You cannot spell massively intense without M-A

This past few weeks has been literally CRUNCH TIME!  With the exception of an intercultural music concert yesterday that I went to, I feel as though I've been running on all cylinders through most of this quarter!  Weekends have turned from being packed with fun social get-togethers to me being lucky if I get one event that isn't related to my thesis.  Meanwhile, I've been writing, revising, and drinking copious amounts of a certain super-delicious hot caffeinated beverage until 5 AM on weekends.

I cannot wait until my defense is is scheduled and done successfully and the revisions are complete!  Then I will take a nice vacation and plan the whole summer full of concerts, parties, and friend get-togethers.  If the defense goes successfully, I will take my immediate family out for dinner at the cute little gastropub on the corner and plan a friend get-together at the Haus of Revel later in the summer.  If it does not go successfully (which is highly unlikely, since my committee has been good at telling me exactly what to change and not change), I will still make plans with the family and the friends so I can vent to them about the process and get their support.

But soon it will all be done, and I will then only have work to worry about.

And yet...

Does anyone else think it's weird that I'm seriously considering another degree after this one?

Talking to Strangers

Blow out the candles
Turn down the songs
You're looking so pretty,
But where did this go so wrong?

Maybe you've changed
Maybe I have too
There used to be nothing
We couldn't talk through

What happened to your spirit?
The you I knew wouldn't stand it
Now I'm talking to a stranger,
And I can't understand it

I don't need your sympathy
You can have it for yourself
If I'm going to lose the friend I knew,
Then I can handle being by myself.

Two paths diverge for ambition and love
I don't think they should be separate at all
Now we're just talking past each other
With no common ground at all

I don't know why you act this way
The you I knew wouldn't stand it
Now I'm talking to a stranger
And I can't understand it.

I just don't know what's happened
The you I knew wouldn't stand it
Now I'm talking to a stranger
And I can't understand it.
I can't understand it.
I can't understand it.

(C) Revel with a Cause Productions

Really?

All names and identifying information have been changed, but really, how do you go through life so that an exchange like this happens??

Me: It's important to speak up when you don't agree with something, otherwise how does it change?
Denyse: Well, I'm still getting used to speaking up.  Before, I just thought that when I didn't agree, it was a problem on my end, but apparently, it's a problem for more people than just me.
Me: No, no, some things are social issues and not just because of something you did or didn't do.  The personal is political, you know.
Denyse: The personal is...the personal is political.  The personal is political!  Ooooh...that's brilliant!  I love it!  Did you make that up, Alex?

HOW DOES ONE GO THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT HEARING "THE PERSONAL IS POLITICAL"? 

That's, like, downright un-American!  That phrase is way older than me!

I pity the folks who didn't major in women's studies!

Cut that out, WBEZ

I love NPR!  Really I do.  I think it's a smart, well-researched radio station, and I literally grew up listening to WBEZ in the car (when I wasn't listening to Nanci Griffith and Mary Chapin Carpenter or hearing my dad tell the Christmas Carol story) on the way to school.  I don't necessarily think it's a liberal program but rather a news program in the way that news should be--well researched and truly balanced.

But can we talk about their um, interesting, ad campaign?

Whenever I go into Chicago, I never fail to see it.  Damn signs on the el telling me to "get a room already and put a crib in it."  Damn big advertisement on the side of the building and visible all the way out to Waukegan telling me that they "want my babies."  Damn ads popping up on my iPod telling me that "interesting people make interesting people" and that I need to "do it for Chicago."  They even have an "interesting people" dating app now...

Really, WBEZ?  While I guess I should be flattered that you want me to have a healthy sex life (although, seeing as you are not my gynecologist, I fail to see how that is your business), I would like nothing more for you to fire whoever the idiot was that came up with that ad.  While you might be trying to mix it up and do something different with your ads, surely you could do better than urging your listeners to produce little future listeners or assuming that your listeners all want to or can do that.  And do LGBT people exist in your world?  Your dating app is for straight couples only!  Honestly, those damn ads are so full of wrong I really could take this in all sorts of directions, but let me say this main thing...

I expected better from you.

I would have thought that a station with a reputation for being intelligent and free-thinking would understand that families come in all forms, not just one way.  I would have thought that you'd see that it's important that we all decide when and if to start our families on our own terms, not someone else's.  It's really not that complicated.  At the end of the day, only we can make that decision, as we'll have to live with the decision.  For a longtime listener like me, I know that I absolutely could not have a child right now.  I am not at a point in my life where I could afford it financially or be emotionally present enough to care for one.  And to get very personal on you, if I do decide to become a parent, I want to adopt.  I've wanted to do that since before I could even drive, as I think adoption is awesome and that the most precious gift you can give a kid is a family.  And who better than me to give it?  I can't tell you all the criticism I've received for that, even from supposedly well-meaning people.  I've had people tell me I have "good genes" that I "need" to pass on.  (Who knows which genes the kid would get??)  I've had people tell me I'm "not really an adult" until I give birth.  (How do you tell that to someone who is infertile?)  Hell, I've even been told that it's just a second-rate option and that I "couldn't really love" an adopted child.  And those are some of tamer things I've heard!  (Some of the others would really make you sick.)  While I am not in a place in my life where I would want to adopt just yet, that is the only option I would want if I decide to be a parent.  And I can assure you that even if I didn't "make" him or her, I know they would be interesting.  You know why?  Because interesting has nothing to do with genetics!  It's more to do with how you were raised and how you choose to live your own life.  Surely you should know that.        

