With all apologies to The Second City

You know what day it is...

It's your right to vote!

So go out and vote!

Cause if you don't vote--

Alex WILL search you out and you WILL regret it!

Two more days...

In two days, it will be....

ELECTION DAY!!!

My message to you all is...

GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!

I am serious. I really don't care who you vote for, as long as you vote. This election has two candidates who couldn't be more different if they tried to be (although I sure saw a lot of Obamas and McCains out on Halloween night!), so it's much more than just a lesser-of-two-evils comparison. This is a really important, historic election, so you had better do your part and cast your ballot. Plus, if you don't vote and the results turn out like that Swing Vote movie where the election is undecided by one vote, I WILL personally hunt you down and never let you hear the end of it! And I am not kidding. So don't make me do that. For both of our sakes please.

You don't really wanna mess with me tonight.

I always found this situation to be ironic, yet highly annoying. Over the summer, I would get off of work at La Casa, feeling all fired up and ready to save the whole world. I'd have finished a database, a court watch, or some development work, and I would be feeling like I just rode into town with my sh*tkicking boots (or in this case, dress flats to fit the La Casa dress code) on, all ready to save the world. Then, as I'd walk to the local library where my sister was working, I'd invariably pass some construction site or other group of guys, and I'd hear the shouts of "Hey baby!" or whistles or some related bullshit like that. I've never found that stuff flattering, and usually I'd just ignore it or outright tell them to shut up if I got really annoyed. I usually don't have qualms about putting someone (particularly a man) in their place.

I love going out now that I'm back at school. I pride myself on always knowing someone whenever I go to an event, and I almost always have someone to go with. It's fun and the perfect way to spend my weekends. This October, I saw two big-name acts, kd lang and Amy Ray, and I picked up some of the basics of Latin dance at Distinto Y Diferente (Latin nights at Cowboy Monkey and Great Impasta--loads of fun with really energetic music). I'm totally loving the whole "see and be seen" aspect of it. Plus, who doesn't love salsa music??

My main issue is with the rest of the crowd, especially the guys there. Granted, I love my guy friends and many of the males I meet are perfectly okay. It's just a few that really bother me, but unfortunately they're so persistant and downright annoying that I have a hard time just ignoring them. I'm no prude--I am definitely as forward as they come, I'm rather frank about most things, and I'm usually pretty friendly to most. It's just...that too many people take it in the wrong direction or misinterpret it or think that I'll be more than happy to go home with them (when in reality, it's usually the contrary!). And that bothers me. What is it that makes those guys feel that they're so entitled? Is it the fact that I just happen to be the proud owner of two ovaries and just happen to be there? Is it because I am (shock*gasp) a woman who happens to have left her place for the night and ventured out into the big mean world? Is it because they can? What is it?

One time when I went dancing at the Canopy during a Zmick show (I like Zmick, especially when they dedicate a song to me! never knew I'd grow to love such a schmaltzy song like "Sexy Crazy"!). And like always, I was my sparkly self. (I can put any self-respecting glam rocker to shame with the amount of glitter I have and wear when I'm out. Maybe I was a female glam rocker in another life. Who knows? That's totally my musical and fashion guilty pleasure!) So I was dancing around to "Interrogation," and like always, it was really crowded. The guy behind me just grabs one of my hips to get me closer and to start grinding against me. Now that was just plain gross! I don't have anything against grinding, but to have someone you can't even see just grabbing you and rubbing his cock up against you like that is pretty darn creepy! So I snatched his hand and yanked it off my hip and then darted right up close to the stage where he wouldn't fit. Then at Latin night, I saw a guy who happens to run in many of the same circles as me (scenester, artistic, even knows some monologists and advocates). So I made some small talk with him, and within minutes he was trying to get me to go home with him. IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. This is a guy who (1) knows I have a boyfriend, (2) is twelve, twelve, TWELVE (12) years older than me, (3) turned out to be incredibly arrogant. Any of those is a bad thing on its own, but combine 'em and you've got a nasty case on your hands. I told him I was staying at the club with my friends (thanks guys!) and not going with him. So he backed off, but whenever I see him, he says "My offer still stands." What part of no don't you understand??? Do you really have so little self-control that you can't keep your mouth shut and stay away when someone is clearly trying to avoid you? One time, he came up to me when I was with two of my feminists, one male and one female, and they automatically flanked me. Like they could sense what a man-slut he was. But really, what makes him think he is so entitled?

