Ten Things I've Learned in a Year's Time
10. Never before has my independence and involvement been so important. I live my own life, and I'm defined by what I do, not by who I spend my time with.
9. But even the most independent sometimes need a little help every now and then--and that's okay.
8. I can only accept credit and blame for what I do, not for what others do.
7. Direct action is the best solution. Ignoring a problem will not make it go away, and some people just won't get the message through anything other than direct and straightforward words. I've been an active activist for four years now, but it's only now that I've realized the importance of this.
6. Patience might be a value I should take some time to acquire. While direct action is important, sometimes results will take a while. But they are worth it. I know I need more time to fully recover, but I have come a long way.
5. Words only become true when I completely believe them.
4. I don't have all the answers, and I can't take responsibility for everything.
3. I can find ways to alleviate my own problems by helping others.
2. It is completely possible to learn to trust and love all over again.
1. I am not to blame.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month
The thing is, I don't think we need a MONTH to be aware about sexual assault. We need to be aware the whole year!
I saw this on a feminist website called "The F-Word" and figured it was important, so important that I put it here for you all to see.
I saw this on a feminist website called "The F-Word" and figured it was important, so important that I put it here for you all to see.
ONLY RAPISTS CAN PREVENT RAPEIf I knew who wrote this, I'd be best friends with them. A grl can have many best friends. This sums up exactly what I wanted to say. It is never okay. You cannot blame it on the survivor, as no one asks to be victimized. You cannot blame it on society, as most men do not rape and have no desire to do so. You would not blame the survivors of a terrorist act for what happened to them, nor would you say they were just in the wrong place or the wrong time, or that they just provoked it. Hell no! Then why would you blame the survivor of sexual assault or harassment? It's never okay. It's not man-bashing for me to say this; it's just the honest plain old defiant truth.A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn’t have long hair and women shouldn’t wear short skirts. Women should always walk with someone else at night. Women shouldn't try to be too "feminine," as that can be construed as an invitation. Women shouldn’t leave drinks unattended. Hell, they shouldn’t dare to get drunk at all. Instead of that bullshit, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on her, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about sex, don’t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused sex, don’t rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
In observance of the Day of Silence
I am observing the day of silence for the first time. All I have to say is this:
WOW
I haven't talked since the time I got up. It goes from 9 to 5, and I have about an hour left. I have not talked at all, and when people have talked to me, I show them my response cards that explain the day and what it's all about. Most of them have been nice about it. There's a lot of participation. The standard dress code for the day of silence is to dress completely in black except for a rainbow ribbon. So I am wearing all black, even down to my makeup and jewelry (only no black lipstick, that stuff dries up my lips fast). Whenever I see another individual observing the day, I open up my jacket, show them my ribbon, and we exchange a smile or nod. That doesn't sound like much, but it really is profound to see all of the people I am allied with.
It feels like a fast of sorts. I have never starvation-dieted or fasted much for a religious occaision, so I don't have much experience with that. But I think fasting from food would be easier. I love to talk and my mouth moves faster than my mind sometimes. Instead of talking, I was able to reflect and think about the issues that I am protesting. I was able to think deeply about the issues that the day of silence stands for. The reflecting made me realize this. I will never completely know what it is like to be part of the LGBT community, since I am none of the four mentioned. But I think that it's important to learn all I can about it (most importantly by talking to the people one-on-one) and not be judgmental. I think that being part of a "dominant" culture, I have a responsibility to help others who may not have their voices heard as easily as I do. It's not being condescending, it's using what I've got to help. There's a lot that is taken for granted. I can't just use that to my advantage--I have to use that for everyone's advantage. The day of silence is one such way.
WOW
I haven't talked since the time I got up. It goes from 9 to 5, and I have about an hour left. I have not talked at all, and when people have talked to me, I show them my response cards that explain the day and what it's all about. Most of them have been nice about it. There's a lot of participation. The standard dress code for the day of silence is to dress completely in black except for a rainbow ribbon. So I am wearing all black, even down to my makeup and jewelry (only no black lipstick, that stuff dries up my lips fast). Whenever I see another individual observing the day, I open up my jacket, show them my ribbon, and we exchange a smile or nod. That doesn't sound like much, but it really is profound to see all of the people I am allied with.
