She's a Revel

Quoth the revel

2012-02-09T21:25:00.000-08:00

All righty, friends and admirers and probably some detractors of the Revel. Listen up here! I've gotten soooo many requests to see my new place (even before my move!), so I figured I had to write this and get it off my chest. After I move, I would be more than happy to have you all over (except the detractors, they can stay home and detract).
However, if you're planning to visit the Haus of Revel, you gotta play by the Haus Rules.

And here are some of the Haus Rules (I'm paying homage to my German heritage here with the spelling):

I've had people from all stripes ask me what I am paying in rent, and if I had a dime for every time I was asked, I would have...$1.50 or so. So I will make this super-easy to those of you who might be wondering what my rent is and just put it out there. My rent is....AFFORDABLE FOR ME. That is the truth, and that is all you're going to get from me.
I respect different points of view and enjoy a hearty debate. That said, if I hear any neo-con nonsense coming out of any of my guests, I am sending the offending guest down to the sidewalks. Via air mail, special delivery. Nothing in my lease (or conscience) that prohibits defenestration! I survived Bush for 8 years, I have faith that you can survive Obama for 8 years as well.
It's called a galley for a reason. If I am providing you with a meal, you may be my guest during the meal. Then after the meal, you are officially part of my pirate crew and will join me in my galley kitchen to help me clean up and do the dishes!
Your pets (excluding service animals). My place. Never the twain shall meet.
You can never have too much coffee. Expect me to have it at the ready. At any hour of the day.
Texting while driving is really dangerous. (I have a friend who died after being hit by a texting driver.) Texting while I am trying to talk to you is really stupid and rude and will earn you a suspension of invites to future Haus of Revel events.
If I am hosting a holiday, we are not going to spend it with a silly game on the TV or sandwiching the holiday between two silly games. AT ALL. That even includes my beloved Fighting Illini, Lady Blue Demons, and White Sox. It's a holiday so consider this day a holiday from watching the silly sports game. You're welcome.
Look, I understand about public transportation getting in late and getting stuck in traffic. Totally understandable. However, you know what I feel about being late. There is no such thing as "Fashionably Late." Unless the situation is out of your control, you're either On Time or you're Rude. Please do not be rude.
Like I said, I enjoy asking and answering questions. However, I also reserve the right to deny you future Haus of Revel invites if you ask if my parents are helping me foot the bill or find the place. Short answer: My haus search was 100% done by me and paid for by me. If I had accepted help or financial assistance, I would not have spent almost a year trying to find the place!
I know you love where you live. I'm happy you love your apartment or house or other dwelling place, really. That does not mean you get to make comparisons about what your place has that mine does not. If you feel the need to comment on the superiority of your place/area, then kindly do us all a favor and go back there.
Yes, Virginia, people still do live in apartments that are over shops. I am living in one (and so are the other tenants in my complex), therefore, people must still do this. Can't tell you how many people have said, "I didn't even know people still did that!"
AND FINALLY the haus rules are subject to expansion at any given time!

That is all. Revel has spoken. Pay attention, and you may find yourself invited back to see me or to paint the downtown in which I live.

Now back to packing...

For Trust Women Week

2012-01-26T18:18:00.000-08:00

I had to join the online march for Trust Women Week (best explained here: http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2012/01/20/trust-women-online-march/), as I figure I can put my pro-choice attitude and words where it matters.

I trust women, and I vote.

I trust women, and I believe that no one should be forced to or not to have a child.

I trust women as I would want to be trusted with decisions about my own life.

I trust women, as I know I could never, ever understand what led someone to their decision and that my choice might not necessarily be the same as theirs.

I trust women because likewise, I would never impose my own lifestyle on others.

I trust women because I don't ever want anyone to feel as though they can no longer control their own bodies.

I trust women because I believe as Beverly Smith said, "The right to choose can be a woman's right to life."

I will always and forever trust women.

And as a woman, I demand to be trusted as well.

Forget the "brand," concentrate on the person

2012-01-20T22:47:00.001-08:00

Brand recognition. Personal brand. Create your personal brand.

I'm sure you've heard these phrases before, and since they've been used so much, they're probably coming off like a brand-ing iron to the ears. Even in the non-profit and academic worlds I frequent, I have heard these phrases more times than I could count. Develop your "personal brand," we professionals are told. Little, everyday things contribute to one's "personal brand," like how you dress, who you're seen with, and how you come across to people. Rather than achieving success through working to expand your mind and improve your life, this suggests that success, instead, comes from the way you, your career, and life are packaged (like a brand). When someone sees you or hears your name, they immediately (if you're lucky) think about what you've created your brand to be.

As acclimated as I've become to the business world (both non-profit and for-profit, being the grant manager and all), this is one concept I'm not at all sold on. Sure, I can understand the importance of creating a good reputation and becoming someone that people can trust right away. But a brand? That sounds waaaay too simplistic to really encapsulate who a person is!

Brands, the way I see them, apply to inanimate products, like say, cleaning solutions or foods. When I open up a bottle of Lysol or Soft Scrub to clean my bathroom, for example, I have an idea of what I've gotten and what I expect it to do. I know that I can get tough stains out of my sink and tub with the Soft Scrub and that Lysol works better on my toilet. That's part of their brand and part of my own experience with them. But here's the thing. I use the cleaning products. I certainly don't seek to get to know them, find out how I can relate to them, or establish a connection with them. They exist to serve one specific purpose--to make my home clean and sanitary. They're inanimate objects, not sentient beings with personalities or desires.

A person is a person. Not a brand. We are way too complex to really boil things down to just a little package and nothing more. We have desires and interests and idiosyncrasies that can't all fit into a little package. What does one do if all of those interests don't fit into their brand? Leave those out? Hide them? I mean, people are FULL of contradictions and quirks--even the most normal among us! You've read on this blog, for example, my interest in "buying local" and supporting my local, namely Lake County, community. However, one of my favorite things to do is to visit the ethnic enclaves in the huge cities I visit, get horrendously lost, and come back after 8 hours with a dozen new friends I made and stories to tell. (Last time I was in Armour Square, the docents at the Chinese-American Museum let my family and me in after hours, turned on the lights and videos, showed us how to play some of the games on display, and gave us our own private tour!) However, as much as that made an AWESOME day and birthday, that is not patronizing Lake County. Armour Square is a neighborhood of Chicago. Which is not in Lake County. Does that affect my "shop local" interests? Do I have to turn in my Lake County Chamber of Commerce membership? No, no, and no. That's because I have more interests than some silly narrow definition.

So maybe the focus isn't to develop your "personal brand." Maybe what we need to do is to understand and appreciate the complex, multiform human beings that we all are. A brand can't possibly cover all of that.

I just want you to be happy

2012-01-18T20:38:00.000-08:00

Readers, I've noticed a trend among a group of individuals I've been writing about recently. Have you ever had someone making a totally unsolicited remark about your personal life that shows sie doesn't know anything about your personal life? I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had this happen. Whether it's someone asking me for the umpteenth time why I don't have a significant other or are not longing to get married or don't really wish to have kids, I've found it really shows just how ignorant they are about me! It never ceases to amaze me when they ask me about things they know just aren't a priority or an interest for me. I mean, I make it a point to remember what they value, and it would be amazing if they could return the favor. (Why not ask me about my job? Or my thesis topic? Or the super-empowering American Historical Association conference I went to? I would be happy to discuss any of those!)

But then when I've politely rebuffed them and said that's not my focus at this time, the big fat kicker is unleashed:

"Well, I hope you change your mind someday. I just want you to be happy!"

That's why you want me to change a lifestyle that's already serving me well?

What makes them think I can't be or am not happy as I am? Is singlehood some sort of blight that they feel they need to fix?

And for the record, I am happy. As I am.

I just wish they believed me.

The Pink Prison

2012-01-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

I'm a feminist in a career and educational path that can be best described as traditionally "feminine." Due to the nature of our work, most rape crisis workers are female. Most of the counselors are female, too, and our statewide policy dictates that all first contact with a rape survivor must be done by a female advocate. I don't necessarily see any problem with that. As most rape survivors are women, I can see how it might be frightening for a survivor to have an advocate who was the same gender as her attacker.

That doesn't mean that there aren't men in the field. Quite the opposite. In my 5 years in advocacy, I've seen them in all levels of my work. Primarily, I've seen them in administrative roles, but I've also seen male advocates and counselors who work with children and men. I couldn't say that they were any less dedicated than their sisters in the field. Two of the crisis centers in the state even have male directors. It will always been a female-dominated field, and for good reason, but I'm glad to see more men wanting to help.

What I find interesting is people's response to the male advocates and crisis workers. When I talk about the women I work with, most people are politely interested and friendly in their responses. However, when I describe any of the men in the field, it seems like everybody is all ears! Effusive compliments for them abound, and everybody seems to want to know all about how they do the work and what keeps them going. And sooner or later, I get the inevitable, "Oh that's sooo wonderful and noble for him!"

Now don't get me wrong. I am hugely grateful for my brothers in advocacy, and I see recruiting and retaining them as an important priority. (Most male survivors are pretty grateful for an advocate they feel they can relate to.) They are definitely performing important work. In my experience, I remember some of the older advocates telling me about when it was considered shocking for a man to be employed at a crisis center...and being grateful times have changed.

However, I don't think it's necessarily only noble when a man does it. Sure, crisis intervention advocacy is predominantly female, but it's difficult and emotionally draining work for anyone of any gender. When I went through the training five years ago, I remember when some sections of it really were difficult for me to get through, and some of the workshops I've attended for my CEU's have also been pretty emotionally challenging. I'm sure I'm not the only female advocate who thinks that way. But I am in no way any more prepared or less noble when I do this simply because I am female. It's hard work for anyone to do. So why not celebrate all the advocates (not just the male ones)? Why not laud all of their investment in the work?

This then got me thinking about other predominantly female occupations, typically called "pink collar" jobs, such as teaching, librarianship, nursing, and counseling. These occupations are not exactly what you would call easy--all require some sort of license or advanced degree--and they require a good deal of education, skills, and emotional labor. There's no shame in someone wanting one of those jobs and taking the steps necessary to do so. However, I've noticed the same attitude towards men in these jobs as I have for the male advocates. There's usually a lot of praise heaped on them for doing something that's typically "female." However, I don't see the same amount of praise for women in these jobs. And again, it's still important and still pretty challenging work for anyone. It's no more or less just because of the gender of the person involved in it!

Perhaps the goal is to respect these service-related institutions and to laud those who dedicate their lives to them--regardless of their gender. Perhaps what we need to do is really understand what it takes to be in them and salute our brothers and sisters doing the work. Because it's important for all of us to care and to get involved.

The Bug

2012-01-02T13:33:00.000-08:00

In looking back at 2011, I think this song sums it up best (though it was not written in 2011). More blog posts to follow...

The Bug
By Mary Chapin Carpenter

Well it's a strange old game, you learn it slow
One step forward and it's back you go
You're standing on the throttle
You're standing on the brake
In the groove 'til you make a mistake

Sometimes you're the windshield
Sometimes you're the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you're just a fool in love
Sometimes you're the Louisville Slugger
Sometimes you're the ball
Sometimes it all comes together
Sometimes you're gonna lose it all

You gotta know happy - you gotta know glad
Because you're gonna know lonely
And you're gonna know sad
When you're rippin' and you're ridin'
And you're coming on strong
You start slippin' and slidin'
And it all goes wrong because

Sometimes you're the windshield
Sometimes you're the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you're just a fool in love
Sometimes you're the Louisville Slugger
Sometimes you're the ball
Sometimes it all comes together
Sometimes you're gonna lose it all

One day you got the glory and then you got none
One day you're a diamond and then you're a stone
Everything can change in the blink of an eye
So let the good times roll before we say goodbye because

Sometimes you're the windshield
Sometimes you're the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you're just a fool in love
Sometimes you're the Louisville Slugger
Sometimes you're the ball
Sometimes it all comes together
Sometimes you're gonna lose it all

Sometimes you're the windshield
Sometimes you're the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you're just a fool in love

Sometimes you're the windshield
Sometimes you're the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you're just a fool in love

Girl on the platform

2011-12-18T21:51:00.000-08:00

Three girls catch the eyes of everyone around.
They bask in the attention, they're new in this town.
Two girls step out of the room and into the light.
Same situation, but something's not right.

Now I'm once again the girl on the platform
And I'm figuring out what I should do
The last time I ever walked these streets
Was when I walked the streets with you.

I've got one foot on the platform
I've got one foot on the train.
I know what I need to do,
But do I make my choice in vain?

Only two girls will return this time around.
All eyes are upon them as they wander through town.
Though they can speak out and stand up for what they believe,
Each one feels an emotional aching that never will leave.

Now I've gotta stand up and let myself be counted for,
Even if I'm not sure of my direction.
Make my choice at this crossroads and not look back
And ignore my thoughts of apprehension.

I've got one foot on the platform
I've got one foot on the train.
I know what I need to do,
But do I make my choice in vain?

Two girls leave the hotel and head through the town.
They'll find a way though their path to take.
What happened is in the past, this is the now
And they're prepared for what is at stake.

I can't forget you or my sisters before me
But now this path is mine to tread.
I'm heading back firm in my resolve,
And I'm ready for what is ahead.
Yes, I'm ready for what is ahead.

I've been working on this number for a while. The apprehension and emotional tension was all there, but I couldn't get it out for a while. Sometimes, emotion cannot be logic-ed away or explained--it's just there! I play acoustic guitar, and it seems like everybody's got a folk song with a train in it, so now I do. And I've shamelessly added some quotes from songs I like (but as a tribute, not as a copycat!). See if you can spot them. I need to find a way to set it to music....as I am a far better lyricist than composer.

An Open Letter to "Concerned" Women for America

2011-12-01T16:53:00.001-08:00

It's open letter time! And I am not linking to the original source that gave me this information, as I don't wish to give them the publicity. But as both a crisis worker and as a pro-choice activist, I couldn't let this slide. As a side note, unless otherwise specified, the sexual assault survivors I am referring to are female. While I know that men are also victims of abuse, women are primarily the ones who are victimized by it.

Dear "Concerned" Women for America,

Who do you think you're kidding when you say that abortion is a "cure-all for rape"?!

I mean it. Honestly, do you really think anyone is fooled by your stating to be "concerned" when your actions and words say the exact opposite? And who in their right mind would see anything as a "cure-all" for rape?

I'm a professionally trained rape crisis worker. In April, I will have been one for five years. I've provided support and guidance to nearly one hundred women and men seeking assistance in the aftermath of abuse, helped with support groups for traumatized populations, and have trained victims' advocates to do the same. My thesis was on the history and politics of the anti-rape movement, and I have successfully planned and facilitated two panel discussions surrounding reproductive justice. So, in other words, "concerned" women, I am no lightweight when it comes to both of the subjects you are discussing.

And I do have some empathy and concern for women in America. However, judging from your language in that letter, I think that what you mean by concerned and what I mean by concerned are two very different things. As a crisis worker, I have a lot of concern for the women I work with every day. After all, rape is a crime that takes choice and consent away from its victims. Who wouldn't feel concerned about that? However, as an advocate, I know that there is no "cure-all" for rape. The only cure for rape that I see is if it never happened, ever.

But let's look at your reasoning, "concerned" women. No one is doubting that a pregnancy as a result of rape is difficult, and no one would disagree on the importance of preventing the crime and punishing perpetrators. Those are things that you and I can agree on. However, your saying that abortion merely deals with the "physical consequences," is really doing a huge disservice for women who may be traumatized, scared, AND pregnant. For many (I understand, not all) women, ending a pregnancy that they in no way wanted or planned for can be a HUGE relief and a huge saving grace for them. Try thinking a mile in their shoes. Can you imagine being traumatized due to sexual assault...and living with the reminder of the rape for nine months? Can you imagine keeping the child and dealing with a living reminder of the assault? For the women who may be pregnant due to rape, it can be a nightmare dealing with this additional issue. Abortion is not simply "dealing with the physical consequences." For many women, it can help them to restore their choices. You even said it in your letter: "pregnancies under these difficult circumstances need an extra measure of compassion and support." Compassion and support includes not judging a woman's choice, even if that choice doesn't involve carrying a pregnancy to term.

A welfare rights group once said it best: "The right to choose is a poor woman's right to life." The welfare rights organizations were among some of the first pro-choice allies in the days when abortion was illegal. They knew the importance of making one's own decisions, especially for women who did not have the needed resources to either keep their child or the connections needed to secure a safe illegal abortion. They also knew the tremendous importance of promoting all women's autonomy. You may do well to think on that.

And for the record, I would be much more open to my tax dollars paying to assist one of my low income sisters get a safe, LEGAL medical procedure than for my tax dollars to pay for killing already-born, full grown adults in two wars.

Trusting women always (in the words of the martyred Dr. George Tiller),

Revel

Just...don't

2011-11-29T18:58:00.000-08:00

I re-read "I am not here to please you" today. I still believe it, but I just wanted to add a little something I realized just now.

Not only are their statements about my personal life invalidating my desires, they could also really be a HUGE source of pain for someone in a different situation! I mean, a "compliment" about "a little you running around" could really sting for someone who's infertile, or a "future mother" comment could be painful for someone who was turned down as an adoptive parent. They don't know all the details and could really wind up causing someone a lot of pain.

Pre-suppositions are just plain rude. Don't do it.

I am not here to please you

2011-11-19T19:41:00.000-08:00

Readers, I would like to draw your attention to a particular little issue that has really been annoying me for quite some time, only I wasn't quite sure about how to word it. Have you ever held a certain belief/preference for your life, only to find that others don't share that view? Of course, not everyone is inclined to agree with everyone! Then, when others find out that you don't share their views, they react with an unbelievably backhanded comment saying that you'd be "sooo good" at whatever it is they think you should be doing?

I really have found it so hard to answer that. Sure, I like to give and receive compliments. Who doesn't? However, it can be really tough to answer when someone is saying you'd be good at something you just do not want. It's almost as though they are justifying their disregard for your interests with a compliment.

Let's look at a few examples from my own life. I've been single and partnered at many instances of my life. During none of my single stages (including now) have I been unhappy in any way with being single. I'm actually pretty comfortable with myself no matter what. And I don't have any kids. I'm not sure if I want kids, but if I do, I'm leaning towards the adopting or fostering route. No problem with that. But whenever I get any questions about my personal life, it seems like people have absolutely no problem telling me what they think I should be doing, even if that's what I don't particularly want. And that really irks me. Some of the little gems I've received:

"Oh, that's too bad you're single. You're so pretty, you'd make someone a great girlfriend!"

"You don't want kids? Sounds like the words of a future mother!"

"But I'd love to see a little you running around! And you'd be so cute pregnant!"

