I don't really care so much about the white dorms (because that's pretty shameful) but it's the stories about the students living with the community members that sound cool. I know that if I were living during that time and had friends boarding with families, I'd probably go over and visit them or we could study/hang out together. And I would probably invite them over to see me. But I don't think I could stand a white dorm. I know that all three schools I've attended were predominantly white. However, I do hail from an area that has a large black and Latino population (whites make up about 30-40% of the population there, if that), so it's not like that is an issue for me.

Makes me glad this isn't forty years ago. I wonder if there are any written accounts of the students or their host families. I would love to read about them.

I still believe

Well, I've been out on the highway.
I've seen the damage done,
I've seen the pain and I've seen the hunger
In the eyes of everyone.
Yeah, I know that tomorrow
Will be cloudy and it's all in vain.
They say nothing's gonna make any difference.
It will just be more of the same.

But I feel something turning in my heart.
I feel something about to start.

Call me a fool,
Just call me blind.
I do believe this is our time.
I still have hopes.
I still have dreams.
Call me a fool,
But I still believe.

We've been out in the wasteland,
So many years goin' by.
There's been so much war, so much greed
And so many lies.

Cryin' out in the wilderness,
Hopin' for some relief,
Fearing like something is never gonna change--
It will just lead to sadness and grief.

Well, what's the point of living if you're just giving up?
I ain't drinking anymore from that hopeless cup.

Call me a fool,
Just call me blind.
I do believe this is our time.
I still have hopes.
I still have dreams.
Call me a fool,
But I still believe.

It all comes down to me and you.
The whole world's watching what we do.

I'm going down to my dorm lounge
Take a ballot in my hand
I know when I put it in the ballot box,
We will be one step closer to the promised land.

It's not coming tomorrow,
It's not coming today,
But I know when we all make our voice heard,
Some things will not be same.

I feel something turning within my heart.
I just know something is about to start.

Call me a fool,
Just call me blind.
I do believe this is our time.
I still have hopes.
I still have dreams.
Call me a fool,
But I still believe.

Call me a fool,
Just call me blind.
I do believe this is our time.
I still have hopes.
I still have dreams.
Call me a fool,
But I still believe.
--Bill Harley

Yes we can? Yes we DID!!!

With all apologies to The Second City

You know what day it is...

It's your right to vote!

So go out and vote!

Cause if you don't vote--

Alex WILL search you out and you WILL regret it!

Two more days...

In two days, it will be....

ELECTION DAY!!!

My message to you all is...

GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!

I am serious. I really don't care who you vote for, as long as you vote. This election has two candidates who couldn't be more different if they tried to be (although I sure saw a lot of Obamas and McCains out on Halloween night!), so it's much more than just a lesser-of-two-evils comparison. This is a really important, historic election, so you had better do your part and cast your ballot. Plus, if you don't vote and the results turn out like that Swing Vote movie where the election is undecided by one vote, I WILL personally hunt you down and never let you hear the end of it! And I am not kidding. So don't make me do that. For both of our sakes please.

You don't really wanna mess with me tonight.

I always found this situation to be ironic, yet highly annoying. Over the summer, I would get off of work at La Casa, feeling all fired up and ready to save the whole world. I'd have finished a database, a court watch, or some development work, and I would be feeling like I just rode into town with my sh*tkicking boots (or in this case, dress flats to fit the La Casa dress code) on, all ready to save the world. Then, as I'd walk to the local library where my sister was working, I'd invariably pass some construction site or other group of guys, and I'd hear the shouts of "Hey baby!" or whistles or some related bullshit like that. I've never found that stuff flattering, and usually I'd just ignore it or outright tell them to shut up if I got really annoyed. I usually don't have qualms about putting someone (particularly a man) in their place.

I love going out now that I'm back at school. I pride myself on always knowing someone whenever I go to an event, and I almost always have someone to go with. It's fun and the perfect way to spend my weekends. This October, I saw two big-name acts, kd lang and Amy Ray, and I picked up some of the basics of Latin dance at Distinto Y Diferente (Latin nights at Cowboy Monkey and Great Impasta--loads of fun with really energetic music). I'm totally loving the whole "see and be seen" aspect of it. Plus, who doesn't love salsa music??

My main issue is with the rest of the crowd, especially the guys there. Granted, I love my guy friends and many of the males I meet are perfectly okay. It's just a few that really bother me, but unfortunately they're so persistant and downright annoying that I have a hard time just ignoring them. I'm no prude--I am definitely as forward as they come, I'm rather frank about most things, and I'm usually pretty friendly to most. It's just...that too many people take it in the wrong direction or misinterpret it or think that I'll be more than happy to go home with them (when in reality, it's usually the contrary!). And that bothers me. What is it that makes those guys feel that they're so entitled? Is it the fact that I just happen to be the proud owner of two ovaries and just happen to be there? Is it because I am (shock*gasp) a woman who happens to have left her place for the night and ventured out into the big mean world? Is it because they can? What is it?