It feels like a fast of sorts. I have never starvation-dieted or fasted much for a religious occaision, so I don't have much experience with that. But I think fasting from food would be easier. I love to talk and my mouth moves faster than my mind sometimes. Instead of talking, I was able to reflect and think about the issues that I am protesting. I was able to think deeply about the issues that the day of silence stands for. The reflecting made me realize this. I will never completely know what it is like to be part of the LGBT community, since I am none of the four mentioned. But I think that it's important to learn all I can about it (most importantly by talking to the people one-on-one) and not be judgmental. I think that being part of a "dominant" culture, I have a responsibility to help others who may not have their voices heard as easily as I do. It's not being condescending, it's using what I've got to help. There's a lot that is taken for granted. I can't just use that to my advantage--I have to use that for everyone's advantage. The day of silence is one such way.
Monday, April 16, 2007
I love politics!
I am an election judge for the city council election.
Now that I am a judge, you must refer to me as "Your Honor."
He he he...;)
I love being involved in my community.
Now that I am a judge, you must refer to me as "Your Honor."
He he he...;)
I love being involved in my community.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
I have to admit, it's getting better, a little better all the time
That title is from one of my favorite Beatles songs, and I think it best sums up my life now. It has been almost a year since the traumatic event occurred, and although I still have far to go before I am completely healed and whole, I think I'm doing a hell of a lot better than I was before.
The most important thing is that I've completely lost my sense of shame regarding it. Before, I was scared that people would hear about the event and judge me, even though I know I had nothing to do with it and I had no way of seeing it coming. You know, the whole blame-the-victim/survivor issue. I didn't want people to judge me. My sense of shame was impacting the way I lived my life. I feared that I was physically contaminated, and I wore clothes that covered every inch of my body to hide the slime and scars that only I could see. The exfoliant pump was my best friend. There was really no slime and scarring, but that's what I saw whenever I looked in the mirror, someone who was covered in someone else's contamination. It was awful. Nothing I could do would ever clean the slime or make it go away. I feared being a danger to others. But worst of all, I blamed myself. I thought that I should have seen it coming, and I created a fortress around my heart and mind. I didn't expresss emotion. Showing emotion is a sign of weakness, and I am not weak in any sense of the word. No one knew exactly what was bothering me because I wouldn't tell them. I was disgusting to myself--contaminated and low and ugly and dirty.
I don't think that anymore. I am out of fear. I am through with feeling ashamed of something that I couldn't control. I have reclaimed my life--and it doesn't include a sense of shame. I don't have any room in my life for that. I know I am not dirty or contaminated. While I do need some more time before I'm completely healed, I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and the tunnel is beginning to look a little more manageable. My life doesn't include shame. It is too short to include being ashamed. I can only take responsibility for what I have done or will do. I can't control what happened to me in the past or its aftershocks, but I can control my responses and the healing process. The process isn't complete yet, but it's beginning to look more manageable.
The thing is, I don't think I'm a survivor. Survivor implies that I just lived through it and was able to rebuild my life. While those are admirable qualities, I think the correct term for me is a fighter. You are probably wondering, "But you're a pacifist--how can you be calling yourself a fighter?" Good question. I am a pacifist, that's not going to change. A fighter implies that I have not only survived but have emerged stronger. I am even more vocal AND active in helping others who have been through events like this. I am now even more active in my feministic and crisis-related services, such as my working with the therapeutic art and the crisis hotline. I want to help others, and I have become even stronger and bolder. I have become more comfortable in telling my story to others because most people won't be judgmental and because it's important for them to know. I've gotten some really nice responses too, which made me wonder why I didn't tell them before. The rumor mill is of no concern to me anymore. I'm a fighter. I have always been able to adapt and succeed. I'll come out of this stronger and better than I have ever been before, and I'll try to help others do the same.
The most important thing is that I've completely lost my sense of shame regarding it. Before, I was scared that people would hear about the event and judge me, even though I know I had nothing to do with it and I had no way of seeing it coming. You know, the whole blame-the-victim/survivor issue. I didn't want people to judge me. My sense of shame was impacting the way I lived my life. I feared that I was physically contaminated, and I wore clothes that covered every inch of my body to hide the slime and scars that only I could see. The exfoliant pump was my best friend. There was really no slime and scarring, but that's what I saw whenever I looked in the mirror, someone who was covered in someone else's contamination. It was awful. Nothing I could do would ever clean the slime or make it go away. I feared being a danger to others. But worst of all, I blamed myself. I thought that I should have seen it coming, and I created a fortress around my heart and mind. I didn't expresss emotion. Showing emotion is a sign of weakness, and I am not weak in any sense of the word. No one knew exactly what was bothering me because I wouldn't tell them. I was disgusting to myself--contaminated and low and ugly and dirty.