Flirtation isn't the problem. I know I'm an extrovert and will talk to anyone and everyone. And I will dance with almost anyone. It just bothers me because it seems as though I just can't get them off of my case. I feel like I'm being punished, that I always have to be on my guard because (a) I'm female and (2) I am in a public place and not hidden away from view. I am both seen AND heard. I'm not going to stop going out. That's the last thing I would want to do. I suppose I could lay off the glitter and the revealing clothes and dress like a stereotypical frumpy female nerd and not go out. But then I wouldn't be happy. I'd be so miserable I wouldn't know what to do with myself! Scenesters need the scene! So what should change?

I have talked about this to some of my friends, but it seems as though we all can't figure out the reason for it. But they do have some funny remedies for it! My friend DoMonique suggested bringing a dagger along (and she has a Facebook group about it. She calls it a rape dagger if it is used on an attacker). But really, I need to be serious here. What is the issue? Is it me? Or is it the men? My parents tell me that if I know guys will be doing that, then maybe I should do something else that night. But I don't want to let other people make me afraid. I'm a lot stronger and tougher, and as we all know, I don't stay down and in easily. My roommate tells me to "be careful" when I'm in any group that might just include males. But I have a lot of guy friends, I see them almost every day, and I can assure you that most of them respect me and don't pull that shit on me. Then some folks just take it to the extreme! For one example, when I saw my MASV friends at a club once, I went over to talk to them. And right away, one of my other friends (you know who you are!) thought they were ALL hitting on me (it was really just an animated conversation) and rushed over to butt in ask me if I wanted to dance. While we were out on the floor, he was asking me, "So Alex, about those five guys who were hitting on you...It sure is a good thing I came in and bailed you out" to which I replied, "They weren't hitting on me. They're my MASV guys; I'm friends with them all. That's it, really." Of course it doesn't help that that acronym is pronounced like "massive," because then it sounded REALLY wrong! But they weren't hitting on me, and I certainly wouldn't want to alienate people who are my friends just because they own a Y chromosome and are friendly towards me.

But where do you draw the line? Does one avoid guys altogether and only spend time with one's female friends and/or partner? Or do the guys have to change? Or am I really too flamboyant and forward for my own good? Is it a combination of it all? And in that case, what's a revel grl to do? Personally, I think that while I can do my best to combat those actions and mindsets, the real change has to be with the men. Start thinking with your other head for once. Would you want your mother or sister to be grabbed or propositioned by some drunk college guys with bad B.O.? I'm not against being friendly or flirtatious or anything like that, but sometimes enough is...well, enough.

It'll learn ya way better than in school

The grad school process is royally kicking my butt.

I don't think it has all that much to do with me. I can whip up a cover letter that can melt the hearts of the heartless. I can scrounge up some references (I have three so far) that will sing my praises. My GPA is good, and my GRE scores are pretty kick-@$&. And my involvement is pretty enviable (three leadership positions, three committees, and a play! woo for me!).

Then what is my problem?

First I went to a lunch-and-learn at the African American Cultural Center about living on one's own. Later tonight, I was leading a Fem Maj meeting today and talking with my lovely members (I love this year's crop of feminists!!!), and three of them are in grad school. This year, we've upped the freshman, grad schooler, and male involvement. I love being the president of such a cool group! And all those grad students were giving me tips on how to survive and all were being sweet..."Oh Alex, I know you will get in" and the like. But I am royally getting nervous. I'm normally pretty darn confident...but it's the anticipation that's making me nuts. I have to send off all those letters/applications and wait and wait and wait and then see what happens. Yes, I have all the creds. But there are people out there with EVEN MORE CREDS. What then? One of my RCSers, who is one of the smartest women I know, got WAITLISTED for a sociology program last year. I am nowhere near as smart as she is, and she has TONS more experience than me (keep in mind she is also in her 40s and is a pretty high-ranking advocate). What do I do if that happens? If they can turn HER down, what about me?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that once those applications are out, I have no control over what they do next. I hate having no control. These next couple of weeks where I will be getting those applications out is going to make me wonder if this is hell and what I am doing in an Alex-sized handbasket.

