I love this!

For all of my feminists and advocates and prevention educators, check this out! I swear it is not affiliated with La Casa (since I can't seem to keep quiet about that place) or RCS:

http://www.survivormuralproject.com/index.html

It's like a cross between the Clothesline Project and the Post Secret project that the Women's Resources Center at the U of I created. And did I mention it is a traveling exhibition? Definitely worth checking out. Check back later, when they get more submissions, for the full effect.

The bad moon arose

Well, this revel is not revelling now.

One of the prevention educators just emailed me on this, and I know she's usually informed and all up in arms on things like this. They upheld Proposition 8 in California! WHY?? This is not at all how it was supposed to go! That damn thing was supposed to go the way of the Briggs initiative and other ordinances designed to curtail human rights and NOT get passed by a landslide. Sooo many people opposed it too! If all those demonstrations against it were any indicator of the mass opposition to it, keeping the thing in place would only be opposing the majority will of the people. But what happens? They uphold the damn Prop 8 (in a dispiriting vote of 6 to 1), but say that the marriages performed before it was passed are valid. That is such cold comfort, even for a hetero ally. Cold comfort is no comfort at all. This isn't about special interests, it's about basic human rights (see my post, "Holy matrimony!"). And we have seen a breach in that, thanks to that awful Prop 8!

Bad moon rising

Ever wonder why people can be so ridiculous, going into something they know isn't good for them? Or staying with something that they know isn't good for them? Particularly otherwise sensible individuals? Well, I can't claim to know the answers, nor do I actually know them. I just foresee a ton of disasters on the way....I do not claim to be in any way exempt from these folks. I know there are some things that I will probably regret sooner or later, even though I am a total control freak who needs everything just so. I see a bad moon rising, I see trouble on the way...

But for now, I need to narrow down my list of 20 potential thesis topics to one (aiiieee) and figure out what days I can resume advocating at La Casa. All advocates and prevention educators are needed on deck at La Casa so we can host the fundraiser. We've got a really high-profile speaker (female football player Katie Hnida) and are going to be inviting lots of folks from women's sports teams and girls' organizations. So they need all hands on deck! At least that's something I can do and have control over.

I went down to the crossroads...

It feels weird, so weird right now.

I guess I feel like I'm in between, not in college anymore and with four months before graduate school begins. I am looking forward to grad school. Even if I have to commute for a little bit, I'll still be in the academic setting with tons to do, which I love and miss right now. I'm not bored, but it's really hard to acclimate to being at home.

Yesterday, I woke up at 8 (early, I know), and my first thought was, "Okay, time for history class!" Then I went to go review my Fem Maj notes, taking care not to wake my roommate...and then it hit me. I no longer have a roommate, I no longer am at school, and I have no class or extracurriculars to go to. And I am no longer on my cluster's board or work in the res hall library or work with RCS.

What's a revel to do?

I think I'll finish unpacking and then email Joe or Wendy at LaCASA to see if they can use me. They'll be happy to see me again, even if I am no longer an intern like I was last summer. The fundraiser is coming up in June, so they probably need all advocates on deck. And I am seeing the Nine Inch Nails next week, which is sure to be extremely entertaining. Looks like a decent, albeit long, summer before the next phase of my education. One school, two departments, two degrees, three years. I think I can handle it.

Welder

I am the welder
I understand the capacity of heat
To change the shapes of things.
I am suited to work
Within the realm of sparks
Out of control.

I am the welder.
I am taking the power
Into my OWN hands.

--Cherrie Moraga, from This Bridge Called My Back

I tried to find some graduation-style feminist wisdom, and this was something that really hit home for me. May we, no matter what path we choose, be the welder in our own lives, ready to take our lives and events into our own hands and shape our destinies.

I Love Playing With Fire

My one and only shining star
Said "Stick with me and I'll take you far."
Your eyes are sparkling with wild fire
I'll satisfy your mad desires, cause
I love playin' with fire
And I don't wanna get burned
I love playin' with fire,
I don't think I'll ever learn.