Honestly, how do you even answer those?? It's like they're using their "compliments" to hide disregard for your feelings. And when you think about it, those aren't really compliments because they're judging me by what they want me to be and do, not what I already am and do. I mean, they're not going to get me wanting what I don't, so I don't understand their rationale. But how do I answer them? I've tried saying, "Thanks," but then I feel disingenuous, like I just validated their invasive comment. I've tried saying, "Thanks, but that's probably not going to happen," to get some pretty heated "I'm just being nice!" in response. (Note: That's not "nice.") Usually, I just change the subject.

But I really don't get it. That's a big part of why I try to remember things about people, things they already are proud of, and compliment them on that. Maybe it's best they tried to do the same.

Gertrude Stein, eat ya heart out!

2011-11-15T17:26:00.000-08:00

From Four Saints in Three Acts by Gertrude Stein:

Pigeons on the grass, alas
Pigeons on the grass, alas

From Alex watching as the Red Line leaves Argyle Street Station in Chicago:

Pigeons on the el, what the hell?

From Alex, horrified that a certain pigeon didn't get out of the train's way in time:

Pigeon on the el...oh well

My corner of the world

2011-11-10T19:21:00.001-08:00

It never fails to amaze me.

When I'm at my workplace or with my friends and graduate cohort or at coalition, I feel like me. I can talk openly about my love for feminist theory and activism, go to Occupy Chicago and really feel good about it (the teach-in's are terrific), feel content in my singlehood and with my anti-normative relationship views, and not feel as though I have to fit some sort of precut mold of what a woman should be.

When I'm in Union Station heading home from class or at the Amtrak station heading home from coalition, I can't help but notice all the magazines detailing how to catch/keep/maintain a man, plan your wedding so it's like THE best day of your life (how scary for things to go downhill after that!), prevent your bio clock from ticking out, or do your hair, clothes, and makeup so you look like a clone of all the other women on the covers of all the magazines.

And I realize that either I am immune to mainstream society's messages or in a truly special corner of the world. Or both.

The Doctor Could Fly

2011-11-01T22:00:00.001-07:00

The Doctor
By David Hunt

I once had a minor case of African flu
So I sent for a doctor who would know what to do
A stranger came to see me and he said he had the cure
But he had no credentials so I wasn't too sure
He claimed he was a doctor and he knew how to fly!
But no one believed him until he took to the sky
He flew up and down for everybody to see
And that's how he proved he was a doctor to me

Oh, the doctor who knew how to fly!
Every one of his patients somehow managed to die!
I'm sure a lot of people would have seen through his lie
If they weren't so impressed because the doctor could fly!

He poked and he prodded me with pieces of straw
He depressed my tongue, and then he made me say "aah!"
He took my pulse, and then my temperature
He looked at it once and then again to be sure
He said I was only sixty-six degrees
And I needed some heat or else my blood would freeze
He reached in his bag, and then he drew forth a pill
He said if this one doesn't do it then another one ... might!

I woke up feeling twice as bad the next day
"Relax!" he said, "that means it's going away!
I'll give you this pill, do you want purple or green?
They're all from the same supermarket vending machine!"

Of course there's a moral, as you may have guessed
Every claim must be put to a legitimate test
Remember this when someone tries to prove theirs to you
The flying man who couldn't cure a case of the flu

Oh, the doctor who knew how to fly!
Every one of his patients somehow managed to die!
Remember this when someone tries to throw you a line
It doesn't really matter if he knows how to fly!

In defense of Thanksgiving

2011-11-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

Hey all, my apologies for not blogging more frequently (or at all!) in October. That month had some very personal difficult issues for me, so every time I began to write, I found myself somewhat overwhelmed. Now I am at a place where I can go back to blogging...

Yesterday was Halloween. I love Halloween! Costumes, candy, and celebrations are always something to look forward to. It's so much fun to get dressed up and to go out (this year I was Miss Viola Swamp from the kids' book Miss Nelson Is Missing! and I was pretty darn evil, if you ask me). After Halloween, I like to pick up any discounted candy or accoutrements, as they are all on sale.

HOWEVER...I was so not too pleased when I was shopping this past September, early-ish in the month. I went to the mall, and what did I see? Not back to school deals, not Halloween decor, not Thanksgiving, but rather...CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS! Yes! Three whole months before Christmas, and the trees and wreaths abounded. In October, when I was picking up trick-or-treat candy to pass out, I saw Santas and reindeer all over. Even in some of the small shops like Claire's or Hot Topic. Now it is November, and every store has Christmas merchandise in it.

Now don't get me wrong. I am no Grinch, and I absolutely love Christmas. However...

WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO THANKSGIVING???

Did somebody forget that there's another holiday coming up? And no, I do not mean the Eve of Black Friday. I mean a day for celebrating with family and friends. Expressing an attitude of gratitude. (And yes, I know the actual origins of the Thanksgiving holiday were pretty far-removed from the rosy picture you get in grade school, but I do think a day dedicated to gratitude and appreciation is important.)

What happened to Thanksgiving???

For a thankful revel, this will not do. At all. I hereby declare that I will not put up any Christmas decor until I have finished enjoying Thanksgiving. I will not put on any Christmas music until turkey day is done. I will wear my turkey and cornucopia pins rather than anything that seems like it's a month too early. And I will make it a point to enjoy November's holiday for what it is as opposed to rushing through it on the way to Christmas. I will be a friend of Thanksgiving and give it the appreciation it deserves.

Don't Ask Don't Tell, don't come back!

2011-09-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

Don't Ask Don't Tell is officially over!

All I will say on this most happy and historical day is that I hope that terrible law never, ever, ever comes back!

Although I am something of a pacifist and although I do wish that the DADT repeal also included a non-discrimination clause and protections for transgender men and women serving in the armed forces (I'm all about equality for everybody, not just a few), I am really happy to see this inhumane and discriminatory law gone and finally relegated to the dustbin of history. Nobody should ever have to hide who they are to serve our country.

I want a fearless love, I won't settle for anything less

2011-08-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

I figured that "Fearless Love" was as good of a title as any for this post. This is the title track off Melissa Etheridge's latest CD, not the similarly titled Taylor Swift one (not too much of a Swift fan). I've been listening to a lot of Melissa's bluesy heartland-rock groove lately, and she is absolutely spectacular.

But all music musings aside, I am going to discuss something a little different in this post. I'm writing to discuss the phenomenon of the mainstream dating book. I know these things are as old as it gets, but I really feel so bombarded with the messages from them. It really seems like a woman with her own mind and own interests and desires is somehow not welcome in these books and that their prevailing message is that we independent and successful women need to subsume our own identities into that of our significant other's. It really makes me wonder how far we have come as a society if books like those can still make the bestseller list (meaning somebody must be buying them) and people still repeat the ideas they promote!

I was curious about a few of them, so I put on an emotional hazmat suit, flipped through them, and immediately regretted it. You have The Rules, which encourages its female readers to play hard to get and let their man decide everything. By playing hard to get, its (divorced!!) authors explained, a woman would have to downplay her own accomplishments or desires and not look for much more than a pulse in a partner. You have books for teens, which are all geared towards pleasing a guy, lest he turn into a potential boyfriend. You have those paragons of ridiculosity Steve Harvey (Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man) and "Dr." Laura (The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) who warn that men are "hardwired" to always want to control their wives. And you have what looks like more of the same in The Man Whisperers, which says that there's only room for one personality in the relationship and that personality sure isn't the woman's. I mean, what century are these authors even living in??? In a world where we women have made tremendous strides and most men have come to expect that we are not extensions of or mirrors for them, how is it that drivel like this still exists??? (Not to mention that not every woman wants a man, but in the dating books, gay men and lesbians don't seem to exist.) And how the heck is it that a new book is out almost every year, rehashing the same old thing?

Not only are the books sexist against both men and women (by making men seem as though they expect the world to revolve around them and making women seem like little more than marriage-minded extensions of men), heterosexist, and marriage-centric, they also make me wonder how a relationship they advise could ever be successful. Who would want a relationship that was built on deception and manipulation? Who wants a significant other who was only pretending to be a certain way? And who would really be happy with somebody who didn't care about her accomplishments or desires or anything else that made up who she was? I don't know about you, but those do not strike me as relationships that would make anybody happy or that would be all that successful if I was pretending to be something I wasn't (or following the rules, acting like a lady but thinking like a man, or man-whispering). Perhaps the relationship would work, but it does not seem like one that I would be all that happy to be in. I'm not a man, nor do I usually partner with women, but I can tell you that I would much rather be with someone who was her own person and brought her own personality to the relationship than someone who merely acted like an extension of me!

It also makes me wonder if those books aren't merely extensions of the authors' own prejudices and attitudes as well. Maybe with "Dr." Laura and Steve Harvey, it's a no-brainer, but I wonder about the others. Like, let's keep the ladies in their places by telling them that guys won't like them if they become too strong or successful. Gotta return to those good old days of being chattel. Which then really makes me wonder if the women who wrote the Rules or the Man Whisperers even follow their own guidelines and how that even works for them! Do they even practice what they preach, and if so, does that work? Or if they either don't do it or don't like it, then why in the world are they trying to make other people do it??

It's high time we heard a different voice. Isn't it time for some equality?

Raging revel

2011-08-18T21:10:00.001-07:00

So now I'm about to get serious and historical on you all. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I got really upset the other day as a history buff and activist ally can. I was driving through the residential area of Waukegan, one of the larger towns in the county when I saw this house with a huge Confederate flag flying in front of it. And by huge, I mean you couldn't drive near the neighborhood without seeing that thing.

This really irked me for a lot of reasons. I really don't like what that CSA flag stands for, and I can easily say that I hate seeing it flown. Or on bumper stickers. Or pretty much anywhere you find the stars and bars. Honestly, I really don't know what some people's preoccupation with the antebellum South really is all about. Some say it's all about their "heritage," but the CSA only lasted 4 years. The United States as a country has been around for over 50 times that long! So, 4 years is not exactly much in the way of heritage. I don't see many 13-star American flags flying, nor many flags with 48 stars. So why this one? And when you really think about it, that period was among the ugliest in American history. Considering that a huge proportion of the population was considered chattel and oppressed, I really fail to see why anybody would want to put up a flag honoring that. You don't see countries that had ethnic cleansing or genocide or something else horrible in their past having some sort of nostalgia or wistfulness for that.

As an anti-racist white ally (and yes, I know that there are some problems with allies and progressives as well, as I detailed a couple posts ago), that flag really leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Why the glorification of this period, that was dependent on racism and slavery? Why the glorification of a region that seceded so it could own other human beings? That's just disgusting! But what especially irked me was where its owner chose to fly it. The city of Waukegan's at least 70% non-white (primarily black and Latino/a), so I really don't want to know what kind of a message its owner was trying to send. With that sort of a loaded history behind the flag (and with anyone's knowledge of Waukegan's demographics!), it definitely comes across as anything but innocuous. It comes across as pretty damn hostile if you ask me.

I would never trespass on private property and I am not into vandalism; however, I can't say I didn't feel tempted to spray paint the words, "Your side lost! Get over it by now!" all over their lawn in response to that damn flag.

Best of Lake County

2011-08-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

In light of my last post, allow me to present: My favorites! This list has my faves of Lake County, IL with the town listed after it. I tried to avoid putting chains on there in the interests of buying local. So without further ado...

Sandwich: Tina's Italian Bake Shop (Gurnee)
Place to take the parents: The Vine (Grayslake)
Salad: Tina's Italian Bake Shop (Gurnee)
Park: West Park (Lake Forest)
Ambience: Firkin (Libertyville), in particular on Thursdays because that's BLUES NIGHT with a large live band!
Ice Cream: Shirl's (Waukegan)
Burger: Mickey Finn's (Libertyville)
Fries: Mickey Finn's (Libertyville)
Place to snore in public: Anywhere your crush isn't
Politician: Terry Link (The man is super-progressive and super-nice to speak to as well. One of the good guys.) or Susan Garrett (met her and she's got some great ideas)
Pancakes: Wildberry (Libertyville)
Fine dining: 545 North (Libertyville). Or if you want to be really, really kitschy and over-the-top, then choose Night 'N Gale (Highwood)
Diner: Paragon (Waukegan). Love Greek greasy spoons? You'll love this one!
Barbecue: Main Street Smokehouse (Libertyville)
Vintage: Horsefeathers is the United Nations of vintage shops, and it's open 368 days out of the year (says so on their sign!). (Waukegan)
Used store: Thrifty Couture (Gurnee) for clothes, The Chaplaincy (Waukegan) for books. Sadly, there aren't many used CD stores around. May Dog Ear and Music Recyclery's memories be eternal!
Stir fry: AHA Sushi (Gurnee)
Mexican food: Jerry's Tacos (Waukegan)
Asian food: Sushi Thai (Libertyville) or Kori (Highwood)
Bookstore: Original bookstores? Oh, what wouldn't I give for more of them in the county! I guess I would say The Chaplaincy (Waukegan), though I do want to check out This Old Book (Grayslake) sometime.
Fast food: Morgan's (Libertyville)
First date location: Firkin (Libertyville). Come on Thursday when it is blues night and watch your date be impressed. No extra cover for the music, and it's all ages too!
Makeout spot in public: Making out in public is just plain rude. Get a room!
Place to bowl: The Alley! (Highwood) Bowling, billiards, live music, and a bar? All this rock 'n' bowl goodness is located in a microscopically little town, but when you've got all this entertainment at the ready, who cares?
Place to watch the Sunrise: On the Metra train when you're half asleep and half pissed off that you have to be in Springfield by 9 AM and wondering who comes up with the schedule for your conference anyway. Okay, I am done venting, for now...:P
Chicken wings: Mama K's (Gurnee)
Milkshake: Exmoor Country Club (Highland Park). They can make even milkshakes fancy!
Pizza: Jimano's (Gurnee)
T-shirts: Anything bought at Horsefeathers! (Waukegan) What did you think I was going to say?
Grocery Store: Mariano's (Libertyville). Sunset Foods, watch ya back.
Band to watch at a bar: Shoot! I've seen way too many good bands at bars. I like Vance Kelly and his Backstreet Blues Band who play at the Firkin (Libertyville), most of the acts at Mickey Finn's (also Libertyville), most of the acts at Green Town Tavern (Waukegan) and the Fuel Room (Libertyville) also books some mid-size acts. Highwood's Alley and Backstage Lounge also have some diverse performers, but their acts are sort of hit-or-miss. Maggie Speaks (Gurnee) is also very good and they perform almost anywhere.
Concert venue: The gorgeous, restored Genesee Theater (Waukegan)
Dive bar: Island Tap (Libertyville)
Classy bar: Mickey Finn's (Libertyville) or Green Town Tavern (Waukegan)
Place to buy music: My favorite used CD store, Dog Ear, closed. May its memory be eternal!
Drink selection: Firkin (Libertyville)
Chill bar: Gabe's Backstage Lounge (Highwood)
DJ bar: McCarthy's (Vernon Hills)
Bar food: Mickey Finn's (Libertyville)
Concert venue: Highdive and Krannert Center
After-hours food: The only place for that is Avalon (Gurnee). Not the best, but it will do if you need someplace that's open 24 hours and offering you coffee the minute you step in the door.
Coffee shop: Something's Brewing (Grayslake)
Art gallery: Hmmm....any of the venues that magically turn into galleries during ArtWauk (Waukegan)
Local website: http://www.findhelplakecounty.org
Radio Station: The best known one of these is 102.3 XLC.

Local, Loyal, and Loving It

2011-08-16T18:37:00.000-07:00

When I was in undergrad, I couldn't get enough of all the independently owned businesses in Champaign-Urbana. When my classmates would buy their clothes for a night out at Kohl's or Macy's, I would instead dig up some thrift shop finery at Dandelion or Le Shoppe to wear. Instead of grabbing my morning coffee at Starbucks, I'd walk a little further to Caffe Paradiso or Bar Giuliani (may its memory be eternal!). It was pretty easy to support local businesses because there were just so many of them!

I love buying local. Often have. Rather than going to a chain or big-box store, I try (if I can help it or afford it) to support places that are operated by people who work and live in the community. A quick look at the Chamber of Commerce's website would give me all the information I needed to tell if someplace was a franchise or not, and once I figured out where it was, I would go.

Coming back up to this area got me really wondering if I'd still be able to continue buying local and loyal. Not to be mean or rude, but I'd always considered this area the land of the chain stores and restaurants, a veritable desert when it came to original businesses. When I decided on going to school in the city and got my job, I wondered if I'd be able to still shop as originally as I act.

Well, I'm glad to know that I was wrong. I think the best cure for any sort of worry like that would be to look a little closer. Some of my best finds came totally unexpectedly, like when I was driving to meet with a funder or wandering around a new downtown. So I can't have Le Shoppe because it's 3 hours away? I got Horsefeathers in my backyard for my import/vintage/head shop needs. No B.Lime around for non-pretentious beautifying? I've found J-Beauty for my local supplier. Sick of Starbucks? There's Something's Brewing nearby. Bored with everything the county has to offer? (As if!) Well, Chicago's only a train ride away!

I guess the moral of the story, when it comes to buying local and buying loyal, is just to look a little closer. Sure, no two towns are created equal, but there are good things to be found just about everywhere. I'm still local, still loyal, and still loving my area. And when I head downstate, I make sure to hit up my old haunts because my love of local doesn't stop up north.

It's still not okay

2011-08-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

I've really come to notice a fairly common trend in some of the arguments/disagreements I've been having with some of my progressively-minded acquaintances. So I think I am going to settle this once and for all by putting my view online where everybody can see it and so there is no confusion.

I love my fellow progressives. Really and truly, I do. I really appreciate the work and effort they take to make this world a nicer and better place. THAT SAID, this does not mean I am going to be fine if they make a comment or statement that is somehow intolerant or perpetuating prejudice. I'm talking about the liberal-minded person who makes a racial remark and defends it by saying, "I can't be racist! I voted for Obama, didn't I?" I'm talking about the so-called ally who makes some sort of sexist or heterosexist joke and then defends him or herself by bringing up the litany of things s/he does to empower the community that was just dissed.

Let me make this clear, once and for all, I do not care who you are when you make intolerant statements.

IT'S STILL NOT OKAY.

If something sounds bigoted or intolerant, it does not matter who is saying that. It is STILL wrong and it STILL perpetuates the inequality. You do not get a pass because you are somehow liberal or progressive. A true progressive or egalitarian does not participate in behavior that makes this world a meaner place. And you do not get a pass because you voted for a certain candidate or may have done certain activities in the past. It is "everyday" words and actions that perpetuate and promote inequality because they create an atmosphere where that is considered "normal." A person doesn't have to be a card carrying member of a hate group to contribute to this toxic atmosphere, but we all have a part to play in dismantling it. The first step is watching our language and our actions.