One time when I went dancing at the Canopy during a Zmick show (I like Zmick, especially when they dedicate a song to me! never knew I'd grow to love such a schmaltzy song like "Sexy Crazy"!). And like always, I was my sparkly self. (I can put any self-respecting glam rocker to shame with the amount of glitter I have and wear when I'm out. Maybe I was a female glam rocker in another life. Who knows? That's totally my musical and fashion guilty pleasure!) So I was dancing around to "Interrogation," and like always, it was really crowded. The guy behind me just grabs one of my hips to get me closer and to start grinding against me. Now that was just plain gross! I don't have anything against grinding, but to have someone you can't even see just grabbing you and rubbing his cock up against you like that is pretty darn creepy! So I snatched his hand and yanked it off my hip and then darted right up close to the stage where he wouldn't fit. Then at Latin night, I saw a guy who happens to run in many of the same circles as me (scenester, artistic, even knows some monologists and advocates). So I made some small talk with him, and within minutes he was trying to get me to go home with him. IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. This is a guy who (1) knows I have a boyfriend, (2) is twelve, twelve, TWELVE (12) years older than me, (3) turned out to be incredibly arrogant. Any of those is a bad thing on its own, but combine 'em and you've got a nasty case on your hands. I told him I was staying at the club with my friends (thanks guys!) and not going with him. So he backed off, but whenever I see him, he says "My offer still stands." What part of no don't you understand??? Do you really have so little self-control that you can't keep your mouth shut and stay away when someone is clearly trying to avoid you? One time, he came up to me when I was with two of my feminists, one male and one female, and they automatically flanked me. Like they could sense what a man-slut he was. But really, what makes him think he is so entitled?

Flirtation isn't the problem. I know I'm an extrovert and will talk to anyone and everyone. And I will dance with almost anyone. It just bothers me because it seems as though I just can't get them off of my case. I feel like I'm being punished, that I always have to be on my guard because (a) I'm female and (2) I am in a public place and not hidden away from view. I am both seen AND heard. I'm not going to stop going out. That's the last thing I would want to do. I suppose I could lay off the glitter and the revealing clothes and dress like a stereotypical frumpy female nerd and not go out. But then I wouldn't be happy. I'd be so miserable I wouldn't know what to do with myself! Scenesters need the scene! So what should change?

I have talked about this to some of my friends, but it seems as though we all can't figure out the reason for it. But they do have some funny remedies for it! My friend DoMonique suggested bringing a dagger along (and she has a Facebook group about it. She calls it a rape dagger if it is used on an attacker). But really, I need to be serious here. What is the issue? Is it me? Or is it the men? My parents tell me that if I know guys will be doing that, then maybe I should do something else that night. But I don't want to let other people make me afraid. I'm a lot stronger and tougher, and as we all know, I don't stay down and in easily. My roommate tells me to "be careful" when I'm in any group that might just include males. But I have a lot of guy friends, I see them almost every day, and I can assure you that most of them respect me and don't pull that shit on me. Then some folks just take it to the extreme! For one example, when I saw my MASV friends at a club once, I went over to talk to them. And right away, one of my other friends (you know who you are!) thought they were ALL hitting on me (it was really just an animated conversation) and rushed over to butt in ask me if I wanted to dance. While we were out on the floor, he was asking me, "So Alex, about those five guys who were hitting on you...It sure is a good thing I came in and bailed you out" to which I replied, "They weren't hitting on me. They're my MASV guys; I'm friends with them all. That's it, really." Of course it doesn't help that that acronym is pronounced like "massive," because then it sounded REALLY wrong! But they weren't hitting on me, and I certainly wouldn't want to alienate people who are my friends just because they own a Y chromosome and are friendly towards me.

But where do you draw the line? Does one avoid guys altogether and only spend time with one's female friends and/or partner? Or do the guys have to change? Or am I really too flamboyant and forward for my own good? Is it a combination of it all? And in that case, what's a revel grl to do? Personally, I think that while I can do my best to combat those actions and mindsets, the real change has to be with the men. Start thinking with your other head for once. Would you want your mother or sister to be grabbed or propositioned by some drunk college guys with bad B.O.? I'm not against being friendly or flirtatious or anything like that, but sometimes enough is...well, enough.

It'll learn ya way better than in school

The grad school process is royally kicking my butt.

I don't think it has all that much to do with me. I can whip up a cover letter that can melt the hearts of the heartless. I can scrounge up some references (I have three so far) that will sing my praises. My GPA is good, and my GRE scores are pretty kick-@$&. And my involvement is pretty enviable (three leadership positions, three committees, and a play! woo for me!).

Then what is my problem?

First I went to a lunch-and-learn at the African American Cultural Center about living on one's own. Later tonight, I was leading a Fem Maj meeting today and talking with my lovely members (I love this year's crop of feminists!!!), and three of them are in grad school. This year, we've upped the freshman, grad schooler, and male involvement. I love being the president of such a cool group! And all those grad students were giving me tips on how to survive and all were being sweet..."Oh Alex, I know you will get in" and the like. But I am royally getting nervous. I'm normally pretty darn confident...but it's the anticipation that's making me nuts. I have to send off all those letters/applications and wait and wait and wait and then see what happens. Yes, I have all the creds. But there are people out there with EVEN MORE CREDS. What then? One of my RCSers, who is one of the smartest women I know, got WAITLISTED for a sociology program last year. I am nowhere near as smart as she is, and she has TONS more experience than me (keep in mind she is also in her 40s and is a pretty high-ranking advocate). What do I do if that happens? If they can turn HER down, what about me?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that once those applications are out, I have no control over what they do next. I hate having no control. These next couple of weeks where I will be getting those applications out is going to make me wonder if this is hell and what I am doing in an Alex-sized handbasket.

So true...

"The advocate is one of the few people who has no desire to be needed."