My heart is achin' to see your face
And I can't wait till another day.
The way you shake it is really hot.
You know how to use what you got!
You know, I love playin' with fire
And I don't wanna get burned
I love playin' with fire,
I don't think I'll ever learn.

Yeah!

Acting tough with looks to kill
You got me goin' and I can't sit still!
You know I wanna get you through the night,
You're like a little ball of dynamite,
That's why I love playin' with fire
And I don't wanna get burned
I love playin' with fire,
I don't think I'll ever learn.

--The Runaways

Best of C-U

Sad thing is I'm leaving the area soon. So I figure I'll pay homage to my favorite haunts and peeps of the fabulous Champaign-Urbana before I go!

Allow me to present: My favorites!

Sandwich: Crane Alley
Place to take the parents: Radio Maria (instantly impressive, with amazing food)
Salad: Red Herring
Park: West Side in downtown Champaign, across the street from the IRS/RCS building
Ambience: KoFusion for the out-there funky vibe, Bread Company for the earthy funky vibe (sorry, as you can tell, I really like my funky vibe! And not in that way you sicko!)
Ice Cream: Jarling's Custard Cup (it's custard that's totally worth waiting in line for)
Burger: Guido's
Fries: Blues Barbecue (they call 'em potato wedges!)
Place to snore in public: Anywhere your GWS professor isn't
Politician: Tony Fabri (yes, I know that I should be bi-partisan, but you've seriously gotta hand it to a guy who remembers everything about you and shows up to all the big Fem Maj events! Hell, he wasn't even intimidated by Sex Out Loud! He just strode right in and struck up a conversation with the NARAL lady. Go Tony!)
Pancakes: Anything the newest RSO, the Lumberjack Guild, serves up. You guys rawk!
Fine dining: Timpone's all the way, although I do want to check out Bacaro sometime
Diner: Merry Anne's (dude, I think they're gonna sweep the awards!)
Barbecue: Blues (this is what REAL southern comfort tastes like)
Vintage: The amazing deals, wild outfits, and fabulous accessories obviously make Le Shoppe the best of the best! And you gotta love the dresses fluttering in the wind.
Used store: Exile on Main Street for CDs, Jane Addams for books, and Le Shoppe for clothes
Stir fry: KoFusion
Mexican food: Chevy's Fresh Mex with El Toro a close second
Asian food: Basil Thai of Urbana with Siam Terrace as second
Bookstore: Jane Addams Bookstore (Best selection around of books and a wonderful place to explore with a friend. Make sure the friend knows the basics of used-book-shopping first. It is a fine skill s/he must acquire before stepping foot in this lovely place.)
Fast food: Sandella's Flatbread Cafe
First date location: Aroma Cuban Cafe (come when they've got live music!), Cafe Luna for dinner and dancing. OR, go to Aroma on Thursday when they have the music and Luna on Friday when they have the dancing and watch your date be impressed. Either that or take him/her to the Boneyard or Pygmalion festivals.
Makeout spot in public: On the South Quad, under a lamp post...you heard that right.
Place to bowl: Illini Union rec room (cosmic bowling, anyone?)
Place to watch the Sunrise: At your friend's house, after a nine-hour party, when you're both sober and talking each other's ears off and then you're all like, "Holy shit, is it 6 AM already?? Let's get breakfast!" And then you do. It's great.
Chicken wings: I used to like the ones at The Office, but sadly, they closed. Guess I like Buffalo Wild Wings too, but they're a chain and I don't often go to chains.
Milkshake: Courier Cafe
Pizza: Garcia's
T-shirts: Anything sold at Sex Out Loud in March. How can you not love something that says "My sexual preference is safe and often" or "This is what a feminist looks like"?
Grocery Store: World Harvest (the variety and prices helps World Harvest beat out my former favorite, AmKo, for the #1 slot), County Market for 24-hour variety and good prices
Band to watch at a bar: Three-way tie between the Lumus (for their eclectic appeal), Angie Heaton (for her attitude and sass), and Zmick (for their sense of fun and the fact that they dedicated their schmaltziest song, "Sexy Crazy" to ME on my birthday!).
Concert venue: Highdive
Act at Assembly Hall: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Campus bar: Does Canopy count?
Downtown bar: Crane Alley in Urbana, Highdive in Champaign.
Place to buy music: Exile on Main Street
Drink selection: Boltini
Chill bar: Soma Ultra Lounge
DJ bar: C-Street (Chester Street, the only club with a triple-decker dance floor!)
Bar food: Guido's
Concert venue: Highdive and Krannert Center
After-hours food: Merry Anne's
Coffee shop: Cafe Paradiso
Art gallery: Krannert Art Museum on campus, Cinema in Urbana, Wind Water and Light in Champaign. Or, check out the Boneyard Festival and see them all!
Video store: That's Rentertainment
Local website: http://the217.com/ That is literally my Bible/Koran/Torah/Kitab-i-aqdas/Analects/Bagavad Gita/Bayan all rolled into one!
Radio Station: 107.1