So I will continue calling out that behavior and words. No matter who's saying that, it's still not right. And I expect that if I engage in it, I would like to be told about it so I know not to anymore.

It's your choice

2011-07-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

Well, now I am done posting lyrics to one obscure song (listen to the cover of it though!) and one big classic (listen to the original!). I'm ready to talk about an issue that has really been on my mind all throughout 2011.

I've really come down to a simple conclusion on a lot of social issues. You can't call yourself a progressive and say that you support the empowerment of different groups unless you promote everyone's equal access to them. I'm talking to the progressive governor or member of Congress who decides to slash funding for social services for the poor and downtrodden (while they enjoy a hundred-dollar-a-plate fundraising dinner). I'm meaning the "pro-choice" president or congressperson who decides to vote for a law restricting abortion access in the name of "bipartisanship" (in particular if they're cisgender men and cannot get pregnant). I'm also criticizing the hetero politician who says that of course they're an ally for the LGBT community because they support civil unions rather than full-on marriage.

Now do any of these examples sound at all like allies or as if they believe in the positions they supposedly espouse? Not at all! And I'm not just talking about politicians either (though many of them have recently drawn my ire). I'm also talking to the lay folk who back down as soon as possible when they feel as though others don't share their belief.* It's just so ridiculous. If you support something, and if you call yourself a progressive/liberal/some other varient, you have to support equal access to it. Progressivism is about equality.

*A quick word. If it's not safe to do so, you don't have to be all vocal about your beliefs. I can understand if you're worried about your own personal safety and well-being. However, if the situation poses no danger or risk to you (like a conversation or something), the most progressive thing would be to say what you believe. Not cover it up or act like it's something only people like you should have.

It Won't Take Long

2011-07-08T19:27:00.000-07:00

They said some men would be warriors,
and some men would be kings.
And some men would be owners of land
and other man-made things.
And false love as the eternal flame
would move some to think in rings.
And gold would be our power
and other foolish things.

But you who dream of liberty
must not yourselves be fooled.
Before you get to plead for freedom,
you have agreed to being ruled.
If the body stays a shackle,
then the mind remains a chain
That'll link you to a destiny
whereby all good souls are slain.

And it won't take long,
it won't take too long at all
It won't take long, and you may say
"What has that got to do with me?"
and I say "You mean to tell me that's all?"

Of three men in a desert wandering,
one is knowing and two are scared.
They say time is in the river,
but the river is not there.
Dry in spirit, dry in body
two will lend themselves to death
And in grief one weeps into his hands
and drinks his bitter tears

'Cause it don't take long,
it don't take too long at all
It don't take long, and you may say,
"I don't know what you're talking about,"
and I say "You mean to tell me that's all?"

And as I stand before you now,
I am hopeful in my rage
You know love has finally called for me,
I will not wilt upon its stage
But still smaller than my nightmare
do I print upon the page
Do we have to live inside its walls
to identify the cage?

'Cause it takes so long,
why does it take so long,
But it takes so long, and you may say,
"I don't really care what you're talking about,"
and I say, "Are you trying to say you don't belong?"

I am my mother's daughter,
but I have seen myself in you
It's this blessing that I follow now,
and so I must speak true
I dreamed of thousands dying,
it was you and you and you,
And while the city sleeps so quietly
there is something we must do

And it wont' take long,
it won't take too long at all,
It won't take long, and you may say,
"I don't know if I wanna know what you're getting at,"
and it makes me wanna say, "So long."

Because grief will come in measures,
only grief alone will know
And you'll see it on your family,
on your own face it will grow
And they'll try to keep you hungry,
then they'll tell you to eat snow
You know pride can be a moving thing
if we learn the strength of "NO!"

And it won't take long,
it won't take too long at all,
It won't take long, and you may say,
"I don't think this has anything to do with me,"
"But did you ever think you could be wrong?"

At noon on one day coming,
human strength will fill the streets
Of every city on our planet,
hear the sound of angry feet
With business freezed up in the harbour,
the kings will pull upon their hair
And the banks will shudder to a halt,
and the artists will be there

'Cause it won't take long,
it won't take too long at all,
It won't take long, and you may say,
"I don't think I can be a part of that,"
and it makes me want to say,
"Don't you want to see yourself that strong?"

Division between the peoples
will disappear that honoured day
And though oceans lie between us,
lifted candles light the way
Half will join their hands by moonlight,
the rest under a rising sun
As underneath the sun and moon,
a ritual'd wailing has begun.

And it won't take long,
it won't take too long at all,
It won't take long, and you may say,
"I don't know how to be a part of what you're talking about,"
and it makes me want to say, "Come on! Come on!"

And beware you sagging diplomats,
for you will not hear one gun
And though our homes be torn
and ransacked we will not be undone
For as we let ourselves be bought,
we're gonna let ourselves be free
And if you think we stand alone,
look again and you will see:

We are children in the rafters,
We are babies in the park,
We are lovers at the movies,
We are candles in the dark,
We are changes in the weather,
We are snowflakes in July,
We are women grown together,
We are men who easily cry,
We are words not quickly spoken,
We're the deeper side of try,
We are dreamers in the making,
We are not afraid of "Why?

Performed by Ferron
Improved incredibly by the Indigo Girls

I love this poetical, powerful, nine minute song. It never fails to get me really inspired and pumped up, and on days when I'm feeling unsure, it gets me back to my kickass self. Consider it an acoustical form of audio caffeine. And my coloring of the words is intentional. Right now I'm kind of in need of some audio caffeine.

I need to move forward. In the end, that's really all I can do. And though we certainly don't have to live inside its walls to identify the cage, that doesn't mean we can't break the damn cage and move on.

Another One Bites the Dust

2011-07-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

Performed by Queen

Steve walks warily down the street
With his brim pulled way down low
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet
Machine guns ready to go

Are you ready hey are you ready for this?
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat yeah

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

How do you think I'm going to get along
Without you when you're gone
You took me for everything that I had
And kicked me out on my own

Are you happy are you satisfied?
How long can you stand the heat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat look out

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

Hey
Oh take it - Bite the dust! Bite the dust!
Hey! Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust ow
Another one bites the dust he he
Another one bites the dust
Ooh shoot out!

There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him
When he's down
But I'm ready, yes, I'm ready for you
I'm standing on my own two feet
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Repeating to the sound of the beat

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust yeah
Hey I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
Shoot out!

Headed to the guv!

2011-06-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

Fast on the heels of my excitement over New York's marriage equality (June brides? How 'bout June PRIDE?) comes something I've been coveting for quite a while.

I think that sending me back to the state coalition in Springfield is a "capital" idea! I'm so stoked to serve my center and the crisis cause by working with the statewide organization. Best of all, it doesn't conflict with my classes (who says you can't have it all?) and I can learn from the delegates coming from the other crisis centers. I really love the networking and learning all about the sister centers all over the state (and then bringing it on home), so this is going to be one terrific opportunity.

This is going to be an awesome fiscal year....

Happy Pride Month!

2011-06-25T21:20:00.001-07:00

Well, this is surely a wonderful piece of news...

On the 42nd anniversary of the Stonewall Riots* that got the whole gay liberation movement started off, marriage equality is finally the law in New York! (Which is the same place the riots occurred and got the ball rolling.)

This is the biggest state where this has happened, and I'm super-excited for my sisters and brothers in the Big Apple. Let's hope ALL the other states follow soon, or better yet, that DOMA is finally repealed so we all can enjoy equal marriage rights!!

You got to dance with them what brung you

2011-06-11T16:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Molly*,

We might have been without you for 4 years, but I miss you and your incisive commentary still.

I just wonder what you would say about all the crazy political and social happenings that have been going on in the four years since you left us. Wherever you are, I hope that you are at peace and that your influence lives on.

Peace be with you, sister.

In solidarity,

Revel

*Molly Ivins (1932-2007), political columnist, journalist, and progressive extraordinaire. I would read her column religiously from 2000-2007 and own all of her books.

The Bridge Poem

2011-06-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

The Bridge Poem
By Donna Kate Rushin

I've had enough
I'm sick of seeing and touching
Both sides of things

Sick of being the damn bridge for everybody

Nobody
Can talk to anybody
Without me Right?

I explain my mother to my father my father to my little sister
My little sister to my brother my brother to the white feminists
The white feminists to the Black church folks the Black church folks
To the Ex-hippies the ex-hippies to the Black separatists the
Black separatists to the artists the artists to my friends' parents...

Then
I've got the explain myself
To everybody

I do more translating
Than the Gawdamn U.N.

Forget it
I'm sick of it

I'm sick of filling in your gaps

Sick of being your insurance against
The isolation of your self-imposed limitations
Sick of being the crazy at your holiday dinners
Sick of being the odd one at your Sunday Brunches
Sick of being the sole Black friend to 34 individual white people

Find another connection to the rest of the world
Find something else to make you legitimate
Find some other way to be political and hip

I will not be the bridge to your womanhood
Your manhood
Your human-ness

I'm sick of reminding you not to
Close off too tight for too long

I'm sick of mediating with your worst self
On behalf you your better selves

I am sick
Of having to remind you
To breathe
Before you suffocate
Your own fool self

Forget it
Stretch or drown
Evolve or die

The bridge I must be
Is the bridge to my own power
I must translate
My own fears
Mediate
My own weaknesses

I must be the bridge to nowhere
But my true self
And then
I will be useful

--This is one of my favorite poems! It opens up the feminist classic, This Bridge Called My Back, by Cherrie Moraga and Gloria Anzaldua, and it sounds even better when you read it out loud! Any self-respecting feminist or anti-racist activist really should read it, since it really drives the point home. I read it in my first graduate class, and I loved it so much I've had everybody I know read it too. So now that I've crossposted it, perhaps more will know it as well!

Shame on You

2011-05-13T14:59:00.000-07:00

My friends, they wash the windows.
They shine in the sun.
They say, "Wake up early in the morning sometime.
See what a beautiful job we've done."
Let's go down to Chicano city park and do a little all day.
Go to the riverside, take off your shoes, and wash your blues away,

And the river said, la la la la la shame on you.
The river said, la la la la la shame on you.

I go down to Chicano city park cause it makes me feel so fine.
When the leaves are down, you can see up close in the dead of the wintertime.
But when the springtime's come, everything's in bloom,
And you wouldn't know it's there.
And all of the white folks like to pretend it's not, but their music's in the air.

And you can hear 'em singing la la la la la shame on you.
See 'em dancing la la la la la shame on you.

My friend Tanner says, "You know me and Jesus,
We're of the same heart,
The only thing that keeps us distant is I keep f**king up."
Let's go down to Chicano city park and wash your blues away.
All the beautiful ladies walk right by.
You know, I never know what to say.

And you can hear 'em singing ooh la la la la shame on you.
See 'em dancing ooh la la la la shame on you.

Let's go road block tripping in the middle of the night
Up in Gainesville town,
There'll be blue lights flashing when the cops pull up.
When they ask us to step out,
They'll say, "We're looking for illegal immigrants!
May we check your car?"
I say, "You know, that's funny, I think we were on the same boat back in 1694!"

And you can hear 'em singing la la la la la shame on you.
Hear 'em saying la la la la la shame on you.
Shame on you.

--Amy Ray

This is my favorite of the Indigo Girls songs! I swear, I still marvel over the fact that it was written in 1997 and unfortunately could've been written yesterday. I first heard it when I was in grade school and fell in love with the chorus and the snarky attitude, but now that I am older and wiser and far more radical I can appreciate it for what it is.

An Open Letter to US Clothing Manufacturers

2011-04-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

Dear US Clothing Manufacturers,

I get it. You've got clothes to sell, profit margins to meet, trends to set. You all are really busy people. But how about you take a little break from the sewing machine and the clothing patterns to read a little letter from a friendly feminist fashionista?

I have but one suggestion for you when you are making women's clothes. Can you please start sizing them by actual body measurements (like waist, hips, inseam, bust, etc.) as opposed to some totally random and completely un-standardized sizes like even or odd numbers? You know, like the way men's clothes are sized? I mean, I am really finding it difficult to find or order things that fit because I am a different size in just about every brand out there! At Kohl's I am a medium. At JCPenney I am a medium to large. Most laughably, at Target, I am an extra-small (and anyone who knows what I look like is probably rolling their eyes at that!). I don't even know my own dress size because it's different depending on the brand.

You know, when I was in high school, we had this awful dress code with uniforms. And I mean, it was really awful--boxy old polo shirts and the choice of flimsy pleated skirt or these dress pants that were ordered from a company. I didn't like the skirt so I wore the uniform pants. Since I couldn't try on the uniforms (they were ordered), I did what most girls didn't. I just sent the company my measurements and wore men's clothes through high school because it was much easier to get something that fit my measurements! (And again, anyone who's seen me knows that my presentation is as hyperfeminine as it gets! However, I was not going to shell out my cash on clothes and wait for them to arrive...only to find they didn't fit.)

Take it from me, dear clothing manufacturers. It really is no fun to constantly be confused. So please find some way to standardize your sizing so that I can finally figure out what size I am. Preferably, I would like it to be simple measurements like the men's clothes are sized.

Thank you much. For this I may even go back to primarily buying my clothes new and from "normal" stores.

Love,

Revel

An Open Letter to Rich Santos

2011-04-22T21:50:00.000-07:00

Yep, Revel's in letter-writing mode this month! I'm having fun letting 'em have it!!

Yo Richey!

As a disclaimer, I don't often read Marie Claire unless I'm in the waiting room at Super Cuts or my dentist's office. But since your recent article about "innocent girls" versus "bad girls" has gotten a thorough kicking around by everyone in the feminist/pro-feminist community, I figured, why not belatedly join in the fun? I am not going to link to your puerile article since it doesn't need any more traffic than it already is getting.

I noticed you pointed out that "guys like innocent girls." Uhm, Richey, I would sincerely hope that since you are considered an adult in the eyes of the law, you and your dudes would be more interested in women than girls. I also sincerely hope that the main time you care about somebody's "innocence" would be when you are doing jury duty. Otherwise, you sound like the perfect candidate for How To Catch a Predator. I'm not sure that's the kind of notoriety you're after.

Another thing, Rich. Do you know how utterly asinine you sound when you say a partner's inexperience is like "white fresh snow versus the snow that's turning black on the side of the road in under the haze of car exhaust"? Women are people, not snow! And besides, what does that make you? The car exhaust? Well, at least we're something natural and not the carcinogenic environmental pollutant! Although if you must classify us females into weather conditions, I'll have you know, Richey, that I am a big scary tornado that mows down anything in her path.

I also noticed, Rich, that you really seem to think that all women fit into two little tiny categories and never the twain shall meet: either inexperienced, wholesome "girls" or women who are bad to the bone. Well, I have yet to meet an adult woman who fits perfectly into either category. Considering that my friends are 65-70% female, that's saying quite a lot. Do you know why this is, Rich? This is because we are HUMAN! People are much more nuanced and much more complex than two tiny categories are. All you are doing is setting up another false binary...and setting yourself up for disappointment when you find that no one outside your imagination fits it. I find it interesting that you opine, "We hate to admit it, we usually like to be in control. A bad girl is tough to control — we never know what she's going to do next." Well, by your standards, every woman is "bad" since we all have free will and our own decisions and the ability to control them.

And another thing, Rich. Not every woman wants a man, and for those of us who do, we know to steer clear of you and your ilk who are so superficial and judgmental. So perhaps, as odious as your article and your other pieces are, they serve as the perfect signs and red flags of what to steer clear of in a man.

So thanks for this primer about what to AVOID when looking for a man.

No love,

Revel

PS Rich, I noticed your column is called "Sex and the Single Guy." If you're wondering why you're still a single guy and why all the ladies are headed for the hills when you're around, you might just want to re-read your odious columns.

Hazel Tells LaVerne

2011-04-07T21:19:00.000-07:00

Hazel Tells LaVerne
By Katharyn Machan

last night
im cleanin out my
howard johnsons ladies room
when all of a sudden
up pops this frog
musta come from the sewer
swimmin aroun an tryin ta
climb up the sida the bowl
so i goes ta flushm down
but sohelpmegod he starts talkin
bout a golden ball
an how i can be a princess
me a princess
well my mouth drops
all the way to the floor
an he says
kiss me just kiss me
once on the nose
well i screams
ya little green pervert
am i hitsm with my mop
an has ta flush
the toilet down three times
me
a princess

An Open Letter to Kaye Hymowitz

2011-04-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

Ms. Hymowitz:

I noticed you wondered, "Where Have the Good Men Gone?" in your Wall Street Journal article, so I felt compelled to offer some revel-licious help for a sister in need. Then I read through your article, and I noticed that you seem less concerned with where the good men are than with chastising women who dare to be successful and who dare to seek more in a man than simply a pulse.

So, because I am a charitable sort, I figure I'd like to offer my help to a poor misguided soul.
A few things, Ms. Hymowitz...

A twentysomething is not a "pre-adult." In the US, the age of majority is 18 (and the census says so as well). It doesn't matter if the person in question has not married or bought a house or subscribes to the same notions of adulthood as you do. If s/he is over 18, s/he is an adult. Period.
What the heck is a "major demographic event"? The presence of a group doesn't strike me as an "event." Perhaps the actions of said group, like mass migration or diaspora, could be a demographic event, but the group itself is not an event.
Did I lose you at "diaspora"? Because your article is so badly written, I didn't know if I should tone down my language or try to keep it at a third grade reading level.
Women's choices and increased rights have NOT turned men into boys. If a man is mature and not threatened by strong women, he's likely to be comfortable in himself and completely fine with women who can keep pace with him academically or in the career world.
Likewise, if a man is insecure and easily threatened by not being in charge all the time, then of course he's going to act immaturely. But not all men are immature, and in fact, it's immature of you to assume that women are the cause of it.
And although women are supposedly more successful than before, in most places, white women typically still only earn $0.80 on every dollar that men do. Women of color unfortunately are even more discriminated against in the job market. If women's rise has really eclipsed men, why are our pay rates STILL different?
Definitions of adulthood vary by person. Before the recession, buying a house and getting a job was very much a marker of adulthood. But in a time when many are laid off from their jobs or evicted from their homes, you need to be realistic about which definitions of adulthood are still applicable.
Gender roles also change and vary by person. The fact that they are so individualistic and based on personal choices is, I would have to say, a triumph of 20th century feminism. Feminists taught us that it was okay to have choices and not to worry about what others thought. Thank goodness I do not have to rely on a man for protection and providing for me, while I rear the next generation within a picket-fenced house. I'm willing to say thank goodness that you, Ms. Hymowitz, were not told you couldn't receive an education or be published because you're female. However, I don't think that differing from a "traditional" life script is necessarily a sign of failure.
And finally, if you are really so worried that many young people are not settling down and getting married, I would advise you to support full marriage equality for our brothers and sisters in the LGBT community. Because I'm sure that there are a lot of couples who would love to be married but cannot because their state won't allow it.