Quote from the United Way conference I went to and especially fitting for my senior project. The conference was amazing, and I learned a lot about social services and partnering with different organizations. Also met many of the domestic advocates at A Woman's Place (they might be our sister organization, but I think we need to do more with them because they're a cool bunch and we could learn from each other).

But that quote is so true. I'm pretty sure that all of us wish our jobs didn't even have to exist.

Shall I compare thee to a grad school search?

To PhD or not to PhD?
That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of five-plus years of grad school.
Or to take arms against this binding commitment, and by going for an MA, end it.
To go for MA, two years and no more, and by two years to say we avoid
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That doctoral students are heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To go for MA, perchance to continue on.
Ay, there's the rub. For in that MA program, what possibilities may come
When we have finished our graduate thesis and may give us cause to continue.
There's the respect that eases the calamity of so long a study.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The professor's grades, the undergrads' inexperience,
The pangs of writing a dissertation, the committee's delay,
The difficulties of Higher Learning, and the spurns
That patient merit of the postgraduate takes
When she herself might her doctorate make
With a few more years? What would MA students do
To grunt and sweat under a weary load,
But that the dread of something after graduation,
That undiscovered country from whose bourne
Few return successful, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear the academic track that we have
Than fly to another that we know not of.
Thus indecision makes cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of going for an MA
Is sicklied o'er with the allure of the PhD.
And enterprises of great pith and moment,
With this regard their currents turn away
And lose the name of action.

But soft you now, the fair admissions office.
In thy judgments be all my accomplishments remembered.

---

Graduate school had better be worth all this.

Constant revelling: Of k. d. lang, the Amasong girls, and Sarah Palin

Okay, please forgive my pun on "Constant Craving." It's a good song that I don't do nearly enough justice to.

A conversation I had recently inspired this blog post. I was discussing all the concerts I had been to with two of my Feminists after we saw the divine Cherrie Moraga give a speech on campus. I was talking about how I saw k. d. lang last week and how I'm seeing Amy Ray next week. (If you can't see both Indigo Girls, then check out the harder-rocking of the two!) I love kathryn dawn and Amy. Their music is roots-rocking yet heartfelt, and they have beautiful voices and wicked guitar skillz. One of the girls, Danielle, said, "You know, I never really got into k.d. lang or the Indigo Girls. They're a little too influenced by country for my taste." I said, "Oh that's fine" since everyone's tastes are different. I don't expect everyone to like them (hell, if that were the case, I wouldn't have gotten my second row seats!). Then she continued, "But I like the fact that all three of them are out. Geez, I feel like such a bad lesbian--we're all supposed to like the Indigo Girls."

Now this was a little weird, seeing that every group is diverse enough to allow different tastes. (And I know some non-lesbians who like that group--heck, my dad owns all of their CDs and is constantly playing them. Although he's more of an Emily fan than an Amy one. Oh well.) I was going to say something, but then Christine spoke up. "Well, I consider myself a feminist and politically active," she responded, "but I've never gotten into Amasong. I think those girls have talent, but I don't really like world beat and think they could use their talents for something better." Amasong (http://www.amasong.org), for those of you who aren't from CU, is an all-girl chorus that does mostly international music, and they identify as some pretty hardcore feminists.

Now aren't we a little more varied than that? If our promotional phrase, "Feminists are the majority" is true, then we definitely have more diversity than one-size-fits-all tastes.So then I had to speak up. "Well, ladies, we're all women, right?" They agreed that this was so. And so I continued, "Well, one of the VP nominees is also a woman. But do any of us like Sarah Palin or want her in the White House?" Their responses were as expected--"Eeeeewww! No way!!" "Only as a visitor!" "How can you say that??!!" My response? "Well, in that case, I think we can agree that there is no one size fits all preference for any group!" Not every [insert category here] is alike. And who decides which group likes which things?

Please don't stop the music!

Well, looking back on it, I have a lot of songs/CDs referenced in here. I think I will make a list of all the ones I've done so far (with more to come as I add them). Most recent ones go first, older ones are last.

Act Naturally--song by the Beatles
I Don't Think I Know Me--written by Michael Clem, performed by Eddie From Ohio
Miracle Girl--song by the Lovemongers. Don't know the mongers? It's a side project of the girls in Heart during the 90s.
Barracuda--song by Heart, stolen by the Republican party
Let It Ride--song by Angie Heaton, a Chambana treasure
I am Woman--song by Helen Ready
Live Through This--album by Hole
Activity Grrrl--song by Joan Jett, may very well have been written about me
Alone--song by Heart
Feeling Good--song by Nina Simone, covered by Muse, butchered by Pussycat Dolls
I Fought the Law--song popularized by The Clash
Time of Inconvenience--song by Nanci Griffith
Sunny Came Home--song by Shawn Colvin, from album A Few Small Repairs
Summer Shudder--song by AFI
Summer Breeze--song by the ever-boring Seals and Crofts
Two Outta Three Ain't Bad--improved by Bonnie Tyler
Pieces of Me--song by Ashleigh Simpson
Fake Your Way to the Top--from the movie Dreamgirls
Oil to the World--parody of "Joy to the World"
Who says you can't go home?--song by Bon Jovi
Keep on rocking in the free world--song by Neil Young and his band Crazy Horse
Getting Better--song by the Beatles
Dancing Barefoot--song by Patti Smith
She's A Rebel--song by Green Day, revel-lutionized by me

Clarification

Okay, I figured I would offer you all some explanation. I noticed a lot of my posts seem to be about me whining or getting angry. First of all, I'm usually not an angry person and I don't think I whine all that much. I usually try to take some action on an issue before getting worked up over it.