Born

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears.
I was born to love.
I'm gonna learn to love without fear.

Pour me a glass of wine
Talk deep into the night.
Who knows what we'll find?

Intuition, deja vu
The Holy Ghost haunting you,
Whatever you got, I don't mind.

Put your elbows on the table.
I will listen long as I am able.
There is nowhere I'd rather be.

Secret fears, the supernatural,
Thank god for this new laughter.
Thank god the joke's on me.

We've seen the landfill rainbow,
We've seen the junkyard love.
Baby, that's no place for you and me.

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears.
I was born to love.
I'm gonna learn to love without fear.

--Linford Detweiler and Karen Bergquist (Over the Rhine)

Unforgiven

Always tried to clean up my catastrophe
Taking full responsibility
Living my life like every day's the last
Remodeling the wreckage of my past.

But when it comes to you, I know I said I do
BUT I DON'T!
No I don't!
You're unforgiven so go on livin
Knowing that I've unforgiven you.
And my thanksgiving came the day I saw it was okay to unforgive you.

Confessing every sin doesn't make me a saint.
Even though it's obvious I changed.
One time I forgave you, but I did not forget,
But now I'm taking back everything I said.

You're unforgiven so go on livin
Knowing that I've unforgiven you.
And my thanksgiving came the day I saw it was okay to unforgive you.

But when it comes to you, I know I said I do
But I DON'T!
No, I don't!

You're unforgiven so go on livin
Knowing that I've unforgiven you.
And my thanksgiving came the day I saw it was okay to unforgive you.

--Charlotte Caffey/Jane Wiedlin

Morning has broken

How do you take the armor off your heart while still remaining strong and impenetrable?

Is the armor needed?

Is there really strength in acknowledging weakness, or is there weakness in too many outward displays of strength?

Is vulnerability really all that desirable?

Does showing emotions prove your humanity, or can you get along fine without it?

Is anger the only "acceptable" way to communicate that one has been hurt, or is it okay to cry every once in a while?

I know the answers to many of these, but it's only begrudgingly that I acknowledge them. Guess I need to work on that, and on my ideas of strength and weakness. Hmmm...late night convos with a fellow FM friend, you gotta love them. But now morning has broken, it's a new day. Time to ponder these things, and then take action.

The Maine Event!

YES! Go Maine, go!!!

Five states to recognize marriage equality, forty-five more to go. And Washington DC too!

Holy matrimony! Let's keep up the good work!

Holy matrimony!

Well, you've read my marriage-equality posts, so I'm sure you have a gist of what this one is about. I'm really happy about Washington DC recognizing all marriages, including the same-sex ones, performed elsewhere. I know it's not quite full marriage equality, but hopefully the remaining 45 states will go the route of Maine, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, and Iowa.

What bothers me is the way several conservative groups and individuals (Ms. Prejean, I'm lookin' right atcha) have been saying that legalizing gay marriage will infringe on their own religious freedom. Or by saying that they are being "forced" to watch as all these things contrary to their own beliefs are unfolding. Some even say that they should be able to refuse service to a same-sex couple because they personally believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Only.