I don't think that anymore. I am out of fear. I am through with feeling ashamed of something that I couldn't control. I have reclaimed my life--and it doesn't include a sense of shame. I don't have any room in my life for that. I know I am not dirty or contaminated. While I do need some more time before I'm completely healed, I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and the tunnel is beginning to look a little more manageable. My life doesn't include shame. It is too short to include being ashamed. I can only take responsibility for what I have done or will do. I can't control what happened to me in the past or its aftershocks, but I can control my responses and the healing process. The process isn't complete yet, but it's beginning to look more manageable.
The thing is, I don't think I'm a survivor. Survivor implies that I just lived through it and was able to rebuild my life. While those are admirable qualities, I think the correct term for me is a fighter. You are probably wondering, "But you're a pacifist--how can you be calling yourself a fighter?" Good question. I am a pacifist, that's not going to change. A fighter implies that I have not only survived but have emerged stronger. I am even more vocal AND active in helping others who have been through events like this. I am now even more active in my feministic and crisis-related services, such as my working with the therapeutic art and the crisis hotline. I want to help others, and I have become even stronger and bolder. I have become more comfortable in telling my story to others because most people won't be judgmental and because it's important for them to know. I've gotten some really nice responses too, which made me wonder why I didn't tell them before. The rumor mill is of no concern to me anymore. I'm a fighter. I have always been able to adapt and succeed. I'll come out of this stronger and better than I have ever been before, and I'll try to help others do the same.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Desensitivity training
So I volunteered to help the crisis center with their gallery of therapeutic artwork for the arts festival. I have been attending training sessions to view some of it ahead of time, since I will need to be able to speak about the content and the artists. I can't volunteer at the festival if I can't discuss the art and exactly what it represents. That includes "desensitizing" myself to some of the more extreme accounts, which they say is important for a volunteer to do. I can't be emotionally drained by something people are going to expect me to discuss. Most of the art is by survivors, but some is done in honor of them. My friends of the Sigma Lambda Gamma sorority put on an excellent event to make their own exhibit to put in the display. We got these plaster theatrical masks and painted them to portray the problem of "masking" violence and pretending it doesn't exist. We have nearly a hundred masks that will go on display. They're really moving to see because "masking" violence is a huge problem. Most of the time, people just act like it doesn't happen or that it only happens to someone else.
Unfortunately, we're all someone else to someone else. The horrors of abuse aren't just confined to one group or one region or one person.
Art therapy is clearly one of the greatest things EVER created, as it allows survivors of psychological trauma to channel their pain and frustrations and anger into something beautiful and intense. I don't know how long it's been around, but it is seriously something amazing. And art is an excellent way to get the message across. Do you like the movies and novels Sin City and V for Vendetta? Credit it to art therapy. The former was actually the author's way of coping with an anxiety problem. At the gallery, we have art by survivors of domestic violence, hate crimes, and rape (although if you see one of my earlier posts, I'd classify rape and domestic violence AS hate crimes). They make some of the most intense art I have ever seen. We made a Clothesline project to display on the quad, which features survivor stories written on actual clothes. It's a way of airing out the "dirty laundry" of the ugly side of life. That stuff has made several viewers really angry, since it can be pretty extreme and explicit. But it's also drawn a lot of positive attention from people who may not have known about that problem or have experienced it.
The art is pretty awesome. It is exactly what that word means--awe-inspiring. It's heartbreaking and hopeful and deep and enraged and [insert your favorite adjective here]. Some of the survivors have painted, some have made sculptures, two featured have made full-length graphic novels. (I've read one named Just the Beginning: And So My Troubles Began which is one of the most saddening stories ever written. The only copy is owned by the crisis center, and they showcase it at every informational session/booth they have. My friend who works there says that ever since it was completed, they've gotten twenty people offering to buy it, even though it is not for sale.) When you think of how much these people have gone through and then how many have been able to rebuild and repair their lives, it's hopeful. That's one of the most inspiring things I have ever witnessed, the rebuilding of lives and strength and trust.
