Girl on the platform

Three girls catch the eyes of everyone around.
They bask in the attention, they're new in this town.
Two girls step out of the room and into the light.
Same situation, but something's not right.

Now I'm once again the girl on the platform
And I'm figuring out what I should do
The last time I ever walked these streets
Was when I walked the streets with you.

I've got one foot on the platform
I've got one foot on the train.
I know what I need to do,
But do I make my choice in vain?

Only two girls will return this time around.
All eyes are upon them as they wander through town.
Though they can speak out and stand up for what they believe,
Each one feels an emotional aching that never will leave.

Now I've gotta stand up and let myself be counted for,
Even if I'm not sure of my direction.
Make my choice at this crossroads and not look back
And ignore my thoughts of apprehension.

I've got one foot on the platform
I've got one foot on the train.
I know what I need to do,
But do I make my choice in vain?

Two girls leave the hotel and head through the town.
They'll find a way though their path to take.
What happened is in the past, this is the now
And they're prepared for what is at stake.

I can't forget you or my sisters before me
But now this path is mine to tread.
I'm heading back firm in my resolve,
And I'm ready for what is ahead.
Yes, I'm ready for what is ahead.

I've been working on this number for a while. The apprehension and emotional tension was all there, but I couldn't get it out for a while. Sometimes, emotion cannot be logic-ed away or explained--it's just there! I play acoustic guitar, and it seems like everybody's got a folk song with a train in it, so now I do. And I've shamelessly added some quotes from songs I like (but as a tribute, not as a copycat!). See if you can spot them. I need to find a way to set it to music....as I am a far better lyricist than composer.

An Open Letter to "Concerned" Women for America

It's open letter time! And I am not linking to the original source that gave me this information, as I don't wish to give them the publicity. But as both a crisis worker and as a pro-choice activist, I couldn't let this slide. As a side note, unless otherwise specified, the sexual assault survivors I am referring to are female. While I know that men are also victims of abuse, women are primarily the ones who are victimized by it.

Dear "Concerned" Women for America,

Who do you think you're kidding when you say that abortion is a "cure-all for rape"?!

I mean it. Honestly, do you really think anyone is fooled by your stating to be "concerned" when your actions and words say the exact opposite? And who in their right mind would see anything as a "cure-all" for rape?

I'm a professionally trained rape crisis worker. In April, I will have been one for five years. I've provided support and guidance to nearly one hundred women and men seeking assistance in the aftermath of abuse, helped with support groups for traumatized populations, and have trained victims' advocates to do the same. My thesis was on the history and politics of the anti-rape movement, and I have successfully planned and facilitated two panel discussions surrounding reproductive justice. So, in other words, "concerned" women, I am no lightweight when it comes to both of the subjects you are discussing.

And I do have some empathy and concern for women in America. However, judging from your language in that letter, I think that what you mean by concerned and what I mean by concerned are two very different things. As a crisis worker, I have a lot of concern for the women I work with every day. After all, rape is a crime that takes choice and consent away from its victims. Who wouldn't feel concerned about that? However, as an advocate, I know that there is no "cure-all" for rape. The only cure for rape that I see is if it never happened, ever.

But let's look at your reasoning, "concerned" women. No one is doubting that a pregnancy as a result of rape is difficult, and no one would disagree on the importance of preventing the crime and punishing perpetrators. Those are things that you and I can agree on. However, your saying that abortion merely deals with the "physical consequences," is really doing a huge disservice for women who may be traumatized, scared, AND pregnant. For many (I understand, not all) women, ending a pregnancy that they in no way wanted or planned for can be a HUGE relief and a huge saving grace for them. Try thinking a mile in their shoes. Can you imagine being traumatized due to sexual assault...and living with the reminder of the rape for nine months? Can you imagine keeping the child and dealing with a living reminder of the assault? For the women who may be pregnant due to rape, it can be a nightmare dealing with this additional issue. Abortion is not simply "dealing with the physical consequences." For many women, it can help them to restore their choices. You even said it in your letter: "pregnancies under these difficult circumstances need an extra measure of compassion and support." Compassion and support includes not judging a woman's choice, even if that choice doesn't involve carrying a pregnancy to term.

A welfare rights group once said it best: "The right to choose is a poor woman's right to life." The welfare rights organizations were among some of the first pro-choice allies in the days when abortion was illegal. They knew the importance of making one's own decisions, especially for women who did not have the needed resources to either keep their child or the connections needed to secure a safe illegal abortion. They also knew the tremendous importance of promoting all women's autonomy. You may do well to think on that.

And for the record, I would be much more open to my tax dollars paying to assist one of my low income sisters get a safe, LEGAL medical procedure than for my tax dollars to pay for killing already-born, full grown adults in two wars.

Trusting women always (in the words of the martyred Dr. George Tiller),

Revel

Just...don't

I re-read "I am not here to please you" today. I still believe it, but I just wanted to add a little something I realized just now.

Not only are their statements about my personal life invalidating my desires, they could also really be a HUGE source of pain for someone in a different situation! I mean, a "compliment" about "a little you running around" could really sting for someone who's infertile, or a "future mother" comment could be painful for someone who was turned down as an adoptive parent. And nine months of being "so cute pregnant" is not exactly reason for altering your whole life once that pregnancy is done. They don't know all the details and could really wind up causing someone a lot of pain.

Pre-suppositions are just plain rude. Don't do it.

I am not here to please you

Readers, I would like to draw your attention to a particular little issue that has really been annoying me for quite some time, only I wasn't quite sure about how to word it. Have you ever held a certain belief/preference for your life, only to find that others don't share that view? Of course, not everyone is inclined to agree with everyone! Then, when others find out that you don't share their views, they react with an unbelievably backhanded comment saying that you'd be "sooo good" at whatever it is they think you should be doing?

