An Open Letter to US Clothing Manufacturers

Dear US Clothing Manufacturers,

I get it. You've got clothes to sell, profit margins to meet, trends to set. You all are really busy people. But how about you take a little break from the sewing machine and the clothing patterns to read a little letter from a friendly feminist fashionista?

I have but one suggestion for you when you are making women's clothes. Can you please start sizing them by actual body measurements (like waist, hips, inseam, bust, etc.) as opposed to some totally random and completely un-standardized sizes like even or odd numbers? You know, like the way men's clothes are sized? I mean, I am really finding it difficult to find or order things that fit because I am a different size in just about every brand out there! At Kohl's I am a medium. At JCPenney I am a medium to large. Most laughably, at Target, I am an extra-small (and anyone who knows what I look like is probably rolling their eyes at that!). I don't even know my own dress size because it's different depending on the brand.

You know, when I was in high school, we had this awful dress code with uniforms. And I mean, it was really awful--boxy old polo shirts and the choice of flimsy pleated skirt or these dress pants that were ordered from a company. I didn't like the skirt so I wore the uniform pants. Since I couldn't try on the uniforms (they were ordered), I did what most girls didn't. I just sent the company my measurements and wore men's clothes through high school because it was much easier to get something that fit my measurements! (And again, anyone who's seen me knows that my presentation is as hyperfeminine as it gets! However, I was not going to shell out my cash on clothes and wait for them to arrive...only to find they didn't fit.)

Take it from me, dear clothing manufacturers. It really is no fun to constantly be confused. So please find some way to standardize your sizing so that I can finally figure out what size I am. Preferably, I would like it to be simple measurements like the men's clothes are sized.

Thank you much. For this I may even go back to primarily buying my clothes new and from "normal" stores.

Love,

Revel

An Open Letter to Rich Santos

Yep, Revel's in letter-writing mode this month! I'm having fun letting 'em have it!!

Yo Richey!

As a disclaimer, I don't often read Marie Claire unless I'm in the waiting room at Super Cuts or my dentist's office. But since your recent article about "innocent girls" versus "bad girls" has gotten a thorough kicking around by everyone in the feminist/pro-feminist community, I figured, why not belatedly join in the fun? I am not going to link to your puerile article since it doesn't need any more traffic than it already is getting.

I noticed you pointed out that "guys like innocent girls." Uhm, Richey, I would sincerely hope that since you are considered an adult in the eyes of the law, you and your dudes would be more interested in women than girls. I also sincerely hope that the main time you care about somebody's "innocence" would be when you are doing jury duty. Otherwise, you sound like the perfect candidate for How To Catch a Predator. I'm not sure that's the kind of notoriety you're after.

Another thing, Rich. Do you know how utterly asinine you sound when you say a partner's inexperience is like "white fresh snow versus the snow that's turning black on the side of the road in under the haze of car exhaust"? Women are people, not snow! And besides, what does that make you? The car exhaust? Well, at least we're something natural and not the carcinogenic environmental pollutant! Although if you must classify us females into weather conditions, I'll have you know, Richey, that I am a big scary tornado that mows down anything in her path.

I also noticed, Rich, that you really seem to think that all women fit into two little tiny categories and never the twain shall meet: either inexperienced, wholesome "girls" or women who are bad to the bone. Well, I have yet to meet an adult woman who fits perfectly into either category. Considering that my friends are 65-70% female, that's saying quite a lot. Do you know why this is, Rich? This is because we are HUMAN! People are much more nuanced and much more complex than two tiny categories are. All you are doing is setting up another false binary...and setting yourself up for disappointment when you find that no one outside your imagination fits it. I find it interesting that you opine, "We hate to admit it, we usually like to be in control. A bad girl is tough to control — we never know what she's going to do next." Well, by your standards, every woman is "bad" since we all have free will and our own decisions and the ability to control them.

And another thing, Rich. Not every woman wants a man, and for those of us who do, we know to steer clear of you and your ilk who are so superficial and judgmental. So perhaps, as odious as your article and your other pieces are, they serve as the perfect signs and red flags of what to steer clear of in a man.