That is all. You know, Ms. Hymowitz, as a feminist, I've been stereotyped either as the man-hating virago or as a downright masculinized woman many times. However, it really looks to me as if you, a decidedly non-feminist woman, take a lower view of men than any feminist I have ever met or come across. (And I have come across a LOT being in my program and line of work.) But do your homework, Ms. Hymowitz. The problems and/or immaturity of individual men are not the fault of women. Period.

No love,

Revel

PS You want to know where the good men have gone? For starters, I'd suggest you check groups like Men Against Sexual Violence, National Organization of Men Against Sexism, and The Takeback. They're there.

Home again

2011-03-01T15:00:00.001-08:00

Hello readers! You might notice things have been a little quiet around here for the past 6 months. YIKES! Well, not to make excuses, but here are my excuses. I'm hoping to be a bit more active around here, since I miss my little world in the blogiverse.

I'm still working full-time (and really coming into my own there!), and I have begun attending night school on my way to a MA in women's studies. Although night school is part-time, it takes up a good deal of my time with lots of reading, writing, discussing, and presenting. Add in something of a social/familial life, and you have an unbelievably busy and sleep deprived revel. (And you thought sleep deprivation ended with undergrad!) Between all that I'm learning in the non-profit world and at graduate school, I feel like my mind will be expanding so much it'll be all the way around the world by the time I have that diploma!

That said, I certainly will be back to update you all with my revelings, rantings, and reckonings. I just didn't want to leave you all in the dust wondering where I went! Happy 2011 y'all! It's 4 years of Revel Productions!

In memoriam

2010-10-09T12:06:00.001-07:00

Although the shocking news about Tyler Clementi's suicide broke last week, I've been feeling an overwhelming sense of anger and emotional draining over it. I did not know Mr. Clementi personally, nor did I know the other LGBT students who have taken their lives as a result of bullying. But as an ally and as a person who believes in the dignity of everybody, I feel compelled to write about it.

I can't get over how people seem to think that bullying and harrassment is somehow OK, as long as it's directed at certain individuals and groups. I just don't understand who decides which people somehow aren't deserving of basic human dignity, and I don't understand how that sort of nonsense just is perpetuated. What is it that marks one group an easy target and another off limits? What is it that gives people the feeling that they can do something this cruel?

Part of me feels it has to do with the de-humanizing of certain groups. If you mark certain people as somehow less than or not even human, it makes it a lot easier to perpetuate cruel acts against them. If you see your own group as the default or the "norm," it makes anyone else come across as different and less than. In my previous post, "Same Old Song and Dance," I described a heartless "fake prom" that was put on to discriminate against the LGBT and disabled students at a high school in Mississippi. Clearly, the cowardly and mean-spirited folks who hosted it saw this group as less than the rest of the student body and wanted them out.

What we need to do is NORMALIZE EQUALITY. We have come a long way, certainly, but we cannot stop. We need to make things like bullying a thing of the past by recognizing that EVERYONE is valuable and EVERYONE deserves respect. It doesn't matter what your political party or holy book or parents may say. We are all people and we all deserve respect.

How not to win friends or influence people

2010-08-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

Some things of note...
When conversing with a progressive or ally type of crowd, here are some statements it might do you good to avoid using. If you recognized yourself from the previous entry, here are some simple solutions to avoid really messing up your friendships or alienating people:

I have lots of [insert minority group of your choice here] friends!

We have already gone over this statement. Your little rainbow coalition of buddies does not give you a pass to make some small-minded comment, so keep the comment to yourself and stop using your friends as an excuse to pass along your own bigotry.

But my [insert minority group] friend doesn't mind when I call her/him a [insert ugly slur for said minority group here]!

Your friend is not all members of that group. All members of that group are not him or her. Realize that the group is far more diverse than you may think and respect that. And realize that slurs are meant to hurt and that they probably are best left out of your vocabulary.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! I didn't mean it that way!

Okay, you didn't mean to. But you did, so realize that your statements were in the wrong and do what you can to fix them.

You're too sensitive. Lighten up.

Why is this statement even used as a defense? It shifts the blame to the offended party than having the offending party admit wrong and change. Realize that the person you have offended probably has a very good reason for being so. A brief but sincere apology will do.

Friends are NOT accessories!!

2010-07-22T14:08:00.000-07:00

Readers, I am going to draw your attention to a phrase I've been hearing quite often that is really starting to sound just like nails on a chalkboard. Have you ever heard someone make an unbelievably bigoted remark about [insert minority group of any sort here]? Sure, you have. Bigots are unfortunately everywhere. Then, when you call the bigot on the inappropriateness of that comment, his or her first response is pretty much universal:

I didn't mean it that way! I have lots of [insert minority group of any sort here] friends!

Honestly, it's just ridiculous! I have heard it so much that I have begun to take the first words someone says about their Black or Hispanic or female or LGBT or Asian (or any other group they were previously disparaging) "friends" as a warning sign that they might be a bigot. Because no one who is truly open-minded or an ally would say that. You know why? Because they wouldn't make disparaging comments in the first place, and they would have those friends around them in the first place. Those folks who talk about their little rainbow coalition of buddies? I highly doubt they even have one minority they consider a friend. If their attitude is so prejudiced, I don't think that (a) any member of that group could stand them and (b) they would want any member of that group around them. I just don't believe they do.

Friends are NOT accessories. They are NOT there for you to put on display of "proof" of how awesome and open-minded and tolerant you supposedly are, when your actions are say the exact opposite. Actions speak louder than words. They are NOT for you to show off because it's supposedly going to make you look good. Treating someone as an accessory, as something that's not even human, is just as bad as being outright against them for their identity. In both cases, you've denied their humanity and made them into what you assume them to be.

I have a lot of different kinds of friends. Many don't look, talk, or act anything like me. And I like that. But you know one of the many reasons why we are close? Because we don't treat each other like accessories! We don't act like those friendships are simply there to make us look good, and we know that a relationship is a give and take. I'm not saying that race or gender or orientation or religion is something I don't notice. I do notice aspects of someone's identity. In fact, I do think identity matters in my friendships in the sense that anyone who mistreats my friends because of their identity WILL be faced with my wrath! We treat each other like the awesome folks we are.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

2010-04-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

Well, with all those posts that were on the angry side, I figured that the best thing to do would be to write about something completely and totally different. So you will get a lesson from me about the wonderful Magic of Love! Yes, that's right! Loooove! So put away your Cosmopolitan magazine and ditch your old novels because the revel's gonna learn ya better than school in the arts of love.

Okay, you're probably wondering, "But why are you doing this?" or "What could an old, cold cynic like yourself know about love?" Good question! You're absolutely right, I have for the longest time been the biggest old cynic around. But now I will turn my act around and dedicate this post in all its entirety to LOVE. And that's not all! Any good academic (or grant manager) knows, you must absolutely cite your sources, so I will tell you the font of wisdom from whence I quaffed to get these pearls of wisdom.

So this is the revel's post about Love. As taught to me by the countless chick flicks and romantic comedies I have been forced to sit through by my friends and accomplices.

Revel's Guide to Finding Love
1. If someone creepy is stalking you, don't give him a restraining order, give him a chance at a relationship with you!
Think stalkers are scary and creepy? Think again! It's not stalking, it's romantic! That creeper is only so concerned about your well-being, so give the poor thing a chance. Never mind that it might be bad for your well-being to worry about being stalked. Look at Twilight. The pasty vampire dude with the fwoopy hair is always stalking his human love interest, Bella. And look where that gets him! Tons of teen girls thinking he's like the greatest thing ever, not to mention the love of Bella. So if you find yourself in that situation, consider yourself lucky!
2. You must be a middle-to-upper-class white, heterosexual female. Your wisecracking sidekicks don't have to be, though.
Look at all the leads in the chick flicks that have come out over the last five years. You'd be hard-pressed to find a minority woman as the lead role. You'd be even harder-pressed to find one that was either underemployed or had another woman as her love interest. It's all the same old, boy-meets-white-straight-girl story. Then take a look at the secondary roles. Wondering where all the gals who don't fit that category get to go?
3. You must also be conventionally thin and beautiful. If you're not, then you must become that way.
Observe how all the middle-to-upper class, white, hetero ladies who are cast as the leads are all conventionally attractive. Consider yourself average or geeky-looking? Well, don't worry, you can always get a makeover to show people that your outer beauty matches your inner beauty! Observe how the protagonists in The Princess Diaries, The Devil Wears Prada, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding all shed their geeky image and wind up getting the love of their lives. Romance is for the pretty! Don't feel like going the distance? Don't worry, I hear that they might still have open slots for the wisecracking sidekick role.
4. There are only two kinds of guys that matter. The guy you are dating who turns out to be totally icky and the icky guy you wind up dating. The guy friend does not exist. Observe the countless films made with a sharp, motivated female lead and a total dunderhead of a date for her: Knocked Up, The Ugly Truth, and The Proposal. Think your guy is great for you? Don't be an idiot! He will soon will wind up having some awful personality flaw, and you can't have that! Now think about that icky guy who gave you some lame pickup line in the dive bar. THAT is your future husband. Go find him now before he passes out in his own vomit at the dive bar.
5. "Career Women" are total harpies.
Note how all the women in the films mentioned in #4 are strong and motivated and have jobs they like. Well, that's why they can't find a man and are thus utterly pathetic excuses for females! They might as well turn in their second X-chromosome! Oh wait, that's why there's the icky guys they must fall in love with to keep from turning into and staying total monsters! Don't believe me? Well, you don't have to read this post to hear it! See my 2008 post, "Why You Should Marry a Doormat" for added info.
6. You must be tamed. By that icky guy who can rescue you from the harpyness you are becoming.
This one goes without saying. And there are many ways to tame you, too! You can learn to love his ickiness and realize that he truly is, deep down, an icky guy worth loving. Or you can wind up accidentally getting pregnant by him and learning to love that. After all, isn't that what happens in these tales, otherwise there'd be no story. But hey, it's what people in love do, right?

That is all. Revel has spoken. Now follow those rules and you will have the mens eating out of your manicured hands! (And you might just find a ring on the left one in due time...)

Same old song and dance

2010-04-09T13:27:00.000-07:00

So, by now I'm sure you've all heard the story about the fake prom that was held in Mississippi. After Constance McMillen, a senior at the Itawamba County High School, wanted to bring her girlfriend to the prom, the school cancelled the prom altogether. She later was invited to a private prom with her girlfriend...and discovered that there were less than 10 students there (and some of those students had learning disabilities). The rest of the school went to a prom that was held in secret by the parents, and that the 10 students at the "fake prom" were not invited to.

The story's gone viral all over the blog community, and for good reason. Most people seem to get it for what it is--a really blatant and incredibly ugly display of discrimination. What really bothers me especially is that this fake prom was created to keep all the people who didn't fit in with the school's desired image out, like a way to remove anyone they didn't see as "worthy." (The original prom was cancelled on the grounds that a same-sex couple would be "distracting and disruptive"--but with a couple hundred kids at a prom, who's really going to be distracted by one couple??) Which is just so disgusting.

People may say that we as a nation may have come far, but in matters of civil rights, we still have a long way to go. As most of you know, I identify as mostly hetero (I use the term mostly because I don't think that anyone is exclusively one orientation or another but that we all fall into a continuum of sorts, like the Kinsey scale), but I am a HUGE ally. That's because I think freedom means freedom for everybody, not just a few.

And I am a huge history buff, especially with the history of social movements. What I have noticed, though, is that many of the same old excuses and the same old hate just keeps getting recycled. It's the same old prejudice, just in different hands. Think about how, as recently as the early twentieth century, interracial relationships were considered societally unacceptable. Many of you would find that archaic, and rightly so. Some states even had "racial integrity acts" (don't believe me? google it) that CRIMINALIZED an interracial marriage or relationsip on the grounds that it would lead to problems with the couple's children and later on, the entire human race. It wasn't until the 1960s, in a case called Loving Vs. Virginia that such laws were struck down once and for all. That's less than fifty years ago! Now imagine some of the opposition to marriage equality. A lot of folks who don't support same-sex marriage use the grounds that it will be harmful to their kids, and later on, to the entire human race. Same old excuses. (Although I know a LOT of same-sex couples with kids, and their kids seem fine to me. That's because it's more about how the couple parents than what gender the couple is.) Same old prejudice.

Some might say a prom might not mean a whole lot, since it's something that happens in high school, but this kind of exclusion is nothing less than discrimination and creating nothing less than a hostile educational environment. If a student is noticeably excluded from something because of their identity, what message does that send? What kind of environment does that create? Really, this kind of exclusion is just the cousin of that institutionalized prejudice I was discussing. Both should have no place in this world. At. All.

Well, I am hoping for the best for Ms. McMillen and for the other kids that apparantly weren't good enough to be at Itawamba County's "real" prom. My heart goes out to them.

The kids are all right

2010-02-05T14:20:00.000-08:00

I'm the youngest person at my workplace, and even some of the interns are older than I am. I'm most often the youngest person at most of the conferences/convergences/committees that I'm a part of. As a recent college graduate, you'd probably expect that I would be among the youngest folks no matter what professional setting I'm in.

I don't necessarily mind that, since I can't change when I was born, and I'm pretty comfortable with most aspects of myself. The only thing that annoys me is when people make comments about it. I'm sure you know some of them, but here are some of them:
--"You sounded so much older on the phone/in your proposal/insert-situation-here."
--"You write/speak/present so well for your age."
--"You're a lot more mature for your years."

I know they are probably well-meaning, but does anyone besides me see the condescending nature of these comments?? What they're implying is that what a twentysomething writes or speaks about usually wouldn't have much merit, but I happen to be the exception. Or that twentysomethings usually aren't all that mature. And their comments really are not an observation about how young people act, but rather how they think young people act. I know that some folks may maintain that ageism is directed toward the older members of our society, but I don't think that it's any better or less harmful directed toward the younger members. In fact, it really underestimates and de-values their experiences for the same reason--age! It's equally awful, no matter who it's directed at.

Let me get this straight. I don't write well for my age. I write well. Period. My public speaking skills aren't good for my age. They're good. Period. Public speaking is something I like to do and really excel at. I'm not mature for my years. In most cases, I am just that, mature. (And in other cases, I'm quite the opposite, because, like everyone else, I'm human.) When talking to many funders, I would wager a guess that I'm a lot more knowledgable about crisis work than they are. It has nothing to do with age, but rather experience (which I have a lot of).

I think some of the deepest friendships and best professional relationships I've had with folks older than me (and by that I mean by at least a decade, not one or two years) have been with people who recognize the blessing that is their experiences and wisdom as well as recognizing that the young people have a good deal to share and contribute to the world as well. I think that's so important. It's one thing to realize the experience that comes with age, but it's also vital to recognize that experience and wisdom comes at all ages.

Six months...a revel's reflection

2010-02-03T14:40:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in ever so long, mostly because I've been unbelievably busy and partly because I am not entirely sure how I could condense everything I've been feeling into a blog-ready, condensed entry. I've been at my job for six months.

Doesn't seem that long, does it?

I feel like I've grown a lot in that time. I'm still marvelling over the fact that I'm there. For those of you who don't know, I'm working at the rape crisis center where I interned a few years ago. I figured that when I entered the "Real World" it'd most likely be at a non-profit, preferably a women's organization like a crisis center but not necessarily this crisis center. I've learned so much in this short period of time: how to write grants and proposals, how to analyze budgets and audits, how to improve my public speaking skills (I was good at public speaking before, but I think I've really improved), and what it means to represent my cause. All that and more. I feel like I'm really making a difference in the lives of women and children.

Being at the flagship agency in the state also really has made me aware of everything that goes into being among the best. I remember that I studied the history of crisis intervention back during my senior year, and I had made the case that advocates needed to get back their grassroots approach to their work. I still agree with that, but I see the current state of crisis intervention as the next phase in that grassroots movement. No matter how much a center can be sophisticated and polished, the fact is that we still need to advocate for victims of violence. And the kinds of things that we do help bring advocacy and the horrifying subject of violence against women and children into the public consciousness. As much as some of our popular fundraisers may seem like a far cry from the grassroots days of yore, they represent the next stage on our journey because they show that anyone can advocate for a victim, in the largest or smallest of ways.

Being at such a big and multifaceted agency also has made me wonder how the small centers do everything they do and still stay strong. I remember during my days at Rape Crisis/RACES (they go by RACES now but are still as fantastic as ever), all the employees did direct service as well as all the administrative and fundraising tasks. I remember when I'd go there after hours, many of the staff members would be there until 7 or 8 PM. I know that there are agencies that are even smaller and more pared-down, and I really have gained a greater respect for the way that they can do all of that hard work and still stay on top of their game.

Well, I'm sorry I kept you all waiting to hear about my updates, but I think this sums it up well. Happy 2010, everybody!

Hellooooo, employment!

2009-08-24T11:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I've known for about four days now, and I am still in shock. But in a good way, since I couldn't imagine anyplace else I'd rather be.

This is officially my last week as an unemployed woman, since next week I begin my new direction in my life as a full-time Grants Manager! Well, I have always wanted to write for a living, and I can't think of anything that suits me more than writing for such a good cause.

The best thing? I already know (and like!) everyone there, thanks to my two years of volunteering. I can't wait till the big black tie gala in September--it's going to be my first time at one of their events as an employee and not a volunteer.

Back in town

2009-08-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Urbana now. Not for school or work, but rather just visiting. I've run into so many people I know, and it's been a total hugfest so far. Went to the Women's Resources Center to say hi to my friends Rachael and Pat, then out for dinner with DoMonique, and catching up with Serena and Miranda and Quinn (so far). I'll probably be going out later tonight and let the memories flow.

It feels so weird, almost surreal, in fact. I do feel like I left a good deal of my heart here, since I spent four whole years of my life here. But I'm not a student. I can help my sister move into her dorm, but I know I'm not living there myself (or working in the dorm, since I was a librarian for two years). I can talk to Pat (the dean) about what's going on in the Women's Center, but I'm going to be at another university with an older women's center. I can go and visit my advocates at RCS (whoops, they're now called RACES, sorry), but I'm not affiliated with them anymore. (I'm back at LaCASA this summer, so they closed my RACES file.) I do feel connected with my friends (I think I had probably one of the best experiences around regarding that), but I feel really odd being down in Urbana and not being a student there anymore.

The worst part? I started getting nostalgic!!! Isn't that the first sign of being an old fogey? I am SO not a fogey! But I guess that nostalgia means that it MUST have been a good experience for me. Which it so was!

