Sickened, Nauseated, Ready to Go

April is sexual violence awareness month. Which kind of explains the timing behind my volunteerism with the survivors of domestic violence, rape, and hate crimes. The crisis center contacted me, and I felt that it was not just something I'd like to do, I felt I absolutely NEEDED to do it. Whatever capacity they need me, I can and will help them.

It just totally makes me sick about the disapproval places like that crisis center meet.

When I went over there the first time, that place is REALLy difficult to find. It just says the acronym on the door, and nothing else. You have to go up a couple flights of stairs that are dimly lit to get up into the main office, and when you do get there, you have to navigate a twisty hallway that's full of different other kinds of businesses. One of the volunteers there says some of them have recieved death threats.

Tell me that's not disgusting.

What's even worse is the general acceptance of this kind of violence. I was talking to some people in a class about my volunteering, and their response was, "Those people are just overreacting. Their husbands just wanted a little fun; is that a crime?" I put up a spirited defense, but I was dismissed like a shrieking virago who "just didn't understand men." I've heard from others that "men are just expected to" rape, and that they only do it "because they don't want to pay for the sex." Other people who are much closer to me have said that women who dress provocatively are just calling attention to themselves and shouldn't be surprised or upset if they get unwelcome attention or violence.

Did I hear you right?

People who have just endured a physical and psychological trauma are not overreacting if they need medical and legal attention. I doubt it if those classmates have ever talked to a survivor. Let's see what would happen if they did. They'd probably find out that those women were not overreacting in the least but rather trying to take care of themselves and repair their lives. Is THAT a crime? I think not. And before you dismiss me as a shrieking harradin who doesn't get men, let's look at the rape statistics. Most men do not rape. Rapists and batterers make up a small percent of the population. Before you say I don't understand men, look at these statistics. If I didn't understand them, I would base my judgments off of the small percentage of men who have committed these crimes.

And on that last note about provocative clothing, I know I have come under fire about what I wear, and I know that I have received some derogatory comments regarding my style.
Want to see?
--"Show me your titties! Show me your titties!"
--"Come on, just a little Mardi Gras peek?"
--"Hey baby, I like that shirt. I would like it even better if it were off of you."
--"Hey HotStuff!"
--"Release the twins!"
--"Why else would you wear that if you didn't want a little friendly attention?"
What they don't seem to realize is that most women do not "ask" to be raped by wearing what they do. No one seems to get upset with the males making these comments but rather blame the woman. If you know anything about me, you'd know that I am a completely headstrong individual who does things for one person and one person alone--me. Rapes likewise do not occur because the victim "wants" it. If your car was stolen from an underground parking lot, would you expect someone to tell you, "Well, you shouldn't have parked it underground. That was just asking for it to be stolen!" Of course not. If you happened to survive a race riot, would you expect people to say, "Well, why did you move to that area anyway? They don't want your type there; you just made yourself the victim." That would come across as totally bigoted and ridiculous-sounding! Then why is it that we blame the rape victim for what happens? By that same token, shoudn't blaming her come across as equally ridiculous?

On the token of the hate crimes, one of my relatives brought up a very good point.

Rape and domestic violence ARE hate crimes.

They are not crimes of passion. They are not "natural." They stem from exactly the same incentives as hate crimes--a desire to dominate and humiliate the victim, a desire to hurt and silence and manipulate. A desire to control and use and leave for dead.

That completely sickens me.
And it nauseates and disgusts me.
But it makes me realize that I am completely ready to help the survivors in any way that I possibly can. It's a necessity, not a want.