So true...

"The advocate is one of the few people who has no desire to be needed."

Quote from the United Way conference I went to and especially fitting for my senior project. The conference was amazing, and I learned a lot about social services and partnering with different organizations. Also met many of the domestic advocates at A Woman's Place (they might be our sister organization, but I think we need to do more with them because they're a cool bunch and we could learn from each other).

But that quote is so true. I'm pretty sure that all of us wish our jobs didn't even have to exist.

Shall I compare thee to a grad school search?

To PhD or not to PhD?
That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of five-plus years of grad school.
Or to take arms against this binding commitment, and by going for an MA, end it.
To go for MA, two years and no more, and by two years to say we avoid
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That doctoral students are heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To go for MA, perchance to continue on.
Ay, there's the rub. For in that MA program, what possibilities may come
When we have finished our graduate thesis and may give us cause to continue.
There's the respect that eases the calamity of so long a study.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The professor's grades, the undergrads' inexperience,
The pangs of writing a dissertation, the committee's delay,
The difficulties of Higher Learning, and the spurns
That patient merit of the postgraduate takes
When she herself might her doctorate make
With a few more years? What would MA students do
To grunt and sweat under a weary load,
But that the dread of something after graduation,
That undiscovered country from whose bourne
Few return successful, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear the academic track that we have
Than fly to another that we know not of.
Thus indecision makes cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of going for an MA
Is sicklied o'er with the allure of the PhD.
And enterprises of great pith and moment,
With this regard their currents turn away
And lose the name of action.

But soft you now, the fair admissions office.
In thy judgments be all my accomplishments remembered.

---

Graduate school had better be worth all this.

Constant revelling: Of k. d. lang, the Amasong girls, and Sarah Palin

Okay, please forgive my pun on "Constant Craving." It's a good song that I don't do nearly enough justice to.

A conversation I had recently inspired this blog post. I was discussing all the concerts I had been to with two of my Feminists after we saw the divine Cherrie Moraga give a speech on campus. I was talking about how I saw k. d. lang last week and how I'm seeing Amy Ray next week. (If you can't see both Indigo Girls, then check out the harder-rocking of the two!) I love kathryn dawn and Amy. Their music is roots-rocking yet heartfelt, and they have beautiful voices and wicked guitar skillz. One of the girls, Danielle, said, "You know, I never really got into k.d. lang or the Indigo Girls. They're a little too influenced by country for my taste." I said, "Oh that's fine" since everyone's tastes are different. I don't expect everyone to like them (hell, if that were the case, I wouldn't have gotten my second row seats!). Then she continued, "But I like the fact that all three of them are out. Geez, I feel like such a bad lesbian--we're all supposed to like the Indigo Girls."

Now this was a little weird, seeing that every group is diverse enough to allow different tastes. (And I know some non-lesbians who like that group--heck, my dad owns all of their CDs and is constantly playing them. Although he's more of an Emily fan than an Amy one. Oh well.) I was going to say something, but then Christine spoke up. "Well, I consider myself a feminist and politically active," she responded, "but I've never gotten into Amasong. I think those girls have talent, but I don't really like world beat and think they could use their talents for something better." Amasong (http://www.amasong.org), for those of you who aren't from CU, is an all-girl chorus that does mostly international music, and they identify as some pretty hardcore feminists.

Now aren't we a little more varied than that? If our promotional phrase, "Feminists are the majority" is true, then we definitely have more diversity than one-size-fits-all tastes.So then I had to speak up. "Well, ladies, we're all women, right?" They agreed that this was so. And so I continued, "Well, one of the VP nominees is also a woman. But do any of us like Sarah Palin or want her in the White House?" Their responses were as expected--"Eeeeewww! No way!!" "Only as a visitor!" "How can you say that??!!" My response? "Well, in that case, I think we can agree that there is no one size fits all preference for any group!" Not every [insert category here] is alike. And who decides which group likes which things?