Well, from the way they talk, you'd think someone was forcing them to follow a state-sanctioned religion or having the state meddling around with their church's affairs. That is, after all, what "freedom of religion" protects against. Or that they're being "forced" to marry someone of their own gender. Sheesh. But no, it's just the heightened visibility and rights of the gay community that bothers them. And honestly, I think their reactions are completely wrong.

What they're basically saying, instead, is that their "right" to discriminate against someone because of his/her orientation is being eroded. If marriage rights are granted for both hetero and same-sex couples, it's making the same-sex couple just as visible as the hetero one. And I can see that that clearly scares some folks. As Harvey Milk said way back in the 1970s, "a homosexual with power...that's scary stuff."

And frankly, I don't think that they have much cause to complain. NO ONE should discriminate, let alone have the right to discriminate, against who they can and cannot serve. The reason why we have anti-discrimination laws in this great country is to make sure that everyone is treated with dignity, that all men and women are treated equal. Should every church have to perform same-sex weddings? No, because that is a matter left up to them (remember the separation of church and state?). But should someone have the right to refuse service to a same-sex couple simply because the couple contains two men or two women? A big fat NO. That's not a right. If you are basically asking for permission to discriminate against people you don't like or whose very existence bothers you, then you don't have that right. Sorry.

Let's look at it in another way. Suppose a Christian photographer thinks that every relationship should be a "good, Christian marriage." Well, if that photographer is hired to take pictures at a Jewish wedding, s/he would be taking pictures of a couple whose relationship certainly isn't a "Christian marriage." Should s/he have the right to say no after taking the assignment? Should s/he be able to walk out if all those yarmulkes and stars of David freak him/her out? Of course not. If you have a job, the most logical (and dare I say it? moral) thing would be to DO that job, no matter who your clients are. And no one is being "forced" to see their "morals" eroding away. If they don't agree with same-sex marriage, well, then they don't have to go to Maine/Iowa/Vermont/Connecticut/Massachusetts and marry someone of their gender. No one is making them do that. They are welcome to believe what they want about whomever they want, but it crosses the line when they try to take that right away from someone else.

Sick pigs

The way I see it, if people spent about half the time they spend complaining/blaming someone else for the swine flu problem to actually work on a cure for the swine flu problem (and by this, I don't mean wearing a silly mask everywhere), we might be a little better off. Seriously, do we really need immigrants to be blamed for it? Or those dumb masks? Maybe working on a cure might do some more good than simply sitting around and whining.

My friend Sesali brought up a good point about it today: "A hundred people get the swine flu, and everyone's wearing masks. Thousands of people get HIV/AIDS, and no one's wearing condoms!" You figure it out. Guess the world needs a new panic, but it doesn't faze me. More people die of the regular flu each year than the swine flu anyway, and the ways of protecting yourself from both are pretty commonsense (washing your hands, not sharing a beverage, etc). We don't need panic, we need logic. And a cure.

...and I won't back down

I thought I was strong enough to resist Facebook, and because I don't want certain individuals finding me, I have still not joined.

Despite the fact that everyone under the sun and not under the sun have been pestering me about it. I still have not caved. To quote that Tom Petty song I like, "I won't back down!"

But flash-forward a few years, and the same problem rears its ugly head. Only in the form of Twitter! Aieeee! No matter what my friends and now coworkers (!!!) say, I am NOT joining Twitter! Sure, that little bird is cute and all, but Twitter has got to be the most boring kind of blog ever. All it is are little "tweets," with one sentence. And it's really annoying. Does anyone care if you are "Soooo in love!" one day and think "Boys R Crazy!" the next? I mean, come on now! Reading the Away messages on Google Chat provides about the same amount of entertainment. I really don't need it, and I don't see its appeal.

Not meaning to hate on the friends of mine who do have Twitter. Go and tweet away, just don't expect me to join in your flock.