So thanks for this primer about what to AVOID when looking for a man.

No love,

Revel

PS Rich, I noticed your column is called "Sex and the Single Guy." If you're wondering why you're still a single guy and why all the ladies are headed for the hills when you're around, you might just want to re-read your odious columns.

Hazel Tells LaVerne

Hazel Tells LaVerne
By Katharyn Machan

last night
im cleanin out my
howard johnsons ladies room
when all of a sudden
up pops this frog
musta come from the sewer
swimmin aroun an tryin ta
climb up the sida the bowl
so i goes ta flushm down
but sohelpmegod he starts talkin
bout a golden ball
an how i can be a princess
me a princess
well my mouth drops
all the way to the floor
an he says
kiss me just kiss me
once on the nose
well i screams
ya little green pervert
am i hitsm with my mop
an has ta flush
the toilet down three times
me
a princess

An Open Letter to Kaye Hymowitz

Ms. Hymowitz:

I noticed you wondered, "Where Have the Good Men Gone?" in your Wall Street Journal article, so I felt compelled to offer some revel-licious help for a sister in need. Then I read through your article, and I noticed that you seem less concerned with where the good men are than with chastising women who dare to be successful and who dare to seek more in a man than simply a pulse.

So, because I am a charitable sort, I figure I'd like to offer my help to a poor misguided soul.
A few things, Ms. Hymowitz...

• A twentysomething is not a "pre-adult." In the US, the age of majority is 18 (and the census says so as well). It doesn't matter if the person in question has not married or bought a house or subscribes to the same notions of adulthood as you do. If s/he is over 18, s/he is an adult. Period.
• What the heck is a "major demographic event"? The presence of a group doesn't strike me as an "event." Perhaps the actions of said group, like mass migration or diaspora, could be a demographic event, but the group itself is not an event.
• Did I lose you at "diaspora"? Because your article is so badly written, I didn't know if I should tone down my language or try to keep it at a third grade reading level.
  
• Women's choices and increased rights have NOT turned men into boys. If a man is mature and not threatened by strong women, he's likely to be comfortable in himself and completely fine with women who can keep pace with him academically or in the career world.
  
• Likewise, if a man is insecure and easily threatened by not being in charge all the time, then of course he's going to act immaturely. But not all men are immature, and in fact, it's immature of you to assume that women are the cause of it.
• And although women are supposedly more successful than before, in most places, white women typically still only earn $0.80 on every dollar that men do. Women of color unfortunately are even more discriminated against in the job market. If women's rise has really eclipsed men, why are our pay rates STILL different?
  
• Definitions of adulthood vary by person. Before the recession, buying a house and getting a job was very much a marker of adulthood. But in a time when many are laid off from their jobs or evicted from their homes, you need to be realistic about which definitions of adulthood are still applicable.
• Gender roles also change and vary by person. The fact that they are so individualistic and based on personal choices is, I would have to say, a triumph of 20th century feminism. Feminists taught us that it was okay to have choices and not to worry about what others thought. Thank goodness I do not have to rely on a man for protection and providing for me, while I rear the next generation within a picket-fenced house. I'm willing to say thank goodness that you, Ms. Hymowitz, were not told you couldn't receive an education or be published because you're female. However, I don't think that differing from a "traditional" life script is necessarily a sign of failure.
  
• And finally, if you are really so worried that many young people are not settling down and getting married, I would advise you to support full marriage equality for our brothers and sisters in the LGBT community. Because I'm sure that there are a lot of couples who would love to be married but cannot because their state won't allow it.

That is all. You know, Ms. Hymowitz, as a feminist, I've been stereotyped either as the man-hating virago or as a downright masculinized woman many times. However, it really looks to me as if you, a decidedly non-feminist woman, take a lower view of men than any feminist I have ever met or come across. (And I have come across a LOT being in my program and line of work.) But do your homework, Ms. Hymowitz. The problems and/or immaturity of individual men are not the fault of women. Period.

No love,

Revel

PS You want to know where the good men have gone? For starters, I'd suggest you check groups like Men Against Sexual Violence, National Organization of Men Against Sexism, and The Takeback. They're there.