I really have found it so hard to answer that. Sure, I like to give and receive compliments. Who doesn't? However, it can be really tough to answer when someone is saying you'd be good at something you just do not want. It's almost as though they are justifying their disregard for your interests with a compliment.

Let's look at a few examples from my own life. I've been single and partnered at many instances of my life. During none of my single stages (including now) have I been unhappy in any way with being single. I'm actually pretty comfortable with myself no matter what. And I don't have any kids. I'm not sure if I want kids, but if I do, I'm leaning towards the adopting or fostering route. No problem with that. But whenever I get any questions about my personal life, it seems like people have absolutely no problem telling me what they think I should be doing, even if that's what I don't particularly want. And that really irks me. Some of the little gems I've received:

"Oh, that's too bad you're single. You're so pretty, you'd make someone a great girlfriend!"

"You don't want kids? Sounds like the words of a future mother!"

"But I'd love to see a little you running around! And you'd be so cute pregnant!"

Honestly, how do you even answer those?? It's like they're using their "compliments" to hide disregard for your feelings. And when you think about it, those aren't really compliments because they're judging me by what they want me to be and do, not what I already am and do. I mean, they're not going to get me wanting what I don't, so I don't understand their rationale. But how do I answer them? I've tried saying, "Thanks," but then I feel disingenuous, like I just validated their invasive comment. I've tried saying, "Thanks, but that's probably not going to happen," to get some pretty heated "I'm just being nice!" in response. (Note: That's not "nice.") Usually, I just change the subject.

But I really don't get it. That's a big part of why I try to remember things about people, things they already are proud of, and compliment them on that. Maybe it's best they tried to do the same.

Gertrude Stein, eat ya heart out!

From Four Saints in Three Acts by Gertrude Stein:

Pigeons on the grass, alas
Pigeons on the grass, alas

From Alex watching as the Red Line leaves Argyle Street Station in Chicago:

Pigeons on the el, what the hell?

From Alex, horrified that a certain pigeon didn't get out of the train's way in time:

Pigeon on the el...oh well

My corner of the world

It never fails to amaze me.

When I'm at my workplace or with my friends and graduate cohort or at coalition, I feel like me. I can talk openly about my love for feminist theory and activism, go to Occupy Chicago and really feel good about it (the teach-in's are terrific), feel content in my singlehood and with my anti-normative relationship views, and not feel as though I have to fit some sort of precut mold of what a woman should be.

When I'm in Union Station heading home from class or at the Amtrak station heading home from coalition, I can't help but notice all the magazines detailing how to catch/keep/maintain a man, plan your wedding so it's like THE best day of your life (how scary for things to go downhill after that!), prevent your bio clock from ticking out, or do your hair, clothes, and makeup so you look like a clone of all the other women on the covers of all the magazines.

And I realize that either I am immune to mainstream society's messages or in a truly special corner of the world. Or both.

The Doctor Could Fly

The Doctor
By David Hunt

I once had a minor case of African flu
So I sent for a doctor who would know what to do
A stranger came to see me and he said he had the cure
But he had no credentials so I wasn't too sure
He claimed he was a doctor and he knew how to fly!
But no one believed him until he took to the sky
He flew up and down for everybody to see
And that's how he proved he was a doctor to me

Oh, the doctor who knew how to fly!
Every one of his patients somehow managed to die!
I'm sure a lot of people would have seen through his lie
If they weren't so impressed because the doctor could fly!

He poked and he prodded me with pieces of straw
He depressed my tongue, and then he made me say "aah!"
He took my pulse, and then my temperature
He looked at it once and then again to be sure
He said I was only sixty-six degrees
And I needed some heat or else my blood would freeze
He reached in his bag, and then he drew forth a pill
He said if this one doesn't do it then another one ... might!

Oh, the doctor who knew how to fly!
Every one of his patients somehow managed to die!
I'm sure a lot of people would have seen through his lie
If they weren't so impressed because the doctor could fly!

I woke up feeling twice as bad the next day
"Relax!" he said, "that means it's going away!
I'll give you this pill, do you want purple or green?
They're all from the same supermarket vending machine!"

Oh, the doctor who knew how to fly!
Every one of his patients somehow managed to die!
I'm sure a lot of people would have seen through his lie
If they weren't so impressed because the doctor could fly!

Of course there's a moral, as you may have guessed
Every claim must be put to a legitimate test
Remember this when someone tries to prove theirs to you
The flying man who couldn't cure a case of the flu

Oh, the doctor who knew how to fly!
Every one of his patients somehow managed to die!
Remember this when someone tries to throw you a line
It doesn't really matter if he knows how to fly!

In defense of Thanksgiving

Hey all, my apologies for not blogging more frequently (or at all!) in October. That month had some very personal difficult issues for me, so every time I began to write, I found myself somewhat overwhelmed. Now I am at a place where I can go back to blogging...

Yesterday was Halloween. I love Halloween! Costumes, candy, and celebrations are always something to look forward to. It's so much fun to get dressed up and to go out (this year I was Miss Viola Swamp from the kids' book Miss Nelson Is Missing! and I was pretty darn evil, if you ask me). After Halloween, I like to pick up any discounted candy or accoutrements, as they are all on sale.

HOWEVER...I was so not too pleased when I was shopping this past September, early-ish in the month. I went to the mall, and what did I see? Not back to school deals, not Halloween decor, not Thanksgiving, but rather...CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS! Yes! Three whole months before Christmas, and the trees and wreaths abounded. In October, when I was picking up trick-or-treat candy to pass out, I saw Santas and reindeer all over. Even in some of the small shops like Claire's or Hot Topic. Now it is November, and every store has Christmas merchandise in it.

Now don't get me wrong. I am no Grinch, and I absolutely love Christmas. However...

WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO THANKSGIVING???