Unfortunately, we're all someone else to someone else. The horrors of abuse aren't just confined to one group or one region or one person.
Art therapy is clearly one of the greatest things EVER created, as it allows survivors of psychological trauma to channel their pain and frustrations and anger into something beautiful and intense. I don't know how long it's been around, but it is seriously something amazing. And art is an excellent way to get the message across. Do you like the movies and novels Sin City and V for Vendetta? Credit it to art therapy. The former was actually the author's way of coping with an anxiety problem. At the gallery, we have art by survivors of domestic violence, hate crimes, and rape (although if you see one of my earlier posts, I'd classify rape and domestic violence AS hate crimes). They make some of the most intense art I have ever seen. We made a Clothesline project to display on the quad, which features survivor stories written on actual clothes. It's a way of airing out the "dirty laundry" of the ugly side of life. That stuff has made several viewers really angry, since it can be pretty extreme and explicit. But it's also drawn a lot of positive attention from people who may not have known about that problem or have experienced it.
The art is pretty awesome. It is exactly what that word means--awe-inspiring. It's heartbreaking and hopeful and deep and enraged and [insert your favorite adjective here]. Some of the survivors have painted, some have made sculptures, two featured have made full-length graphic novels. (I've read one named Just the Beginning: And So My Troubles Began which is one of the most saddening stories ever written. The only copy is owned by the crisis center, and they showcase it at every informational session/booth they have. My friend who works there says that ever since it was completed, they've gotten twenty people offering to buy it, even though it is not for sale.) When you think of how much these people have gone through and then how many have been able to rebuild and repair their lives, it's hopeful. That's one of the most inspiring things I have ever witnessed, the rebuilding of lives and strength and trust.
Calling all psychologists!
Well, several of my psych and community health major buddies have brought up that they all want to use me as an example of their latest psychological discovery. The newest complex is...(big fat drumroll here)...THE SUPERHERO COMPLEX!!!
Typical symptoms include but are certainly not limited to: Always being involved in a million different grassroots causes and being the queen and tyrant and dictator of scheduling, Trying to help out all of your friends even if it includes some very emotionally deteriorating steps to be taken, Running for more than one extracurricular leadership position, Volunteering to help people you've never even met, and basically just thinking you can save the world while you lose sight of everything else.
Side effects involve but are also certainly not limited to: Huge lack of sleep, Consumption of massive amounts of coffee (best if you're the type who can handle the strongest types of coffee), Appearring to be everywhere at once, Idealistic attitude and complete dejection when things don't go the way you've planned them, Ability to debate anyone at anytime about your causes, The ever-present question of "How do you do all of that???!!!" and super-amazing time management skills.
If you know this person, it's most likely that she's just finished typing this post.
The cure: There is no cure and there never will be.
Typical symptoms include but are certainly not limited to: Always being involved in a million different grassroots causes and being the queen and tyrant and dictator of scheduling, Trying to help out all of your friends even if it includes some very emotionally deteriorating steps to be taken, Running for more than one extracurricular leadership position, Volunteering to help people you've never even met, and basically just thinking you can save the world while you lose sight of everything else.
Side effects involve but are also certainly not limited to: Huge lack of sleep, Consumption of massive amounts of coffee (best if you're the type who can handle the strongest types of coffee), Appearring to be everywhere at once, Idealistic attitude and complete dejection when things don't go the way you've planned them, Ability to debate anyone at anytime about your causes, The ever-present question of "How do you do all of that???!!!" and super-amazing time management skills.
If you know this person, it's most likely that she's just finished typing this post.
The cure: There is no cure and there never will be.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Sickened, Nauseated, Ready to Go
April is sexual violence awareness month. Which kind of explains the timing behind my volunteerism with the survivors of domestic violence, rape, and hate crimes. The crisis center contacted me, and I felt that it was not just something I'd like to do, I felt I absolutely NEEDED to do it. Whatever capacity they need me, I can and will help them.
It just totally makes me sick about the disapproval places like that crisis center meet.