The issues I've discussed are usually ones that I have little or no power over changing completely. While I'm the kind of woman who tries to make change in her own part of the world and then see if it spreads, I realize there are some things I will never be able to have or change. I know that as one medical/court room advocate, I won't be able to stop all the victim blaming or re-traumatization of my clients (and I know that I probably won't see a time when my services are no longer needed in my lifetime). I am fully aware that even though I don't want biological kids, those governmental guidelines still see me as "pre-pregnant" because I am the proud owner (for most of the month!) of two ovaries. And I know that some of the most scary or difficult times in my life were when I had no control over what was going on.

So when I discuss some issues that rattle or bother me, it's not just me whining or being unreasonable. They're things that matter to me, and it's usually because I have done all I could or am unable to make much of an impact.

Oh baby!

Well, here is yet another piece of news to add to Alex's Top Rantings. I swear, I've been on a feminist roll this whole day. First with unexpectedly playing Alex The Advocate in my first class (Ross asked me minutes before class started if I wouldn't mind handling disclosures during a presentation--which is fine by me, but I would've preferred advance notice), then ripping into Restoration-era sexual mores, and now this.

Apparantly there are some recent federal guidelines out regarding women's health. These guidelines instruct doctors to treat all women as either "pregnant" or "pre-pregnant" and to work with them accordingly. You can go here (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/15/AR2006051500875.html) to find the whole story about it, but this is truly a strange set of rules.

While I am totally in favor of making prenatal care more affordable and accessible for everyone (something that's especially needed in poorer and more racially diverse communities), I think that this is a little much. It seems to be taking that need and trying to "fix" it by using a snow shovel where a trowel is needed. The regulations require doctors to tell all women to stay away from certain things that could endanger the fetus or prospective fetus, but they don't really do much in terms of taking care of a pregnancy that's already there. That is where the need lies, since for nine months out of the year, a woman who's expecting needs to keep herself extra healthy. By telling a woman who isn't pregant and might not even be considering it what she can and can't do, there is little that gets accomplished. It's more or less reducing women to wombs and not much else. While I agree that childbirth is pretty important to many women, I think that this is simply assuming that all women are geared for that and not much else and treating them like baby incubators. What about women who physically cannot procreate? Can they be "pre" anything their bodies simply cannot do? Does that make sense? Can a lesbian be pre-pregnant? (And yes, I know several same-sex couples who have children, but they can't get each other pregnant.) And what about women who aren't planning to have children or who would like to adopt instead? Or women who have miscarried? I highly doubt a woman who has endured a miscarriage would like to hear about how she can protect another prospective fetus after that loss.

Can you imagine what would happen if the roles were reversed? It would be ridiculous! But sadly, this is pretty normal for a society that seems to be ignoring the pretty basic need for comprehensive sexual and reproductive health education (read my March post "Tease Squeeze Please" for more). The necessity lies in affordable health care and comprehensive education, not a one-size-fits-all public service announcement.

Not your baby

"Hey hey baby, what's your name?
You come by yourself, or are you with a friend?
Would it be okay if I buy you a drink?
And let's go back to my place when the night ends."


So I'm the grl to get down to the heart of the matter,

I'm walkin through this door like I own this joint,

Does that really make me a maneater?

Well, let's get right down and straight to the point.

You say I flirt, but what's your problem?
Would it really be better if I said nothing at all?
Do you really have to ogle my sparkly getup?
I'm not the kind of girl at your beck and call.


And your pedestal's not where I wanna be.
It's really tall, and this time I don't like heights.
And if I catch you looking up my micro-mini,
I'm jumping right down and startin a fight.

Am I really so tempting you can't help but seduce me?
Will it make you feel better to say that you tried?
And once the night is over, who you gonna brag to?
Do you think they're so stupid they won't know that you lied?


I can be forward, but do you have to respond?
Or are you just hard-wired to play my game?
You think you're so cool you can have me anytime,
But I've seen your kind before, and you're all the same.

And all I gotta do is...act naturally

I am taking this one class that I particularly love. It's called "Bodies and Technologies in Popular Culture," and it is great fun. We take all of this pop-psychology/biology stuff and then rip its logic into a billion little bits and prove it as wrong as wearing socks with sandals or raising a fuss over Y2K.

This class could not have come at a better time for me. It has always fascinated (as well as annoyed!) me when I hear people talking about how certain groups act this way and other groups act that way because "it's in their nature." From listening to folks like these, you'd think all humans consisted of were animalistic, base instincts and uncontrollable urges...and nothing more. All nature. No culture. And if anything, the 21st century has a combination of the most amazing cultures the world has ever seen; yet we still have some pretty darn vocal voices saying that people only behave in the way "their nature" dictates they should. Even more ridiculous is when folks start using examples from nature to illustrate why certain things are the way they are.

