Emily Post, eat ya heart out!

Alex's Top Ten Commandments for Summer Concertgoing


10. Thou shalt not mosh. Seriously, whose brilliant idea was moshing? It's basically a mess of drunks trying to pass each other over each other's heads while hooting and hollering to all of their friends. When the sober person trapped in the moshpit decides not to pass the mosher and he falls, he screams and yells at the sober person. And then none of the moshers remember it the next day. The sober person does, and it has severely damaged his/her concertgoing experience.

9. Thou shalt remember thy deoderant. ENOUGH SAID!!!

8. Thou shalt not grab another concertgoer's butt when passing her. I've had that happen to me, and I am seriously thinking of getting a full-length porcupine dress with a train to wear to the next show. Let's see someone grab that! But seriously, I am not for you to grab! That is why my butt and other parts of me are on me! They're not yours.

7. Thou shalt not go all fangrl/fanboy on an artist that thou dost not know all that well. I'm warnething you! You might as well go bury your head in the sand along with the 98 degrees fans and Y2K alarmists because nothing looks sillier.

6. Thou shalt not wear a dress over thine pants. Look, if dresses were meant to be worn with pants they would be called shirts. And I think there is already something called a shirt.

5. Thou shalt not wear girl's clothes if thou canst not fit into said girl's clothes. Muffintops are never attractive on ANYONE.

4. If thou art staffing the merch table, thou shalt not charge in excess of $25 for a tour shirt. (I don't want to name names, but a little snooping around the merch tables and seeing their prices should make your toes curl.)

3. Thou shalt know at least the hits of the artist/band that thou art seeing.

2. Thou shalt use protection and practice safe sound if thou art seeing a really loud band. To minimize any ringing in the ears, I recomment "foamy" disposable earplugs. Better safe than sorry! And cotton balls just won't do the trick. They don't work.

1. Thou shalt not get so smashed or stoned that thou canst not remember the show the next day. Look, if you're making the voyage and paying to get in, you'll want to remember the experience!

That is all. Alex has spoken.
"A grl can do what she wants to do, and that's all I'm gonna do. So I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. Oh no! Not me!"