Be yourself!

The Big Fat GWS Conference is done. It's been over since December. It was a good event, though.

I was really glad that I had presented it. I talked to my advisor, Jacque at GWS, and she said that the senior capstone conference is always an event she looks forward to because of the variety of topics and expertise of the students.

I was talking to her about some of the decisions I had made throughout my college career, and as I spoke about them, I realized one of the biggest impetuses for anything I've done was to prove something. Not to any of my professors or classmates or friends...but to myself.

College has been such a time of re-defining, of remaking and reinventing myself. I was no longer the shy little geeky girl, and I had really come into my own. I've been the type to constantly push myself until I get exactly what I want. The conference, I figured, not only proved to the faculty and students that I could write about social services and field questions about them but also to myself, that I had the confidence and the drive to do so. I've acted in one of my favorite plays, "The Vagina Monologues," and it's been a totally rewarding experience. The actresses are lovely to meet and get to know, and the money goes to a good cause. But, again, part of the reason I've been in such an outrageous play is to prove that I can do it. The highschool/gradeschool version of me would never have had the nerve to talk about vaginas onstage, let alone ask the audience what theirs smelled like! And I certainly wouldn't have been able to speak for twenty minutes about my paper at the conference had I kept my shyness.

The same goes for this year's decisions. I made this past semester one of the most productive for Fem Maj, with three co-sponsorships and an even more popular panel. When I organized Sex Out Loud, I went over and into Illini Arcade and sat down with the manager to tell her exactly what we wanted her to do. She told me that the previous presidents didn't have the nerve to go into the store. Although some might raise their eyebrows at the thought of me in the sex shop, I needed to talk to the people I'd be including in the event. I wanted to show all the participants that I valued their presence, so I met with each of them personally before the event (with the exception of NARAL, but I talked on the phone with them). But I wanted to prove--to myself--that I could do better than just following in the footsteps of the previous presidents and forge a new era for Fem Maj.

They say to be yourself. But sometimes that "yourself" needs a little tweaking to make it the "yourself" you most want to identify as.