Phrases like those are not limited to today. Throughout history, we have seen discrimination unfold just because the dominant group (read: heterosexual, well-off, middle-aged white males) saw it as each of the minority groups' "natural place" to be below them. The folks who opposed abolition back in the 1800s used the disgusting argument that it was simply in the nature of the blacks to toil for long hours without any recompensation or humane treatment. And the disgusting practice continued until it was formally outlawed at the federal level. Women were first considered the property of either their husbands or their fathers, and they were encouraged to limit their life goals to "wife and mother" because (big surprise) they were told it was natural. (While there is nothing wrong with getting married and having kids, there is everything wrong with pushing that on everyone and not allowing them to have any dreams that happen to be different.)

The above historical examples sound horrendously antiquated, don't they? Then why do we still hear cr*p like that nowadays? Ladies' mags churn out new "scientific findings" justifying all kinds of BS: that men are "hard-wired" to cheat because it's in their instincts to produce as many offspring as possible (which is a little insulting to men, don't you think?), that women can sense when things are going wrong from the onset of something, that bad boys get more action because women are hard-wired not to resist them, etc. etc. Stuff like this is patronizing at best (by saying that basically we're just a bunch of raging hormones/instincts and not much else) and gross at worst. That first example, about how people are "instinctively" wired to want to procreate as much as possible has been used to justify a ton of hideous and completely untrue claims. At Sex Out Loud, the chastity group told Planned Parenthood (what were they thinking saying this to Planned Parenthood???) that contraceptives interfered with women's innate desire to be sexually pure (funny, I don't see anyone having a relationship with the actual pill) and yet also interfered with their "natural" role to bear children. Hmmm. I would have thought thinking and making one's own decisions was "natural" (including knowing when/if you wanted to reproduce). Then, at an RCS-sponsored event, one of the male advocates and I were fielding questions from the audience, and this one idiot stood up and was telling us that our rape victim advocacy work was conflicting with men's "biological nature" to father as many children as possible, even if it was by force. I was all set to let that guy have it, but before I could do anything, my cohort verbally eviscerated the sexist pig, saying that his views were really unfair to men as well as women! (I think it meant more coming from another guy, and Jack did one heckuva job as always.) I've also heard from well-meaning (I think?) individuals that because something existed in the animal kingdom, it was true for humans. Statements about how male animals are the aggressive and strong ones and that female ones are the nurturing ones. It makes me wonder if they have confused the species, because last time I checked, people are quite different from wild animals.

My response has usually been, "Okay, I think we've all evolved since then." I honestly don't think humanity is in a stagnant state that never changes, and if you know anything about history, you know that it is simply full of changes (good lord, that's a lot of change--I must be sounding like Barack Obama or something!). Or I say that I think we have more than just a bundle of instincts and hormones. In response to the animal thing, I've usually counter it with some witty (and sometimes crass) remarks that are just as true. You wanna talk about how males are dominant in nature? Let me tell you about nature! With lions, the lionesses do the hunting and are the stronger and fiercer ones. And with some kinds of bugs the female mates with the male and then eats him! (You should see the look I get for that one!)

Maybe people like those could be right in a way. By being so unenlightened, maybe they're the ones who haven't evolved and who haven't used much more than their instincts and big mouths. But really, you'd think statements like those would be deemed as the ridiculosity they are and not accepted at face value.

I don't think I know me as well as I thought I did

Well, I've always been faithful
To my dog--and my wife.
And I've always tried to lead the responsible
Kind of life.
And I always pay my utilities,
And usually on time.
And I mow the lawn on Saturdays
With a gin and tonic, and a squeeze of lime.

But yesterday I STOLE A CAR!
Took it for a drive.
I didn't take it very far.
Just around the block....
All right, a couple times.

I don't think I know me as well as I thought I did.

Well, I've always believed in
Every word that Jesus said.
You know, "do unto others and
You will be Jesus-led."
And I've always attended the local church
At the top of the hill.
And I say all my prayers,
I will go to Heaven.
At least I pray that I will.

But yesterday in my neighbor's yard,
I stole my neighbor's bike!
And I DON'T INTEND TO GIVE THE HARLEY BACK!
It occurs to me...
That's not very Christian-like.

I don't think I know me as well as I thought I did.

Well, now I am a good driver.
I watch my speed,
And I check both ways.
And my family takes picnics to the park
On warm weather holidays.
And we ask all the neighbors,
And they invite all their friends and kind.
And they all bring side dishes,
And we form one big holiday buffet line.

But yesterday was Independence Day!
At 85 MILES AN HOUR--
I PLOWED THAT HARLEY THROUGH THE BUFFET LINE!
It occurs to me...

I don't think I know me as well as I thought I did.
I don't think I know me as well as I thought I did.

--Michael Clem

There's a light at the end of the tunnel!

Well...the White Sox just clinched the series and will be heading to the playoffs, Teatro Luna comes tomorrow to perform "MACHOS", I got a decent GRE score on the practice test (this had better be the same on the real thing on Friday), Biden will almost certainly wipe the floor with Palin during the debates (hate is a strong word, but I really really REALLY don't like that woman), I have set up some dates to come back in to La Casa over winter break, and I single-handedly fixed my computer without having to bother the Cites people.

There is hope for me yet!

Now hopefully that hope transfers to Friday at least, when I take that GRE for real! Although it would be nice to keep it for the rest of the year too...

I think that light at the end of the tunnel is fireworks. Specifically Sox Park fireworks after they win!

A tale of two cities and their centers

To be honest, going "back home" has always been difficult for me. You might remember a post I did some time ago called "Who Says You Can't Go Home," but I've been thinking about it even more now. During freshman year, I would go home about once a month, both to see my family and to see the guy I was dating. Since we had a lot of mutual friends, there would be no shortage of things to do. And since I'd only be home for a weekend (or in the case of a holiday, a month), there'd be enough time to make me feel appreciated but not like it was overbearing.