The Unkindest Cut

2009-06-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, if my advocacy posts are boring you, then please skip this one. However, if they don't, keep reading and take note (please).

You might remember the previous post a few months ago, "La Vie En Teal," in which I discussed budget cuts affecting many of the social service programs in Illinois. Well, last summer, Governor Blagojevich was considering a bill cutting funding for the social services, which would have affected things like counseling centers, speech therapy, nursing homes, halfway houses, drug rehabilitation services, hospitals, and many other health and human services. Things like the domestic violence shelters and crisis centers were also on this metaphorical chopping block, as these cuts could send several of them out of business. Thankfully, the cuts didn't go through, and most of these programs stayed in existence.

Well, flash-forward to a year later, and Governor Quinn has been presented with a budget from the state Senate. This bill is lovingly termed the "Doomsday budget" by my friends at ICASA, and its official name is Senate Bill/SB 1197. The Governor cannot make tax/spending decisions but has the power to veto them. This budget includes some heavy cuts for these same social services--at LEAST 50%. If you don't think 50% is a lot, consider that will be closing many of the free clinics and services in lower-income areas. A small crisis center like RCS in Champaign would have to close its doors permanently. A free clinic or government-sponsored program (like therapy for a returning Iraq War veteran) would be gone as well. And for a person living in a lower-income area, they might not even get the medical treatment they need if they happen to get sick. Although programs like advocacy are my own personal link to this problem, I am also worried about all the other social services. Cutting them will only cost the state more than it will save.

I know the budget problem is a pretty deep-rooted one, and I'm not an economist or anything. But I do think that there has to be a better way for the state to save money than to cut programs it so desperately needs. Many of my conservative readers (yes, this flaming-liberal revel has conservative readers; you know who you are!) might lambast me for saying this, but even raising taxes just a little would be more helpful. IL is a big state, so even a small tax raise would help. Or cutting back on programs that aren't needed.

But for you readers, if you haven't already done so, please call Governor Quinn's office at 217-782-0244 and tell him to veto Senate Bill 1197. You will most likely reach a voicemail, so if you don't like talking on the phones, you don't have to have some long involved conversation (I already called; it's pretty quick and painless). Or send a message by clicking here: http://www.illinois.gov/GOV/contactthegovernor.cfm. We think the decision will be made on July 1, but I am really hoping that the cuts don't go through. Right now, it feels like that fabled sword of Damocles, dangling over our heads and completely nerve-wracking.

This isn't just for me. It's for everyone who has ever or will ever need those services. If you want to know more, contact me, and I will give you any and all information you need to know about it.

I love this!

2009-05-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

For all of my feminists and advocates and prevention educators, check this out! I swear it is not affiliated with La Casa (since I can't seem to keep quiet about that place) or RCS:

http://www.survivormuralproject.com/index.html

It's like a cross between the Clothesline Project and the Post Secret project that the Women's Resources Center at the U of I created. And did I mention it is a traveling exhibition? Definitely worth checking out. Check back later, when they get more submissions, for the full effect.

The bad moon arose

2009-05-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

Well, this revel is not revelling now.

One of the prevention educators just emailed me on this, and I know she's usually informed and all up in arms on things like this. They upheld Proposition 8 in California! WHY?? This is not at all how it was supposed to go! That damn thing was supposed to go the way of the Briggs initiative and other ordinances designed to curtail human rights and NOT get passed by a landslide. Sooo many people opposed it too! If all those demonstrations against it were any indicator of the mass opposition to it, keeping the thing in place would only be opposing the majority will of the people. But what happens? They uphold the damn Prop 8 (in a dispiriting vote of 6 to 1), but say that the marriages performed before it was passed are valid. That is such cold comfort, even for a hetero ally. Cold comfort is no comfort at all. This isn't about special interests, it's about basic human rights (see my post, "Holy matrimony!"). And we have seen a breach in that, thanks to that awful Prop 8!

Bad moon rising

2009-05-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder why people can be so ridiculous, going into something they know isn't good for them? Or staying with something that they know isn't good for them? Particularly otherwise sensible individuals? Well, I can't claim to know the answers, nor do I actually know them. I just foresee a ton of disasters on the way....I do not claim to be in any way exempt from these folks. I know there are some things that I will probably regret sooner or later, even though I am a total control freak who needs everything just so. I see a bad moon rising, I see trouble on the way...

But for now, I need to narrow down my list of 20 potential thesis topics to one (aiiieee) and figure out what days I can resume advocating at La Casa. All advocates and prevention educators are needed on deck at La Casa so we can host the fundraiser. We've got a really high-profile speaker (female football player Katie Hnida) and are going to be inviting lots of folks from women's sports teams and girls' organizations. So they need all hands on deck! At least that's something I can do and have control over.

I went down to the crossroads...

2009-05-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

It feels weird, so weird right now.

I guess I feel like I'm in between, not in college anymore and with four months before graduate school begins. I am looking forward to grad school. Even if I have to commute for a little bit, I'll still be in the academic setting with tons to do, which I love and miss right now. I'm not bored, but it's really hard to acclimate to being at home.

Yesterday, I woke up at 8 (early, I know), and my first thought was, "Okay, time for history class!" Then I went to go review my Fem Maj notes, taking care not to wake my roommate...and then it hit me. I no longer have a roommate, I no longer am at school, and I have no class or extracurriculars to go to. And I am no longer on my cluster's board or work in the res hall library or work with RCS.

What's a revel to do?

I think I'll finish unpacking and then email Joe or Wendy at LaCASA to see if they can use me. They'll be happy to see me again, even if I am no longer an intern like I was last summer. The fundraiser is coming up in June, so they probably need all advocates on deck. And I am seeing the Nine Inch Nails next week, which is sure to be extremely entertaining. Looks like a decent, albeit long, summer before the next phase of my education. One school, two departments, two degrees, three years. I think I can handle it.

Welder

2009-05-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

I am the welder
I understand the capacity of heat
To change the shapes of things.
I am suited to work
Within the realm of sparks
Out of control.

I am the welder.
I am taking the power
Into my OWN hands.

--Cherrie Moraga, from This Bridge Called My Back

I tried to find some graduation-style feminist wisdom, and this was something that really hit home for me. May we, no matter what path we choose, be the welder in our own lives, ready to take our lives and events into our own hands and shape our destinies.

I Love Playing With Fire

2009-05-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

My one and only shining star
Said "Stick with me and I'll take you far."
Your eyes are sparkling with wild fire
I'll satisfy your mad desires, cause
I love playin' with fire
And I don't wanna get burned
I love playin' with fire,
I don't think I'll ever learn.

My heart is achin' to see your face
And I can't wait till another day.
The way you shake it is really hot.
You know how to use what you got!
You know, I love playin' with fire
And I don't wanna get burned
I love playin' with fire,
I don't think I'll ever learn.

Yeah!

Acting tough with looks to kill
You got me goin' and I can't sit still!
You know I wanna get you through the night,
You're like a little ball of dynamite,
That's why I love playin' with fire
And I don't wanna get burned
I love playin' with fire,
I don't think I'll ever learn.

--The Runaways

Best of C-U

2009-05-12T22:33:00.000-07:00

Sad thing is I'm leaving the area soon. So I figure I'll pay homage to my favorite haunts and peeps of the fabulous Champaign-Urbana before I go!

Allow me to present: My favorites!

Sandwich: Crane Alley
Place to take the parents: Radio Maria (instantly impressive, with amazing food)
Salad: Red Herring
Park: West Side in downtown Champaign, across the street from the IRS/RCS building
Ambience: KoFusion for the out-there funky vibe, Bread Company for the earthy funky vibe (sorry, as you can tell, I really like my funky vibe! And not in that way you sicko!)
Ice Cream: Jarling's Custard Cup (it's custard that's totally worth waiting in line for)
Burger: Guido's
Fries: Blues Barbecue (they call 'em potato wedges!)
Place to snore in public: Anywhere your GWS professor isn't
Politician: Tony Fabri (yes, I know that I should be bi-partisan, but you've seriously gotta hand it to a guy who remembers everything about you and shows up to all the big Fem Maj events! Hell, he wasn't even intimidated by Sex Out Loud! He just strode right in and struck up a conversation with the NARAL lady. Go Tony!)
Pancakes: Anything the newest RSO, the Lumberjack Guild, serves up. You guys rawk!
Fine dining: Timpone's all the way, although I do want to check out Bacaro sometime
Diner: Merry Anne's (dude, I think they're gonna sweep the awards!)
Barbecue: Blues (this is what REAL southern comfort tastes like)
Vintage: The amazing deals, wild outfits, and fabulous accessories obviously make Le Shoppe the best of the best! And you gotta love the dresses fluttering in the wind.
Used store: Exile on Main Street for CDs, Jane Addams for books, and Le Shoppe for clothes
Stir fry: KoFusion
Mexican food: Chevy's Fresh Mex with El Toro a close second
Asian food: Basil Thai of Urbana with Siam Terrace as second
Bookstore: Jane Addams Bookstore (Best selection around of books and a wonderful place to explore with a friend. Make sure the friend knows the basics of used-book-shopping first. It is a fine skill s/he must acquire before stepping foot in this lovely place.)
Fast food: Sandella's Flatbread Cafe
First date location: Aroma Cuban Cafe (come when they've got live music!), Cafe Luna for dinner and dancing. OR, go to Aroma on Thursday when they have the music and Luna on Friday when they have the dancing and watch your date be impressed. Either that or take him/her to the Boneyard or Pygmalion festivals.
Makeout spot in public: On the South Quad, under a lamp post...you heard that right.
Place to bowl: Illini Union rec room (cosmic bowling, anyone?)
Place to watch the Sunrise: At your friend's house, after a nine-hour party, when you're both sober and talking each other's ears off and then you're all like, "Holy shit, is it 6 AM already?? Let's get breakfast!" And then you do. It's great.
Chicken wings: I used to like the ones at The Office, but sadly, they closed. Guess I like Buffalo Wild Wings too, but they're a chain and I don't often go to chains.
Milkshake: Courier Cafe
Pizza: Garcia's
T-shirts: Anything sold at Sex Out Loud in March. How can you not love something that says "My sexual preference is safe and often" or "This is what a feminist looks like"?
Grocery Store: World Harvest (the variety and prices helps World Harvest beat out my former favorite, AmKo, for the #1 slot), County Market for 24-hour variety and good prices
Band to watch at a bar: Three-way tie between the Lumus (for their eclectic appeal), Angie Heaton (for her attitude and sass), and Zmick (for their sense of fun and the fact that they dedicated their schmaltziest song, "Sexy Crazy" to ME on my birthday!).
Concert venue: Highdive
Act at Assembly Hall: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Campus bar: Does Canopy count?
Downtown bar: Crane Alley in Urbana, Highdive in Champaign.
Place to buy music: Exile on Main Street
Drink selection: Boltini
Chill bar: Soma Ultra Lounge
DJ bar: C-Street (Chester Street, the only club with a triple-decker dance floor!)
Bar food: Guido's
Concert venue: Highdive and Krannert Center
After-hours food: Merry Anne's
Coffee shop: Cafe Paradiso
Art gallery: Krannert Art Museum on campus, Cinema in Urbana, Wind Water and Light in Champaign. Or, check out the Boneyard Festival and see them all!
Video store: That's Rentertainment
Local website: http://the217.com/ That is literally my Bible/Koran/Torah/Kitab-i-aqdas/Analects/Bagavad Gita/Bayan all rolled into one!
Radio Station: 107.1

Born

2009-05-10T20:15:00.001-07:00

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears.
I was born to love.
I'm gonna learn to love without fear.

Pour me a glass of wine
Talk deep into the night.
Who knows what we'll find?

Intuition, deja vu
The Holy Ghost haunting you,
Whatever you got, I don't mind.

Put your elbows on the table.
I will listen long as I am able.
There is nowhere I'd rather be.

Secret fears, the supernatural,
Thank god for this new laughter.
Thank god the joke's on me.

We've seen the landfill rainbow,
We've seen the junkyard love.
Baby, that's no place for you and me.

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears.
I was born to love.
I'm gonna learn to love without fear.

--Linford Detweiler and Karen Bergquist (Over the Rhine)

Unforgiven

2009-05-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

Always tried to clean up my catastrophe
Taking full responsibility
Living my life like every day's the last
Remodeling the wreckage of my past.

But when it comes to you, I know I said I do
BUT I DON'T!
No I don't!
You're unforgiven so go on livin
Knowing that I've unforgiven you.
And my thanksgiving came the day I saw it was okay to unforgive you.

Confessing every sin doesn't make me a saint.
Even though it's obvious I changed.
One time I forgave you, but I did not forget,
But now I'm taking back everything I said.

You're unforgiven so go on livin
Knowing that I've unforgiven you.
And my thanksgiving came the day I saw it was okay to unforgive you.

But when it comes to you, I know I said I do
But I DON'T!
No, I don't!

You're unforgiven so go on livin
Knowing that I've unforgiven you.
And my thanksgiving came the day I saw it was okay to unforgive you.

--Charlotte Caffey/Jane Wiedlin

Morning has broken

2009-05-10T02:05:00.000-07:00

How do you take the armor off your heart while still remaining strong and impenetrable?

Is the armor needed?

Is there really strength in acknowledging weakness, or is there weakness in too many outward displays of strength?

Is vulnerability really all that desirable?

Does showing emotions prove your humanity, or can you get along fine without it?

Is anger the only "acceptable" way to communicate that one has been hurt, or is it okay to cry every once in a while?

I know the answers to many of these, but it's only begrudgingly that I acknowledge them. Guess I need to work on that, and on my ideas of strength and weakness. Hmmm...late night convos with a fellow FM friend, you gotta love them. But now morning has broken, it's a new day. Time to ponder these things, and then take action.

The Maine Event!

2009-05-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

YES! Go Maine, go!!!

Five states to recognize marriage equality, forty-five more to go. And Washington DC too!

Holy matrimony! Let's keep up the good work!

Holy matrimony!

2009-05-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

Well, you've read my marriage-equality posts, so I'm sure you have a gist of what this one is about. I'm really happy about Washington DC recognizing all marriages, including the same-sex ones, performed elsewhere. I know it's not quite full marriage equality, but hopefully the remaining 45 states will go the route of Maine, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, and Iowa.

What bothers me is the way several conservative groups and individuals (Ms. Prejean, I'm lookin' right atcha) have been saying that legalizing gay marriage will infringe on their own religious freedom. Or by saying that they are being "forced" to watch as all these things contrary to their own beliefs are unfolding. Some even say that they should be able to refuse service to a same-sex couple because they personally believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Only.

Well, from the way they talk, you'd think someone was forcing them to follow a state-sanctioned religion or having the state meddling around with their church's affairs. That is, after all, what "freedom of religion" protects against. Or that they're being "forced" to marry someone of their own gender. Sheesh. But no, it's just the heightened visibility and rights of the gay community that bothers them. And honestly, I think their reactions are completely wrong.

What they're basically saying, instead, is that their "right" to discriminate against someone because of his/her orientation is being eroded. If marriage rights are granted for both hetero and same-sex couples, it's making the same-sex couple just as visible as the hetero one. And I can see that that clearly scares some folks. As Harvey Milk said way back in the 1970s, "a homosexual with power...that's scary stuff."

And frankly, I don't think that they have much cause to complain. NO ONE should discriminate, let alone have the right to discriminate, against who they can and cannot serve. The reason why we have anti-discrimination laws in this great country is to make sure that everyone is treated with dignity, that all men and women are treated equal. Should every church have to perform same-sex weddings? No, because that is a matter left up to them (remember the separation of church and state?). But should someone have the right to refuse service to a same-sex couple simply because the couple contains two men or two women? A big fat NO. That's not a right. If you are basically asking for permission to discriminate against people you don't like or whose very existence bothers you, then you don't have that right. Sorry.

Let's look at it in another way. Suppose a Christian photographer thinks that every relationship should be a "good, Christian marriage." Well, if that photographer is hired to take pictures at a Jewish wedding, s/he would be taking pictures of a couple whose relationship certainly isn't a "Christian marriage." Should s/he have the right to say no after taking the assignment? Should s/he be able to walk out if all those yarmulkes and stars of David freak him/her out? Of course not. If you have a job, the most logical (and dare I say it? moral) thing would be to DO that job, no matter who your clients are. And no one is being "forced" to see their "morals" eroding away. If they don't agree with same-sex marriage, well, then they don't have to go to Maine/Iowa/Vermont/Connecticut/Massachusetts and marry someone of their gender. No one is making them do that. They are welcome to believe what they want about whomever they want, but it crosses the line when they try to take that right away from someone else.

Sick pigs

2009-05-04T23:28:00.000-07:00

The way I see it, if people spent about half the time they spend complaining/blaming someone else for the swine flu problem to actually work on a cure for the swine flu problem (and by this, I don't mean wearing a silly mask everywhere), we might be a little better off. Seriously, do we really need immigrants to be blamed for it? Or those dumb masks? Maybe working on a cure might do some more good than simply sitting around and whining.

My friend Sesali brought up a good point about it today: "A hundred people get the swine flu, and everyone's wearing masks. Thousands of people get HIV/AIDS, and no one's wearing condoms!" You figure it out. Guess the world needs a new panic, but it doesn't faze me. More people die of the regular flu each year than the swine flu anyway, and the ways of protecting yourself from both are pretty commonsense (washing your hands, not sharing a beverage, etc). We don't need panic, we need logic. And a cure.

...and I won't back down

2009-05-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

I thought I was strong enough to resist Facebook, and because I don't want certain individuals finding me, I have still not joined.

Despite the fact that everyone under the sun and not under the sun have been pestering me about it. I still have not caved. To quote that Tom Petty song I like, "I won't back down!"

But flash-forward a few years, and the same problem rears its ugly head. Only in the form of Twitter! Aieeee! No matter what my friends and now coworkers (!!!) say, I am NOT joining Twitter! Sure, that little bird is cute and all, but Twitter has got to be the most boring kind of blog ever. All it is are little "tweets," with one sentence. And it's really annoying. Does anyone care if you are "Soooo in love!" one day and think "Boys R Crazy!" the next? I mean, come on now! Reading the Away messages on Google Chat provides about the same amount of entertainment. I really don't need it, and I don't see its appeal.

Not meaning to hate on the friends of mine who do have Twitter. Go and tweet away, just don't expect me to join in your flock.

Ain't nothin' but a she thing

2009-04-29T00:16:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't you know it, I'm getting really excited about my conference on Thursday. I've been working my booty off this whole week with that paper (don't try condensing 20 years of history into 5 minutes at home, kids!), planning the last hurrah of my Feminist Majority, reading two novels and studying for an exam on them, and figuring out my postgrad plans.

