Post-spring-break blues

One of you calls for me, the other one calls more.
You're both trying to impress me, I've seen this stuff before.
Sometimes attention's rather fun, if I desire it from you,
But when it's doubled up, then my heart is ripped in two.

Oh why oh why must you BOTH torture me so?
I really should speak up, but how? I don't know.
You two have got me in a mess, and I'm totally confused.
Sooner or later I've gotta pick just one of you.

I must've been bowled over when I saw you the first time,
I knew I had to have you, but I couldn't make up my mind.
Anyway, I courted you, I sent my appeals in your direction.
Leaving my uncertain fate up to your discretion.

How'd I know that you would return my ardor?
How'd I know that there'd be two of you?
One is north of me, one is south of me,
And I don't know what I'm going to do!

The fate of my life next year is totally on the line.
I'm usually so clear and calm, but I can't make up my mind.
I love competition, but this is all too much for me so,
Can somebody please help me pick where I'm supposed to go?

Hey hey readers! Well, this ain't no "Shall I compare thee" like earlier in the year, but what's a girl to do when she can't make up her mind? Some say the more the merrier, but I am not sure how merry I am when I can't pick between TWO options. Out of my six offers for grad school, I am really stuck between two of them. And although the application process is over and done, the selection is majorly kicking my butt! I am SO not looking forward to the deadline. This is probably going to turn out like a rehash of my senior year of high school; making that decision with less than a week before the deadline. I'm going to go sign off now and try not to pull out too much of my hair in the process...

Baby, I had a dream

When you get a week off, you go to Cancun. When you get three months off, you work. Yeah...that makes sense...

But I am feeling silly after spending the evening with friends, so here goes another song of love and loss.

Baby, I Had a Dream

You bought me a kitty cat.
It made me cry.
I've always been allergic to kitty cats...and I'm pretty sure you knew that.

Baby, I had a dream the other night.
I can't forget!
I can't forget the awful sight
Of your head STUCK IN THE FREEZER!
Baby, I couldn't tell if you were experimenting with poor man's cryogenics or just looking for the ice cream.

So Baby, if you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.
If you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.

Baby, I had a dream the other night.
There in your hand was a knife!
A very sharp knife!
You said YOU'D CUT YOUR HEART OUT!
Baby, there you stood with your heart in your hand.
You said, "Here is my heart! You wanted the damn thing so bad, here, now take it!"

So Baby, if you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.
If you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.

Baby, I have overheard you complaining on the phone to your mother.
And the only reason I mention this now is that book I saw on your night table:
"There must be 50 ways to kill your lover."
Fifty ways to kill your lover??!!

Baby, I had a dream the other night.
I can't forget!
I can't forget the awful sight
Of the bookcase toppling DOWN ON ME!
Baby, the bookcase missed my head.
Now I am really well-read.
I was stuck under there for hours!

So Baby, if you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.
If you want out, then tell me you're out,
And I'll get going on my way.

You bought me that kitty cat,
And you know what? That's just fine.
My dog enjoys chewing on your kitty cat.
...Good dog.

--Robbie Schaefer

Sunset Boulevard

There is lithium in the sunset.
There are rats in the trees,
And the temperature is always 76 degrees.
When the mighty fall here,
They're gonna fall real hard.
And the Marlboro man is watching them down on Sunset Boulevard.

I cannot get a breath.
I cannot get a break.
I can taste that desperation 'cause the deal is at stake.
For every nip and tuck
There is a vicious little scar,
And the Marlboro man is peering down Sunset Boulevard.

Be careful how you talk to her.
She might be someone you'll need.
And it's such an easy leap from sincerity to greed.
Now everybody's waiting
Just to see the next card,
And Marlboro man is smoking down on Sunset Boulevard.

There's a body on the beach,
And it doesn't make the news.
It's sweeps month here,
And nobody wants to lose.
He didn't have connections,
Didn't even own a car.
So it's not worth reporting 'cause he's not a superstar.
Yeah yeah.

You can never be too rich.
You can never be too thin.
Don't bother entering the fray unless you're certain you can win.
Take a look around you, baby.
Every blade of grass is charred.
And the Marlboro man is laughing down on Sunset Boulevard.

You know grooming is everything,
And your car is your purse.
Don't dare give the right of way, even if it's a hearse.
Forget about that loser.
He won't be going far.
Anyway, the Marlboro man is waitin' for you down on Sunset Boulevard.

There's a body on the beach,
And it doesn't make the news.
It's sweeps month here,
And nobody wants to lose.
He didn't have connections,
Didn't even own a car.
So it's not worth reporting 'cause he's not a superstar.
Yeah yeah.