Then summer came. Summer was tough. I had left that guy after finding out some sickening stuff about him, fended off his unwanted calls and attempts to contact me, and had a difficult time of trying to re-adjust to being back up north. I felt like I had returned to a puzzle I was no longer part of, a block on a Rubiks Cube trying to fit into a jigsaw puzzle. I had gone to college and found a niche, and I had none of the support or like-minded people around me. I'm not saying I was miserable, what with the family and concerts and other great things going on, but it was still a tough adjustment. I didn't know if I had changed too much, or if they just weren't the type of people I could really say I fit in with. The coming years made me even closer to the university and college community (feminists, advocates, activists, etc.), which of course made it even tougher to go back up north. When I'd get off of work, drenched in sweat and smelling like chlorine, I would check my email. It was pure torture to read messages about all the summer activities down there, with me up in my tourist trap of a hometown where one couldn't get anywhere without driving.

I think I recovered some of that sense of belonging this summer at La Casa. I received the invite for their fall banquet last weekend. Sadly, it's on a school night so I cannot attend, but it brought back all those memories of interning there. I'm not saying La Casa was perfect--it had its flaws (like the dress code!), but it was one place in that whole town where I felt I could act like myself. When I was with the staff (and NOT with the clients, that would be unprofessional), I could talk about anything I wanted and learn more about them. It was (shock*gasp) OKAY to label yourself as a feminist! I found people I could look up to; ones who weren't the stereotypical "role model" type but rather the type who lived their beliefs through their work. Halfway through it, I felt as though I was one of them and was for the first time in a long while happy to be back home. You might be thinking, "They're in your field, Alex, what did you expect?," but not everyone who is in crisis work is going to be close to me.

Before the internship began, I was somewhat reticent about going home, and I kept on thinking I would miss RCS. I did miss RCS. Now that I am back down here, I miss La Casa. Thanksgiving break is in a little under two months, and the fact that I will be doing some court dates or fundraising stuff once I get back makes me look forward to going "back home." It took me twelve years before "home" felt like home, but I guess it's better late than never.

Wonderful weekend

So I am now one year older and wiser and more flamingly opinionated than ever...

Dinner and beverages at Crane Alley--$10/person (12 people)

Entry fee for Pygmalion Festival--$5/person (3 people)

Coffee at coffee hour--$2.50/person

Phone calls--20 min./person

Celebrating with a dozen of your nearest and dearest buddies, having the lead singer of Zmick dedicate a song to you ("Sexy Crazy" ;) ) at Pygmalion, trying to make that perfect cup of Turkish coffee from memory and succeeding, and knowing that your family is coming soon to continue the celebrating--

BEYOND PRICELESS

There are some things money can't buy. Thank goodness for all of them.

Oh yeah, how you shine like a miracle girl.

What's the deal with all the booty being flashed around?

Seriously, I'm not kidding. Seems like almost every woman who's in a major magazine peels off the duds. Now, I am not talking about the airbrushed models in the "male interest" magazines but rather the cover and center shoots of well-known ones.

I'm not entirely sure as to what the females in the photos get out of it. Yes, I know I like to glam it up and flaunt what I've got at times. But this is somewhat different because I've never done the full monty and all were just because I wanted to, not for some male gaze.

The female musicians and actors in Rolling Stone, Spin, and Blender almost always are in some stage of undress. If you're a bigger woman or have unusual looks, you're usually reduced to a paragraph or two and almost never with a photo (unless, of course, you're Jennifer Hudson, who photoshopped her cover shot to look more like a size 0 than the 16 she probably is). Bust magazine, which supposedly is the zine for the "new girl order," featured some actresses and spoken word artists in their skivvies at most. Even Fierce, a multicultural/multimedia magazine I followed for a while featured a "stagewear" section that was little more than a glorified Sports Illustrated swimsuit centerfold (kinda disappointing for a grl who is into fashion and stagewear). Then, an engineering magazine at my own college, Technograph, featured a "technocutie" each month. Yeah boys, as if women have no place in the engineering world except in booty shorts and heels in the pages of your stinkin' magazine. (And if any of those engineers ever met one of those technocuties, they probably wouldn't even warrent a second glance.)

I don't see a male equivalent of it. Sure, there's Cosmo's "Guy Without His Shirt" column, which features a shirtless guy from the waist up. And I don't like adult mags, so I'm not going to comment there. But I certainly haven't seen female-oriented magazines with guys flashing their, um, goodies around. Can you imagine a guy in a speedo gracing a page in Bitch or Ms.? Probably not. In Advocates' Monthly (you advocates and prevention educators ought to know what that is...), could you picture an advocutie that's a guy? (Hey, it's a female-dominated field..like engineering is a male-dominated one.) And could you visualize a guy in the now-defunct Rockrgrl (may its memory be eternal!) using a guitar as a fig leaf? Sound ridiculous? It does--just as much as objectifying a female is.

So what is it that the women get out of this? Is is an act of self-liberation? Is it brainwashing into societally determined roles as a sex object and nothing more? Do they even have a viewpoint on it? I'm not expecting them to channel the ghost of Mother Teresa every time they do a photo shoot, but I wouldn't mind seeing a little more imagination and creativity and a little less softcore porn.