Did somebody forget that there's another holiday coming up? And no, I do not mean the Eve of Black Friday. I mean a day for celebrating with family and friends. Expressing an attitude of gratitude. (And yes, I know the actual origins of the Thanksgiving holiday were pretty far-removed from the rosy picture you get in grade school, but I do think a day dedicated to gratitude and appreciation is important.)

What happened to Thanksgiving???

For a thankful revel, this will not do. At all. I hereby declare that I will not put up any Christmas decor until I have finished enjoying Thanksgiving. I will not put on any Christmas music until turkey day is done. I will wear my turkey and cornucopia pins rather than anything that seems like it's a month too early. And I will make it a point to enjoy November's holiday for what it is as opposed to rushing through it on the way to Christmas. I will be a friend of Thanksgiving and give it the appreciation it deserves.

Don't Ask Don't Tell, don't come back!

Don't Ask Don't Tell is officially over!

All I will say on this most happy and historical day is that I hope that terrible law never, ever, ever comes back!

Although I am something of a pacifist and although I do wish that the DADT repeal also included a non-discrimination clause and protections for transgender men and women serving in the armed forces (I'm all about equality for everybody, not just a few), I am really happy to see this inhumane and discriminatory law gone and finally relegated to the dustbin of history. Nobody should ever have to hide who they are to serve our country.

I want a fearless love, I won't settle for anything less

I figured that "Fearless Love" was as good of a title as any for this post. This is the title track off Melissa Etheridge's latest CD, not the similarly titled Taylor Swift one (not too much of a Swift fan). I've been listening to a lot of Melissa's bluesy heartland-rock groove lately, and she is absolutely spectacular.

But all music musings aside, I am going to discuss something a little different in this post. I'm writing to discuss the phenomenon of the mainstream dating book. I know these things are as old as it gets, but I really feel so bombarded with the messages from them. It really seems like a woman with her own mind and own interests and desires is somehow not welcome in these books and that their prevailing message is that we independent and successful women need to subsume our own identities into that of our significant other's. It really makes me wonder how far we have come as a society if books like those can still make the bestseller list (meaning somebody must be buying them) and people still repeat the ideas they promote!

I was curious about a few of them, so I put on an emotional hazmat suit, flipped through them, and immediately regretted it. You have The Rules, which encourages its female readers to play hard to get and let their man decide everything. By playing hard to get, its (divorced!!) authors explained, a woman would have to downplay her own accomplishments or desires and not look for much more than a pulse in a partner. You have books for teens, which are all geared towards pleasing a guy, lest he turn into a potential boyfriend. You have those paragons of ridiculosity Steve Harvey (Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man) and "Dr." Laura (The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) who warn that men are "hardwired" to always want to control their wives. And you have what looks like more of the same in The Man Whisperers, which says that there's only room for one personality in the relationship and that personality sure isn't the woman's. I mean, what century are these authors even living in??? In a world where we women have made tremendous strides and most men have come to expect that we are not extensions of or mirrors for them, how is it that drivel like this still exists??? (Not to mention that not every woman wants a man, but in the dating books, gay men and lesbians don't seem to exist.) And how the heck is it that a new book is out almost every year, rehashing the same old thing?

Not only are the books sexist against both men and women (by making men seem as though they expect the world to revolve around them and making women seem like little more than marriage-minded extensions of men), heterosexist, and marriage-centric, they also make me wonder how a relationship they advise could ever be successful. Who would want a relationship that was built on deception and manipulation? Who wants a significant other who was only pretending to be a certain way? And who would really be happy with somebody who didn't care about her accomplishments or desires or anything else that made up who she was? I don't know about you, but those do not strike me as relationships that would make anybody happy or that would be all that successful if I was pretending to be something I wasn't (or following the rules, acting like a lady but thinking like a man, or man-whispering). Perhaps the relationship would work, but it does not seem like one that I would be all that happy to be in. I'm not a man, nor do I usually partner with women, but I can tell you that I would much rather be with someone who was her own person and brought her own personality to the relationship than someone who merely acted like an extension of me!

It also makes me wonder if those books aren't merely extensions of the authors' own prejudices and attitudes as well. Maybe with "Dr." Laura and Steve Harvey, it's a no-brainer, but I wonder about the others. Like, let's keep the ladies in their places by telling them that guys won't like them if they become too strong or successful. Gotta return to those good old days of being chattel. Which then really makes me wonder if the women who wrote the Rules or the Man Whisperers even follow their own guidelines and how that even works for them! Do they even practice what they preach, and if so, does that work? Or if they either don't do it or don't like it, then why in the world are they trying to make other people do it??

It's high time we heard a different voice. Isn't it time for some equality?

Raging revel

So now I'm about to get serious and historical on you all. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I got really upset the other day as a history buff and activist ally can. I was driving through the residential area of Waukegan, one of the larger towns in the county when I saw this house with a huge Confederate flag flying in front of it. And by huge, I mean you couldn't drive near the neighborhood without seeing that thing.

This really irked me for a lot of reasons. I really don't like what that CSA flag stands for, and I can easily say that I hate seeing it flown. Or on bumper stickers. Or pretty much anywhere you find the stars and bars. Honestly, I really don't know what some people's preoccupation with the antebellum South really is all about. Some say it's all about their "heritage," but the CSA only lasted 4 years. The United States as a country has been around for over 50 times that long! So, 4 years is not exactly much in the way of heritage. I don't see many 13-star American flags flying, nor many flags with 48 stars. So why this one? And when you really think about it, that period was among the ugliest in American history. Considering that a huge proportion of the population was considered chattel and oppressed, I really fail to see why anybody would want to put up a flag honoring that. You don't see countries that had ethnic cleansing or genocide or something else horrible in their past having some sort of nostalgia or wistfulness for that.

