How can you document real life when real life's getting more like fiction each day?

I talk a lot about being a crisis worker.  Why shouldn't I?  It's a core part of who I am.  So I am going to include that in this blog post because, well, that's who I am.  I don't know anything different.  I am really creeped out, y'all.  I really am.  Since when did being an advocate's worst nightmare become a key platform of one of our two political parties?  I'm pretty sure you can guess which one!

So in a recent twist of events, Mr. Mourdock, who is the Indiana GOP candidate for the Senate, said, "even when life begins with that horrible situation of rape, that's something that G-d intended to happen."  Honestly, just when I thought the bar for being a Republican candidate for anything was set pretty low, this dude comes along and makes it subterranean!  Does he really believe that G-d wants rape to happen?  I really wonder if he knows anyone who has ever faced the reality of sexual assault or abuse.  Considering that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men have been victimized by sexual abuse according to the FBI uniform crime reports, he probably does.  We all do.  I wonder, if he knew anyone who had been pregnant because of rape, what would he say to them?

On second thought, maybe I don't want to know.  I do wish I could say that this man is an aberration, but sadly, he's just the tip of a big, ugly, right-wing iceberg.  You've got former GOP Presidential candidate Ron Paul prefacing a comment with something like, "Well, if it's the victim of an honest rape..." (as though most women would lie about it, which they do NOT).  You've got our current veep nominee, Paul Ryan, as not only one of the representatives who voted for the gutted House version of VAWA but also one of the co-sponsors who sought to redefine rape!  You heard me right.  In HR 3, or the "No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act," they actually wanted to redefine rape to "forcible rape."  In the same year that the FBI finally updated its definitions of the crime, no less!  Then, you've got Representative Todd Akin in Missouri, blathering about "legitimate rape."  Hell, here in my home state of Illinois, marital rape was not even considered a crime until 1996.  Now, dear readers, how many of you were born before 1996?  I'm willing to bet that the majority of you were born during a time when it was legal for a man to rape his wife!  The only reason why that changed was because, after the Violence Against Women Act got passed in 1994, marital rape was criminalized, and the states all had to amend their laws to treat it as such.  Oh, and did I mention that the Violence Against Women Act has still not been re-authorized?  It's normally been a bipartisan bill, but some congress members seem to think that denying LGBT and immigrant women protections is more important than preventing rape and domestic violence.  Can you guess which party most of them belong to?  

I am really horrified by this, as both a crisis advocate and a pro-choice activist.  Who do these men think they are?  Don't they know that women can take care of themselves, including their own reproductive health decisions?  And don't they know that those women's decisions have no bearing on their lives?  Why can't they leave us alone?  And do they know just how damaging their statements are to those who have, in fact, been raped?  Like I mentioned, it's a very common crime.  As a woman whose life has been impacted by sexual assault, I know that rape takes all the power and control and choices away from its victims.  Now, by restricting women's choices, these men are also taking women's power and control of their own lives away from women.  How stupid do these men think we are?  If they really want us to vote for them, why do they say things and wish to enact policies that are just so damaging to us?  (And by the way, do they know that men also can be the victims of rape or supporting those who have been victimized?  How do they think a male survivor of child abuse would interpret a line about "forcible rape"?  Their statements are damaging to everyone.)

The election is less than two weeks away.  No matter what state we are in or what party we espouse, we really can't afford to have politicians like that, who think that our own lives and rights are up for debate.  Because in the end, these are not just abstract issues like "when life begins" or something like that.  These are health issues that affect living, breathing, sentient women.  We don't need our reproductive rights to be debated--we just need those rights, period!   I really, really wonder, though, what these men would say if someone they know disclosed they'd been sexually assaulted.  Would they tell them "it's just what God intended"?  (And re-traumatize them more?  Yikes.)  I hope not.

My title for this blog post is from one of my favorite musicals, "Rent."  Mark the filmmaker sings it.  Though "Rent" was written before this time, I'm really starting to feel like the current political climate is feeling more and more like a certain work of fiction.  Namely, Margaret Atwood's dystopia, The Handmaid's Tale.  If that makes me an unwoman, hell, sign me up.  I'm sure I'll make some like-minded friends in the colonies. 

Cleaned a lot of plates in Memphis, pumped a lot of pane down in New Orleans...

I can't believe it.  As of yesterday, I've booked a cross-country train trip.  Once I take that trip, I can cross that off my bucket list.  If there was an "Amtrak Passenger of the Year" award, I would totally be battling our Vice President for it!  (Sorry Mr. Biden, I am very grateful the fact that you are a good VP and totally whomped Paul Ryan in last week's debate and wrote one of the single greatest pieces of legislation in really modern history, the Violence Against Women Act.  But how about letting someone new be Amtrak's best passenger?  And by the way, Alex the Advocate's says Reauthorize VAWA now!)  I've been planning this trip to New Orleans and Memphis since the summer, and now it is coming to fruition.  It's going to be centered around music and history--I'm planning to visit Sun Studio, Stax Records, Graceland, all the New Orleans landmarks, Mardi Gras World, and the Civil Rights Museum.  Then I plan on doing some ultra-regional things: trying Memphis barbeque, dancing till dawn at a juke joint (discovered a few with acoustic blues), enjoying a jazz brunch, partying on Bourbon street fueled by Cafe Du Monde coffee, and going to a cooking class.  (Maybe my next dinner party will include some of those recipes?) 

I really hope that it's as exciting as I am anticipating.  And that I am capable of going a week without sleep!  Cafe du Monde had better be all stocked up and ready for my arrival.  Oh well, sleeping is what my room on the overnight train trip is for!

Some girls live to shop...

...but this one lives over a shop!

You might be a downtown diva when...