I am so doing something on Friday or Saturday to let loose and celebrate! Yes, I know I have an exam and some papers due that coming week, but knowing my mad time management skillz, I can get those done. Maybe use up one of those nice gift cards I got at ROAR and then attend Rock for a Refuge? Who's coming with me?

Women's Media

2009-04-27T18:16:00.000-07:00

For all of my lady readers, here's a website you might like. Or for my men who want to know how to make their workplace a little more female-friendly and a little less sexist.

http://www.womensmedia.com

It's a most excellent website for the savvy career or college female, and it has some great advice on entering the work world, asking for a raise, communicating at work, and all manner of sage advice. For all of you who are currently working or entering the work force, it is a great resource. Check it out!

Silent all these years

2009-04-26T00:19:00.000-07:00

Well, that previous post is such a downer. I do wonder, though, if Mia had somehow survived the attack, would she have talked about it? Would she have written a song about it, like Tori Amos had done with "Me and a Gun," and put it on the next Gits album? And what of all the Mias I brought up (like the women of Juarez)? Would they have talked? Or would they be silent all these years?

As both a woman and a feminist, things like that just make me so mad. It's like we can't win no matter what we do. It's hard to talk about things that might make the public uneasy, yet without talking about them, nothing gets done to change them. And what are we supposed to do anyway, go along with it? I think not. In Newark, a fifteen-year-old named Sakia Gunn was stabbed in the chest for telling a man to stop harassing her. No one likes being harassed, so what was she supposed to do? Put up with it? Or risk being killed? And why do we have to change our actions for someone else? Shouldn't it be the offender who should be told not to stab one of us or hurt us?

I just wonder about all of these things. I know I can really be the master of the depressing. I was telling my partner about the New Jersey Four earlier today, and I work at a rape crisis center. And I brought up the Sakia story, which is pretty nasty. Guess I'm what my concentration in my major is--muck raking. (My concentration is 20th century American literature, that includes the really politically charged folks like Upton Sinclair and Ida B. Wells.) One of my feminists says I was born to rake the muck. Well, I guess blogging is just a start. Had Ida B. or Upton been around today, I could totally see them blogging. Then they could make the leap to writing books.

viva mia (explicada)

2009-04-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

Last week I was hanging out with one of my friends. Since we both have some similar tastes in music, we were dishing about the new CDs we'd gotten and new bands we were listening to. He proceeded to tell me, "Now I know you like Joan Jett, but have you heard this CD called Evil Stig?" That's what got me to write the previous post, but with further meaning behind it.

Evil Stig is an album put out by a band called The Gits, and it was recorded with Joan Jett on lead vocals. The Gits were a punk band from Seattle with a very feministic message and a uniquely bluesy sound to them. "Evil Stig" is "Gits Live" backwards. To many, The Gits are a forgotten band in music history. They only had 3 albums and didn't last particularly long. However, if you bring up the name of their singer, Mia Zapata, you might get people who are very familiar with her...or should I say familiar with what happened to her? Mia had a really distinctive voice and some strong lyrics, but she never made it to the age of thirty (she was 27). When walking home from a club one night, she was intercepted by a much older and stronger man and brutally beat and raped before he stabbed and mutilated her numerous times to kill her. If you think that's gross, you haven't heard the half of it. The woman who found her body was so shaken up to see this that she required assistance in walking to a phone and calling the police. It took over ten years to find Mia's assassin.

That's a terrible story, and one that is horrifyingly gruesome. I know that it grossed me out to hear it, even though she died before I discovered her band. What just really bothered me is that whenever you hear about that band, the only thing that comes to mind is the murder of the singer. As if her death is the most important thing about her. There's no mention of the feministic activism she partcipated in, or the anti-violence (ick, ironic, isn't it?) work she did. Not to mention the fact that the Gits were unique in introducing the blues to punk.

But then I got to thinking...how many other Mias are there? No, I don't mean other women with her name, but rather other women whose victimization was the only thing people remember about them. How many times do we hear about yet another crime victim whose story is told in TV-titillating detail and splayed out all over the national news and papers? We don't hear much about the person behind the statistic or the back story of the woman in the crime victim's body. Consider the femicides of Juarez, Mexico. Do we hear any of the names of the murdered women? Do we know what they did for a living, or what their lives were like? Most likely not. Think on the thousands of women who are attacked in times of war (and DON'T tell me that that's "normal" in war!) as a ways of destroying an enemy's "morale." Do we hear anything about them? No, unless you count the dehumanizing term "collateral damage."

"viva mia" is inspired by Mia Zapata, but it is actually about the thousands of "Mias" out there. It isn't my best poem but one that needed to be written. I write it for her and the thousands of the other women who never made it home alive. Something needs to be done so all of us can come home alive and home safe. To quote the late great Andrea Dworkin, "Not one of us is free unless all of us are free."

viva mia

2009-04-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

Amidst all the rushing
It'd be time well spent.
Oh, I would give anything
To get you home alive again.

We're both young women
And we both know what it's like
To be taught to be brave
And yet fear the night.

We're loud and we're proud
And we make a stand.
Then why must we live
In fear of a man?

They might take it all,
But they can't take your words.
It might've made you human,
But your message is still heard.

Amidst all the rushing
It'd be time well spent.
Oh, I would give anything
To get you home alive again.

Home alive again
Home alive again

Revelling is good for you

2009-04-13T20:31:00.000-07:00

Well well well...

Who would have thought I could use most of what I wrote in my post "Searching for Sisterhood" in one of my classes? I totally got down to the heart of both writers' arguments, and even my professor referred to something as a "classic Morgan-versus-Moraga debate." (Although I'm not sure if Cherrie and Robin ever actually debated anything verbally.) He was talking about Sisterhood is Powerful, and about how it was a perfect example of a patriarchy-conscious second wave text, and I raised my hand to stack it up against This Bridge Called My Back.

So there. She's A Revel is a perfect conversation-and discussion-stimulant.

And come to think of it, I actually prefer This Bridge to Sisterhood. It took me a while to figure out which one I liked better, but I like learning about how to fight both racism and sexism from a lady who's "been there, done that." And I am totally all about forming alliances.

Number Four! Yes!

2009-04-07T18:59:00.000-07:00

Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, and now....Vermont!

Let's hear it for marriage equality! Four down, forty-six to go--which state is next? Hopefully ALL of them! This is going pretty quickly. I remember how on National Coming Out Day last year (October of 2008), they announced that Connecticut recognized same-sex marriages. Then within this month, two more states joined on. Let's keep this progress going!

And 2009 is the fortieth anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, like I said before. Isn't it fitting to see quite a bit of progress since that time?

I am the history geek!

2009-04-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is probably the first time you've heard me call myself a geek, but I just received dramatic proof that I am indeed one! No, I can totally dress fine and I do have some social skills.

BUT...for one of my classes, I have to go into the archives (same place I found that amusing article about The Lavender Menace, see my post about the unaccompanied women). I wish they were a little closer to campus, but once I'm in there, you cannot stop me! The archivist lady brought out the boxes of material, and I was voraciously digging into into them! I'm serious! She dumped this giant box of articles about student protests (did you know there was an archive for protests alone?? How cool is that?), and I'm all like, "WOOHOO! LET'S GET THIS PARTAY STARTED!" And I just couldn't extricate myself from them!! Guaranteed, not all of the articles were all that positive (history is not always happy), but I was sooooo into reading about the student groups and coffee houses and protests of yore. Not to mention thinking about modern groups that probably grew out of them! AAAAAHHH....I so want to go back tomorrow and Wednesday! I've got an appointment to look through the archives of the YWCA tomorrow, and I'm more than stoked about it. This is way more addicting than the time I went into the microfilm room back during soph year. With microfilms, you see the image on the screen. In the archives, you get to TOUCH the materials. You get to feel what old feels like! You get to have your hands on something that has seen activists before you and see how they did it (yes, I am more tactile of a learner).

WHO would have thought it? I am the history geek! Hear me roar!

Let's hear it for Iowa!

2009-04-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well, this is certainly exciting! Same-sex marriage is legal in Iowa now, and that makes it the third state now to allow it (technically, it's the fourth one, but CA passed that dumb Proposition 8 in November, so I am not including CA).

I know that there are now three states down, forty-seven more to go, but if you think about it, there might be many more that might follow the example of Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Iowa. Massachusetts legalized it in 2004, Connecticut in 2008, and Iowa in 2009. So that just might mean that we can expect to see more people talking about it and more states legalizing it. And how fitting, too, that it's in 2009, since 2009 marks the fortieth anniversary of the Stonewall Riots.

Let's hear it for marriage equality! Which state will be next?

For married folks only!

2009-04-02T20:21:00.000-07:00

Truth is not only stronger and stranger than fiction, it's grosser than fiction.

Go here for something truly disgusting in the realm of women's health: http://www.mum.org/Lysol48.htm.

Who would use Lysol (that stuff you use to clean the bathroom and kitchen with the really malodorous smell) as a feminine hygiene product?? And how in the world could anyone say it's "safe" or think it's at all okay to put...well, down there?? Ick. Glad I don't live in that time. I'd rather "lose my romantic air" than put Lysol in me.

And check out that advertisement "for married folks only." Yeah...your husband will be real happy to have you do something that could possibly harm your health to maintain your, um, freshness.

Post-spring-break blues

2009-03-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

One of you calls for me, the other one calls more.
You're both trying to impress me, I've seen this stuff before.
Sometimes attention's rather fun, if I desire it from you,
But when it's doubled up, then my heart is ripped in two.

Oh why oh why must you BOTH torture me so?
I really should speak up, but how? I don't know.
You two have got me in a mess, and I'm totally confused.
Sooner or later I've gotta pick just one of you.

I must've been bowled over when I saw you the first time,
I knew I had to have you, but I couldn't make up my mind.
Anyway, I courted you, I sent my appeals in your direction.
Leaving my uncertain fate up to your discretion.

How'd I know that you would return my ardor?
How'd I know that there'd be two of you?
One is north of me, one is south of me,
And I don't know what I'm going to do!

The fate of my life next year is totally on the line.
I'm usually so clear and calm, but I can't make up my mind.
I love competition, but this is all too much for me so,
Can somebody please help me pick where I'm supposed to go?

Hey hey readers! Well, this ain't no "Shall I compare thee" like earlier in the year, but what's a girl to do when she can't make up her mind? Some say the more the merrier, but I am not sure how merry I am when I can't pick between TWO options. Out of my six offers for grad school, I am really stuck between two of them. And although the application process is over and done, the selection is majorly kicking my butt! I am SO not looking forward to the deadline. This is probably going to turn out like a rehash of my senior year of high school; making that decision with less than a week before the deadline. I'm going to go sign off now and try not to pull out too much of my hair in the process...

Baby, I had a dream

2009-03-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

When you get a week off, you go to Cancun. When you get three months off, you work. Yeah...that makes sense...

But I am feeling silly after spending the evening with friends, so here goes another song of love and loss.

Baby, I Had a Dream

You bought me a kitty cat.
It made me cry.
I've always been allergic to kitty cats...and I'm pretty sure you knew that.

Baby, I had a dream the other night.
I can't forget!
I can't forget the awful sight
Of your head STUCK IN THE FREEZER!
Baby, I couldn't tell if you were experimenting with poor man's cryogenics or just looking for the ice cream.

So Baby, if you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.
If you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.

Baby, I had a dream the other night.
There in your hand was a knife!
A very sharp knife!
You said YOU'D CUT YOUR HEART OUT!
Baby, there you stood with your heart in your hand.
You said, "Here is my heart! You wanted the damn thing so bad, here, now take it!"

So Baby, if you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.
If you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.

Baby, I have overheard you complaining on the phone to your mother.
And the only reason I mention this now is that book I saw on your night table:
"There must be 50 ways to kill your lover."
Fifty ways to kill your lover??!!

Baby, I had a dream the other night.
I can't forget!
I can't forget the awful sight
Of the bookcase toppling DOWN ON ME!
Baby, the bookcase missed my head.
Now I am really well-read.
I was stuck under there for hours!

So Baby, if you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.
If you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.

You bought me that kitty cat,
And you know what? That's just fine.
My dog enjoys chewing on your kitty cat.
...Good dog.

--Robbie Schaefer

Sunset Boulevard

2009-03-18T23:00:00.000-07:00

There is lithium in the sunset.
There are rats in the trees,
And the temperature is always 76 degrees.
When the mighty fall here,
They're gonna fall real hard.
And the Marlboro man is watching them down on Sunset Boulevard.

I cannot get a breath.
I cannot get a break.
I can taste that desperation 'cause the deal is at stake.
For every nip and tuck
There is a vicious little scar,
And the Marlboro man is peering down Sunset Boulevard.

Be careful how you talk to her.
She might be someone you'll need.
And it's such an easy leap from sincerity to greed.
Now everybody's waiting
Just to see the next card,
And Marlboro man is smoking down on Sunset Boulevard.

There's a body on the beach,
And it doesn't make the news.
It's sweeps month here,
And nobody wants to lose.
He didn't have connections,
Didn't even own a car.
So it's not worth reporting 'cause he's not a superstar.
Yeah yeah.

You can never be too rich.
You can never be too thin.
Don't bother entering the fray unless you're certain you can win.
Take a look around you, baby.
Every blade of grass is charred.
And the Marlboro man is laughing down on Sunset Boulevard.

You know grooming is everything,
And your car is your purse.
Don't dare give the right of way, even if it's a hearse.
Forget about that loser.
He won't be going far.
Anyway, the Marlboro man is waitin' for you down on Sunset Boulevard.

There's a body on the beach,
And it doesn't make the news.
It's sweeps month here,
And nobody wants to lose.
He didn't have connections,
Didn't even own a car.
So it's not worth reporting 'cause he's not a superstar.
Yeah yeah.

The horses are chomping at their bits,
And the dam is going to burst.
The ground is going to rumble,
And the sun is a curse.
So don't look excited,
But never let down your guard.
Cause the Marlboro man is watching you down on Sunset Boulevard.

--Lynn Miles (whom I had the lovely pleasure of seeing in concert and meeting afterward at the David Adler Cultural Center in Libertyville)

"Official" St. Patrick's day

2009-03-18T00:02:00.000-07:00

Sadly, I misplaced my pin that says "I'm not Irish, but feel free to kiss me." I walked right into the FPREP panel today, and everyone was sporting green clothing except for Sesali (my treasurer) and me. Sesali says the holiday has no significance to her, and as a southern-European-descended lady, I have to concur with that.

So to all of you Irish and not Irish, happy St. Patrick's day and for the love of all things sacred, please celebrate responsibly. I don't want to have to read about you in the police blotter (and yes, legals do read the police blotter, and being a legal myself I am not an exception).

And a huge shout-out to my buddies in FPREP, Fem Maj, and the Vagina Monologues: I love you all and thanks for being so fabulous on the panel! And for you FPREP guys, thanks for the questions and your genuine desire for change. That's so important, and I'm glad to have you all on board.

Learning, living, and loving

2009-03-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

Sex Out Loud was really great! I think this year's one was the smoothest one yet, and while I'm not meaning to brag, I am really happy with the groups and the visitors. Seems like there was always a constant stream of visitors (and it was a pretty good, responsive crowd), and they weren't all the stereotypical liberal, feministic type you'd expect to attend. Sure, we had a lot of the typical crowd (heck, I am one of them), but all that chalking/flyering/emailing totally paid off because we had a lot of people who normally wouldn't be expected to attend. (Much love to my feminists and womanist for the hours of publicizing on Monday!) Several attended it for class credit, some sororities and fraternities and dorm floors went over as groups, and others were just curious about what the fuss was all about!

The groups played off of each other well too. I think they were just great together. The Illini Arcade and Pure Romance booths were swamped...but is that a surprise?? Benita from NARAL was such a sweetie. She must have thanked me at least seven times during the day because it gave NARAL some publicity and exposure. And she got to talk with the folks from Students for Choice (when they finally finished making their display board) and Planned Parenthood. The ALA student chapter garnered a lot of compliments because they had a display of sexual health and women's/LGBT history books. (There's more to them than the "Sexy librarian" cliche.) MASV's display was really impressive, and their theme was "Are you man enough?" And the V-girls from the Vagina Monologues had a good time as well, even working out a Pure Romance party for the cast within minutes (now, that's what I call networking!). The health peer table was cute, with its I-SHAG theme and Superhero Kits. The YWCA was a good choice as well, and they (along with Students for Choice, Colors of PRIDE, and the librarians) made their debut at the fair. I loved the others as well, but these are the highlights.

I hope that I can come back next year for the Sex Out Loud fair and that Fem Maj is in good hands so it can live on. That group and event means the world to me.

SEX OUT LOUD!!!

2009-03-09T22:22:00.000-07:00

Today only!

10:00 AM to 3:00 PM

Illini Union, Illini Room C

Sex Out Loud fair!

Get wild, get crazy, get educated...

and while you're at it, get to know these great groups!

Feminist Majority, National Organization for Women, Men Against Sexual Violence, Women's Resource Center, Care, LGBT Resource Center, YWCA, Pride, Colors of Pride, Rape Crisis Services, Planned Parenthood, American Library Association, Illini Arcade, Students For Choice, NARAL, Pure Romance, Sexual Health Peers, V-Day, and the Gender Studies Program!

Whew

2009-03-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

Well...I suppose I won't be missing the entire conference. One of my history friends was talking to me today and happened to ask, "Hey, are you going to that symposium this weekend?" I was all set to lament the unfairness that I wouldn't be able to, when he told me that there'd be some talks on Friday as well. So I will be going to a workshop called "The Sovereign Female," which is about women in monarchies (all too often, we hear about the kings of certain countries, so female rulers should be interesting) and another called "Envisioning the New Woman" which is about turn-of-the-century feminism.

So it's not so unfair after all.

I have just emailed every LAS department advisor/registered student organization/Greek organization/cooperative on this whole darn campus about Sex Out Loud. If that doesn't get the fair a lot of visitors, then I don't know what will. DoMonique has made a Facebook event, and the other Feminists have worked their magic on the classrooms. This had better bring in the visitors on Tuesday.

The unfairness of it all

2009-03-04T21:19:00.000-08:00

Shakespeare once said that every sigh costs the heart a drop of blood. Well, right now I am in need of a humongous transfusion...

So there's a Really Big Fat GWS Conference going on tomorrow (a Graduate Symposium, to be exact) RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY PLACE.

And guess who is missing most of to all of it?