As an anti-racist white ally (and yes, I know that there are some problems with allies and progressives as well, as I detailed a couple posts ago), that flag really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Why the glorification of this period, that was dependent on racism and slavery? Why the glorification of a region that seceded so it could own other human beings? That's just disgusting! But what especially irked me was where its owner chose to fly it. The city of Waukegan's at least 70% non-white (primarily black and Latino/a), so I really don't want to know what kind of a message its owner was trying to send. With that sort of a loaded history behind the flag (and with anyone's knowledge of Waukegan's demographics!), it definitely comes across as anything but innocuous. It comes across as pretty damn hostile if you ask me.

I would never trespass on private property and I am not into vandalism; however, I can't say I didn't feel tempted to spray paint the words, "Your side lost! Get over it by now!" all over their lawn in response to that damn flag.

Best of Lake County

In light of my last post, allow me to present: My favorites! This list has my faves of Lake County, IL with the town listed after it. I tried to avoid putting chains on there in the interests of buying local. So without further ado...

Sandwich: Tina's Italian Bake Shop (Gurnee)
Place to take the parents: The Vine (Grayslake)
Salad: Tina's Italian Bake Shop (Gurnee)
Park: West Park (Lake Forest)
Ambience: Firkin (Libertyville), in particular on Thursdays because that's BLUES NIGHT with a large live band!
Ice Cream: Shirl's (Waukegan)
Burger: Mickey Finn's (Libertyville)
Fries: Mickey Finn's (Libertyville)
Place to snore in public: Anywhere your crush isn't
Politician: Terry Link (The man is super-progressive and super-nice to speak to as well. One of the good guys.) or Susan Garrett (met her and she's got some great ideas)
Pancakes: Wildberry (Libertyville)
Fine dining: 545 North (Libertyville). Or if you want to be really, really kitschy and over-the-top, then choose Night 'N Gale (Highwood)
Diner: Paragon (Waukegan). Love Greek greasy spoons? You'll love this one!
Barbecue: Main Street Smokehouse (Libertyville)
Vintage: Horsefeathers is the United Nations of vintage shops, and it's open 368 days out of the year (says so on their sign!). (Waukegan)
Used store: Thrifty Couture (Gurnee) for clothes, The Chaplaincy (Waukegan) for books. Sadly, there aren't many used CD stores around. May Dog Ear and Music Recyclery's memories be eternal!
Stir fry: AHA Sushi (Gurnee)
Mexican food: Jerry's Tacos (Waukegan)
Asian food: Sushi Thai (Libertyville) or Kori (Highwood)
Bookstore: Original bookstores? Oh, what wouldn't I give for more of them in the county! I guess I would say The Chaplaincy (Waukegan), though I do want to check out This Old Book (Grayslake) sometime.
Fast food: Morgan's (Libertyville)
First date location: Firkin (Libertyville). Come on Thursday when it is blues night and watch your date be impressed. No extra cover for the music, and it's all ages too!
Makeout spot in public: Making out in public is just plain rude. Get a room!
Place to bowl: The Alley! (Highwood) Bowling, billiards, live music, and a bar? All this rock 'n' bowl goodness is located in a microscopically little town, but when you've got all this entertainment at the ready, who cares?
Place to watch the Sunrise: On the Metra train when you're half asleep and half pissed off that you have to be in Springfield by 9 AM and wondering who comes up with the schedule for your conference anyway. Okay, I am done venting, for now...:P
Chicken wings: Mama K's (Gurnee)
Milkshake: Exmoor Country Club (Highland Park). They can make even milkshakes fancy!
Pizza: Jimano's (Gurnee)
T-shirts: Anything bought at Horsefeathers! (Waukegan) What did you think I was going to say?
Grocery Store: Mariano's (Libertyville). Sunset Foods, watch ya back.
Band to watch at a bar: Shoot! I've seen way too many good bands at bars. I like Vance Kelly and his Backstreet Blues Band who play at the Firkin (Libertyville), most of the acts at Mickey Finn's (also Libertyville), most of the acts at Green Town Tavern (Waukegan) and the Fuel Room (Libertyville) also books some mid-size acts. Highwood's Alley and Backstage Lounge also have some diverse performers, but their acts are sort of hit-or-miss. Maggie Speaks (Gurnee) is also very good and they perform almost anywhere.
Concert venue: The gorgeous, restored Genesee Theater (Waukegan)
Dive bar: Island Tap (Libertyville)
Classy bar: Mickey Finn's (Libertyville) or Green Town Tavern (Waukegan)
Place to buy music: My favorite used CD store, Dog Ear, closed. May its memory be eternal!
Drink selection: Firkin (Libertyville)
Chill bar: Gabe's Backstage Lounge (Highwood)
DJ bar: McCarthy's (Vernon Hills)
Bar food: Mickey Finn's (Libertyville)
Concert venue: Highdive and Krannert Center
After-hours food: The only place for that is Avalon (Gurnee). Not the best, but it will do if you need someplace that's open 24 hours and offering you coffee the minute you step in the door.
Coffee shop: Something's Brewing (Grayslake)
Art gallery: Hmmm....any of the venues that magically turn into galleries during ArtWauk (Waukegan)
Local website: http://www.findhelplakecounty.org
Radio Station: The best known one of these is 102.3 XLC.

Local, Loyal, and Loving It

When I was in undergrad, I couldn't get enough of all the independently owned businesses in Champaign-Urbana. When my classmates would buy their clothes for a night out at Kohl's or Macy's, I would instead dig up some thrift shop finery at Dandelion or Le Shoppe to wear. Instead of grabbing my morning coffee at Starbucks, I'd walk a little further to Caffe Paradiso or Bar Giuliani (may its memory be eternal!). It was pretty easy to support local businesses because there were just so many of them!

I love buying local. Often have. Rather than going to a chain or big-box store, I try (if I can help it or afford it) to support places that are operated by people who work and live in the community. A quick look at the Chamber of Commerce's website would give me all the information I needed to tell if someplace was a franchise or not, and once I figured out where it was, I would go.

