Although I am pretty optimistic that Roe vs. Wade is always going to be the law of the land, if it ever is overturned or chipped away at so much it becomes pretty much meaningless to anyone except the very rich, I will be among the first to join and volunteer at a reproductive referral collective, much like the Gainesville Women's Collective in Gainesville or "Jane" in Chicago.
I'm a crisis worker, so I call options counseling and referrals. And I mean it.
Don't know Jane? You do now: http://www.4000yearsforchoice.com/collections/4000yearsforchoice/products/cooperate. My friend Heather made the poster, though she wasn't around to remember when Jane was active. But it is thanks to women like them that we all have a choice.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Ridin' all night
Eyes on the prize
End is in sight
I cut through the darkness
I'm ridin' all night
I've gone too long without you
And I just want to see your face
I'll ride through every town
I don't care how long it takes
I shine through the darkness
Like a a ray of starlight
Await my arrival
I'm ridin' all night
I know that you miss me,
More than anything I miss you
Hold on cause I'm coming
Hope you want it too.
Let go of your inhibitions,
Lose your sense of wrong or right,
Take my hand, and I'll show you
Cause we're ridin' all night
Ridin' all night
Ridin' all night
Ridin' all night
End is in sight
I cut through the darkness
I'm ridin' all night
I've gone too long without you
And I just want to see your face
I'll ride through every town
I don't care how long it takes
I shine through the darkness
Like a a ray of starlight
Await my arrival
I'm ridin' all night
I know that you miss me,
More than anything I miss you
Hold on cause I'm coming
Hope you want it too.
Let go of your inhibitions,
Lose your sense of wrong or right,
Take my hand, and I'll show you
Cause we're ridin' all night
Ridin' all night
Ridin' all night
Ridin' all night
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Chivalry's dead, but you're still kind of cute
As anyone reading this blog or knowing me would probably be aware, I'm not a traditional individual at all. In fact, you could probably easily consider me pretty anti-traditional in many ways. I don't really feel the need to hold fast to customs or practices just because they've "always" been a certain way. And if those practices reinforce any kind of inequality, then I am even less apt to wish to follow them. So any relationship mores that I find sexist are not going to fly in any relationship I have.
Likewise, I don't really like the concept of "chivalry." I don't want to be treated a certain way just because I'm a woman, but rather because I am a person deserving of dignity and respect. If a guy feels the need to open a door for me, I will nicely say thank you and go through it. That's just common courtesy. However (and yes, this has happened before), if I'm at the door first, I hold it. I've had a few men actually stand at the door and look at me expectantly, as though I shouldn't have done that. What's the difference between my holding the door and his? Well, it seems as though his was because he wanted to do it because I'm a woman, and mine was because I merely wanted to help. So I would say that I'm more of a fan of courtesy and that I have no interest in any relationship that implies I have to act a certain way or be a certain way just because of my gender. I have never dreamed about an engagement ring or getting proposed to (really). Though I don't see marriage in my future, I would probably find it more romantic to simply talk through what we want and don't want, as I am all about communication. And I would not want to be with someone who failed to see the value in my professional and academic goals and instead wanted me to automatically be the one to stay at home if we were to have/adopt children just because I'm female. Any point we came to would have to be mutually decided, as I do not like having my life planned out for me by someone who is not me.
If one wants a relationship with me to emulate those gender roles, regardless of what it takes, then by definition the relationship is not respectful of me. That's equating being female with being less strong, less independent, and less autonomous, and it's treating me as lesser because of it.
For over ten years now, there's been one song that really encapsulates what I want in a relationship. You might be thinking, how can one person's views remain the same for so long? Well, I think that once you know what it is, it should be apparent: Aretha's "Respect." The bridge line, "RESPECT, find out what it means to me" is my favorite part! It sums up exactly what I feel. Find out what it means TO ME. Respect means different things to different people, and it's a many-sizes-fit-all approach. What one person might like may be awful for another. And if you're in a relationship with someone, you need to be able to communicate and understand what they want and don't want.
I guess that's a moral we can take from this. Ditch the chivalry, and pile on the respect!
Likewise, I don't really like the concept of "chivalry." I don't want to be treated a certain way just because I'm a woman, but rather because I am a person deserving of dignity and respect. If a guy feels the need to open a door for me, I will nicely say thank you and go through it. That's just common courtesy. However (and yes, this has happened before), if I'm at the door first, I hold it. I've had a few men actually stand at the door and look at me expectantly, as though I shouldn't have done that. What's the difference between my holding the door and his? Well, it seems as though his was because he wanted to do it because I'm a woman, and mine was because I merely wanted to help. So I would say that I'm more of a fan of courtesy and that I have no interest in any relationship that implies I have to act a certain way or be a certain way just because of my gender. I have never dreamed about an engagement ring or getting proposed to (really). Though I don't see marriage in my future, I would probably find it more romantic to simply talk through what we want and don't want, as I am all about communication. And I would not want to be with someone who failed to see the value in my professional and academic goals and instead wanted me to automatically be the one to stay at home if we were to have/adopt children just because I'm female. Any point we came to would have to be mutually decided, as I do not like having my life planned out for me by someone who is not me.
If one wants a relationship with me to emulate those gender roles, regardless of what it takes, then by definition the relationship is not respectful of me. That's equating being female with being less strong, less independent, and less autonomous, and it's treating me as lesser because of it.
For over ten years now, there's been one song that really encapsulates what I want in a relationship. You might be thinking, how can one person's views remain the same for so long? Well, I think that once you know what it is, it should be apparent: Aretha's "Respect." The bridge line, "RESPECT, find out what it means to me" is my favorite part! It sums up exactly what I feel. Find out what it means TO ME. Respect means different things to different people, and it's a many-sizes-fit-all approach. What one person might like may be awful for another. And if you're in a relationship with someone, you need to be able to communicate and understand what they want and don't want.