"Sell me, sell you," the porpoise said

They never seem to get it, do they?

My interest in music just collided with the upcoming election. Seems like every candidate's got a theme song or at least something to play when they come out on stage. When I saw Obama speak in Springfield a few years back, they played "Shout" and "Suddenly I See." (If I had the nerve and funding to run, they'd be blasting "Activity Grrrl" as loud as they can.) All fitting songs for said folks. However, I can't exactly say the same about the other side. I thought it was bad when that paragon of hatemongering and bile Rush Limbaugh used the Pretenders' "My City Was Gone" for his talk radio theme song (and without paying them or asking if he could!). That song is very anti-conservative and not exactly fitting with what he preaches, but he wound up using it for many years. It's scathing and sharp, as only Chrissie Hynde can do it.

Now I know I should be bi-partisan, but I haven't run into the same problem with the Democrats. This article is more about the music and the message. I thought the use of "My City Was Gone" was bad. But just today I discovered something just as bad, if not worse for an audiophile like me!! Apparantly, during the RNC, they played (the horror the horror) "Barracuda" before Palin came out!!! And it was the Heart version, the REAL version, not the rotten old Fergie version. Now this is unforgiveable!!! Yes, I know that was her nickname when she was playing basketball, but (1) she didn't have permission to use it and (2) the song is nothing like her. It's about the corporate and soulless nature of the music business, and how record execs will do anything to make a profit (there's a line in there that goes, "And if the real thing don't do the trick, you're gonna make up something quick"). Then again, politicians will do anything to get elected...but that is still BEYOND unforgiveable!!!

[I just found out that the girls in Heart issued a cease and desist order to the McCain campaign, saying that they didn't want him illegally using a their song to endorse a candidate they didn't support. You go girls! No word on what happened with "My City Was Gone."]

See you in Arcola!

Well, I looked up some more about Arcola. All I can say is that it's pretty stereotypically small-town. After reading about it, I have made a solemn promise to never call C-U or Mahomet or Savoy "rural" because Arcola is WAY more so! The funny thing is, the advocates with urban origins are the ones doing the display and workshop, so we're all in the same boat pretty much.

The highlight of this Broom Corn Festival is the Lawn Rangers. I don't know if I'm doing the booth or workshop on the day they perform, but they seem like something else entirely! Apparantly, it is a "high-precision, lawn mowing drill team" that does stunts! Dave Barry was one of them for a while, and he's written several columns about his experiences.

Somehow, I don't think he's making anything up.

This is either gonna be entertaining or "are-you-kidding-me." I mean, how do you do stunts with a lawn mower? I know I've mowed my lawn at home before, but the most exciting thing that I've done there is try to avoid the rocks and my mom's plants. Not that thrilling. So how do the Rangers do it? Do they push the mowers and do formations with them? Do they RIDE the mowers and do tricks atop them? And what does it have to do with broom corn?

[Oh yeah, and I found out what broom corn is. It's decorative corn that you can't eat. You can use it for brooms and industrial purposes if you like, but it's not edible. What do Lawn Rangers and broom corn have in common? Guess I find out Sunday!]

Proof that I'm still a city grl

Well, well, well...

What happens next?

Quad Day was a smashing success, classes look interesting (but pretty demanding!), the GRE is royally kicking my butt, and the end of the stint at La Casa was as good as any intern could hope for. They even threw a send-off party for the other intern and me! Complete with balloons and cards and a teal cake for me and a white one for him. Feminist Majority starts up tomorrow, which is both exciting and nerve-wracking.

But this weekend I signed on to help staff an RCS booth at a festival and later help with a workshop. I have a ride to said festival, but I am not too sure of where it even is or much about what it celebrates. Anyone know where Arcola is? Better yet, why is it that I haven't heard of it before like now? I assume it's a smaller town in East Central Illinois--but where is it even? I looked up its website, and all it talked about was how Arcola Is Amazing (something I find out when I go there, I guess) and how it was the broom corn capital of the world. And that is what the festival celebrates. Broom corn! I mean, I am familiar with corn as anyone from my state would be. My school has a cornfield on campus. But what's different about broom corn? Can you sweep with it? Can you eat it? Can you (hmmm) do BOTH? Do animals eat it? And why does it merit a festival? Maybe it's the kind of corn with the fringe on top, but I always thought they called that sorghum. Guess I'll ask my advocates who are going to it, so I know what to expect. But if you do know what either is, please let this urban grl know...

Feminism has fought no wars

Feminism has fought no wars.
It has killed no opponents.
It has set up no concentration camps,
Starved no enemies,
Practiced no cruelties.
Its battles have been for education, for the vote,
For better working conditions...
For safety on the streets,
For childcare,
For social welfare...
For rape crisis clinics, women's refuges, reforms in the laws.
If someone says, "Oh, I'm not a feminist!" I ask,
"Why? What's your problem?"

--Dale Spender

The revel is back!

Hello, hello, it's good to be back, so good to be back. Hello hello....

I am so truly sorry about my leave of absence, and I'm hoping that you all will forgive me.

Now I am back up in the north and interning at the state's premier crisis treatment center. There have been many changes and many things that I have learned so far. La Casa is just great, and I've met some of the most knowledgable and committed people in the field of crisis intervention.