When I went over there the first time, that place is REALLy difficult to find. It just says the acronym on the door, and nothing else. You have to go up a couple flights of stairs that are dimly lit to get up into the main office, and when you do get there, you have to navigate a twisty hallway that's full of different other kinds of businesses. One of the volunteers there says some of them have recieved death threats.
Tell me that's not disgusting.
What's even worse is the general acceptance of this kind of violence. I was talking to some people in a class about my volunteering, and their response was, "Those people are just overreacting. Their husbands just wanted a little fun; is that a crime?" I put up a spirited defense, but I was dismissed like a shrieking virago who "just didn't understand men." I've heard from others that "men are just expected to" rape, and that they only do it "because they don't want to pay for the sex." Other people who are much closer to me have said that women who dress provocatively are just calling attention to themselves and shouldn't be surprised or upset if they get unwelcome attention or violence.
Did I hear you right?
People who have just endured a physical and psychological trauma are not overreacting if they need medical and legal attention. I doubt it if those classmates have ever talked to a survivor. Let's see what would happen if they did. They'd probably find out that those women were not overreacting in the least but rather trying to take care of themselves and repair their lives. Is THAT a crime? I think not. And before you dismiss me as a shrieking harradin who doesn't get men, let's look at the rape statistics. Most men do not rape. Rapists and batterers make up a small percent of the population. Before you say I don't understand men, look at these statistics. If I didn't understand them, I would base my judgments off of the small percentage of men who have committed these crimes.
And on that last note about provocative clothing, I know I have come under fire about what I wear, and I know that I have received some derogatory comments regarding my style.
Want to see?
--"Show me your titties! Show me your titties!"
--"Come on, just a little Mardi Gras peek?"
--"Hey baby, I like that shirt. I would like it even better if it were off of you."
--"Hey HotStuff!"
--"Release the twins!"
--"Why else would you wear that if you didn't want a little friendly attention?"
What they don't seem to realize is that most women do not "ask" to be raped by wearing what they do. No one seems to get upset with the males making these comments but rather blame the woman. If you know anything about me, you'd know that I am a completely headstrong individual who does things for one person and one person alone--me. Rapes likewise do not occur because the victim "wants" it. If your car was stolen from an underground parking lot, would you expect someone to tell you, "Well, you shouldn't have parked it underground. That was just asking for it to be stolen!" Of course not. If you happened to survive a race riot, would you expect people to say, "Well, why did you move to that area anyway? They don't want your type there; you just made yourself the victim." That would come across as totally bigoted and ridiculous-sounding! Then why is it that we blame the rape victim for what happens? By that same token, shoudn't blaming her come across as equally ridiculous?
On the token of the hate crimes, one of my relatives brought up a very good point.
Rape and domestic violence ARE hate crimes.
They are not crimes of passion. They are not "natural." They stem from exactly the same incentives as hate crimes--a desire to dominate and humiliate the victim, a desire to hurt and silence and manipulate. A desire to control and use and leave for dead.
That completely sickens me.
And it nauseates and disgusts me.
But it makes me realize that I am completely ready to help the survivors in any way that I possibly can. It's a necessity, not a want.
It just totally makes me sick about the disapproval places like that crisis center meet.
When I went over there the first time, that place is REALLy difficult to find. It just says the acronym on the door, and nothing else. You have to go up a couple flights of stairs that are dimly lit to get up into the main office, and when you do get there, you have to navigate a twisty hallway that's full of different other kinds of businesses. One of the volunteers there says some of them have recieved death threats.
Tell me that's not disgusting.
What's even worse is the general acceptance of this kind of violence. I was talking to some people in a class about my volunteering, and their response was, "Those people are just overreacting. Their husbands just wanted a little fun; is that a crime?" I put up a spirited defense, but I was dismissed like a shrieking virago who "just didn't understand men." I've heard from others that "men are just expected to" rape, and that they only do it "because they don't want to pay for the sex." Other people who are much closer to me have said that women who dress provocatively are just calling attention to themselves and shouldn't be surprised or upset if they get unwelcome attention or violence.
Did I hear you right?