Coming back up to this area got me really wondering if I'd still be able to continue buying local and loyal. Not to be mean or rude, but I'd always considered this area the land of the chain stores and restaurants, a veritable desert when it came to original businesses. When I decided on going to school in the city and got my job, I wondered if I'd be able to still shop as originally as I act.

Well, I'm glad to know that I was wrong. I think the best cure for any sort of worry like that would be to look a little closer. Some of my best finds came totally unexpectedly, like when I was driving to meet with a funder or wandering around a new downtown. So I can't have Le Shoppe because it's 3 hours away? I got Horsefeathers in my backyard for my import/vintage/head shop needs. No B.Lime around for non-pretentious beautifying? I've found J-Beauty for my local supplier. Sick of Starbucks? There's Something's Brewing nearby. Bored with everything the county has to offer? (As if!) Well, Chicago's only a train ride away!

I guess the moral of the story, when it comes to buying local and buying loyal, is just to look a little closer. Sure, no two towns are created equal, but there are good things to be found just about everywhere. I'm still local, still loyal, and still loving my area. And when I head downstate, I make sure to hit up my old haunts because my love of local doesn't stop up north.

It's still not okay

I've really come to notice a fairly common trend in some of the arguments/disagreements I've been having with some of my progressively-minded acquaintances. So I think I am going to settle this once and for all by putting my view online where everybody can see it and so there is no confusion.

I love my fellow progressives. Really and truly, I do. I really appreciate the work and effort they take to make this world a nicer and better place. THAT SAID, this does not mean I am going to be fine if they make a comment or statement that is somehow intolerant or perpetuating prejudice. I'm talking about the liberal-minded person who makes a racial remark and defends it by saying, "I can't be racist! I voted for Obama, didn't I?" I'm talking about the so-called ally who makes some sort of sexist or heterosexist joke and then defends him or herself by bringing up the litany of things s/he does to empower the community that was just dissed.

Let me make this clear, once and for all, I do not care who you are when you make intolerant statements.

IT'S STILL NOT OKAY.

If something sounds bigoted or intolerant, it does not matter who is saying that. It is STILL wrong and it STILL perpetuates the inequality. You do not get a pass because you are somehow liberal or progressive. A true progressive or egalitarian does not participate in behavior that makes this world a meaner place. And you do not get a pass because you voted for a certain candidate or may have done certain activities in the past. It is "everyday" words and actions that perpetuate and promote inequality because they create an atmosphere where that is considered "normal." A person doesn't have to be a card carrying member of a hate group to contribute to this toxic atmosphere, but we all have a part to play in dismantling it. The first step is watching our language and our actions.

So I will continue calling out that behavior and words. No matter who's saying that, it's still not right. And I expect that if I engage in it, I would like to be told about it so I know not to anymore.

It's your choice

Well, now I am done posting lyrics to one obscure song (listen to the cover of it though!) and one big classic (listen to the original!). I'm ready to talk about an issue that has really been on my mind all throughout 2011.

I've really come down to a simple conclusion on a lot of social issues. You can't call yourself a progressive and say that you support the empowerment of different groups unless you promote everyone's equal access to them. I'm talking to the progressive governor or member of Congress who decides to slash funding for social services for the poor and downtrodden (while they enjoy a hundred-dollar-a-plate fundraising dinner). I'm meaning the "pro-choice" president or congressperson who decides to vote for a law restricting abortion access in the name of "bipartisanship" (in particular if they're cisgender men and cannot get pregnant). I'm also criticizing the hetero politician who says that of course they're an ally for the LGBT community because they support civil unions rather than full-on marriage.

Now do any of these examples sound at all like allies or as if they believe in the positions they supposedly espouse? Not at all! And I'm not just talking about politicians either (though many of them have recently drawn my ire). I'm also talking to the lay folk who back down as soon as possible when they feel as though others don't share their belief.* It's just so ridiculous. If you support something, and if you call yourself a progressive/liberal/some other varient, you have to support equal access to it. Progressivism is about equality.

*A quick word. If it's not safe to do so, you don't have to be all vocal about your beliefs. I can understand if you're worried about your own personal safety and well-being. However, if the situation poses no danger or risk to you (like a conversation or something), the most progressive thing would be to say what you believe. Not cover it up or act like it's something only people like you should have.

It Won't Take Long

They said some men would be warriors,
and some men would be kings.
And some men would be owners of land
and other man-made things.
And false love as the eternal flame
would move some to think in rings.
And gold would be our power
and other foolish things.

But you who dream of liberty
must not yourselves be fooled.
Before you get to plead for freedom,
you have agreed to being ruled.
If the body stays a shackle,
then the mind remains a chain
That'll link you to a destiny
whereby all good souls are slain.

And it won't take long,
it won't take too long at all
It won't take long, and you may say
"What has that got to do with me?"
and I say "You mean to tell me that's all?"

Of three men in a desert wandering,
one is knowing and two are scared.
They say time is in the river,
but the river is not there.
Dry in spirit, dry in body
two will lend themselves to death
And in grief one weeps into his hands
and drinks his bitter tears

'Cause it don't take long,
it don't take too long at all
It don't take long, and you may say,
"I don't know what you're talking about,"
and I say "You mean to tell me that's all?"

And as I stand before you now,
I am hopeful in my rage
You know love has finally called for me,
I will not wilt upon its stage
But still smaller than my nightmare
do I print upon the page
Do we have to live inside its walls
to identify the cage?

'Cause it takes so long,
why does it take so long,
But it takes so long, and you may say,
"I don't really care what you're talking about,"
and I say, "Are you trying to say you don't belong?"

