It'll learn ya way better than in school

The grad school process is royally kicking my butt.

I don't think it has all that much to do with me. I can whip up a cover letter that can melt the hearts of the heartless. I can scrounge up some references (I have three so far) that will sing my praises. My GPA is good, and my GRE scores are pretty kick-@$&. And my involvement is pretty enviable (three leadership positions, three committees, and a play! woo for me!).

Then what is my problem?

First I went to a lunch-and-learn at the African American Cultural Center about living on one's own. Later tonight, I was leading a Fem Maj meeting today and talking with my lovely members (I love this year's crop of feminists!!!), and three of them are in grad school. This year, we've upped the freshman, grad schooler, and male involvement. I love being the president of such a cool group! And all those grad students were giving me tips on how to survive and all were being sweet..."Oh Alex, I know you will get in" and the like. But I am royally getting nervous. I'm normally pretty darn confident...but it's the anticipation that's making me nuts. I have to send off all those letters/applications and wait and wait and wait and then see what happens. Yes, I have all the creds. But there are people out there with EVEN MORE CREDS. What then? One of my RCSers, who is one of the smartest women I know, got WAITLISTED for a sociology program last year. I am nowhere near as smart as she is, and she has TONS more experience than me (keep in mind she is also in her 40s and is a pretty high-ranking advocate). What do I do if that happens? If they can turn HER down, what about me?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that once those applications are out, I have no control over what they do next. I hate having no control. These next couple of weeks where I will be getting those applications out is going to make me wonder if this is hell and what I am doing in an Alex-sized handbasket.