People who have just endured a physical and psychological trauma are not overreacting if they need medical and legal attention. I doubt it if those classmates have ever talked to a survivor. Let's see what would happen if they did. They'd probably find out that those women were not overreacting in the least but rather trying to take care of themselves and repair their lives. Is THAT a crime? I think not. And before you dismiss me as a shrieking harradin who doesn't get men, let's look at the rape statistics. Most men do not rape. Rapists and batterers make up a small percent of the population. Before you say I don't understand men, look at these statistics. If I didn't understand them, I would base my judgments off of the small percentage of men who have committed these crimes.
And on that last note about provocative clothing, I know I have come under fire about what I wear, and I know that I have received some derogatory comments regarding my style.
Want to see?
--"Show me your titties! Show me your titties!"
--"Come on, just a little Mardi Gras peek?"
--"Hey baby, I like that shirt. I would like it even better if it were off of you."
--"Hey HotStuff!"
--"Release the twins!"
--"Why else would you wear that if you didn't want a little friendly attention?"
What they don't seem to realize is that most women do not "ask" to be raped by wearing what they do. No one seems to get upset with the males making these comments but rather blame the woman. If you know anything about me, you'd know that I am a completely headstrong individual who does things for one person and one person alone--me. Rapes likewise do not occur because the victim "wants" it. If your car was stolen from an underground parking lot, would you expect someone to tell you, "Well, you shouldn't have parked it underground. That was just asking for it to be stolen!" Of course not. If you happened to survive a race riot, would you expect people to say, "Well, why did you move to that area anyway? They don't want your type there; you just made yourself the victim." That would come across as totally bigoted and ridiculous-sounding! Then why is it that we blame the rape victim for what happens? By that same token, shoudn't blaming her come across as equally ridiculous?
On the token of the hate crimes, one of my relatives brought up a very good point.
Rape and domestic violence ARE hate crimes.
They are not crimes of passion. They are not "natural." They stem from exactly the same incentives as hate crimes--a desire to dominate and humiliate the victim, a desire to hurt and silence and manipulate. A desire to control and use and leave for dead.
That completely sickens me.
And it nauseates and disgusts me.
But it makes me realize that I am completely ready to help the survivors in any way that I possibly can. It's a necessity, not a want.
Friday, April 6, 2007
And now a tribute
Here I go, and I don't know why.
I spin so ceaselessly.
Could it be he's taking over me?
I'm dancing barefoot,
Heading for a spin.
Some strange music drags me in.
Makes me come on like some heroine.
I spin so ceaselessly.
Could it be he's taking over me?
I'm dancing barefoot,
Heading for a spin.
Some strange music drags me in.
Makes me come on like some heroine.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Reclamatory or reactionary?
I love my programs of study. In particular I'm beginning to love my minor more and more every day. It's a stereotypically liberal field that attracts the Feminists like myself, and the readings are pretty cool. Where else can I round up my grls (Betty, Gloria, Andrea, Eve, Jennifer, Susan, Simone, and all the others--That's Betty G. Friedan, the incomparable Gloria Steinem, Andrea Dworkin, Eve Ensler, Jennifer Baumgartner, Susan Anthony, and Simone De Bouviour to be exact) and get credit for arguing? And I like my teacher for this class.
There's just something I've been wondering for a while.
Is reclamation really the answer to slurs and negative comments?
Reclamation is the act of taking a slur or any other kind of insult and turning it around to make it something positive. It's a way of saying, "Your words don't hurt me. I like being [insert slur here], it's not a bad thing at all!" I can agree with the aspect of not letting words and labels get you down. After all, words are only words. Need some examples?
The Vagina Monologues contains a piece named "Reclaming Cunt." In it, the actress describes how she likes the word and in the end, the audience shouts the word CUNT over and over again. The actress for this year did an amazing job, and she made it sound almost beautiful. I even own a pin that says "Say it, tell me CUNT" on it, and apparantly, it was a term of praise way back when. Now it isn't. Hooray for pejoration (sarcastically).
The Bitch magazine (which is pretty kickass, if you were wondering) uses the title as a way of taking back the term bitch. And I've even called myself that, since I know I can be pretty tough and stubborn when I want to be. As Angela Shelton said, "Bitch means Being In Total Control of Herself!" Tell me you don't love that acronym.
People who wish to reclaim a term have an uphill battle. Those words are still used as insults. But where do you draw the line, if you do?