I am my mother's daughter,
but I have seen myself in you
It's this blessing that I follow now,
and so I must speak true
I dreamed of thousands dying,
it was you and you and you,
And while the city sleeps so quietly
there is something we must do

And it wont' take long,
it won't take too long at all,
It won't take long, and you may say,
"I don't know if I wanna know what you're getting at,"
and it makes me wanna say, "So long."

Because grief will come in measures,
only grief alone will know
And you'll see it on your family,
on your own face it will grow
And they'll try to keep you hungry,
then they'll tell you to eat snow
You know pride can be a moving thing
if we learn the strength of "NO!"

And it won't take long,
it won't take too long at all,
It won't take long, and you may say,
"I don't think this has anything to do with me,"
"But did you ever think you could be wrong?"

At noon on one day coming,
human strength will fill the streets
Of every city on our planet,
hear the sound of angry feet
With business freezed up in the harbour,
the kings will pull upon their hair
And the banks will shudder to a halt,
and the artists will be there

'Cause it won't take long,
it won't take too long at all,
It won't take long, and you may say,
"I don't think I can be a part of that,"
and it makes me want to say,
"Don't you want to see yourself that strong?"

Division between the peoples
will disappear that honoured day
And though oceans lie between us,
lifted candles light the way
Half will join their hands by moonlight,
the rest under a rising sun
As underneath the sun and moon,
a ritual'd wailing has begun.

And it won't take long,
it won't take too long at all,
It won't take long, and you may say,
"I don't know how to be a part of what you're talking about,"
and it makes me want to say, "Come on! Come on!"

And beware you sagging diplomats,
for you will not hear one gun
And though our homes be torn
and ransacked we will not be undone
For as we let ourselves be bought,
we're gonna let ourselves be free
And if you think we stand alone,
look again and you will see:

We are children in the rafters,
We are babies in the park,
We are lovers at the movies,
We are candles in the dark,
We are changes in the weather,
We are snowflakes in July,
We are women grown together,
We are men who easily cry,
We are words not quickly spoken,
We're the deeper side of try,
We are dreamers in the making,
We are not afraid of "Why?

Performed by Ferron
Improved incredibly by the Indigo Girls

I love this poetical, powerful, nine minute song. It never fails to get me really inspired and pumped up, and on days when I'm feeling unsure, it gets me back to my kickass self. Consider it an acoustical form of audio caffeine. And my coloring of the words is intentional. Right now I'm kind of in need of some audio caffeine.

I need to move forward. In the end, that's really all I can do. And though we certainly don't have to live inside its walls to identify the cage, that doesn't mean we can't break the damn cage and move on.

Another One Bites the Dust

Performed by Queen

Steve walks warily down the street
With his brim pulled way down low
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet
Machine guns ready to go

Are you ready hey are you ready for this?
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat yeah

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

How do you think I'm going to get along
Without you when you're gone
You took me for everything that I had
And kicked me out on my own

Are you happy are you satisfied?
How long can you stand the heat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat look out

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

Hey
Oh take it - Bite the dust! Bite the dust!
Hey! Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust ow
Another one bites the dust he he
Another one bites the dust
Ooh shoot out!

There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him
When he's down
But I'm ready, yes, I'm ready for you
I'm standing on my own two feet
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Repeating to the sound of the beat

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust yeah
Hey I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
Shoot out!

Headed to the guv!

Fast on the heels of my excitement over New York's marriage equality (June brides? How 'bout June PRIDE?) comes something I've been coveting for quite a while.

I think that sending me back to the state coalition in Springfield is a "capital" idea! I'm so stoked to serve my center and the crisis cause by working with the statewide organization. Best of all, it doesn't conflict with my classes (who says you can't have it all?) and I can learn from the delegates coming from the other crisis centers. I really love the networking and learning all about the sister centers all over the state (and then bringing it on home), so this is going to be one terrific opportunity.

This is going to be an awesome fiscal year....

Happy Pride Month!

Well, this is surely a wonderful piece of news...

On the 42nd anniversary of the Stonewall Riots* that got the whole gay liberation movement started off, marriage equality is finally the law in New York! (Which is the same place the riots occurred and got the ball rolling.)

This is the biggest state where this has happened, and I'm super-excited for my sisters and brothers in the Big Apple. Let's hope ALL the other states follow soon, or better yet, that DOMA is finally repealed so we all can enjoy equal marriage rights!!

You got to dance with them what brung you

Dear Molly*,

We might have been without you for 4 years, but I miss you and your incisive commentary still.

I just wonder what you would say about all the crazy political and social happenings that have been going on in the four years since you left us. Wherever you are, I hope that you are at peace and that your influence lives on.

Peace be with you, sister.

In solidarity,

Revel

*Molly Ivins (1932-2007), political columnist, journalist, and progressive extraordinaire. I would read her column religiously from 2000-2007 and own all of her books.

The Bridge Poem

The Bridge Poem
By Donna Kate Rushin

I've had enough
I'm sick of seeing and touching
Both sides of things

Sick of being the damn bridge for everybody

Nobody
Can talk to anybody
Without me Right?

I explain my mother to my father my father to my little sister
My little sister to my brother my brother to the white feminists
The white feminists to the Black church folks the Black church folks
To the Ex-hippies the ex-hippies to the Black separatists the
Black separatists to the artists the artists to my friends' parents...

Then
I've got the explain myself
To everybody

I do more translating
Than the Gawdamn U.N.