That's right, yours truly. How unfair can that get??? Damn class and work! I mean, I know some folks skip class all the time, but I'm not the type to do that. (Stupid ethics!!) WHY must the Really Big Fat GWS Conference be that day? Why can't they do it Friday (yes, I know it's Unofficial, but I'd rather be with Feminists than drunks)? Or some other day? Loads and loads of feminist topics and speeches and I won't get to see them!!! The unfairness of it all!!!! That is worse than last year, when U of I hosted the gay conference. I felt bad about not seeing Angela Davis and missing most of the workshops, but at least I attended two. And I was in the Vagina Monologues, so I was the "entertainment" for it. The thing is, I got to partake in and be part of one of the attractions for the gay conference. And it was on a weekend, when no one had classes. This is worse! WHY couldn't they have done it on a weekend? Or any other day but that?

Okay, I know I am whining, but it's just not fair. I love conferences, and I am not particularly thrilled about missing this huge one. Oh well. I am presenting at another one in April, though. It's more of a history conference than a GWS one, but I like history too. EVEN STILL...I am NOT at all pleased about missing that big conference tomorrow.

I think I just threw up in my mouth...

2009-03-04T00:10:00.000-08:00

Oh dear lord, I seriously need some ass-kicking radical feminist articles RIGHT NOW. Not material (though I identify as such), not liberal, not womanist, not eco. Radical. NOW. You heard me. I need the hardest stuff I can to get this yucky taste out of my mouth and mind!!

What is the matter?

I discovered this site purely by accident. It's the headquarters of the DABA Girls (Dating A Banker Anonymously), . They say they are a support group for women whose relationships have "tanked with the economy" because they're all involved with finance guys. The title page claims that this page is "free from the scrutiny of feminists." Well, too bad for you, DABAs. Apparantly you haven't met me because this feminist is gonna scrutinize you so bad you better be shaking in your Manolos.

So I've read many of the articles on your blog. Seems like you're all whining and moaning because your finance guy can't provide you with as generous an allowance as before. My favorite is the 24-year-old who's boyfriend is married. She's whining that he doesn't have time or money to lavish on her because his wife is checking up on their finances. Another lady, a beauty editor, brings up how her job is to keep her man sane during the recession and to live according to what he wants. Another article describes how DABA ladies used to be "admired for their class" and style. Well, I might not have much of it myself, but really, whining about that stuff shows that they have no class whatsoever. Did they ever think that they might be doing better than a whole lot of other people? Do they have lives aside of being some rich guy's arm candy? And do any of these ladies work? I don't know for sure, but something in me tells me not.

I could vent on and on, but I'd suggest you see what I'm talking about. Be sure you haven't just eaten because this will make you SICK. I don't know about you, but people like this make me want to sentence them to a couple thousand mandated hours at CWIT (Center for Women in Transition, the homeless shelter for women). Or A Woman's Place. You know, if the situations don't kick your butt, then the domestics surely will.

I pushed her further, all the way into her power moan.

2009-03-02T22:53:00.000-08:00

You know, it's interesting when people recognize you from your play.

Freshman year, a little boy recognized me on the Quad (I did "Smell" that year with two women named Dasheonna and Jesse) and said to his mother, "Look, Mommy, it's the vagina lady!"

Soph and junior year, people just randomly came up to me and said they liked how I act (I did most of the list pieces).

And this year?
Well, I'm over at PAR, all ready to give the desk clerk some flyers, and what does she say when she sees me?
"Oh I remember you! You know, you orgasm sooo perfectly!"

I swear I am not making this up. I don't think that's something I could make up. Aiiiieee, doesn't she know my moaning was acting?? (I was in "The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy," which is about a sex worker for women who describes moaning. I did a lot of moans (vaginal moan, almost moan, dog moan, mountaintop moan, machine gun moan, diva moan, African American moan, WASP moan, and elegant moan), so that's where her quote comes from. Or so I hope...

Say it, tell me, CUNT!

2009-03-01T23:31:00.001-08:00

This weekend was the weekend of The Vagina Monologues. I've been in that great play for the past four years now, and I have loved every minute of it. My monologues have included "Introductions," "Wear and Say," "Smell," "I Was 12, My Mother Slapped Me," "The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy," and "Intro to Reclaiming Cunt." I have seen over a hundred actresses and volunteers for the play. In short, I'm a veteran of the play.

One thing that I especially like about it is that it offers an open and non-judgmental way for women to discuss their sexuality and experiences. Sexuality is such a hushed up thing in our society, in particularly women's sexuality. I'm not saying that I want everyone to dish every little detail of their private lives, but I do think that there needs to be more openness between women and between men and women about what they think and where they're coming from on each issue. The Vagina Monologues is one way for actresses to speak the lines of real women from real interviews, and it encourages them in turn to share their own experiences. And many of our male audience members were really supportive as well, especially in the monologues about current or historical events (comfort women, Congolese conflict, Bosnian conflict, etc.) It's such a totally uplifting, completely empowering experience.

Walkin' on sunshine, whoooah, and don't it feel good!

2009-02-26T09:54:00.001-08:00

There is little that is more exciting than getting an acceptance letter from a school that you would like to go to! I hope the remaining seven are just as positive and that the one rogue program that didn't take this "applicant" will be left high and dry with no Alex. The acceptance I received yesterday even spelled my name right and addressed me by name. Much nicer than "Dear Applicant," that's for sure! So I went out and celebrated with my feminists DoMonique, Jason, Gebler, and Joantine yesterday and have pretty much been walking on air.

Today's the last play practice before dress rehearsal. I'm excited about being in a piece about the dominatrix with two other great actresses. (But an open note to all, since I have been asked this question many times. My piece might be about a dominatrix, but I AM NOT A REAL ONE!! I am NOT for hire!!! And neither are the other two women, for that matter. So get that thought out of your head and your mind out of the toilet!) I like doing all those crazy moans; my favorites are the Diva Moan and the Machine-Gun Moan. Ever wondered what they sound like? Then hie thee hence to the Vagina Monologues. It's my fourth year in the play!

Then once the play is done, I will be working on Sex Out Loud health fair with my Feminists and helping to put together the Boneyard festival. I love both dearly. The Sex Out Loud fair will be bigger and better than last year's, and four groups (Ladies Loving Ladies, Students for Choice, YWCA, and Colors of Pride) will be making their debut there. I just hope that we get lots of good publicity and lots of visitors to see the different groups. For the Boneyard, my gallery (Healing Works, the best one) relocated from the African American Center to the Women's Resource Center. I wonder what they'll put in the now-empty cultural house. I know that all the cultural houses do something for the festival, so they're sure to think of something good. My folks are coming down on the third night, and I can't wait to share the festival with them.

This is shaping up to be a perfect end of the semester.

The Town, It is a-Changin'

2009-02-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

Come gather 'round sudents
It's almost time to go.
Your schooling's almost over,
Can you believe this is so?
This town looks similar,
But some things sure don't
If you've heard what some folks are sayin'.
Then you best pay attention,
In your last months to go
For this town, it is a changin'.

Come DI and Buzz,
Write this down with your pen,
You need some good subject matter,
It won't come again.
Le Shoppe changed owners,
And Impasta had to go,
For Champaign wasn't where it'd be stayin'.
And Luna expanded,
It's in a depot.
For this town, it is a changin'.

Now the feminist folk
Should be pacified
Cause they have a women's center
With new events inside.
Meanwhile the domestics
Learned they had to fight,
For their funding supply was decaying.
And Illini Orange was demolished,
It's now a construction site,
For this campus, it is a-changin'.

PAR has gone trayless,
And Lincoln has too,
And the luxury apartments
Are frighteningly huge.
The co-ops are wild,
And it's certain that you
Have many options of where you'll be staying!
And the South Quad is sporting
A bell tower that's new.
For the campus, it is a-changin'.

Come down, Alumni
Come and reminisce.
Your obnoxious reflections
Will get us all pissed.
Your good old days are over,
Though it's true they are missed,
But they're a time you won't be regaining.
So let's toast our grads,
And wish them all the best,
For without them, UI will be a-changin'!

Last laugh

2009-02-21T02:07:00.000-08:00

I dance with you in the sparkling lights,
You say I'm pretty and we talk all night.
Your words and moves are smooth, but frankly,
You know nothing about me.

So what was it that made you act this way?
Anything in particular that made you say
That you liked the way I made you feel
And that you weren't going home without me.

You're not what I wanted that particular time.
But you're what I would have since you looked so sublime.
You were more familiar than that party was,
But would I forget you all the same?

Sentimental attachment is hardly for me.
When I want something, I want it immediately.
It doesn't matter if it's for a night or a year,
To me, it's only a game.

Well, there was something about the look on your face
That convinced me to spend the night at your place.
I made you scream, and you made me wonder
How so much trouble could look so damned fine.

The next morning I'm off and back to normal life.
You told me you'd call me as you kissed me goodbye.
You may have last night but I have the last laugh
Cause the number I gave wasn't mine.

200 unaccompanied women!!! OMG!!!

2009-02-19T00:55:00.001-08:00

More fun in the microfilm room for today!

So for my Queer Studies class, I decided to look up some of the LGBT student groups of the 1970s. Since radicalism is somewhat fascinating to me (I might not identify as a radical feminist anymore, since I am now a material one, but I still find 'em cool), I decided to look up the really wildly extreme ones. So what did I find? Mattachine Society and Daughters of Bilitis started as somewhat moderate but then began to get strong and powerful. But the one that really held my attention was the Lavender Menace. Named for a terribly derogatory term for lesbians (coined by Betty Friedan when she tried to limit NOW membership to hetero women), the Menace was a radical lesbian group. And they apparantly had a following on the U of I campus.

Now here is where the fun begins. So I found an article about the Lavender Menace in the Courier newspaper of Urbana, and it dealt with a conference they held for feminists and lesbians at the U of I. I kept reading, I attended a women's conference soph year, was the entertainment at the LGBT conference last year (woohoo! go monologues!), and have presented papers at conferences before. Tres intersante, to be sure...

Then I saw it. The editorial.

Some guy (presumably a student wrote in), shocked to discover "two hundred unaccompanied, unchaperoned women on the U of I campus!" He was going on and on about how shocking it was to find so many women there! He closed the letter by saying that "soldiers to the cause are needed." Poor poor unenlightened soul. Apparantly he doesn't know:
(1) They're college age. They can take care of themselves.
(2) Girls exist. Yes, they are real and in great numbers.
(3) Most of those women wouldn't want a man in the first place! Lavender Menace is a group for lesbians.

That just about cracked me up.

Twenty-[FIVE]*

2009-02-16T00:15:00.000-08:00

I honestly don't understand groups like "Operation Rescue." I know I'm pro-choice and am all for women being able to decide what to do with themselves and their bodies. But I also completely am aware that some folks don't share my views. And that's fine, they can believe anything they like. It's a free country, isn't it? As long as those views don't infringe on other women's rights, I don't have much of an issue with folks who are pro-life/anti-choice/however you want to phrase it. They don't have to have that procedure if they don't want to, but their views shouldn't infringe on the rights of those who do have it or need to have it.

That said, I really don't get groups like Operation Rescue. Or Army of God for that matter. They're the lovely (note my sarcasm) motley crew who has brought you the support for the premeditated murders and threats made on the lives of OB/GYNs who happen to perform abortions. Even many folks who don't like the procedure do not even condone the actions of these groups. David Gunn was the first of these professionals to be murdered by anti-abortion extremists, even though that procedure was not the only one he performed (he was also a gynecologist and obstetrician for lower-income women). Then after his death, six more OB/GYNs were threatened and then killed. Seventeen more of them (or plain old clinic workers like receptionists, counselors, and the like) have received death threats or attempted murders.

I honestly think that's such a huge hypocrisy. I know not every pro-lifer would do that (in fact, I'm sure most would be disgusted as well), but it strikes me as so hypocritical and disgusting. If someone wants to protect human/unborn life, then what makes it somehow acceptable to kill someone who's already living? That simply doesn't make sense.

*I hate to be a downer, but recently, a college-aged Planned Parenthood employee named Johanna Justin-Jinich was murdered by a stalker who drove across the country to commit this terrible crime. What will it take to make it stop? Guaranteed, her campus police took swift action to catch her assassin, but even one murder/attempted murder is one too many! I don't see how you can "choose life" and then kill a full-grown adult. As a college-aged activist, that strikes a little too close to home for me. My heart goes out to her and her family.

My name is not "Applicant."

2009-02-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

One down, eight more to go by the end of March.

Hopefully those eight have better results than this one. Sigh. I was really liking that program, but I guess with a record number of admissions, it would be tough to be the one out of goodness-knows-how-many applicants that actually got in. It's so competitive. And their disorganization kind of bothered me from the beginning.

Note to other schools and programs, though. I have a name, and it is not "Applicant." Got it? Good.

Yes!

2009-02-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

Most of the tables are filled!

Most of the fabulous groups are confirmed (three of which are new this year), and the number TOPS, TOPS, TOPS my record from last year!

It's a month till the big day, and my ship is on the horizon!

AV material is rented.

Playlist is created.

Draft of flyers is on my computer.

And turnout at meetings is bigger and better than ever!

Now all we need are the visitors!

YES!!!!! I have got this president thing down to an ART! And I couldn't have done it without such a fantastic group! After all, a good leader goes nowhere without good people for leading.

Out of the blue (and into the black)

2009-02-04T22:18:00.000-08:00

My, my, hey, hey
Rock and roll is here to stay.
It's better to burn out
Than to fade away.
My, my, hey, hey.

Out of the blue and into the black
They give you this, but you pay for that.
And once you're gone
You can never come back.
When you're out of the blue and into the black.

The king is gone, but he's not forgotten.
This is the story of Johnny Rotten.
It's better to burn out than it is to rust.
The king is gone, but he's not forgotten.

Hey, hey, my my
Rock and roll can never die.
There is more to a picture
Than meets the eye.
Hey, hey, my, my.

--Neil Young (early version)

I don't understand....

2009-02-04T22:07:00.000-08:00

I've got the training.

I've got the education.

I've got the practical experience.

I've got the lived experience.

I've been told I can handle these things and even had that skill rewarded in the past.

Then why do some things still shake me up?

What's cookin at the Beat Kitchen?

2009-02-01T23:04:00.000-08:00

Take some funky grooves, solid strong vocals, a ten-piece band, horns, and a seriously modern twist on classic R&B...

And you have the recipe for the perfect weekend band!

Meet the Beat Kitchen. They're ten folks from Champaign-Urbana (there is also a restaurant in Chytown with that name, but this article isn't about them), and can they play! They play some R&B/funk with some solid, danceable grooves, and their songs get everybody up and dancing. Most of the songs are originals, but they've been known to do a funkified cover or two (think an R&B cover of Radiohead's "Karma Police" for starters!). My friend DoMonique and I went to see them, and their worldbeat co-headliner Mhondoro, this Saturday. We were in for a fabulous double act, as both groups did not disappoint. They just kept us dancing and singing along, and the crowd in the whole bar, the Iron Post, was on its feet. I've liked R&B for a while now, but this only cemented my love for it. This band really knew how to work a crowd while also staying soulful and emotive. And that singer has a terrific set of pipes! He has a big deep voice, with a wide range for a guy.

The rhythm and blues crowd also knows how to behave, think the manners of the folk crowd mixed with the good exuberance of the rock one. Sure, the Iron Post was crowded and a small venue. But, there was no shoving, moshing, feeling-up when you don't want to be felt up, or creepies being creepy like I've seen at other shows. The fans behave, but that doesn't mean they can't get excited and energized. And their dancing is so much fun. You don't have to know any particular steps or anything, but rather to find your own groove. Some folks were doing West African style dancing to Mhondoro, since that group does have Zimbabwean and Guinea influences, but the rest of us were simply doing what we liked. Our friends Jane and Megan, who are more into social dances with lots of rules and steps (Megan's been known to ballroom and swing dance during punk shows--and pull it off), also could find their groove. It wasn't hard at all.

Only drawback is that the "comfortable" boots we both had on turned out to be not so comfortable after dancing for four hours straight! The bus ride we took to IHOP and then back home provided a welcome opportunity to sit down for once that night! Definitely a fantastic night and show, and one to hopefully be repeated!

And if you would like to cook up some grooves at the Beat Kitchen, hie thee hence to http://www.myspace.com/beatkitchenfunk, and find out when you can see them next!

One Thousand Sarahs*

2009-01-29T21:39:00.000-08:00

*No offense to my fellow Feminist or panelist named Sarah...this song is not about you, I swear!*

Sarah's the kind of girl who's three feet tall, but she's built like an Amazon woman.
Sarah's the kind of girl who's three feet tall, but she's built like an Amazon woman.
And all the boys think she's sexy,
And all the girls think she dresses real well,
And all the teachers think she is the smartest one in class,
And I think...
SHE OUGHTA GO TO HELL!

Sarah's the kind of girl who pierced her ears years before anybody else.
Sarah's the kind of girl who pierced her ears years before anybody else.
And all the mothers say her mother was,
And all the mothers say her mother was a SLUT!
Cause we couldn't pierce our ears till we turned twelve, no matter what.
And I think...
Well, I think you know what I think.

One thousand Sarahs in my head!
One thousand Sarahs
Circling me in my bed.
I thought I got rid of her, but she multiplied instead!
One thousand Sarahs...
One thousand Sarahs...

I don't like her.
I don't like her.
I don't like her, and you can't make me!
I don't like her,
I don't like her,
I don't like her,
I don't like her, and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

One thousand Sarahs in my head!
One thousand Sarahs
Circling me in my bed.
I thought I got rid of her, but she multiplied instead!
One thousand Sarahs...
One thousand Sarahs...
Yeah!

--Michael Clem

Be still, my heart

2009-01-28T17:09:00.000-08:00

What's this again? I didn't hear it right...could you repeat it?

In April, towards the end, there's gonna be...

ANOTHER Big Fat GWS Conference!

(Well, actually, it's not quite a big fat GWS conference because it is put on by the Ethnography of the University Initiative and not the GWS program. It's more like a big fat history conference, and my LGBT studies class is allowed to present as long as we have a ten-minute-or-less speech prepared.)

Needless to say, I'm already petitioning to present there! We don't need to submit our proposals until March, so I have time to prepare. I just really want to present something I've created again.

You know, sometimes I wonder why I'm not interested in teaching college as a profession. Then I can talk all I please, and get paid for it!

Searching for Sisterhood

2009-01-27T11:21:00.001-08:00

Or, "How I Learned to Find the Power in Sisterhood and Cross This Bridge"

Here is some lovely feminist theory analysis courtesy of me!

Over break, I was reading two classics of feminist anthology. They are both wonderful books, and total must-reads for anyone who is interested in the great tradition of American activism and feminism. I would highly recommend them to anyone. One is Sisterhood is Powerful, and it is compiled by Robin Morgan. The other is This Bridge Called my Back, and its editor is Cherie Moraga. I liked them both, but I've noticed that they both have their own very distinct methods of promoting women's equality. My question is, which way is best? Or does an activist need to strike some sort of balance? (And yes, I am ultra-analyzing, but bear with me here.) Let me elaborate, as both do have their own backgrounds and quirks.

