Thou shalt not trivialize the female friendship

I went to the American Historical Association's conference in January. Tremendous event with some truly amazing plenary sessions and a very empowering movie screening at the end. I really learned a lot about all aspects of social history (as that is my area of specialty) and saw some speakers who completely exceeded my expectations. At a screening of the new LGBTQ history documentary (see it if you get the chance!), On These Shoulders We Stand, I met three community college professors from Virginia. We sat together and talked before and after the film, and I saw two of them at a panel the next day. The three professors, Sarah, Anna, and Phylicia, were in their early to mid 40's and informed me that they had been friends since graduate school. So if you think about it, that's about 20 years of friendship! They said they went to conferences together and really got to experience a lot of the country this way. I could tell that they were having a great time exploring Chicago and what each other brought to the conference.

I didn't get their business cards, but their mention of being college friends really hit home for me. I have a lot of friends from undergrad and would absolutely love it if we remained close for as long as these ladies have. Plus, how cool would it be to travel together? All three women had spouses or partners, but they all made time to spend together at the conferences. They seemed to really enjoy one another's company.

This then got me thinking to how female friendship is often really trivialized or erased by the popular culture. (Male and female friends, which also seem to be erased, will be the subject of another blog post.) With the exception of Bridesmaids, many of the current films out aren't exactly focused on female friendships and the ones that do feature the women as competing for some man. That's really unfortunate because it doesn't reflect the reality of how many women are (we are not all in competition with each other!) and portrays the friendship as just a small matter before they "settle down" with someone. Sarah, Anna, and Phylicia all had spouses, but they didn't seem to treat their friendship as though it was just supplementary. Sarah, the most outgoing of the three, jokingly told me, "This gives our better halves the chance to have the house to themselves, so they're not complaining." Phylicia dryly added that if the three of them could survive doctoral exams, they could survive three days of travel together. (Allison Bechdel would be proud, I'm sure.) I love that attitude!

Maybe popular culture and the mass media could take a lesson from Sarah, Phylicia, and Anna's example. The profs could so teach 'em better than school. These are real women with real lived experiences, not some Hollywood fabrication.