The horses are chomping at their bits,
And the dam is going to burst.
The ground is going to rumble,
And the sun is a curse.
So don't look excited,
But never let down your guard.
Cause the Marlboro man is watching you down on Sunset Boulevard.

--Lynn Miles (whom I had the lovely pleasure of seeing in concert and meeting afterward at the David Adler Cultural Center in Libertyville)

"Official" St. Patrick's day

Sadly, I misplaced my pin that says "I'm not Irish, but feel free to kiss me." I walked right into the FPREP panel today, and everyone was sporting green clothing except for Sesali (my treasurer) and me. Sesali says the holiday has no significance to her, and as a southern-European-descended lady, I have to concur with that.

So to all of you Irish and not Irish, happy St. Patrick's day and for the love of all things sacred, please celebrate responsibly. I don't want to have to read about you in the police blotter (and yes, legals do read the police blotter, and being a legal myself I am not an exception).

And a huge shout-out to my buddies in FPREP, Fem Maj, and the Vagina Monologues: I love you all and thanks for being so fabulous on the panel! And for you FPREP guys, thanks for the questions and your genuine desire for change. That's so important, and I'm glad to have you all on board.

Learning, living, and loving

Sex Out Loud was really great! I think this year's one was the smoothest one yet, and while I'm not meaning to brag, I am really happy with the groups and the visitors. Seems like there was always a constant stream of visitors (and it was a pretty good, responsive crowd), and they weren't all the stereotypical liberal, feministic type you'd expect to attend. Sure, we had a lot of the typical crowd (heck, I am one of them), but all that chalking/flyering/emailing totally paid off because we had a lot of people who normally wouldn't be expected to attend. (Much love to my feminists and womanist for the hours of publicizing on Monday!) Several attended it for class credit, some sororities and fraternities and dorm floors went over as groups, and others were just curious about what the fuss was all about!

The groups played off of each other well too. I think they were just great together. The Illini Arcade and Pure Romance booths were swamped...but is that a surprise?? Benita from NARAL was such a sweetie. She must have thanked me at least seven times during the day because it gave NARAL some publicity and exposure. And she got to talk with the folks from Students for Choice (when they finally finished making their display board) and Planned Parenthood. The ALA student chapter garnered a lot of compliments because they had a display of sexual health and women's/LGBT history books. (There's more to them than the "Sexy librarian" cliche.) MASV's display was really impressive, and their theme was "Are you man enough?" And the V-girls from the Vagina Monologues had a good time as well, even working out a Pure Romance party for the cast within minutes (now, that's what I call networking!). The health peer table was cute, with its I-SHAG theme and Superhero Kits. The YWCA was a good choice as well, and they (along with Students for Choice, Colors of PRIDE, and the librarians) made their debut at the fair. I loved the others as well, but these are the highlights.

I hope that I can come back next year for the Sex Out Loud fair and that Fem Maj is in good hands so it can live on. That group and event means the world to me.

SEX OUT LOUD!!!

Today only!

10:00 AM to 3:00 PM

Illini Union, Illini Room C

Sex Out Loud fair!

Get wild, get crazy, get educated...

and while you're at it, get to know these great groups!

Feminist Majority, National Organization for Women, Men Against Sexual Violence, Women's Resource Center, Care, LGBT Resource Center, YWCA, Pride, Colors of Pride, Rape Crisis Services, Planned Parenthood, American Library Association, Illini Arcade, Students For Choice, NARAL, Pure Romance, Sexual Health Peers, V-Day, and the Gender Studies Program!

Whew

Well...I suppose I won't be missing the entire conference. One of my history friends was talking to me today and happened to ask, "Hey, are you going to that symposium this weekend?" I was all set to lament the unfairness that I wouldn't be able to, when he told me that there'd be some talks on Friday as well. So I will be going to a workshop called "The Sovereign Female," which is about women in monarchies (all too often, we hear about the kings of certain countries, so female rulers should be interesting) and another called "Envisioning the New Woman" which is about turn-of-the-century feminism.

So it's not so unfair after all.

I have just emailed every LAS department advisor/registered student organization/Greek organization/cooperative on this whole darn campus about Sex Out Loud. If that doesn't get the fair a lot of visitors, then I don't know what will. DoMonique has made a Facebook event, and the other Feminists have worked their magic on the classrooms. This had better bring in the visitors on Tuesday.

The unfairness of it all

Shakespeare once said that every sigh costs the heart a drop of blood. Well, right now I am in need of a humongous transfusion...

So there's a Really Big Fat GWS Conference going on tomorrow (a Graduate Symposium, to be exact) RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY PLACE.

And guess who is missing most of to all of it?