• Everybody knows your name when you go into one of the stores.
• Shopkeepers can jokingly threaten, "I know where you live!" because, well, you live right above them!
• The bartender knows exactly what you're going to order before you place the order.
• You avoid the bathrooms at the concert venues and instead dash home where you know the bathroom is clean.
• You can feel superior to everyone else by "buying local" because the "local" is right below you.
• You give directions to your place like this: "Just drive to the [insert name here] shop.  Then look up."
• The proprietress at the art gallery saves some of the new arrivals for you because she knows you can't do without them...and then gives you a discount.
• You have leftovers after eating out and instead of packing a cooler, you just run them home.
• You justify high-end purchases by reasoning you at least saved on gas costs. (Hmmm...Thai jewelry from the cute little art gallery?  Well, I didn't drive, so I saved money on gas...yes please!?
• You determine whether or not you're going out for the night by looking out the window and seeing the crowd that's out.

Downtown divas, unite!  You have nothing to lose but your subdivisions!

She's got to be

She's got to be

She's got to be with me always to make sense of the skin I'm in
Sometimes, it gets dangerous, yeah, and lonely to defend.
Making time with every change, it's hard to love this woman in me.

She is the one that stills the sea, finds the truth in this anarchy,
Dives the depths of every age, keeps this body and knows the shape.

I will love, I will protect this love
It was hard to get
I will love, I will protect this love
And its anarchy.

Society, what part of me is swagger born?
What part is demeaned?
Mama, when I turn of age, is this body just a cage?


She's got to be with me always to make sense of the skin I'm in
Sometimes, it gets dangerous, yeah, and lonely to defend.
Making time with every change, it's hard to love this woman in me.


I will love, I will protect this love
It was hard to get
I will love, I will protect this love
And its anarchy.

Performed by Amy Ray

It took me a while, but I'm convinced this song is about self-acceptance and learning to love oneself, no matter how challenging it can be.  At first I thought it was just a love song, but after hearing it many times and seeing the videos for it, I think it's about loving oneself.  (If you notice, it's much more introspective and self-reflective than most love songs.)  At least that's the meaning I ascribe to it.  This song features the lovely Brandi Carlile on backing vocals, and they sound unbelievable together.  Maybe Brandi can be the third Indigo Girl in her free time?

Social issues are economic issues

So who else was somewhat disappointed by the debates last night?  You'd think there are more issues at play in this country than just taxes and Obamacare (i.e. women's healthcare, choice, gay rights, getting VAWA finally passed, affirmative action, environmental issues).  And really, going over the time limits?  I'm not going to get pissy here, but that would SO not fly at the advocate conference I was moderating in August!

I really get so annoyed whenever candidates seem to push aside social issues in favor of "serious" economic issues.  The fact is, these issues are intertwined.  Maybe not for two wealthy politicians who are spending enough in advertising to run several states' worth of non-profits, but for many Americans of all political classes, we see the effects of both in our lives.  We can't bifurcate our lives so that we only experience social or economic issues.  And for many of us, our social decisions are shaped by our financial circumstances, and our economic circumstances are shaped by the culture we live in.  These things don't happen in a void.

Take me for instance.  I'm an educated, full-time employed non-profit professional.  I have a bachelor's degree completed and a master's degree on the way, and I've been working full time for over three years (with several part-time jobs for nearly a decade).  However, if you look at the federal income levels for my area and my single-person household status, I fall pretty squarely in....the low income category.  I am not kidding.  My salary for one person in my particular county means I am low income.  I am not ashamed of that, nor am I asking for any pity, but I do want to show that low income covers more than just those on public assistance or those who are homeless.  Now is this because I am not working hard enough?  I think it's more that non-profits and social services are very much devalued and thus underfunded that puts the salaries of valuable professionals like me in this category. 

I don't think I am struggling, but I do know that I walk a very delicate balance between having the opportunities and privileges I have and all of a sudden not.  And for that, I do need social freedoms and a safety net.  If I lost my job, I would have no medical or dental insurance, and I am too old to be covered under my parents' insurance.  Any payments would be out of pocket.  Now if I had a medical emergency, don't you think I'd want to have some way of paying for my care?  While I do manage my money judiciously, I know that it would not last forever if I were constantly paying for treatments.  (And how in the world would I pay for my rent, utilities and groceries once it was gone??)  The Affordable Care Act would help me to get the insurance I need so I could get care and not go bankrupt or die.  That's a social issue that's linked to my economic standing. 

An open letter to my neighbors

To all my neighbors above the shops in my block:

If the white noise machine in my foyer is not adequate, I am very, very sorry that none of you will get any sleep tonight.

But when the new Heart album is out, I absolutely must blast it at ear-splitting levels!

So if you can't sleep, feel free to sing along.  I'm loving it so far!

Just a "Fanatic,"

Revel

Wisdom from my sister advocates

Learned this wonderful poem last week from my sisters and brothers in advocacy, so I figured I'd share it with you!

You can get pregnant in a car.
You can get pregnant in a bar.
You can get pregnant on a hill.
You can get pregnant on The Pill.
You can get pregnant near or far,
It doesn't matter who you are.
You can get pregnant in a house.
You can get pregnant by a louse.
You can get pregnant here or there,
You can get pregnant anywhere.
In a plane or on a train,
In a box or with a fox,
Standing up or sitting down,
It matters not when sperm's around.
You can get pregnant if you're raped,
Science truths you can't escape.
I do not like the awful lies
That hurt the ones who it implies
Can control their conception
Through "legitimate rape" sperm detection.
You should never lead our sacred land
If "anti-science" is your plan.
I do not like what you've been sayin'
I do not like it, Mr. Akin!

--Christie Cane