My gender studies professor is a very out lesbian, and she constantly calls herself a big bad [derogatory term for lesbians here] ALL THE TIME. I personally find that term to be disgusting. I can't bring myself to type it, much less say it, since I never resort to slurs. She says she is reclaiming it. But it's somewhat uncomfortable for a nice liberal politically-correct feminist lady like myself to hear that. Several classmates who aren't as comfortable with lesbians have used that term to describe her--and they don't mean it in a reclamatory way.
So where do you draw the line?
Reclamation can be empowering since it means not letting words control you. But does it also feed the stereotypes? If you're tolerating labels like those, people will only continue to say them, and as we all know, they will only get worse. The word "hussy" was in fact just a term for a housewife when it was first created. We all know what it means now. Is it empowering, or does it just give people an excuse to say those and have it continue to be tolerated?
I don't think my professor would like it if anyone called her that term. That word (as well of other words for homosexuals) is used in hate speech and vandalism against them. I know people have called me a bitch--and meant it negatively--and I know there have been times when I didn't like it. I know also that I CAN'T STAND IT when male rappers refer to women as "bitches" and "hos." So when is it okay to say it and when is it okay not to?
I think we all need to stand back from this a minute and realize everyone's comfort levels. We need to stop saying that only one of these ways is the "right" way to be an empowered woman, because frankly, there IS no one "right" way to be an empowered woman. We don't need to let words control us, but we also don't need to tolerate anything that is meant to defame and degrade others. And just because you may call yourself something doesn't mean that everyone should follow suit, nor does it mean that everyone will be comfortable with it.
But some days I'd like to get through a day without hearing or reading any slurs.
There's just something I've been wondering for a while.
Is reclamation really the answer to slurs and negative comments?
Reclamation is the act of taking a slur or any other kind of insult and turning it around to make it something positive. It's a way of saying, "Your words don't hurt me. I like being [insert slur here], it's not a bad thing at all!" I can agree with the aspect of not letting words and labels get you down. After all, words are only words. Need some examples?
The Vagina Monologues contains a piece named "Reclaming Cunt." In it, the actress describes how she likes the word and in the end, the audience shouts the word CUNT over and over again. The actress for this year did an amazing job, and she made it sound almost beautiful. I even own a pin that says "Say it, tell me CUNT" on it, and apparantly, it was a term of praise way back when. Now it isn't. Hooray for pejoration (sarcastically).
The Bitch magazine (which is pretty kickass, if you were wondering) uses the title as a way of taking back the term bitch. And I've even called myself that, since I know I can be pretty tough and stubborn when I want to be. As Angela Shelton said, "Bitch means Being In Total Control of Herself!" Tell me you don't love that acronym.
People who wish to reclaim a term have an uphill battle. Those words are still used as insults. But where do you draw the line, if you do?
My gender studies professor is a very out lesbian, and she constantly calls herself a big bad [derogatory term for lesbians here] ALL THE TIME. I personally find that term to be disgusting. I can't bring myself to type it, much less say it, since I never resort to slurs. She says she is reclaiming it. But it's somewhat uncomfortable for a nice liberal politically-correct feminist lady like myself to hear that. Several classmates who aren't as comfortable with lesbians have used that term to describe her--and they don't mean it in a reclamatory way.
So where do you draw the line?
Reclamation can be empowering since it means not letting words control you. But does it also feed the stereotypes? If you're tolerating labels like those, people will only continue to say them, and as we all know, they will only get worse. The word "hussy" was in fact just a term for a housewife when it was first created. We all know what it means now. Is it empowering, or does it just give people an excuse to say those and have it continue to be tolerated?
I don't think my professor would like it if anyone called her that term. That word (as well of other words for homosexuals) is used in hate speech and vandalism against them. I know people have called me a bitch--and meant it negatively--and I know there have been times when I didn't like it. I know also that I CAN'T STAND IT when male rappers refer to women as "bitches" and "hos." So when is it okay to say it and when is it okay not to?
I think we all need to stand back from this a minute and realize everyone's comfort levels. We need to stop saying that only one of these ways is the "right" way to be an empowered woman, because frankly, there IS no one "right" way to be an empowered woman. We don't need to let words control us, but we also don't need to tolerate anything that is meant to defame and degrade others. And just because you may call yourself something doesn't mean that everyone should follow suit, nor does it mean that everyone will be comfortable with it.
But some days I'd like to get through a day without hearing or reading any slurs.
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