Forget it
I'm sick of it

I'm sick of filling in your gaps

Sick of being your insurance against
The isolation of your self-imposed limitations
Sick of being the crazy at your holiday dinners
Sick of being the odd one at your Sunday Brunches
Sick of being the sole Black friend to 34 individual white people

Find another connection to the rest of the world
Find something else to make you legitimate
Find some other way to be political and hip

I will not be the bridge to your womanhood
Your manhood
Your human-ness

I'm sick of reminding you not to
Close off too tight for too long

I'm sick of mediating with your worst self
On behalf you your better selves

I am sick
Of having to remind you
To breathe
Before you suffocate
Your own fool self

Forget it
Stretch or drown
Evolve or die

The bridge I must be
Is the bridge to my own power
I must translate
My own fears
Mediate
My own weaknesses

I must be the bridge to nowhere
But my true self
And then
I will be useful

--This is one of my favorite poems! It opens up the feminist classic, This Bridge Called My Back, by Cherrie Moraga and Gloria Anzaldua, and it sounds even better when you read it out loud! Any self-respecting feminist or anti-racist activist really should read it, since it really drives the point home. I read it in my first graduate class, and I loved it so much I've had everybody I know read it too. So now that I've crossposted it, perhaps more will know it as well!

Shame on You

My friends, they wash the windows.
They shine in the sun.
They say, "Wake up early in the morning sometime.
See what a beautiful job we've done."
Let's go down to Chicano city park and do a little all day.
Go to the riverside, take off your shoes, and wash your blues away,

And the river said, la la la la la shame on you.
The river said, la la la la la shame on you.

I go down to Chicano city park cause it makes me feel so fine.
When the leaves are down, you can see up close in the dead of the wintertime.
But when the springtime's come, everything's in bloom,
And you wouldn't know it's there.
And all of the white folks like to pretend it's not, but their music's in the air.

And you can hear 'em singing la la la la la shame on you.
See 'em dancing la la la la la shame on you.

My friend Tanner says, "You know me and Jesus,
We're of the same heart,
The only thing that keeps us distant is I keep f**king up."
Let's go down to Chicano city park and wash your blues away.
All the beautiful ladies walk right by.
You know, I never know what to say.

And you can hear 'em singing ooh la la la la shame on you.
See 'em dancing ooh la la la la shame on you.

Let's go road block tripping in the middle of the night
Up in Gainesville town,
There'll be blue lights flashing when the cops pull up.
When they ask us to step out,
They'll say, "We're looking for illegal immigrants!
May we check your car?"
I say, "You know, that's funny, I think we were on the same boat back in 1694!"

And you can hear 'em singing la la la la la shame on you.
Hear 'em saying la la la la la shame on you.
Shame on you.

--Amy Ray

This is my favorite of the Indigo Girls songs! I swear, I still marvel over the fact that it was written in 1997 and unfortunately could've been written yesterday. I first heard it when I was in grade school and fell in love with the chorus and the snarky attitude, but now that I am older and wiser and far more radical I can appreciate it for what it is.

An Open Letter to US Clothing Manufacturers

Dear US Clothing Manufacturers,

I get it. You've got clothes to sell, profit margins to meet, trends to set. You all are really busy people. But how about you take a little break from the sewing machine and the clothing patterns to read a little letter from a friendly feminist fashionista?

I have but one suggestion for you when you are making women's clothes. Can you please start sizing them by actual body measurements (like waist, hips, inseam, bust, etc.) as opposed to some totally random and completely un-standardized sizes like even or odd numbers? You know, like the way men's clothes are sized? I mean, I am really finding it difficult to find or order things that fit because I am a different size in just about every brand out there! At Kohl's I am a medium. At JCPenney I am a medium to large. Most laughably, at Target, I am an extra-small (and anyone who knows what I look like is probably rolling their eyes at that!). I don't even know my own dress size because it's different depending on the brand.

You know, when I was in high school, we had this awful dress code with uniforms. And I mean, it was really awful--boxy old polo shirts and the choice of flimsy pleated skirt or these dress pants that were ordered from a company. I didn't like the skirt so I wore the uniform pants. Since I couldn't try on the uniforms (they were ordered), I did what most girls didn't. I just sent the company my measurements and wore men's clothes through high school because it was much easier to get something that fit my measurements! (And again, anyone who's seen me knows that my presentation is as hyperfeminine as it gets! However, I was not going to shell out my cash on clothes and wait for them to arrive...only to find they didn't fit.)

Take it from me, dear clothing manufacturers. It really is no fun to constantly be confused. So please find some way to standardize your sizing so that I can finally figure out what size I am. Preferably, I would like it to be simple measurements like the men's clothes are sized.

Thank you much. For this I may even go back to primarily buying my clothes new and from "normal" stores.

Love,

Revel

An Open Letter to Rich Santos

Yep, Revel's in letter-writing mode this month! I'm having fun letting 'em have it!!

Yo Richey!

As a disclaimer, I don't often read Marie Claire unless I'm in the waiting room at Super Cuts or my dentist's office. But since your recent article about "innocent girls" versus "bad girls" has gotten a thorough kicking around by everyone in the feminist/pro-feminist community, I figured, why not belatedly join in the fun? I am not going to link to your puerile article since it doesn't need any more traffic than it already is getting.

I noticed you pointed out that "guys like innocent girls." Uhm, Richey, I would sincerely hope that since you are considered an adult in the eyes of the law, you and your dudes would be more interested in women than girls. I also sincerely hope that the main time you care about somebody's "innocence" would be when you are doing jury duty. Otherwise, you sound like the perfect candidate for How To Catch a Predator. I'm not sure that's the kind of notoriety you're after.

Another thing, Rich. Do you know how utterly asinine you sound when you say a partner's inexperience is like "white fresh snow versus the snow that's turning black on the side of the road in under the haze of car exhaust"? Women are people, not snow! And besides, what does that make you? The car exhaust? Well, at least we're something natural and not the carcinogenic environmental pollutant! Although if you must classify us females into weather conditions, I'll have you know, Richey, that I am a big scary tornado that mows down anything in her path.