What Alex has learned so far:

1 ICASA doesn't name La Casa the best center for nothing. They really are the best.

2 Non-profits are extremely corporate in nature! Who knew?

3 I am actually liking the corporate nature of this particular non-profit. Who'd have expected that?

4 Applying for grants is like applying for a college. Only if you don't get into the college, you're still alive. If you don't get the grant, your non-profit may not be anymore.

5 I miss the familiar nature of RCS. While it is smaller and with less resources, it's sometimes nice to have people I can joke with and do things with as well as work with.

6 Court advocacy is probably the most depressing aspect of crisis intervention.

7 People can be incredibly cruel and heartless.

8 People can also be incredibly good and caring.

9 "Business formal" dress code is so not me. But I can do it for two more months...

10 Interning at La Casa has completely exceeded my expectations and then some. I've learned more in two months than I have in a year at almost any other job. And I have nothing but the utmost respect for all of my co-workers and the volunteer team.

Friday's the fundraiser. If you're in the area and have $100 burning a hole in your pocket, come on out, say hi to me, and support a good cause!

Twas the night before finals!

I am listening to one of my favorite songs, "Because the Night," right now. Its singer/author, Patti Smith, once said,

The performer wears his or her confidence as a sacred garment.

If that's the case, then I think I will need a new freaking wardrobe for tomorrow and my back-to-back finals! I really need to do well on the first because there are few graded things in that class, and I need to rawk the second because the professor seems to think we students are signs that there is no intelligent life upon this planet.

See ya tomorrow...

Flashback!

Looking back on it, I think one of the most (if not THE most) pivotal events of my college career has been my involvement with the Vagina Monologues. I know that I've written enough about that play to rival the most seasoned of critics. But I believe and know that this is one of the biggest and most influential things I have done.

Through the play, first and foremost, I met an amazing array of women and men who astonished me with their dedication and spirit. They came from all walks of life and all backgrounds, but they all had the common goal of acting to stop violence against women. These were students, graduate students, community members, and faculty. They came from all over with the same goal in mind, and nothing would stop them from putting on the best play and showing that we meant business about ending violence. Nicolette, the director for the past two years, put her whole heart and soul into it and worked tirelessly (even to the point of getting sick at the end) to make sure the actresses were doing their best and were getting along as well. Megan and Ashley, my first directors, took the initiative of getting the community involved and organizing the benefit concerts. Some of the actresses were pros--Brittany, Remy, Tricia, and Cat were in Inner Voices and wowed us with their natural ease in each part. Some were amateurs--Laura, Sara, Janelle, Rhonda, and me--and shocked us all by how well they carried each role. Some of us were new to activism, some were seasoned pros. But we all had the same goal and a fantastic way to carry it out

The second door the play opened was to my job/internship and passion. My lovely RCS is the recipient of the funds from the monologues each year. Now, before freshman year, I knew what centers like RCS and La Casa were, but I couldn't tell you what went on in there and I certainly would never have expected to WORK at one! When the staff from RCS came to speak with us about their mission, I was hooked. It sure didn't hurt that the director of advocacy was a monologist herself! I knew I had to learn more about them, and that spring, I volunteered at their art exhibit, Healing Works. But it wasn't enough. I had to get into the action, and I filled out the application for the advocacy program and busied myself that summer on the social committee at La Casa. Then fall hit, and I passed the advocacy training with flying colors! I staffed support groups and special events. I worked the hotline and medical shifts. I helped lead the chants at Take Back the Night, and just today, I won an Outstanding Advocate award for my work there! This summer I have an internship in intervention, and it thrills me to think of it. It is not the most glamorous or sought-after job, but it's something I love and am passionate about. And had it not been for the monologues, I would not have been in it.

The third door the monologues opened was to my Feminist Majority. Now I have been a feminist since the age of six, but it actually took a while to get me in a feminist organization on campus. The only one I knew of was NOW, and while I like and respect NOW, they met at an inconvenient time for me. I knew of the national Fem Maj, but I didn't know there was a campus organization. When it was March in freshman year, I heard of an event called Sex Out Loud that was calling for the actresses to perform. I signed up to do so, and while I didn't get to perform (the other grls in my list piece couldn't make it), I went to the fair anyway. I was hooked and ABSOLUTELY HAD to join the organization that threw this lovely event! Through a little determination and a hell of a lot of hard work, I became the president and saw myself putting on the best Sex Out Loud fair I had ever seen! The best part was that some of the people from Fem Maj joined after seeing me in the monologues. Next year I will be treasurer and am ready to throw as grand of an event as this past year.

The fourth one was my campus connections. I became the team leader of the anti-rape fraternity group, FPREP (Fraternity Peer Rape Education and Prevention), because Ross recognized all the hard work I'd put into women's causes. My team members are now CARE facilitators or advocates, and they got fired up for the cause! I met Pat, the assistant dean, because she performed "Reclaiming Peace" last year. She came to many Fem Maj events after that and participated in our reproductive rights panel. This past winter, she invited me onto the committee that oversees all the multicultural houses on Nevada Street.

And last of all, the play helped me to completely conquer my shyness. I think I was pretty outgoing when I came to college, but something about asking "What does a vagina smell like?" to hundreds of people really helped me to kick that shyness to the curb and tell it never to return! Now I am an ultra-extrovert and am incredibly comfortable with any kind of crowd.

While I think the learning process is lifelong, the play has really opened up tons of doors to me that I would not have considered otherwise. I can't wait till next year's, even though it's almost a year away.