What do men and women want?

Is anyone besides me getting sick and tired of the endless cliches regarding love and attraction? You see Ask Amy and Dear Abby columns filled with so-called "nice guys" whining about how they just can't get a date. You hear your grlfriends telling you that all the men they ever meet are total jerks and that they can never find any nice guys. You see endless magazine after magazine with the same old headlines: "Make Him Fall For You in an Hour!," "What's She Really Thinking?," and the like.

First of all--a question for all of you "nice guys and girls" I just discussed. Who are you nice according to? Is it your parents who describe you as such? Is it your friends? I mean, really, to what third-party independent council did you submit your findings? What team of experts evaluated your results? If you really are "nice" as you say, wouldn't it be more worth it to realize that anyone who doesn't want you is completely misguided AS OPPOSED to thinking that there is something wrong with you?

Second of all, are you looking for a companion or a status symbol in a significant other? Far too often, I hear or read about people who talk about folks they're close to who are kind and caring and make them feel good about themselves. These statements are almost always followed by, "Oh, but I couldn't date him/her!" Are you looking for someone who likes and respects you just as much, or are you searching for a hot celebrity who just happens to be single? If you ever got near said hot celebrity, I highly doubt you'd care if s/he thought you were "nice." You'd probably just want to parade them around. Chances are, you probably are surrounded with "nice" people but just ignore them OR figure they fall short of your predetermined expectations. The only reason you notice the jerks is because they actively pursue you and are pretty adamant about it.

Third of all, how is it that you measure the worth of a significant other? Do you see it in terms of "what women/men like" and demand that they always look perfect by your side and bring you all the traditional "romantic" gifts for each Hallmark holiday? Or do you see it in terms of what all people like, and want someone who treats you with respect, actually cares about your input, puts the toilet seat down after using it, and likes you the way you are? There's no point in going for a jerk just because s/he's attractive and does everything right according to the rules of traditional romance. You must consider everything you want, not just what looks good.

Fourth of all, what is wrong with taking the lead (for both genders)? If you truly do like someone, there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to get to know him/her better and then letting them know how you feel. Many of the cases I hear or read about contain instances in which the person wanted to attract someone but was not taking an active role in actually getting them! If there's something you really want, if it means enough to you, it is always worth going after as opposed to sitting and watching. Seek and you shall find. Although don't do any seeking if that person is already attached. That's just plain off-limits.

Myself, I apologize for dampening your day with my cynicism. But I never claimed I was a good grl or "nice" (although many of my friends and clients think I am). And I'm not sitting around wondering why that Johnny Depp lookalike isn't calling me.