I also noticed, Rich, that you really seem to think that all women fit into two little tiny categories and never the twain shall meet: either inexperienced, wholesome "girls" or women who are bad to the bone. Well, I have yet to meet an adult woman who fits perfectly into either category. Considering that my friends are 65-70% female, that's saying quite a lot. Do you know why this is, Rich? This is because we are HUMAN! People are much more nuanced and much more complex than two tiny categories are. All you are doing is setting up another false binary...and setting yourself up for disappointment when you find that no one outside your imagination fits it. I find it interesting that you opine, "We hate to admit it, we usually like to be in control. A bad girl is tough to control — we never know what she's going to do next." Well, by your standards, every woman is "bad" since we all have free will and our own decisions and the ability to control them.

And another thing, Rich. Not every woman wants a man, and for those of us who do, we know to steer clear of you and your ilk who are so superficial and judgmental. So perhaps, as odious as your article and your other pieces are, they serve as the perfect signs and red flags of what to steer clear of in a man.

So thanks for this primer about what to AVOID when looking for a man.

No love,

Revel

PS Rich, I noticed your column is called "Sex and the Single Guy." If you're wondering why you're still a single guy and why all the ladies are headed for the hills when you're around, you might just want to re-read your odious columns.

Hazel Tells LaVerne

Hazel Tells LaVerne
By Katharyn Machan

last night
im cleanin out my
howard johnsons ladies room
when all of a sudden
up pops this frog
musta come from the sewer
swimmin aroun an tryin ta
climb up the sida the bowl
so i goes ta flushm down
but sohelpmegod he starts talkin
bout a golden ball
an how i can be a princess
me a princess
well my mouth drops
all the way to the floor
an he says
kiss me just kiss me
once on the nose
well i screams
ya little green pervert
am i hitsm with my mop
an has ta flush
the toilet down three times
me
a princess

An Open Letter to Kaye Hymowitz

Ms. Hymowitz:

I noticed you wondered, "Where Have the Good Men Gone?" in your Wall Street Journal article, so I felt compelled to offer some revel-licious help for a sister in need. Then I read through your article, and I noticed that you seem less concerned with where the good men are than with chastising women who dare to be successful and who dare to seek more in a man than simply a pulse.

So, because I am a charitable sort, I figure I'd like to offer my help to a poor misguided soul.
A few things, Ms. Hymowitz...

• A twentysomething is not a "pre-adult." In the US, the age of majority is 18 (and the census says so as well). It doesn't matter if the person in question has not married or bought a house or subscribes to the same notions of adulthood as you do. If s/he is over 18, s/he is an adult. Period.
• What the heck is a "major demographic event"? The presence of a group doesn't strike me as an "event." Perhaps the actions of said group, like mass migration or diaspora, could be a demographic event, but the group itself is not an event.
• Did I lose you at "diaspora"? Because your article is so badly written, I didn't know if I should tone down my language or try to keep it at a third grade reading level.
  
• Women's choices and increased rights have NOT turned men into boys. If a man is mature and not threatened by strong women, he's likely to be comfortable in himself and completely fine with women who can keep pace with him academically or in the career world.
  
• Likewise, if a man is insecure and easily threatened by not being in charge all the time, then of course he's going to act immaturely. But not all men are immature, and in fact, it's immature of you to assume that women are the cause of it.
• And although women are supposedly more successful than before, in most places, white women typically still only earn $0.80 on every dollar that men do. Women of color unfortunately are even more discriminated against in the job market. If women's rise has really eclipsed men, why are our pay rates STILL different?
  
• Definitions of adulthood vary by person. Before the recession, buying a house and getting a job was very much a marker of adulthood. But in a time when many are laid off from their jobs or evicted from their homes, you need to be realistic about which definitions of adulthood are still applicable.
• Gender roles also change and vary by person. The fact that they are so individualistic and based on personal choices is, I would have to say, a triumph of 20th century feminism. Feminists taught us that it was okay to have choices and not to worry about what others thought. Thank goodness I do not have to rely on a man for protection and providing for me, while I rear the next generation within a picket-fenced house. I'm willing to say thank goodness that you, Ms. Hymowitz, were not told you couldn't receive an education or be published because you're female. However, I don't think that differing from a "traditional" life script is necessarily a sign of failure.
  
• And finally, if you are really so worried that many young people are not settling down and getting married, I would advise you to support full marriage equality for our brothers and sisters in the LGBT community. Because I'm sure that there are a lot of couples who would love to be married but cannot because their state won't allow it.

That is all. You know, Ms. Hymowitz, as a feminist, I've been stereotyped either as the man-hating virago or as a downright masculinized woman many times. However, it really looks to me as if you, a decidedly non-feminist woman, take a lower view of men than any feminist I have ever met or come across. (And I have come across a LOT being in my program and line of work.) But do your homework, Ms. Hymowitz. The problems and/or immaturity of individual men are not the fault of women. Period.

No love,

Revel

PS You want to know where the good men have gone? For starters, I'd suggest you check groups like Men Against Sexual Violence, National Organization of Men Against Sexism, and The Takeback. They're there.

Home again

Hello readers! You might notice things have been a little quiet around here for the past 6 months. YIKES! Well, not to make excuses, but here are my excuses. I'm hoping to be a bit more active around here, since I miss my little world in the blogiverse.

I'm still working full-time (and really coming into my own there!), and I have begun attending night school on my way to a MA in women's studies. Although night school is part-time, it takes up a good deal of my time with lots of reading, writing, discussing, and presenting. Add in something of a social/familial life, and you have an unbelievably busy and sleep deprived revel. (And you thought sleep deprivation ended with undergrad!) Between all that I'm learning in the non-profit world and at graduate school, I feel like my mind will be expanding so much it'll be all the way around the world by the time I have that diploma!

That said, I certainly will be back to update you all with my revelings, rantings, and reckonings. I just didn't want to leave you all in the dust wondering where I went! Happy 2011 y'all! It's 4 years of Revel Productions!