I don't need someone telling me what I should and shouldn't do.  I don't need a dating app trying to set me up with someone "interesting."  And I do not need any auditing of my reproductive or relationship choices.

WBEZ, I just want you to stick with what you do best--news.  You are not an opinion  program.  You are not FAUX News.  And you aren't a tell-people-what-to-do program.  You are a news program.  Please stick with the news and leave the relationship and reproductive auditing out of it.

Milestones

Milestones

Finish school?  Check!
Leave home?  Check!
Get married?  Check!
Buy a home?  Check!
Have kids?  Check!

Congratulations!  You are a REAL ADULT now!
All right?

All wrong!

Meeting milestones isn't living, so don't tell me they're the same.
I'm the kind of gal who lives out loud, so I won't play your game.

Some boxes for me to check off won't show the kind of life I lead
Or exactly all the things that happen for me to get what I need.

And all your comments on milestones have such a hollow ring
If you're working eighty hours to get by, a life milestone won't mean a thing.

Or if you escaped a relationship that had withstood abuse
Having the home, marriage, and family really won't serve much use.

Or if you're so in love and thinking that getting married would be great,
You can't check the box if they won't let you marry in your state.

There's a point where you know that society's rules are wrong,
At which point you realize it's for the best if you didn't go along.

There's so many more like me out there, but I can just speak for me alone.
I'm going to live my life the way I want and tear up this list of milestones.

(C) Revel With a Cause productions.  All rights reserved.

An open letter for Jeanine Kovac

Ms. Kovac:

Your article up at Role Reboot this week has really generated something of a firestorm that still hasn't died down.  Now, normally I can appreciate a provocative article if it's well reasoned and allows for some good discussion, even if it isn't necessarily something I believe.

I can't, however, appreciate something that's condescending, bossy, patronizing, or some combination of the three.  And that's exactly what your article does.  I'm not including the linky because I don't want to give you the web traffic.

Kerry Cohen already wrote a great open letter for you in response.  That said, Kerry is a parent, and I'm going to give you another point of view.  The thing is, I am something of a Doris, especially in regards to my personal life, and I have HAD IT with individuals acting self-righteously and as though they know what's best for me and my life.  So I have a bit of a personal stance on this.  This may come as a shock, but each individual is really and truly the best determiner of what's in their interests.  If you truly think of Doris as your friend, you really need to stop telling her what to do and acting like your way is the best way.  That really should not be in anyone's definition of friendship.

And when it comes to a matter of something as personal as when and how to start your family, it's especially important that you respect your friend instead of telling her that you want to see her pregnant and that you think she should have kids after she's told you she isn't ready.  As a pro-choice activist, I believe that every child should be a wanted child.  Pressuring someone into having a kid just because you want to see them as a parent is SO inappropriate and disrespectful!  Would you expect your friend to ask you if you regretted having your kids?  I think not.  So why do you see it as somehow your prerogative to shame her into procreating?

It's not your prerogative, it's not your business, and it's frankly a case where you need to apologize to your friend for how you've written about her.  That's not how friends should behave, and that's not how anyone should be acting on a supposedly progressive website.

Revel

PS  You mentioned you only had your kids because your husband wanted you too.  I'm not in your marriage, so maybe I too am overstepping it, but that really smacks of reproductive coercion.  If not that, then a sign that something's not healthy in your relationship.  Do you really want to wish that on your friend?  I sure hope not.

Well, this is interesting...

I love my apartment!  Really I do.  I think my location is absolutely enviable (in a historical downtown), and the apartment is so me.  I have wood floors, a great view of the historical downtown, and lots of closets.  It's a beautiful big place for me to live.

So I took down my Christmas tree this week.  I usually do it after 12th Night, but this year, I was so busy with school and work obligations that it took a little longer.  My tree is a four-foot-tall, artificial one that's already pre-decorated with little house, star, and bird ornaments.  I won it at the Festival of Trees when I was 8 years old, and I've always loved putting it up each year.  It's my own "tree"-dition, and it looks quite good for its nearly 20 years.

Now that the tree is taken down, the next question is, where do I put it?  I don't have a storage unit in my building.  Since my unit used to be two studios (it's quite nice), I have five closets and a decent-sized pantry.  I figured I would put the tree in one of those closets and take it out next year...

Well, what a shock I was in for!  It doesn't fit in ANY of my closets!  To be fair, I didn't attempt to put it in the pantry, but that's only because the pantry is full of food and kitchen stuff.  The other closets are either standard-sized, where a Murphy bed used to be (so, tall but really skinny), and one broom closet.  The tree is short, but it's too wide to go in there without damaging it.

So now the tree is in an alcove near my bedroom and bathroom.  I didn't have anything there before, but it's going to be quite interesting when I entertain next.  My guests are going to either be really confused or amused that there is a decorated Christmas tree by my bedroom!