Tease! Squeeze! Please!

Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about you and me...

It's far too bad that this is not the case.

Mind you, I am not encouraging everyone to share every little detail of their private lives. That's not what I'm talking about. It's been on my mind that although people say we live in a hyper-sexualized culture, there is still a lot of shame and secrecy regarding sex and not nearly enough information for easy access. There are not nearly enough outlets for one to express oneself and explore what one prefers.

As a woman, it's even more difficult to bring those issues to light and engage in any kind of a frank discussion about it (which is why I seriously considered becoming a health peer next year). We're encouraged to be sensuous and sexy--but not too much so, or else we're called sluts/whores/hos/bimbos/insert-your-favorite-term-here. We're encouraged to keep it quiet--but not too much so, or else we're labeled frigid and prudes. So where does educated or informed come into the picture? It's not even on the spectrum, as that can get us dumped into one category or another.

I myself have had this happen, as I am sure many of you ladies have as well. One time, I went and got some Plan B. I always carry Plan B in case something happens, and lucky for me, my workplace gives the stuff out for free. When I was telling a mixed group about it, many of the people seemed disgusted that I would even think about that stuff. The first response? "Well, I don't use that, I'm not promiscuous or anything." This seemed to imply that knowing or using it would make one promiscuous. I didn't know whether I should tell my friend that many of my clients needed or used Plan B in order to avoid a pregnancy that wouldn't have been their fault. Would anyone call them promiscuous? I sure hope not. When I was telling a male friend about the Vagina Monologues a couple years back, I told him that he and his girlfriend should come to it. His response was, "Well, I'll come but I don't know if she will. She's a good girl...she's not into stuff like that." I don't think I need to tell you what a good girl is or does.

My Feminist Majority group is putting on a sexual health fair called Sex Out Loud. Sex Out Loud is, and has always been a collaborative effort between campus and community organizations promoting a healthy sexuality. This year we have: us, NOW, Men Against Sexual Violence, Pride, PAVE, NARAL, the Office of Women's Programs, the Gender Studies Program, Campus Acquaintance Rape Education, Planned Parenthood, Rape Crisis Services, Pure Romance, Illini Arcade, the Vagina Monologues, Focus, and the health peers. Great list, isn't it? All of these express a different preference, pleasure, and aspect of one's sexuality, and they are diverse enough that if you don't like what one has to say, you're bound to find another you do agree with. All about options. That's exactly the climate I want to create.

The event is not without its fair share of controversy. Many of the articles I have read about it seem to deem it as a den of debauchery and nothing more. When in reality, this is so not the case. We try to provide an open atmosphere of dialog and discussion, as opposed to keeping sexuality something quiet and shameful. Most of these articles seemed to zero in on that group, Focus. Focus is a large group that does a display about chastity and abstinence. I like Focus. I think they do a good job and that they're very tolerant of different views. And because chastity is one option regarding a healthy sexuality, I figured they must be included as well as the others. The articles I've read, though, show them as the one "moral" group in this fair, and they gloss over all the others by saying they're all out to shock and provoke. While I like that group, I find it highly unfair that they're promoted as the bastion of morality in the sea of suggestiveness. When in reality, they're an option among all the others. If you're into saving yourself for marriage, that's fine. If you're not, that's fine too. Who am I to judge? And I'm sure that the Focus people could very easily agree with the missions of the other groups. (The girl who contacted me asked specifically if PAVE, MASV, and the health peers were going to be there because she liked what they had to say! Go figure.)

The one thing I have to judge, though, is keeping something quiet. I recently read a pundit who posed the question regarding the health peers, Vagina Monologues, and advocates: "Aren't some things better kept veiled and mysterious?" And here is where I have the problem. If you can't name something, you cannot talk about it, and if you cannot talk about it, you cannot own it. You must be able to own something that was always yours. If you're into the whole chastity thing, like the Focus people, that's fine (as long as you're doing it for yourself and not because you fear being called a "slut"). If you're not, that's fine too (as long, again, as it's for you and not because you fear being the only twenty-something-year-old virgin). Veiled and mysterious is just another term for shut-up. Groups like the advocates and Vagina Monologues actresses also deal with ending violence against women. If they were to keep THAT veiled, then nothing would get done in trying to end the violence. (Actually, there is a term for that issue, and it is called masking.) If you're more quiet and private and mysterious, that's fine, but there is no excuse for not even wanting to educate yourself. You don't have to tell about every little detail of your private life, but you do owe it to yourself to educate yourself. We're not about debauchery so much as we are about discussion, dialog, and development.