Sisterhood was published in the 1970s as "an anthology of writings from the women's liberation movement." It's considered one of the classics of that time, and it contains writings from both well-known and more obscure authors regarding what its editor, Robin Morgan, sees as the "women's experience." Morgan is the author of two other Sisterhood books, and they take their names from substituting "global" and "forever" for "powerful." My blog post "Sisterhood and Brotherhood Are Powerful, Global, and Forever" is actually based on the titles of the three Morgan books. She's also written about terrorism (Demon Lover) and politics (Anatomy of Freedom) and bills herself as a radical feminist.

What Morgan promotes is a focus on the "women's experience." She notices the way that history has often been written from the point of view of men, and she seeks to compile writings by and about women in order to pay attention to a much-overlooked "female experience." By pointing out what women have gone through, she hopes to foster a sense of solidarity and to prevent female voices from getting lost in the writing of history. Morgan is devoted to fostering a sense of "sisterhood."

The other book, This Bridge, is considered the seminal text that ushered in the third wave of feminism, and it's billed as "writings by radical women of color." The third wave is marked, among other things, by an expansion of feminism's outreach and an attention to the interlocking problems that women have faced (i.e. they also focus on racism, classism, faithism, and homophobia as well as sexism). Moraga, its editor, is adament about blurring the boundaries between groups and striking up alliances between social justice groups. She has written that one cannot be focused on ending sexism if one is not also willing to take on the problems of racism and homophobia, among others as well. Sure, she implies, sisterhood may be powerful, but forming alliances and expanding that definition of sisterhood is even more so.

Now these two views, promoting a "women's experience"/sisterhood and fostering alliances and expanding outreach, are equally valid and have their share of problems.

Morgan sees solidarity as based on a shared experience, a sisterhood, something women can all claim as their own. By having an experience that women can relate to, feminism becomes an "everywoman" sort of movement. Moraga, on the other hand, sees alliances as the way to go and that feminism should take a more active role in other social movements as well.

However, the trouble with sisterhood is that it leaves a ton of people out. Sisterhood is Powerful is a radical anthology, but most of the contributors identify as White and were fairly well-educated. None of the essays are by male allies, and only a handful are written by or about lesbians. Sisterhood certainly can be powerful, but according to whose terms? For every woman who complained about a feminine mystique (with no disrespect intended to Ms. Betty) and dissatisfaction as a domestic wife, there was another woman who was upset over having to work incredibly hard and have no time for her family. Or a woman who loved another woman and was feeling like her relationship was being ignored by the media and by a supposedly progressive social movement. If a "woman's experience" is promoted, any woman whose life did not measure up to those terms would feel left out.

But how much better is forming "this bridge" between groups? Moraga and her coeditor Gloria Anzaldua see the formation of alliances between groups and expanding feminist politics to include anti-racist and anti-homophobic activities. All of the writings in This Bridge are by minority writers. By focusing on ending racism and other social ills as well as sexism, women can then be truly empowered. The book does make a lot of sense, as many women, in particular lesbians and minority women do face interlocking forms of oppression. By being women in a patriarchal society and women of color/of a lower class/in relationships with other women in a white-preferential/materialist/heterosexist society, their burdens are even more augmented. However, the problem that Moraga runs into is the loss of a unique voice of a group. If one takes on the views and problems of others, one's voice is co-opted and expanded to include that of others. The issues that are unique to one group can become lost in the quest for alliances.

I am not entirely sure of which activist's way is best. Maybe I am overanalyzing it, because they are both legendary anthologies and should be treated as such. However, I personally think that the best way would be a delicate balance between them. Know your group and the issues that make it unique and different. But don't be afraid to reach out to other groups to gain allies and to help them in their struggles as well.

Be yourself!

2009-01-22T14:02:00.001-08:00

The Big Fat GWS Conference is done. It's been over since December. It was a good event, though.

I was really glad that I had presented it. I talked to my advisor, Jacque at GWS, and she said that the senior capstone conference is always an event she looks forward to because of the variety of topics and expertise of the students.

I was talking to her about some of the decisions I had made throughout my college career, and as I spoke about them, I realized one of the biggest impetuses for anything I've done was to prove something. Not to any of my professors or classmates or friends...but to myself.

College has been such a time of re-defining, of remaking and reinventing myself. I was no longer the shy little geeky girl, and I had really come into my own. I've been the type to constantly push myself until I get exactly what I want. The conference, I figured, not only proved to the faculty and students that I could write about social services and field questions about them but also to myself, that I had the confidence and the drive to do so. I've acted in one of my favorite plays, "The Vagina Monologues," and it's been a totally rewarding experience. The actresses are lovely to meet and get to know, and the money goes to a good cause. But, again, part of the reason I've been in such an outrageous play is to prove that I can do it. The highschool/gradeschool version of me would never have had the nerve to talk about vaginas onstage, let alone ask the audience what theirs smelled like! And I certainly wouldn't have been able to speak for twenty minutes about my paper at the conference had I kept my shyness.

The same goes for this year's decisions. I made this past semester one of the most productive for Fem Maj, with three co-sponsorships and an even more popular panel. When I organized Sex Out Loud, I went over and into Illini Arcade and sat down with the manager to tell her exactly what we wanted her to do. She told me that the previous presidents didn't have the nerve to go into the store. Although some might raise their eyebrows at the thought of me in the sex shop, I needed to talk to the people I'd be including in the event. I wanted to show all the participants that I valued their presence, so I met with each of them personally before the event (with the exception of NARAL, but I talked on the phone with them). But I wanted to prove--to myself--that I could do better than just following in the footsteps of the previous presidents and forge a new era for Fem Maj.

They say to be yourself. But sometimes that "yourself" needs a little tweaking to make it the "yourself" you most want to identify as.

Change has come

2009-01-20T23:03:00.000-08:00

I really do identify with what Michelle Obama said, that this time, I really feel proud to be an American.

Regardless of what side you're on, you can't deny that this was truly a historic election and a historic inauguration. I watched the inauguration, and I was really crying when Obama gave his speech. Obama's story is one that many people can relate to, a lot more so than the previous Presidents! Barack really had to work hard to get his education and his jobs. He formed alliances with community groups such as churches and social services, ones that many ordinary Americans also are a part of. He wasn't born clutching a silver spoon, and he didn't get to be president by pandering to special interests. This was an election that everyone was excited about, and it wasn't some unrelatable gray-haired guy versus another unrelatable gray-haired guy. This campaign and election were energetic, dynamic, and upbeat.

And my post about my concerns over Pastor Warren giving the invocation? As wrong as wearing socks with sandals or getting worked up over Y2K! Yep, even the revel can be wrong at times! Warren's speech was actually pretty classy. I was pleasantly surprised. The guest speaker I was most impressed with was Senator Feinstein. She really knows how to please a crowd! But, of course, the star was the President. Not President-"elect." President Obama. It sounds good. It is good. I'm excited about seeing what he does during his time in office.

Happy new year!

2009-01-15T13:36:00.000-08:00

Happy 2009, everyone!

I am really excited about this new year and all the adventure that awaits. Did you make any new year's resolutions? I know I have about five of them so far! A new year and new start is the perfect chance to change yourself for good. It's such an exciting time, a time for fresh beginnings. And for me, this year is off to such a good start. Graduate applications are finished at last, the Vagina Monologues and Sex Out Loud are in a couple of months, and I've volunteered at La Casa several times this break. And...of course, on January 20th, President-elect Obama will be the new leader of the free world! (I wish I could be at the Inauguration, but sadly, there's a pesky little thing called class getting in the way.)

A new year is a year full of possibilities, just waiting to be discovered and achieved.

Oh President Obama, what WERE you thinking???

2008-12-18T13:31:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's not particularly nice or appropriate to make a judgement based on one stupid decision. No one is perfect, but...this just goes TOO FAR!

Apparantly President Barack Obama has selected Pastor Rick Warren to give the invocation speech at his inauguration. For those of you who don't know, Pastor Warren is affiliated with the Saddleback Church of California. He's been a preacher for a long time, has a large following, and is considered a charismatic figure who can speak well and work a crowd.

HOWEVER...

Pastor Warren stands for a lot of things Obama's supporters are against and vice versa.
He supported Proposition 8, which denied gays the right to marry in California (after they had recently won that right this summer). He's compared gay marriage to incest, which is just an awful metaphor and not at all true.
He's anti-choice. Obama and his supporters are pro-choice.
He supports the use of torture.

While I'm okay with a politician being bi-partisan (and in fact am all for being bi-partisan), I think there would've been better choices than Warren for the inauguration. And apparantly Aretha will sing after Warren's talk. The combination of a liberal president, liberal musician, and bigoted preacher leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, Warren is like the anti-Obama. It's like having the late Jerry Falwell be the grand marshal at a gay pride parade. Or Phyllis Schafly speak at a NOW or Feminist Majority event. Or, if you would like to turn the tables, having Robin Morgan address the Concerned Women for America (actually, Morgan did do a speech in front of a similar conservative group, and it was so scathing that they were appalled and asked her to leave. But what were they expecting when they invited her?).

Well, maybe I might be overreacting. Maybe Warren will just do a simple speech and work the crowd, and he might make it non-religious in nature. Sometimes people can surprise. I mean, McCain's concession speech was surprisingly classy (can't say the same about his audience). Guess only time will tell. And if Warren's speech is unlistenable, then at least the Aretha performance will be enjoyable.

The Big Fat GWS Recap!

2008-12-15T16:28:00.000-08:00

My Big Fat GWS Conference is over.

All I can say is that all the prepping and hours I spent slaving away on it were SO worth it! THIS is the story I'm putting on my grad school apps! I totally rawked it, and I think I could do it again, if needed. Hell, when I'm getting my MA and defending my thesis or defending my Ph.D. dissertation, I'll look back to this time for inspiration.

Cris gave the introduction to the program, with one of her trademark acerbic speeches, but I could tell she was really proud of all of us. (Not quite up to the standard of her cyanide-laced roast of one of the other professors at the GWS Banquet, but that's a story for another time.) I gave my speech about the history of crisis intervention first, because I was listed as first on the program. I didn't get nervous once! I mean, sure, there were lots of professors and folks from different departments, as well as the students. And Ross and Jacque came too! Ross knows everyone, and everyone knows him. Jacque is the associate head of the department, as well as being an advisor extraordinaire. But I just was pretty normal. I think my introduction was the best. Not meaning to brag, but shouting "WE HAVE THE POWER, WE HAVE THE RIGHT, THE STREETS ARE OURS, TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!" really grabs people's attention! (Don't worry, it wasn't out-of-control shouting, just "making a point" shouting.) At least somewhat more so than "My paper is about..." The questions were insightful but sooo provocative. One professor who was a historian and another who was a sociologist had some really thought provoking questions. I think I answered them well, but I could feel my brain rushing to think on its feet. The biggest surprise were the domestic advocates. They played off of my stories, and they helped make my discussion session last as long as my presentation itself! But wow, I had no idea that the domestics were such a separate group. While I'd worked with them (I work with rape victims, so I usually don't run in their circles), I had no idea how much more different their job was. Another paper could be written about them, because they are a VERY different species altogether. Maybe they aren't even in the same species as my guys. Who knows? I was so glad I got to incite so much dialogue, because the questions came fast and furious and it showed they were interested. I think I learned just as much from their questions as I did from my research.

The other presenters were top-notch. I was so proud of my classmates. Emily presented on natural disasters and the "gendering" of charity, and although I'd worked with her before, I was still really struck by her speech. Stephanie discussed the concept of white trash and brought up the context of TV shows. It was kind of shocking to see her because she had a faux hawk earlier in the year, but she had cut it all off for the conference! (Not something I could do. Then again, I don't have a faux hawk to do it with.) Jeff and Eric talked about prejudices and how they played out, which was pretty effectively researched. Desiree's speech totally deconstructed online gaming and World Of Warcraft. All of them really did a good job, and I know I learned a lot from my brilliant classmates!

We recapped the conference over student movies and an Indian dinner from Bombay Grill. The other students stuck around as well. We were all relieved to have it done! Cris (yes, she's letting us call her by her first name) was telling us about what the professors told her. Apparantly all the professors were really complimentary because they all liked the presentation. Then she went into the specifics, and she brought up what they liked about each of students' presentations. When it came time for me, she said, "And Alex, they all liked how you could hold your own with them and not back down from answering hard questions." Well! I am totally flattered by this, but then again, when do I back down from something? ;) Hard to believe it's all over, but it was TOTALLY worth every minute!

Conference time!

2008-12-15T09:11:00.001-08:00

December applications are in ahead of time, presentation is cut to size, and it's dawning on...

My Big Fat GWS Conference!

This conference is going to be amazing!! I'll tell you more later once it's done and I can recap it. The other topics include childbirth, white trash, natural disasters, anarchy, going to jail, online gaming, heteronormativity, and racialized theme parties. Mine is about the history of advocacy and social services. But man oh man--this is my first time presenting! I have acted and facilitated groups, but nothing of this magnitude. This is going to be GREAT!

This wisdom is Wicked!

2008-12-13T23:19:00.000-08:00

Listen up, all you metal heads and rock and rollers!!

Normally, when they start handing out recording contracts to actors, conventional wisdom dictates you head for the hills (think Jennifer Lopez, Jared Leto from 30 Seconds to Mars, Keanu Reeves and Dogstar, or Minnie Driver). Not in this case!

I have just discovered this excellent nu metal band, WICKED WISDOM! You can find them at www.wickedwisdom.net. They come from California and are considered nu metal (incorporating some rap and thrash elements into their music). Their lyrics are intelligent, the guitars and basses are thundering, and the vocals are melodic. They have all of the attitude with little posturing, and at times they sound a lot like Rage Against the Machine with a less whiney vocalist (I'm a Rage fan and have seen their farewell tour, I can criticize them if I want). The best part is that their lead singer is an actress I like, Jada Pinkett Smith. Wicked Wisdom gives her the spotlight as the lead singer as opposed to being merely defined as Will's wife (although Will is skilled at rapping, I think that with a little more press, his wife could easily overshadow him). Jada does not disappoint, as her vocals can shred your speakers and get you moshing but not destroy your hearing. Her band is tight and spot-on. Definitely worth a listen.

My next-door neighbor has become my enemy.

2008-12-13T22:38:00.000-08:00

My first thoughts upon hearing those lines were, "How DARE they change the original?"

Let me explain.

I grew up on a wide variety of music. While my first concert was James Taylor (love his music, to this day!), a lot of the music I remember hearing as a kid was contemporary folk stuff. Acoustical, Americana, folk-rock, alternative, whatever you choose to call it. Contemporary artists (mostly guitarists, but sometimes there was a bassist thrown in) like Nanci Griffith, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Shawn Colvin, Laura Love, and Lucy Kaplansky were all on the mix tapes my dad made when driving me to school. I liked all of them just fine, but currently, the type of music associated with me is rock stuff. Which is fine, I certainly don't mind it, but it's important to remember my roots in my early audiophilia. Well, I was just recently reminded of those early days of musical development when I was listening to a podcast from NPR. A band called Domestic Science Club was playing on NPR. It's three girls who play and sing just about every kind of music. One of the songs they did was a cover of Nanci Griffith's "Time of Inconvenience." If you ever have the opportunity to hear it, I suggest taking it. It's so apropo for now, and it details the cruelty and ambivalence found in daily life. But I noticed they changed a phrase in it, and I was immediately reminded of those early days. I will post the changed stanza here, but you can find the full lyrics at http://www.actionext.com/names_n/nanci_griffith_lyrics/time_of_inconvenience.html.

Here is the original stanza, with the changed part in bold.

We're living in the age of communication
Where the only voices heard have money in their hands
Where greed has become a sophistication
And if you ain't got money
You ain't got nothin' in this land
And here I am one lonely woman
On these mean streets
Where the right to life man has become my enemy
Cuz I'm living in his time of inconvenience at an inconvenient time

Because the singer of Domestic Science Club is pro-life, she changed that line to:

Where my next-door neighbor has become my enemy.

These, of course, carry two different connotations but are equally scathing. Both totally fit with the message of the song, though I am a tyrannical purist who prefers the original. The whole song is most excellent, and it really reminded me of the early days. Of course, when you're a little kid in grade school, you probably don't know how deep the lyrics really are until you're older and can understand what their connotations are. Even though I went to a Catholic school, I didn't get the bolded line about the right to life man until I was in fourth grade or so. So this got me to thinking about all of those acoustical songs played during my grade school days. Now that I can appreciate them, I think I'll be getting the CDs or the MP3s. They still sound just as good as before.

True love, you can't buy it

2008-12-12T18:07:00.000-08:00

Ran through my presentation for my conference yesterday. It is good, but waaay too long! I have to shave about ten to fifteen minutes off of it or else run the risk of crowding out the other speakers. We did a mock conference yesterday with the GWS and AAS (that's Gender/Women's Studies and Asian American Studies) people, where we practiced our speeches and prepared for questions the audience might have. The other ten presenters and I all are looking forward to our capstone conference on Monday (or as we like to call it, Our Big Fat Undergrad Conference).

Made me realize how enamored I am with the study of feminist scholarship and women's studies. It sounds silly, to be this enthralled with an inanimate program of study, but I just get such a rush out of debating gender norms, challenging standards, and looking at the perspectives of marginalized groups. I just can't get over it. Hell, when one of my friends called me today to ask what I was up to, I responded, "Oh, just fighting hegemony and smashing the patriarchy. And you?" It was partially meant to be facetious, since I'm the one who got him interested in feminism, and partially true (I'd been practicing for the conference). But I love it so much. That's why I'm applying to get my M.A. in it (hopefully!) or my Ph.D. in Women's History. If I could get something beyond an M.A. (like a Ph.D. or if I thought I'd be good at social work, an M.S.W.) I so would. I could see myself spending years and years on it and not having much of an issue with the amount of time. But most colleges don't offer much beyond a bachelor's in it. Three colleges I'm applying to will give me an M.A. if I am accepted. And hopefully they will take me (fingers crossed). Sadly, my school does not offer anything beyond a bachelor's degree in GWS. I wish it did. I would go the full way with it if they did offer that.

Wow, I just realized I sound like some silly fangirl or like I was talking about a person. But this is one thing that just will not go gently into that dark night. I need more. So much more.

And if you're in the area, please come to my Conference on Monday! I think I'm one of the first ones to present. Yes, my paper is about crisis intervention (another passion of mine), not the happiest topic, but it's gonna totally rock! And the other papers deal with all kinds of neat topics: online gaming, theme parties, gay rights, anarchy, the concept of white trash, childbirth, natural disasters, and prisons. Lots of topics for everyone's tastes.