I guess that's a moral we can take from this. Ditch the chivalry, and pile on the respect!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Fighting back
When I'm mildly peeved about a social issue, I put on some Ani DiFranco or Amy Ray and sing along. When I'm royally and uncontrollably pissed, I put on this odd mix of Rage Against the Machine and Holly Near, turn it up to 11, sing along raucously, and stomp around my apartment waving my fist in the air (my landlord thankfully doesn't live in the complex, otherwise he would be regretting renting to me). The Holly song I posted is the one she sang at the very first Take Back the Night. I've grown to like her music, but before I heard her music, I loved her social activism! The woman was a freakin' powerhouse and remains so today!
However, I posted the Holly song not because I am royally pissed but rather because I'm pretty re-invigorated. I went to (and volunteered at!) the advocate national conference, and it was unbelievable! I met social service professionals from all 50 states, including a lady who works at the national Office on Violence Against Women (how much would I like that job??) and representatives from state coalitions around the country. It feels unbelievable to know that I am part of something bigger than just my center and me.
The keynotes were incredible. The first one, Cassandra Thomas, is the director of the Houston Women's Center, and she was powerful and aggressive. Cassandra began her speech by saying, "I'm here to speak the truth. It might not be your truth, but it is true for me. It might piss you off, but frankly, I didn't come here to make you feel good. That's what chocolate is for." All 1,200+ attendees watched in rapt attention as she then demanded that we revive our outrage and our anger. "When did we lose the sense that the world could change?" she asked. Her speech challenged us advocates to move beyond working on an individual, social service basis and instead to work toward a society where abuse was neither tolerated nor condoned. She demanded that we examine the underpinnings of our society that created the conditions for abuse to occur, such as sexism, racism, classism, and heterosexism. It was very much like Paul Kivel's keynote at my panel, only even more passionate and aggressive. I really felt re-invigorated after the keynote. As a fundraiser, I always try to attract people to our work by getting them to think about the necessity of our services and the need to create a safer and fairer society. I feel that connecting on that level is mutually beneficial, and luckily for me, many funders do understand the need for our social services and our prevention efforts to prevent abuse from ever happening. That said, I really was struck when Cassandra said, "I want all of your rape crisis centers and domestic violence shelters to eventually achieve your own non-existence!" At this point, I wanted to jump up and scream YES! As much as I love the two centers I've been blessed to work at, I would indeed see our main goal as to no longer be needed. Can it be done? I am not sure, but I believe that with all of our efforts, we could indeed help to make that happen. The women who were at the Seneca Falls Conference to get women the right to vote did not know when women would be enfranchised, but they worked tirelessly (even facing arrest and torture) to make that happen. In fact, only one woman who had been one of the attendees was alive to see the 19th Amendment passed. But they kept fighting because they knew suffrage would not only benefit them but also their children, children's children, and people all over the United States.
The same is true for preventing violence. I don't know when we will come to the point when all of our centers will serve as reminders of a time past because they are no longer needed. But I'm definitely working toward that. My sisters and brothers in advocacy are too.
However, I posted the Holly song not because I am royally pissed but rather because I'm pretty re-invigorated. I went to (and volunteered at!) the advocate national conference, and it was unbelievable! I met social service professionals from all 50 states, including a lady who works at the national Office on Violence Against Women (how much would I like that job??) and representatives from state coalitions around the country. It feels unbelievable to know that I am part of something bigger than just my center and me.
The keynotes were incredible. The first one, Cassandra Thomas, is the director of the Houston Women's Center, and she was powerful and aggressive. Cassandra began her speech by saying, "I'm here to speak the truth. It might not be your truth, but it is true for me. It might piss you off, but frankly, I didn't come here to make you feel good. That's what chocolate is for." All 1,200+ attendees watched in rapt attention as she then demanded that we revive our outrage and our anger. "When did we lose the sense that the world could change?" she asked. Her speech challenged us advocates to move beyond working on an individual, social service basis and instead to work toward a society where abuse was neither tolerated nor condoned. She demanded that we examine the underpinnings of our society that created the conditions for abuse to occur, such as sexism, racism, classism, and heterosexism. It was very much like Paul Kivel's keynote at my panel, only even more passionate and aggressive. I really felt re-invigorated after the keynote. As a fundraiser, I always try to attract people to our work by getting them to think about the necessity of our services and the need to create a safer and fairer society. I feel that connecting on that level is mutually beneficial, and luckily for me, many funders do understand the need for our social services and our prevention efforts to prevent abuse from ever happening. That said, I really was struck when Cassandra said, "I want all of your rape crisis centers and domestic violence shelters to eventually achieve your own non-existence!" At this point, I wanted to jump up and scream YES! As much as I love the two centers I've been blessed to work at, I would indeed see our main goal as to no longer be needed. Can it be done? I am not sure, but I believe that with all of our efforts, we could indeed help to make that happen. The women who were at the Seneca Falls Conference to get women the right to vote did not know when women would be enfranchised, but they worked tirelessly (even facing arrest and torture) to make that happen. In fact, only one woman who had been one of the attendees was alive to see the 19th Amendment passed. But they kept fighting because they knew suffrage would not only benefit them but also their children, children's children, and people all over the United States.
The same is true for preventing violence. I don't know when we will come to the point when all of our centers will serve as reminders of a time past because they are no longer needed. But I'm definitely working toward that. My sisters and brothers in advocacy are too.
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