One Thousand Sarahs*

*No offense to my fellow Feminist or panelist named Sarah...this song is not about you, I swear!*

Sarah's the kind of girl who's three feet tall, but she's built like an Amazon woman.
Sarah's the kind of girl who's three feet tall, but she's built like an Amazon woman.
And all the boys think she's sexy,
And all the girls think she dresses real well,
And all the teachers think she is the smartest one in class,
And I think...
SHE OUGHTA GO TO HELL!

Sarah's the kind of girl who pierced her ears years before anybody else.
Sarah's the kind of girl who pierced her ears years before anybody else.
And all the mothers say her mother was,
And all the mothers say her mother was a SLUT!
Cause we couldn't pierce our ears till we turned twelve, no matter what.
And I think...
Well, I think you know what I think.

One thousand Sarahs in my head!
One thousand Sarahs
Circling me in my bed.
I thought I got rid of her, but she multiplied instead!
One thousand Sarahs...
One thousand Sarahs...

I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her, and you can't make me!
I don't like her,
I don't like her,
I don't like her,
I don't like her, and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

One thousand Sarahs in my head!
One thousand Sarahs
Circling me in my bed.
I thought I got rid of her, but she multiplied instead!
One thousand Sarahs...
One thousand Sarahs...
Yeah!

--Michael Clem