That's right, yours truly. How unfair can that get??? Damn class and work! I mean, I know some folks skip class all the time, but I'm not the type to do that. (Stupid ethics!!) WHY must the Really Big Fat GWS Conference be that day? Why can't they do it Friday (yes, I know it's Unofficial, but I'd rather be with Feminists than drunks)? Or some other day? Loads and loads of feminist topics and speeches and I won't get to see them!!! The unfairness of it all!!!! That is worse than last year, when U of I hosted the gay conference. I felt bad about not seeing Angela Davis and missing most of the workshops, but at least I attended two. And I was in the Vagina Monologues, so I was the "entertainment" for it. The thing is, I got to partake in and be part of one of the attractions for the gay conference. And it was on a weekend, when no one had classes. This is worse! WHY couldn't they have done it on a weekend? Or any other day but that?

Okay, I know I am whining, but it's just not fair. I love conferences, and I am not particularly thrilled about missing this huge one. Oh well. I am presenting at another one in April, though. It's more of a history conference than a GWS one, but I like history too. EVEN STILL...I am NOT at all pleased about missing that big conference tomorrow.

I think I just threw up in my mouth...

Oh dear lord, I seriously need some ass-kicking radical feminist articles RIGHT NOW. Not material (though I identify as such), not liberal, not womanist, not eco. Radical. NOW. You heard me. I need the hardest stuff I can to get this yucky taste out of my mouth and mind!!

What is the matter?

I discovered this site purely by accident. It's the headquarters of the DABA Girls (Dating A Banker Anonymously), . They say they are a support group for women whose relationships have "tanked with the economy" because they're all involved with finance guys. The title page claims that this page is "free from the scrutiny of feminists." Well, too bad for you, DABAs. Apparantly you haven't met me because this feminist is gonna scrutinize you so bad you better be shaking in your Manolos.

So I've read many of the articles on your blog. Seems like you're all whining and moaning because your finance guy can't provide you with as generous an allowance as before. My favorite is the 24-year-old who's boyfriend is married. She's whining that he doesn't have time or money to lavish on her because his wife is checking up on their finances. Another lady, a beauty editor, brings up how her job is to keep her man sane during the recession and to live according to what he wants. Another article describes how DABA ladies used to be "admired for their class" and style. Well, I might not have much of it myself, but really, whining about that stuff shows that they have no class whatsoever. Did they ever think that they might be doing better than a whole lot of other people? Do they have lives aside of being some rich guy's arm candy? And do any of these ladies work? I don't know for sure, but something in me tells me not.

I could vent on and on, but I'd suggest you see what I'm talking about. Be sure you haven't just eaten because this will make you SICK. I don't know about you, but people like this make me want to sentence them to a couple thousand mandated hours at CWIT (Center for Women in Transition, the homeless shelter for women). Or A Woman's Place. You know, if the situations don't kick your butt, then the domestics surely will.

I pushed her further, all the way into her power moan.

You know, it's interesting when people recognize you from your play.

Freshman year, a little boy recognized me on the Quad (I did "Smell" that year with two women named Dasheonna and Jesse) and said to his mother, "Look, Mommy, it's the vagina lady!"

Soph and junior year, people just randomly came up to me and said they liked how I act (I did most of the list pieces).

And this year?
Well, I'm over at PAR, all ready to give the desk clerk some flyers, and what does she say when she sees me?
"Oh I remember you! You know, you orgasm sooo perfectly!"

I swear I am not making this up. I don't think that's something I could make up. Aiiiieee, doesn't she know my moaning was acting?? (I was in "The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy," which is about a sex worker for women who describes moaning. I did a lot of moans (vaginal moan, almost moan, dog moan, mountaintop moan, machine gun moan, diva moan, African American moan, WASP moan, and elegant moan), so that's where her quote comes from. Or so I hope...

Say it, tell me, CUNT!

This weekend was the weekend of The Vagina Monologues. I've been in that great play for the past four years now, and I have loved every minute of it. My monologues have included "Introductions," "Wear and Say," "Smell," "I Was 12, My Mother Slapped Me," "The Woman Who Loved to Make Vaginas Happy," and "Intro to Reclaiming Cunt." I have seen over a hundred actresses and volunteers for the play. In short, I'm a veteran of the play.

One thing that I especially like about it is that it offers an open and non-judgmental way for women to discuss their sexuality and experiences. Sexuality is such a hushed up thing in our society, in particularly women's sexuality. I'm not saying that I want everyone to dish every little detail of their private lives, but I do think that there needs to be more openness between women and between men and women about what they think and where they're coming from on each issue. The Vagina Monologues is one way for actresses to speak the lines of real women from real interviews, and it encourages them in turn to share their own experiences. And many of our male audience members were really supportive as well, especially in the monologues about current or historical events (comfort women, Congolese conflict, Bosnian conflict, etc.) It's such a totally uplifting, completely empowering experience.